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SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 



BY THE EARL AND THE 
DOCTOR. 



NEW YORK : 
D. APPLETON AND COMPANY, 

549 & 551 BEOAOWAY. 
1872. 



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AUG 12 1927 



PKEFACE 



This little work was composed originally of differ- 
ent sketches taken from my logs and put into shape, 
the aforesaid logs having been saved in a moist and 
pithy state from the wreck ; they were then put into 
a rough kind of order, to serve as a memorial of the 
cruise ; but after our arrival home we were persuaded 
to publish them. 

These excuses are tendered to any readers who 
may be driven into a mild exasperation at the occa- 
sional confusion of persons, the incongruous jumps 
from the highest subjects to the most solemn philoso- 
phy, or any other such slight characteristics, which 
make it, as Mark Twain said of his map of Paris, 
quite unlike any thing of the kind that was ever seen. 

The Eakl. 



CONTENTS. 



CnAP. I. — Tahiti, 7 

II. — ElMEO, OR MOEEA, 51 

III. — Huahine, 64 

IY. — Eaiatea and Taha, 92 

V.— BOEA-BORA, 110 

VI. — Tubai Tropical Bieds and the Labor Ques- 
tion, 133 

VII.— Karitonga, 149 

VIII.— Samoa, 184 

IX. — Shipwreck, 219 

X. — Missionaeies, "256 

Note, 295 



SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 



CHAPTER I. 

TAHITI. 



"Have. yon never had a bad bilious fever?" says 
Tom Cringle ; " then you have never known what it is 
to be in heaven or in the other place." I have had a 
bad fever, and can testify to the truth of the remark. 
Physical, and, worse still, mental agonies of indescrib- 
able horror, followed by visions of perfect peace, hap- 
piness, and beauty. There are certain places and 
scenes that are always blended in my mind with those 
glorious, strange, delirious dreams, filling me with a 
luxurious feeling of poetry and pleasure ; yet utterly 
indescribable, because half their charm lies in the re- 
membrance of the happiness they brought me. And 
so it is that, urged by my fellow-laborer in this work, 
I sit down with a certain reluctance to write what I 
fear will be but a commonplace and colorless descrip- 
tion of a place and time that will live forever in 
my thoughts as some splendid dream of beauty and 
pleasure. 



8 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 



Such things will seldom stand the magic test of 
pen and ink, even when they are used by a master of 
the art of writing. I — and I believe I am not the 
only sinner in the world — -sneakingly shirk descriptions 
of beautiful scenery in novels, except those in " West- 
ward Ho ! " " Geoffry Hamlyn," and, above all, " Tom 
Cringle's Log." What glorious masterpieces of word- 
painting they are, showing new beauties each time 
they are read — free and unconstrained, yet quaint and 
fanciful, filled with little points and touches seemingly 
minute and almost unnecessary in themselves, which, 
however, constitute the charm and perfection of the 
picture ! 

But this is above my hand. All I can do is to 
scribble down my dreams as they float before my brain, 
and please myself if not my readers. 

I can never forget the scene that burst upon my 
astonished and half-opened eyes as I turned out of bed 
one morning and found myself entering the port of 
Papiete. Great mountains, of every shade of blue, 
pink, gray, and purple, torn and broken into every 
conceivable fantastic shape, with deep, dark, mysteri- 
ous gorges, showing almost black by contrast with the 
surrounding brightness ; precipitous peaks and pinna- 
cles rising one above the other like giant sentinels, 
until they were lost in the heavy masses of cloud they 
had impaled ; while below, stretching from the base of 
the mountains to the shore, a forest of tropical trees, 
with the huts and houses of the town peeping out be- 
tween them. 

The finest islands of the West Indies idealized, 
with a dash of Ceylon, is all I can compare it to. And 



TAHITI. 9 

the natives ! How well they match the scene ! The 
women, with their voluptuous figures, their unique, 
free, graceful walk, their night-gowns (for their dress is 
nothing but a long chemise, white, pale, green, red, or 
red and white, according to the taste of the wearer, 
which is invariably good) floating loosely about in a 
cool, refreshing manner — their luxuriant black tresses, 
crowned with a gracefully-plaited araroot chaplet, and 
further ornamented by a great flowing bunch of white 
"reva-reva" — their delicious perfume of cocoa-nut oil 
(it is worth going to Tahiti for the smell alone), and, 
above all, their smiling, handsome faces, and singing, 
bubbling voices, full of soft cadences — all this set off by 
the broken, scattered rays of green light shining through 
the shady avenues. Oh, that I were the artist that could 
paint it ! What pleasant places those avenues are for a 
stroll in the evening, when the heat of the sun is be- 
ginning to die away ! To meet the great, strapping, 
pleasant-looking men, in their clean white shirts and 
party-colored waist-cloths, each greeting you, especially 
if you are English, with a ready smile and a hearty 
"Ya rana ! " which means all kinds of salutations and 
blessings ; sometimes, even, if they like the look of 
you, stopping to shake hands, with no earthly object 
but kindly good-fellowship. I have seen even small 
pickaninnies stop in their infantine gambols, and tod- 
dling up with their little faces puckered into dimples, 
and their little puds held up to reach your fingers, pipe 
up a shrill "How do you do ? " And as for the young 
ladies ! the most bashful and coy will never pass you 
without a greeting, a glance of the eyes, and a slight 
gathering in of her dress with her elbows to exhibit 



10 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

her buxom figure to full perfection. Or else, perhaps, 
she will come up coquettishly, and ask you for the loan 
of your cigar, take a few puffs at it, and hand it back 
again gracefully to the rather astonished owner ; and 
then, with a parting compliment, which you most 
likely don't understand, let you go your way in peace 
— or not ! I suppose it is a fault on the right side, 
but they are a trifle too amiable sometimes. The con- 
duct of Mrs. Potiphar would scarcely have excited a 
passing comment if she had been lucky enough to have 
lived in Tahiti. 

The streets of Papiete, at night, are very pleasant 
and merry. The first night we arrived, the doctor and 
I went for a stroll ; and, following the run of the crowd, 
soon found ourselves in the principal grog-shop street. 
There all was reckless jollity and good-nature. Gangs 
of French sailors careering wildly to and fro, singing 
part-songs at the top of their voices, in capital time 
and tune, all the natives within hearing joining in ; na- 
tive men and girls sitting about the door-steps of the 
shops, or strolling up and down together, some romp- 
ing, some spooney. By-the-by, the proper way to walk 
with your lady-love in Tahiti is as follows : Tou put 
your arm round her neck, and she hers round your 
waist, and hangs on your breast in a limply affectionate 
manner. It is as much selon les regies as walking arm- 
in-arm, and is much prettier to look at. But the man 
should be tall, for to see a stumpy little French sailor 
clawed in this way by the big brown object of his 
affections is a thought ludicrous. 

At last we came to a place where two streets 
crossed each other. Each corner-house was a grog- 



TAHITI. 11 

shop, where a lot of jolly Frenchmen were singing in 
chorus, a crowd of natives standing round and joining. 
Another knot was collected round the doctor, who was 
holding forth about European politics (the war be- 
tween France and Prussia had just broken out) to a 
learned native, who translated all he said to the eager 
by-standers, while I was being addressed by a brown 
lady in her native language, which edified me exceed- 
ingly. Behind each bar the ideal French barman pre- 
sided, with the sleeves of his dingy white shirt rolled 
up, brawnj^, bull-necked, black-haired, and shaveft. 
Here and there an unmistakable Yankee skipper might 
be seen among the mob, with an occasional English 
Jack, or Scotch storekeeper. The shifting crowd grew 
larger, and the singing noisier, till on a sudden a native 
policeman appeared as if from the clouds, and begged, 
prayed, entreated, commanded the crowd to disperse. 
Some one twitched his stick out of his hand, which 
caused a roar of laughter and a fresh torrent of elo- 
quence from the brown bobby, which lasted till the 
mob good-humoredly did as they were told. Hand- 
cuffs have not yet been introduced into Tahiti, pieces 
of string being used as substitutes by the native con- 
stabulary when duty calls upon them to arrest a crimi- 
nal or a disorderly person. If the offender is a person 
of active muscles and independent spirit, the capture 
becomes a very exciting and amusing spectacle for the 
by-standers. 

The lighted shops and stores surrounded by the 
beautiful trees, the gayly-dressed girls, the rollicking 
sailors, the pleasant smell, the perfect cleanliness, the 
universal mirth, civility, and good-nature of every one, 



12 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES 

the utter absence of quarrelling, jostling, or rudeness, 
made a very novel, picturesque, and pleasing night- 
scene. 

" Society-Islandism " is very catching. In an in- 
credibly short time you feel a kind of early Christian 
brotherly love coming over you, a delicious indolence, 
a refined gentleness of manner, and a blunting of the 
edge of your moral ideas. Tolerably virtuous and 
proper as I was, I always had a secret consciousness 
that I should not be the least surprised to find myself 
lolling about the groves after the manner of the na- 
tives, making lazy love, and utterly regardless of past 
or future. Things that would strike you anywhere else 
as wrong and degrading, seem somehow only natural 
and beautiful in those lovely islands. 

I feel that this aimless, pointless dreaminess, is per- 
vading the chapter I am writing, making it utterly 
dreary to an incident-and-information-loving European 
reader. But if any such kind critic should come to 
me, and in the barbarous manner and language of the 
North inform me that my article was intolerably prosy 
and stupid, I should smile blandly, and say: "My 
dear fellow, don't be so horribly abrupt and angular ! 
As many poets have arranged their rhythm to suit and 
suggest the actions they were writing about, so I have 
made the style of my composition a reflection of the 
life and the people I was describing. It is just the 
sort of thing, too, to read in that country. Nothing 
startling, to make you fix your attention exclusively 
on its pages ; no deep thoughts or curious information 
to worry your brains with. Just the thing to dream 
over as you are sucking your cocoa-nut under the palm- 



TAHITI. . 13 

trees ; just the thing to go to sleep over at the end of 
every two sentences, while a native or half-easte young 
lady watches by your side with a fly- whisk or a fan to 
keep those abominable insects from settling on the tip 
of your nose. 

By-the-way, those brutal flies are the only things 
that refuse to be Society-Islandized. Under the most 
softening influences they still retain the tiresome ener- 
gy and vulgar conceited obtrusiveness natural to their 
race. They are the Scotchmen among insects. 

If you are wearied with the busy — I mean lazy — 
hum of men, you go out in a canoe on to the great 
coral-reef that forms the harbor, and, dabbling your 
hands and feet in the cool water, gaze dreamily down 
at the gorgeous sights beneath you : the beautiful coral, 
with its mysterious caves and fissures, from which you 
almost expect to see real water-babies appear; coral, 
some of it like great crimson fans woven from the 
most delicate twigs — some of a beautiful mauve or 
purple — some like miniature models of old gnarled 
trees — some like great round mounds of snow-white 
ivory, chased and carved with a superhuman delicacy — 
some like leaves and budding flowers — while all about 
are scattered magnificent holothuria and great red and 
yellow starfish, that look as if they were made of 
leather, with horn buttons stuck all along their feelers 
for ornament ; * and echini, with their dense profusion 
of long brown spikes, covering them so completely as 
to make an unlearned person like myself wonder how 
they can get at their food or mix in society. Still 

1 This is the " slate-pencil fish," a species overlooked by Mr. Chas. 
Reade. 



14 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

more beautiful when they are dead and their spikes 
are gone, and nothing remains but their round white 
skeletons, splendidly embossed in long lines with 
purple-and-pink knobs. Fish of every shape and color 
swimming lazily in and out of the black-looking caves 
and fissures, or coasting round under the overhanging 
edges of the coral precipices. Some of the finest cobalt' 
blue, some golden, some pink, some more like beauti- 
ful orange and purple butterflies than natives of the 
sea, with long white rat's-tails, swimming or floating 
frontways, sternways, sideways, with apparently equal 
ease and partiality. Some variegated like harlequins ; 
many, not with their hues more or less blending into 
each other where they meet, like Christian fishes, but 
mathematically divided by regular distinct lines, as if 
they had paid for their colors, and had them laid on 
by the square inch. 

Oh, a coral-reef is the thing to dream over ! So 
gloriously beautiful, so wondrously fantastic, so treach- 
erously dangerous, and so damnable to walk upon. In 
the first ten minutes your shoes are cut to pieces ; then 
you step unexpectedly into a deep hole, and bark your 
shins against its edges. On getting clear of this, you 
most likely tread upon an echinus, 1 and with a howl 
of agony make a wild attempt to stand upon one leg 
and pick the spikes out of your injured foot, whereon 
you lose your balance and sit down violently upon 
some of his (the echinus's) relations. The only thing 
then to be done is to lie quietly where you are, like a 

1 The species of echinus alluded to here can tlirust its spines into the 
skin, of its own proper motion. I have watched them most carefully, and 
have seen them do it. 



TAHITI. 15 

stranded whale, swearing feebly, until some kind com- 
panion makes his appearance, and extricates the spines 
from the injured parts with his jack-knife. 

And what glorious places for boating expeditions 
those Society Islands are ! Threading your way be- 
tween the patches, inside the outer reef, you can sail 
along the coast for miles in smooth water and beautiful 
scenery, with one picturesque bay after another to be 
explored. And though you be but a common sailor, 
with empty pockets, everywhere you are certain of a 
hearty welcome from everybody and every thing, in- 
cluding those confounded mosquitoes. One man comes 
out to steer you by signs toward the best landing- 
place; another, as soon as your boat sticks, trots out to 
her, and without more ado directs you to jump on his 
back, and carries you ashore, as if you were but a fly 
on his gigantic shoulders ; and on the beach you are 
received by the various members of the family, who 
set to work to entertain you, and supply your necessi- 
ties as best they can. "When you have had a short 
palaver, and have declined with some difficulty the 
various hospitable offers that have been pressed upon 
you, you return to your boat, and find in her a quan- 
tity of cocoa-nuts, bananas, bread-fruit, and similar 
delicacies ; indeed, in one instance, I remember finding 
the paterfamilias in the act of lugging the last of his 
fowls, a tough-looking old cock, down to the beach by 
a string that was fast to his leg ; I laughingly declined 
the present, at which he seemed a little hurt. 

And then, when all is ready for a start home, and 
even the youngest baby has been held up to lisp out a 
parting " Ya ranaf ' and you have shaken hands with all 



16 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

the village, till you are tired, some stately matron cries 
out, " John ! just launch a canoe, and pilot the gentle- 
man out to the mouth of the bay, in case he should, 
stick anywhere," or words to that effect, which John 
accordingly does, and you start away home ; the last 
thing you see being a kindly smile, and the last thing 
you hear a cheerful " God bless you ! " 

It may be a confession of weakness, but I must own 
I like this kind of thing. I like being petted and made 
much of, as long as I am sure that there is no affecta- 
tion, humbug, or mercenary feeling about it. " Bah ! " 
cries the cynic, u their kiss-me-cum-cuddle-me blarney 
is only skin-deep, they have made a prince of Jack 
to-day, and will do the same with Bill to-morrow." 
" Well, my friend," say I, u your feelings may last a 
little longer than theirs, but are they immutable and 
everlasting ? and at any rate my brown friends deserve 
admiration for their natural unsophisticated impulse 
toward kindness, affection, and unselfishness, short- 
lived though it may be, for it is a rare enough thing in 
this world, especially where many people of your sort 
are to be found." 

"When the nights are calm and dark, away go the 
natives to spear fish by torch-light. They use several 
kinds of weapons, according to the size of the prey 
they are hunting, but the ordinary spear is like a small 
metal broom, made of a lot of iron rods diverging out- 
ward from the staff on which they are lashed, between 
which the little fish become jammed without being 
much injured. Silently your canoe glides over the 
coral-reef through the clear, shallow water, and you 
stand up with the torch in one hand* and the spear in 



TAHITI. 17 

the other, all ready for action. A blaze of light shines 
close to yon, and suddenly the figure of the bowman in 
some other craft becomes revealed like some splendid 
bronze statue, the torch lifted on high, the form bent 
slightly forward, the eyes intently fixed on the surface 
of the water, and the right arm raised to strike, while 
behind you dimly distinguish the black, crouching 
figure of his comrade, noiselessly and almost without 
motion propelling and steering the long, narrow pi- 
rogue. Whish ! Down drops the end of the torch — 
he's got one ! So he has, sure enough, for I hear the 
tap, tap of his spear against the side of the boat, and 
the squatter of the fish as he drops into the bottom of 
it. I see one ! and make a desperate lunge, whereby I 
lose my balance and topple over, luckily not overboard, 
dropping my spear into the water, on one side, and the 
rather heavy reed-torch on the other, which leaves us 
in utter darkness, in which I hear, not weeping and 
gnashing of teeth, but a most unmistakable gurgling 
and chuckling from my native companion, usually the 
most polite and dignified of mortals. 

"We arrived in Tahiti just in time to celebrate the 
feast of St. Napoleon. The shore was thickly lined 
with gigs and whale-boats that had brought in the na- 
tives from all parts of the country, to say nothing of 
the neighboring islands. The festivities were about to 
commence in full swing. Regattas, horse-races, re- 
views, court processions, and hymns ! ye powers ! to 
be sung for prizes by the different districts. Hymns at 
that time were associated in my mind with uncomfor- 
table pews, swell bonnets, etc., and I wondered whether 
the judge would be low church or dissenting, and give 



18 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

the prize to the choirs who sung slowest and doleful- 
est, or whether he would be high church, and reward 
those who could rattle out " Adeste fideles " in the 
most triumphant style. Little did I know what a 
South-Sea hymn, or " himene," was like. Little did I 
know that all styles of music, from the most comic to 
the most sacred, came under the same title, and that 
even dances, more graceful than moral, were sanctified 
by the sacred name of hymns. 

August lQth. — Bang ! bang ! Twenty-four guns at 
sunrise in honor of the day, rousing me just as I had 
dropped into a blissful slumber in the cool of the morn- 
ing. I repent it deeply, but I fear that the expression 
that rose to my lips was more forcible than choice. 
However, I dozed off till about seven a. m., when 
I was awoke again by some one coming on board. 
Such was my pertinacity that I managed to get to sleep 
again till eight o'clock, when another dose of twenty- 
four guns, not to mention those of the frigate, shook 
the vessel through and through, and compelled me to 
get up. At mid-day more guns, as before. 

After luncheon came the regatta, gig, whale-boat, 
and canoe races, the best of all being a great double- 
canoe-race, some fifty men or so in each craft. A glo- 
rious sight it was ; all the way there was not five feet 
advantage to either, and they kept so close side by 
side that a man could have jumped from one to the 
other. Every paddle caught the water at once with 
the regularity of clock-work, making the canoe lift and 
spring forward at each stroke like the rush of some 
great sea-serpent, while in the extreme nose stood, or 
rather danced, the chief or captain, yelling, swearing, 



TAHITI. 19 

stamping, and giving the time to the performers ; at 
one moment whirling his long paddle over his head, 
and looking very much inclined to sweep the opposi- 
tion leader in the rival canoe into the briny deep by a 
dexterous stroke, at the next making furious scoops at 
the water to add an inch or two to the speed of his ves- 
sel. N*eck and neck they ran all the course, and when 
at last they passed the Astree that was acting as flag- 
ship, not a foot could have divided them. When it 
was all over, and the cheering had subsided, they lay 
under the stern gallery of the frigate, where old Queen 
Pomare and her maids of honor were watching the 
fun, and beat time with their paddles against the sides 
of the canoes to the music of the band, producing a 
wonderful effect. 

In the evening we went off to hear the rehearsal of 
the " himenes," or native singing, which was to take 
place in the gardens of the governor's palace, where, at 
the same time, a swell ball d V European was going on. 
Edging our way through the laughing, romping crowd 
outside, the doctor and I succeeded in getting in ; but, 
going out again to fetch Mitchell and the skipper, we 
found ourselves in a fix, as the temper of the bullet- 
headed little French sentinel had completely given 
way under the continued fire of banter he had been 
compelled to receive, without a chance of retaliation, 
from the native young ladies, and he doggedly refused 
to let us reenter the gates. So here we were stuck, 
feeling very much like the foolish virgins in the par- 
able, or four male peris gazing into paradise ; to all 
the doctor's logic and honeyed words, the little brute 
only snapped, " Montrez votre passe," to which we 



20 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

could only reply that we had an invitation from the 
governor himself which we had left on board, at which * 
he only sniffed with the profoundest contempt for such 
a shallow imposition. We were beginning to have 
vague ideas of upsetting our Liliputian friend in the 
thick of the crowd and rushing the gate, when a swell 
naval officer appeared, and being struck, I suppose, 
with our respectable and ingenuous appearance, passed 
us in without more ado, and civilly fetched an A. D. C. 
to admit Mitchell and the skipper. 

The scene that burst upon us was quite indescrib- 
able in its strange, wild, motley beauty ; the gardens 
were lit up by countless lanterns hanging from the 
branches of the trees, the walks thronged by natives, 
French officers in full glory, white, brown, and beauti- 
ful half-caste ladies in ball dresses, and a sprinkling of 
motley civilians like ourselves, while all the rest of 
the space was filled by the different native choirs, each, 
I should think, several hundred strong. Each choir 
was divided into two halves, one of which sat shoulder 
to shoulder in long rows three or four deep, while the 
other half, similarly disposed, faced them, leaving a 
long aisle down the middle, where the chiefs of the dis- 
trict, arrayed in old native dresses, consisting of short 
capes with numerous many-colored flounces, walked to 
and fro, gravely directing the singers. 

The effect of the music was quite indescribable. 
Many of the tunes were, I believe, of European origin, 
but so completely nativized that their authors would 
scarcely have recognized them. They had a character 
of their own, utterly unlike, and far finer than Arabic, 
Turkish, or any savage melody I ever heard. There 



TAHITI. 21 

were many parts harmoniously arranged ; one set of 
singers devoting themselves entirely to making a bass 
" boom" something like the drone of a bagpipe, others 
confining their energies to various long-drawn, high, 
falsetto notes, brought in at different times, and varied 
to suit the music. 

The most striking features were the extraordinarily 
perfect time, hundreds of men and women clapping 
their hands together at started intervals with a noise 
as sharp as the crack of a stock-whip, and the strange 
metallic ring of every voice, which, though scarcely 
beautiful in itself to an unaccustomed ear, had a wild 
and curious effect, that was in perfect keeping with 
the savage grandeur of the whole scene. 

After doing the necessary poojah with the swells, 
and being shown round by our good-natured consul 
and a French officer, the doctor and I were left to our 
own devices, and enjoyed ourselves to our hearts 5 con- 
tent, roaming from choir to choir as each struck up in 
turn, and sitting down among the singers, who, with 
native politeness, immediately offered us a corner of 
their mats to sprawl on. And very pleasant it was. 
Wandering about among the merry crowd, speaking 
whatever came into our heads to anybody we pleased 
without fear of offending, or being sat upon, squatting 
down among the performers, and carrying on a broken 
but laughing conversation with the ladies of the chorus 
in the intervals of the music, listening to its execution 
till the last sigh (Tahitian music always ends with a 
kind of deep sigh) had died away, and the clear, inspir- 
iting chant of some distant choir rose suddenly and 
ringingly in triumphant rivalry ; watching the count- 



22 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

less pretty little pictures of love and tenderness on all 
sides, young men and maidens comparing souls, and 
anxious mothers attending, when they had the chance, 
to their remarkably patient and long-suffering offspring 
that were rolled up in many-colored handkerchiefs, and 
strewed about the ground like bolsters in every direc- 
tion. How strange, and new, and beautiful it all 
seemed, and yet, and yet — when I write it all down it 
seems as flat as ditch-water — it is like exhibiting the 
skeleton of some beautiful woman with the purpose of 
giving the spectators an idea of her loveliness ! I think 
I shall head this chapter with a notice that no one but 
poets are allowed to read it, for none but a poetical im- 
agination would be able to conceive the gorgeous col- 
oring that gave birth to these dry pen-and-ink sketches. 
What seemed more odd to me than any thing was, 
that scarcely any except ourselves were impressed with 
the beauty of what they heard or saw. Was it but 
an illusion produced by our too vivid imaginations? 

The French officers haw-hawed and pooh-poohed, 
and almost professed themselves bored with the whole 
concern, evidently considering that "better is the 
meanest cafe-chantant in the city of Paris than the 
most glorious festivity in the whole of the Pacific." 
Beauty of scene and even beauty of character lose 
much of their striking charm by their constant pres- 
ence, and so it is less remarkable that the natives could 
not appreciate the loveliness of the picture of which 
they formed a great part ; but I shall not forget one 
woman, who, when I expressed to her that I thought 
the abominable brass band that the swells were dancing 
to, a horrid nuisance, and not to be compared to the 



TAHITI. 23 

Tahitian " himenes," gazed on me with an expression 
of shocked wonder, such as a Calvinistic preacher 
would direct upon a bold freethinker, or the august 
Pio Nono on some more harmless freemason ; and then, 
having debated solemnly whether I was making fun 
of her or was only a harmless lunatic, she turned 
away without an answer, and gravely continued her 
singing. 

Toward the end of the rehearsals Queen Pomare 
and the commandant appeared on the scene, and a 
dance was got up for their especial benefit. One divis- 
ion of singers stood up and made a circle, or rather 
oblong, and kept up a strange wild chant, while a boy 
and a girl performed their gambados much in the style 
of the Egyptian Ghawazee, twisting, wriggling, and 
undulating all over in a by no means ungraceful man- 
ner. After a little the girl pretended to be tired or 
out-danced and slipped aside. Instantly the music 
changed into a kind of satirical burst, and she reap- 
peared. Then more performers joined in, and the sing- 
ing and dancing grew faster and more furious to the 
end, when every one cheered loudly. It was curious to 
see how the old queen's face, usually apathetic, bright- 
ened up. Her lips parted, her eyes glistened, till she 
looked as if she would have liked to kick over the old 
governor on whose arm she was leaning, and perform 
a pas seul on his prostrate carcass. 

But the sight of the evening was the " scratching- 
dance." After a lively prelude, all the singers threw 
themselves on to their left elbows and unanimously 
and violently scratched their right legs, and then vice 
versa. What it all meant I don't know, but I fancy 



24: SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES 

the words were a shade broad from the way the spec- 
tators laughed. 

At last it all came to an end, the mats and bun- 
dles and babies were gathered up, and amid much 
squeezing, and laughing, and singing, the divisions 
filed one by one out of the gates, to the sound of 
drums and other barbarous instruments, to seek their 
night-quarters, while we went on board, regularly 
bewildered with the charms of all we had seen and 
heard. 

August 17th. — In the afternoon we mounted some 
strange little American carriages, and drove out to 
see the races. The road was very gay and pretty ; 
natives dressed in their gala-clothes, French officers 
mounted on caracoling steeds, which they were teasing 
and showing off with that absurd affectation of cool- 
ness and nonchalance so common to them ; jolly-look- 
ing naval swells, some on foot, others crammed into 
little buggies with their laughing, bubbling-voiced lialf- 
caste friends ; every large animal with, four legs, and 
every thing that could run upon wheels, being put 
into requisition. 

Society in Tahiti is divided into two sects, between 
which is a great gulf fixed : the first consists of the 
white merchants and shopkeepers who have pale-faced 
wives, and the second of the half-castes and their 
friends. In a cynical temper I christened them the 
mean whites and the dirty browns. The former have 
all the virtue, and the latter all the charms, by which 
they attract all the naval officers and distinguished 
strangers into their circle, which causes the others to 
regard them in a most unchristian spirit. They are 



TAHITI. 25 

certainly very pleasant, nearly always handsome, and 
with charming manners, simple without rudeness, easy 
without vulgarity ; free from the angular good quali- 
ties of their white cousins, and eke from their petty 
meannesses ; bubbling over with fun and good-humor ; 
loving virtue, and I fear also vice, for its own sake 
more than for any thing that may be got by it. If the 
old proverb that " God made white men, and God 
made black men, but the devil made half-castes " be 
true, all I can say is, that when his Satanic majesty was 
at Tahiti, he showed a very pretty taste in creation. 

On arriving at the course we were placed in the 
grand stand, a splendid erection, capable of containing 
at least thirty moderate-sized people, and soon after 
appeared Queen Pomare, to whom I was introduced 
by Mrs. Miller, our consul's wife, together with her 
relations and suite. I never saw any one look so 
thoroughly bored as she did ; and I fancied she seemed 
half inclined to resent being made a puppet of by the 
French officers, who kept telling her what she had to 
do and say. Poor old lady ! would that the imperious 
u Oui-oui " had never placed foot upon your sacred 
shores ! The French officials complain that she is very 
obstinate sometimes, and small blame to her, say I. 

The racing was of course execrable, but very 
amusing. Races with saddles and without ; a trotting- 
race, in which the sole competitors were two horses too 
far gone to be able to gallop ; and a human running- 
race, in which all but two shut up at once, leaving 
them to make an exciting finish at the pace of seven 
miles an hour. 

After the races we were invited by a hospitable 
2 



26 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

civilian to his house among the palm-trees, to partake 
of beer and lemonade. There we found a lot of visi- 
tors, naval and military, male and female; and after 
a pleasant chat we drove home along the shady broom- 
road. 3 

At seven in the evening we joined the Millers, and 
went with them to the garden of the queen's palace, 
where the " grand himene " was to take place. This 
erection I have christened the Tower of Babel, as it 
is always building, is never finished, and, they say, is 
never intended to be. The French use it somewhat 
like the man in the pictures, who is always represented 
galloping on a donkey with a bunch of vegetables at 
the end of a long pole, which he keeps dangling just in 
front of the donkey's nose. 

There the whole population of Tahiti and the neigh- 
boring islands, with the exception of the sick and aged, 
were assembled. The bare stone verandas of the pal- 
ace were filled on every story to suffocation, and the 
open space below densely crowded. All shades of 
beauty were represented, from the swarthy Tahitian to 
the washed-out white. All dressed much alike, in the 
long, loose, cool-looking chemise of white muslin or 
linen, their luxuriant tresses set off by brilliant flowers 
and masses of snowy reva-reva, a gauzy white stuff, 

1 Not properly a specific name for any particular drive. Nearly every 
village in the Society Islands consists of a long row of houses stretching 
round the bay about sixty or a hundred yards from the beach, behind 
which is a dense belt of foliage backed by precipitous mountains — the 
wide, smooth path between the houses and the beach is invariably called 
the broom-road. This word is simply the native word " purumu," and 
describes the purpose to which the slopes are put after dark. For the 
meaning whereof, overhaul the Church Catechism or Williams's Maori 
Dictionary. 



TAHITI. 27 

looking like strips of silver paper, made out of the 
shoots of young cocoa-nut trees — (ah ! well I remem- 
ber who first taught me to make it, but never mind 
that now !) — and their flashing, melting eyes, directing 
their fire here and there, for a Tahitian lady well un- 
derstands optical effects. Alas, that they should so 
often prove optical illusions ! 

Most of the choirs this night were arranged in dis- 
tinctive dresses ; one in particular I remarked, where 
the performers were decorated with green boughs, like 
the pillars of a church at Christmas, the chiefs and 
directors wearing the ancient costume of the country, 
as before described, the general effect being rather 
marred by a pair of black-cloth trousers from some 
Yankee store, which were added for the sake of de- 
cency. 

Oh, that I could give an idea of the exquisite time 
and harmony of their wild part-songs ! Each choir 
sang in turn, the auricular committee, with the com- 
mandant and admiral, attending the singers ; and at 
the end of each performance the directing chief of the 
district yelled out : " Yive 1'empereur ! Hurrah ! 
Vive l'imperatrice ! Hurrah ! Yive le prince im- 
perial ! Hurrah ! Yive la Heine Pomare, Monsieur 
le Commandant, le commissionnaire, Padmiral ! " 
u Yive tout le monde," in fact. One of these directing 
chiefs, the leader of one of the most crack companies — 
for there were degrees of excellence among them — took 
my fancy amazingly. He was evidently a South-Sea 
Michael Costa. As soon as his " divas " had struck 
up, he appeared to take no more notice of the perform- 
ance, but strolled gently up and down, gazing calmly 



28 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

at the twinkling stars, with an expression of counte- 
nance as if he were calculating the distance between 
the sun and the moon, or analyzing the theory of light, 
until the cantata was finished. Then he looked quietly 
round on the spectators, as if to say, " See what per- 
fection I have trained them to, 55 and gracefully conde- 
scended to set an example of loyalty by leading the 
cheering. 

We strolled about the gardens all the evening, care- 
fully stepping over or picking our way between the 
numerous babies that were scattered about the ground 
in such profusion as to make it very difficult to walk 
without committing infanticide, receiving information 
from the civil naval men among whom we had already 
an extensive acquaintance, and interchanging ready 
laughs and symbolical compliments with the young 
ladies we were jammed against in the crowd. They 
were so clean, graceful, good-humored, and merry, 
that I would have defied the most sour-hearted Meth- 
odist preacher to have kept up a cool dignity among 
them long. At one time we were standing close to 
two of them, when one turned round to the doctor with 
a smile, and asked him for his cigar. He presented it 
with great civility, and the young lady, after a few 
modest sucks, handed it back with the utmost grace. 
I grinned in spite of myself, but the doctor made an 
elegant bow, and puffed away coolly, saying that there 
was nothing like falling in with the customs of the 
country. We soon got accustomed to this little cour- 
tesy afterward. # 

After the merits of the different performers had 
been settled, the captain of the Entrecasteaux took 



TAHITI. 29 

us to see a dance, and introduced us to a little French 
gentleman well versed in the language and customs 
of the country. After a spirited burst of singing, 
half a dozen girls rushed out of the ranks, and did the 
wriggling-business, a dance common all over the world, 
from the Irish jig to the nautch of India. "We were 
standing just inside the oblong space, and presently one 
of the girls came and danced to the little Frenchman, 
who, much to my amusement, accepted the challenge, 
straddled his legs, twisted his body, and went through 
the regular rigmarole till tbe close of the performance. 

.Then Mr. B , the interpreter, made a speech on 

behalf of the governor from the veranda of the palace, 
while I took a last stroll under its bare walls, and soon 
after the natives began to file out of the gates, the lights 
died out one by one, the crowd dispersed, and the whole 
scene faded away like a beautiful dream. 

On arriving at Tahiti, we heard the news that war 
had broken out between France and Prussia, but we 
little thought that we were about to witness the last 
fete Napoleon that would take place in the South Seas. 
Elieu, fugaces, etc. 

August 18th. — To-day I went with our kind consul, 
Mr. Miller, to pay a visit to Queen Pomare, who had 
graciously consented to accord me an interview. Not 
being a Yankee, and hearing besides that her majesty 
was as apt to be bored with these formal introductions 
as I was myself, I did not look forward to it with any 
great amount of pleasure. But it turned out better 
than I anticipated. On our way to the palace we 

picked up Mr. B , who kindly consented to act as 

interpreter, the queen, though she can speak a little 



30 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

English, disliking to use any but her mother-tongue. 
We were shown into a long, low room, detached from 
the rest of the building, with seats round the sides, 
and some tolerable pictures on the walls, including one 
of Pomare herself. At last she appeared, a very quiet, 
but dignified and good-natured old lady. There is 
something that carries respect with it to my mind in 
the name of queen ; an early prejudice radicals will 
say, but so it is. And she was a fallen queen, more 
or less ; and this it was, I suppose, that brought the 
most quixotic part of my nature to the surface, for it 
is a fact no less strange than true that I, usually the- 
most rough-mannered and brusque of mortals, bent 
down respectfully and kissed her hand, whereby I re- 
tained a not unpleasant smell of cocoa-nut oil in my 
nose for the rest of the day, and caused no small as- 
tonishment and amusement, I suspect, among the look- 
ers-on. Anyhow, she was pleased, which was the main 

thing. We talked about my cousin, Lord G , whom 

she remembered very well at Tahiti ; and I went my 
way, after a short time, much gratified at having seen 
the famous savage queen I had read and dreamt about 
in my childish days. 

In the evening we went to hear the band of the 
Astree play opposite Government House. It was very 
pleasant and pretty, as the natives are invariably fond 
of music, and thronged round in crowds, laughing, talk- 
ing, romping, and spooning. I fell in with some naval 
acquaintance, who, in the sublime innocence of perfect 
immorality, showed me a good deal of the manners 
and customs of the Society-Islanders. Then I met 
with my dancing-friend of the night before, who dis- 



TAHITI. 31 

tributed his favors among the crowd with a most amus- 
ing fervor and impartiality, and a superb conceit of 
which only a Frenchman is capable. He introduced me 
to m'any of the swell chiefesses of the districts, who were 
very cordial, and promised me a reception if I would 
look in upon them at their country-places ; the warmth 
and earnestness of which Jawleyford himself could 
barely have surpassed. 

But at last I began to say to myself, " This society 
is not improving, young man ; if you don't steer clear 
of what's-his-naine, you'll go to thingummy." So I 
sought out the doctor and the Millers, who invited us 
to tea, together with the admiral and his officers. 

The threshold of a kindly host is " twpu" and it is 
bad taste, or something worse, to describe or criticise 
what passes within its walls ; yet I cannot refrain 
from mentioning the many pleasant evenings we 
spent with our good-natured consul, Mr. Miller, and 
his charming wife. Every night there was an uncon- 
ventional reunion for every one who cared about agree- 
able conversation: the kind-hearted, shrewd old Ad- 
miral Cloue and the officers of the French fleet, a few 
French residents, official and non-official, with an oc- 
casional stray missionary, or a half-caste young lady, 
formed the usual party. All subjects were discussed 
with good-natured freedom, our host and hostess — with 
a natural tact uncommon enough in the highest soci- 
ety — putting no restraint upon their visitors, beyond 
showing a trust in their manners and taste. And as 
for the languages spoken — the Tower of Babel is all I 
can compare it to ! each person used the tongue in 
which he fancied he was most likely to be understood. 



32 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

K and I first addressing the more gifted of our 

audience in English, and then laboriously translating 
our metaphysical ideas into the most canine French, 
and receiving our answers perhaps in that language, 
perhaps in Spanish. It was confusing a little, but it 
had all the exciting pleasure of putting together a 
child's puzzle. What good-tempered chaff and wit 
there used to be ! what strange South-Sea stories used 
to be told ! One man describing how the savages used 
to feel the insides of his thighs in a perfectly easy and 
familiar manner to see how they would " eat." An- 
other relating how whole ship's crews had been de- 
voured in the Pomotou group ; and how, when a man- 
of-war was sent to avenge the outrage, the natives all 
dived into the caves in the coral, and, though they 
could be heard, could not be got at, until the widow of 
the murdered skipper fitted out a small schooner that 
took them by surprise, and obtained her the satisfac- 
tion of beholding the chief that had eaten her husband 
and two children. Another informing us that in the 
Fiji a slave had been fattened on purpose to be killed 
and eaten on the visit of Prince Alfred ; but whether 
they allowed him to try Banting when his Royal High- 
ness did not make his appearance, or served him up to 
a select party to reap the reward of their care and 
trouble, deponent sayeth not. 

One learns little odds and ends by strolling about 
the streets of Papiete. It is curious to think that the 
unique garb of the women, that has such a tropical 
appearance, is nothing more or less than the " sacque" 
the old dress of English and French women some gen- 
eration and a half ago, immortalized by numerous 



TAHITI. 33 

caricatures of the time, but now only to be seen in the 
slow-changing Pacific Ocean, where it was introduced 
by the earliest missionaries. 

It is not wise to hold conversation with an English- 
speaking native for more than ten minutes ; during 
that time he will talk Shakespeare and the musical 
glasses, so to speak, or discourse on any subject you 
please, but in the end he invariably comes round to 
proposals that are apt to be offensive to one who is not 
yet completely Society-Islandized. The natural, inno- 
cent, kind-hearted creature means nothing but kind- 
ness and hospitality by his offers, but quite uninten- 
tionally he is apt to bring a blush to the cheek of the 
young person who is not yet sufficiently naturalized as 
to have shed his breeks and adopted the blue and white 
sulu or kilt of the country. When this metamorpho- 
sis has taken place, the backsliding individual is looked 
upon, not without reason, by the more religious and 
decent of the community, as little better than one of 
the what's-his-names. I remember seeing a fat, pallid, 
greasy Frenchman, clothed in nothing but the afore- 
said garment, a large grass hat, and a pair of gold 
spectacles, looking like a study of Silenus in the nine- 
teenth century. 

The chief occupation of the natives is gambling. 
When a man has lost his whole fortune, probably some 
five or six dollars, he simply goes up into the moun- 
tain and brings down a load or two of fruit, with which 
he begins life afresh. 

August IQth. — Louey and I took a sail down the 
coast inside the reef; the lagoon was crowded with 
boats and canoes of all sorts and sizes, full of laughing, 



34 SOUTE-SEA BUBBLES. 

singing natives returning to their homes, every kind of 
sail being hoisted, from new white canvas to the under- 
garments of the lady passengers. We noticed many 
acquaintances of the preceding evenings, and many and 
loud were the " Ya ranas," and the offers of drinks out 
of bottles, which we wisely declined, though we were 
fearfully hot and thirsty from pulling in the blazing sun. 

Racing, laughing, and chaffing, we travelled along 
the coast for some ten miles ; canoes and boats as far as 
we could see ahead and astern, w'hen a tempting, shady 
bay opened out, and we picked our way into it through 
the coral, intending to lunch and recruit ourselves in 
peace and solitude. Soon, however, appeared a strange, 
dried-up old native whom I had met at the himenes, 
and, through my greenness and ignorance of native 
manners, had put down as an unmitigated old scoun- 
drel. In a queer mixture of English and Portuguese 
he asked us to come up to his house, introduced us to 
his family, who set to work to get us shells and cocoa- 
nuts, wanted to cook us some dinner, and behaved like 
a courtly old gentleman, in fact. "When at last the 
time came to go on our homeward way, we received an 
affectionate shower of farewell blessings from him and 
his wife, and his daughters, and his sons, and his broth- 
ers-in-law, and his aunts, and his uncles, his first cousins, 
and his second cousins, etc., as if we had been intimate 
friends for five years at the least. 

It would seem or be thought strange in Europe if a 
young lady whom you hadr seen scarcely ten minutes 
and had not spoken ten words to, were coolly to pro- 
pose deserting her kindred and friends, and accompa- 
nying you, bag and baggage, to the other end of the 



TAHITI. 35 

world, but in the South Seas it is but an ordinary oc- 
currence, scarcely deserving of mention. 

I remember at Samoa two ladies of high degree, 
fat, brown, and forty, paying their court with such ir- 
resistible ardor that, after telling most shameless lies 
about a ferociously jealous wife in England, by way of 
making a polite excuse for not taking them, I was fain 
to bolt ignominiously for fear they should win their 
end by sheer persistency, like the widow and the un- 
just judge in the parable. 

August 23d. — This day we went for a picnic at 
Point Yenus, so called because it is the place where 
Cook observed the transit of the planet, but many in 
Tahiti seriously believe he discovered it there, as it 
were some strange beast, while others declare the name 
is derived from a worship of the heathen goddess that 
the ancient mariners used to celebrate on that spot. 

"We met together at the consul's, who with his wife 

and children, the admiral, and his secretary Mr. M , 

Mrs. B , the doctor, and I, made up the party. 

We then bundled ourselves with some difficulty into 
some extraordinary uncomfortable little Yankee car- 
riages, my companions being Mr. M , a very agree- 
able, amusing young man, and Mrs. B , a half- 
Spanish, half-American widow, whose husband was 
eaten some time ago, A merry little soul she was, 
with eyes that always twinkled, and a tongue that 
never stopped talking except to laugh, always in a 
blaze of fun or feeling, and discussing every thing as if 
her life depended on it. 

What a jolly drive it was ! Arguing in a circle on 
every subject under heaven, talking the wildest non- 



36 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

sense. (How rare and pleasant it is to meet any one 
who can talk good nonsense and understand it, instead 
of getting up and knocking the wind out of you with a 
boring fact !) Hearing the histories of various people 
as we passed their houses — and Tahitian life-histories 
are usually strange and checkered — and enjoying the 
beautiful scenery all the more for the high pitch of our 
animal spirits. 

The road ran for a long way parallel with the shore, 
under the shade of the trees, crossing innumerable lit- 
tle streams, mostly filled with native girls washing 
themselves or their garments, for the Society -Islanders 
are the most cleanly race I ever met, very different 
from their Maori cousins. 

When you are riding about the island, it is very 
pleasant to dismount occasionally and refresh yoursell 
with a bathe in one of these rivulets. Not unfrequent- 
ly while you are performing your ablutions you are 
struck by a fruit thrown from the trees on the bank. 
On following the direction of the shot you most likely 
find yourself in the presence of some dusky charmer ; 
but not unfrequently your admirer turns out to be 
a horrid old chiefess, and if you blight her young af- 
fections a row ensues. 

Then the road wound up the sides of the steep 
mountains. Precipices above and below it ; in fact, 
a South-Sea Cornice, but far grander, and more beauti- 
ful, for here the most perpendicular hill-sides are cov- 
ered with a luxuriant vegetation. Perhaps we should 
have enjoyed it more if we had not been in some dan- 
ger of going over the said precipices, owing to the im- 
perfection of our harness, as we descended on the other 



TAHITI. 37 

side. This consisted of a pole, with a cross-piece of 
wood at the end, to which the horses were attached, 
and which, being only fastened to the pole with string, 
kept sliding first one way and then the other, as soon 
as the strain came on it, jamming one horse inward 
and shoving the other right away. There being only 
one trace, and no splinter-bars, the vehicle twisted 
about in an exciting and uncertain manner. 

At length we finished the descent, and, having ar- 
rived at our destination, strolled about the native set- 
tlement. In the chief's house we found a party of 
French officers surveying. Most of the native houses 
are built of hibiscus-poles, planted in the ground 
about two inches apart, giving them the appearance of 
enormous bird-cages. The roof is ingeniously con- 
structed of plaited palm-leaves. When you retire for 
the night you fasten up a shawl or blanket against the 
side to keep the wind off you ; but the natives suffer 
much from cold or rheumatics, at w T hich I don't 
wonder. 

In the more considerable villages there is a lar^e 
building of this kind which is public property, and 
where the mayor and corporation, the local board, oj 
whatever answers to those things in Tahiti, hold theii 
meetings, and where also the people collect together to 
perform himenes. 

Then we were shown the chapel, by the priest 
thereof, close to which was the old Protestant one in 
ruins. " Un clou -chasse l'autre," remarked the doctor. 
After this we proceeded to the tamarind-tree planted 
Jby the immortal Cook, where we rested while some of 
the party went off to go up the light-house that has 



38 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

been built here. What hidden feeling is it that makes 
humanity desire to get to the top of every thing — spires, 
light-houses, pyramids, and what not? And it is 
curious that the two things that tend to make men 
most unbearably conceited, are getting to the top of 
something or seeing a sunrise. I would give any man 
who wilfully committed either of these acts, solitary 
confinement for forty-eight hours. 

Then we had luncheon in the chief's house, fol- 
lowed by a pleasant stroll about the village. "We no- 
ticed that all the fowls had feathers on their legs right 
down to their toes, and the doctor started a theory that 
they were bred so by the missionaries for the sake of 
decency. 

We came upon a curious little hut with a kind of 
door at one end, which, when opened, disclosed noth- 
ing more or less than a coffin. It is a custom among 
the natives to keep them above-ground for a time, to 
be visited by the relatives of the deceased, a sensible 
and decent practice enough compared to the ghastly 
ones that may be found in some places in Europe. I 
remember in Sicily, when a young lady of good family 
died, she was dressed in ball-clothes and stuck up at 
the end of the drawing-room, to receive all her friends, 
who paid her a visit in evening-dresses to bid her a last 
farewell. I don't think this case was exceptional. 

Then, after a very merry drive home, w T e dined on 
board the Astree, where we were shown some very 
ingenious breech-loading cannon ; and then, after a 
short stroll ashore, to bed. 

August 24:th. — Up before daylight in the morning 
to drive to Mr. Stewart's plantation at Atimaono. He 



TAHITI. 39 

had kindly sent over a carriage for us, and dragged by 
two little mules, driven by a sturdy Scotchman, we 
were soon rattling along the road, bound for the other 
side of the island. "We met lots of natives bearing 
fish, mostly mullet, to the morning market, as long as 
we were within three miles of Papiete. There is no 
way of going through any Society island, as they are 
all a mass of great mountains, gorges, and precipices, 
so our road lay all the way along the shore, amid 
groves of bananas, plantains, etc., among which the 
huts of the natives were sprinkled. Some appeared 
lazily in the door-ways as we galloped by, some we saw 
gnawing pensively at pieces of bread-fruit which 
served them as an early breakfast, others performing 
their toilets in the little rivers that we were contin- 
ually splashing through, nearly all looking up to give 
us a cheerful " Ta rana." I won't answer for the spell- 
ing of any native words that I use, but what does it 
matter? The missionaries made it a written language, 
and I have just as much right to spell the words after 
my own fancy as they had. 

The scenery was splendid. Wherever there was a 
break in the glorious tropical forest, we could see on 
one side the barrier reef-line of great white breakers 
curling over without ceasing, though the de'ep-blue sea 
beyond seemed as smooth as glass, while between us 
and it was a line of bright, pale-green water, in which 
an occasional man or woman might be noticed wading 
or poling, fish-spear in hand, in search of a dainty 
breakfast, and then some ten miles off the picturesque 
island of Eimeo, rising fantastically from the bosom of 
the horizon, its ruggedness and grandeur set off by a 



40 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

gigantic and distinct hole bored right through the cen- 
tre of its loftiest peak, while on the other side of us a 
mass of splendid cliffs and mountains would be re- 
vealed, hanging almost over our heads, with deep, nar- 
row gorges running up between them into the very 
clouds. 

About every hour we stopped to change horses, 
when we took the opportunity to stretch our legs, chat 
with any people who might chance to be about, and 
ornament our hats and heads with crimson hibiscus- 
flowers ; for you will find, if you go to the Society 
Islands, that, unless you are a wooden idiot, you will 
do things quite naturally that you would look upon as 
stark staring lunacy anywhere else. 

Soon we began to feel the fresh trade-wind in our 
faces, a great relief, after the stifling atmosphere of Pa- 
piete, and the third stage brought us to the boundary 
of the plantation, after which we drove through a long 
avenue of bananas witli cotton-fields behind them, till 
we came to Mr. Stewart's house, a fine building on the 
shore, built with large rooms, and well suited for a 
hot climate, where we were very kindly received by its 
owner. 

Mr. Stewart and the plantation of Atimaono have 
a strange history, too long and complicated for me to 
attempt to give a full or judicial account of, especially 
as every one tells a different tale on the subject. I 
have heard him bitterly abused, but with so little sen- 
sible reason, that I strongly suspect that the jealousy 
of the smaller white merchants and settlers is the chief 
motive of their virulent attacks. 

He came out here as agent to a company with a 



TAHITI. 41 

grant of land, and his troubles seem to have begun at 
once ; the grant was delayed, so he set to work to buy 
land from the natives out of his own pocket. A report 
was then circulated that the natives were forced to sell 
to him, which, whether true or not, was peremptorily 
denied by the governor. As soon as the plantation 
was fairly under way, specimens of inferior cotton 
were sent to Europe as the produce of Atimaono. In- 
famous libels were circulated in the American papers, 
describing the horrible cruelties of Stewart and his 
myrmidons on their unfortunate workmen ; the sick 
were left to die, the dead left unburied, the men cheat- 
ed out of their pay, etc. 

Mr. Elea, the overseer, in particular, was represented 
as a most blood-thirsty monster. He had hung women 
with child up and flogged them, he had roasted China- 
men alive, etc. Mr. Stewart was a perfect wicked 
baron of the middle ages, brutally assaulting every one 
who came too near to his castle ; to all these accusa- 
tions Mr. S. answered by demanding a public inquiry, 
which was granted. This cleared away the whole 
cloud of lies, every thing being found and reported in 
the most perfect order, every regard being paid to the 
health and comfort of the coolies. The only serious 
complaint made by the Chinese was & curious one — 
that they were not allowed to hang themselves as pay- 
ment for gambling-debts. 

But the troubles of Atimaono were not yet over. 
Certain men, among them the juge imperial, formerly 
a blacksmith, entered into a conspiracy to ruin the 
plantation, for which Mr. S. is now bringing an action 
against them. He has won his way in spite of all op- 



42 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

position, and little heeds the snarling of his enemies. 
Vive le succes ! Of course I do not know enough to 
be able to judge exactly of the fairness of what I have 
just written, but I must say that a happier, healthier- 
looking set of men than the fifteen hundred workmen 
I saw at Atimaono could not be found in a long day's 
walk among the manufacturing classes of England. 

K was lodged in a little room built right out- in 

the sea, so that he could catch fish out of his window 
if it so pleased him. The other day when the planta- 
tion doctor was lodged in this place, it came on to blow 
heavily, and one night the bridge between it and the 
land was washed right away by the sea ; the medico 
turned out of his bed, and was rather horrified to find 
himself alone in his glory on a desolate and rather 
shaky island. 

We spent the day Yerj pleasantly, reading and 
loafing about till dinner-time, when Mr. Stewart treat- 
ed us to some native dishes, which I did not appreciate 
so much as his capital French cookery. Besides the 
admiral, who had also driven over from Papiete, our 
dinner-party was made up of several people employed 
in different ways on the estate, and very pleasant com- 
pany they were. Some good types of what I call the 
cosmopolitan Micawber, men whom one comes across 
oftener in the Southern than in the Northern Hemi- 
sphere, who try their hands at every kind of wild spec- 
ulation in strange places, generally clever, energetic, 
and brave, but often too restless, too dreamy, or too 
sanguine, to meet with permanent success ; men whom 
you may meet one day living in affluence, and next 
month earning their bread by the work of their hands, 



TAHITI. 43 

waiting for another chance to turn up. I delight in 
these fellows ; more often than not they are gentle- 
men by birth and education, whose chance of success 
in life has been ruined by the very qualities that make 
them so charming, their good-nature, love of freedom, 
independence, and wild adventure. Some that I have 
met are the most delightful companions in the world. 
They have tried every thing, know every thing, and 
have been everywhere. They are vagabond adven- 
turers, respectable English society may cry. So were 
Sir Walter Raleigh and Francis Drake, say I ; but it 
is this class of men that macadamizes the world ; and 
I don't think they are worse as a rule than nine-tenths 
of the respectable men in white chokers and faultless 
boots that one meets at an English dinner-party. I 
have known specimens who could set an example that 
would make society blush, as far as kindness, unselfish- 
ness, and honor go. There is one appearing before my 
mind now, known but for a short time, yet not easily 
forgotten. "Well do I remember his massive, well- 
shaped head; nearly all these men have fine heads; 
his worn yet handsome and merry face, so full of hu- 
mor, kindness, and fun, that it used to warm the 
cockles of my heart, would brighten up the dullest 
physiognomy in a room when he entered it, and pro- 
duce a good-humored laugh at the first word he spoke. 
A man with the mark of the " vagabond dry rot " plain- 
ly written upon him, yet one that few could help lov- 
ing and even trusting. Often he used to tell me in his 
quaint, laughing, philosophical way the stories of his 
many wild speculations in different parts of the world, 
and how they had ended in his becoming " flat broke " 



44: SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

as lie used merily to call it. Full of wit, kindness, 
cleverness, energy, and courage, yet unable to make or 
at least keep his own fortune, and consequently worth- 
less in the eyes of the great mass of the world, which 
judges mankind a great deal more by the rule of the 
" almighty dollar " than it is willing to own. One who 
could share his last sixpence with a friend, or risk his 
life without hesitation for a noble purpose ; one still 
young, yet in spite of his never-ceasing fund of mirth 
and humor evidently broken and worn out. He used 
to give me an inner feeling of sadness and pity, even 
while I was laughing at his exuberant fun. And the 
next-door neighbor to a man like this, or perhaps even 
his chum, living in the same hut on terms of equality, 
may be an old whaler or run-away man-of-war's-man 
of the worst type, who is utterly devoid of all feelings 
but the basest, and has broken every one of the com- 
mandments, not to mention committing a few other 
crimes scarcely comprehended in that interesting cata- 
logue. 

Te worldly old philosophers of the London clubs, 
who fancy you know life, should make a trip to the 
South Seas to study it in its vivid incongruities. Here 
at Atimaono, a comparatively speaking civilized spot, 
the book-keeper was an infantry-major, the store-keeper 
a captain in a light-cavalry regiment, and the barman 
the son of rich parents and grandson of the mayor of a 
great town in the British Isles. There are ups in this 
world, and there are downs, as Mr. Plornish wisely re- 
marks. Such is life south of the equator ! 

August 25th. — In the afternoon we drove down to 
the cotton-mill, and I was much interested in watch- 



TAHITI. . 45 

ing the work. The cotton was brought in in baskets 
and thrown into a kind of trough which, by an ingen- 
ious process, winnowed it through the bottom, cleaning 
it of all the black berries, or whatever the proper name 
of them may be, and coarse stuff. Then it was poured 
into the top of an enormous strong box, stamped down, 
and shut in ; then it was compressed by machinery as 
tight as possible, and, on the great iron clasps which 
fastened the sides of the box being unfastened, they 
swung open on hinges, disclosing a square, white, com- 
pact mass of cotton ; a few split bamboos were lashed 
round this to keep it in shape, and then, being sewn up 
in strong canvas, it was all ready for exportation. 

All the laborers were Chinese or Hervey-Islanders, 
the latter strong, healthy, savage-looking people, who 
build their huts on a platform of poles and enter them 
by a ladder. There would be a fine case of hereditary 
instinct for some naturalist or philosopher to work out. 
Doubtless, there was originally a purpose and a reason 
for this peculiar style of architecture, but, though that 
has now disappeared, the practice it gave birth to still 
remains. 

In one place the laborers were employed repairing 
carts, making wheels, and doing carpentering general- 
ly. In another they were building a ship ; while in 
one of the buildings we came upon an ingenious old 
Chinaman making a beautiful ejpergne of silver and 
mother-of-pearl shells. I could not help being struck 
with the universality of Stewart's genius, and his won- 
derful power of finding his men's specialite and set- 
ting them to the right work ; and he seemed to be one 
who had the rare gift of combining justice with strictness. 



4:6 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES 

I saw at once the absurdity of the libels about cru- 
elty that were published against him and his overseer, 
Mr. Elea. That two men might torture and tyrannize 
over the same number of negroes in the old slave States 
might be possible, because in the case of a rebellion 
they would be certain of support from their fellow- 
* planters ; but here, where the slightest scandal or dis- 
turbance on the estate would be hailed with joy by 
nearly every white merchant in Tahiti, and the mass 
of people to be managed are not negroes, but clever, 
desperate Chinese, proverbially careless of life, such a 
system would be impossible. 

I saw a list of the regulations of the plantation, the 
heaviest punishment being imprisonment for five days. 
The ordinary penalty for small offences is, I think, 
twenty-four or forty-eight hours of drudging labor, dur- 
ing which time their pay is stopped. 

I was much amused by observing two Chin'amen in 
disgrace doing penance by carrying ballast into one of 
the ships, watched by a big Hervey-Island savage with 
a stick ; the unutterable disgust visible in the counte- 
nances of the two prisoners, and the pompous grin of 
their temporary commander, as he followed them to 
and fro and kept them up to their work, were very 
ludicrous. 

Down by the sea was an enormous yard, full of 
pigs, and such pigs ! Of all sizes, from a Guinea-pig 
to a Shetland pony ; of all colors, from a zebra to a 
negro. And as for shape ! They were thin where they 
ought to be fat, long where they ought to be short, 
more like great wedges with the sharp end uppermost 
than any thing else I can think of. Such gaunt, horri- 



TAHITI. 47 

ble monsters were never beheld; the scene was like 
the nightmare of a dyspeptic farmer. 

There has only been one serious disturbance among 
the laborers since the commencement of the planta- 
tion, when they quarrelled about some gambling-debt, 
and.set to work stabbing each other, and so on. One 
of the ringleaders was guillotined as an example. 

While we were here the overseer came in, bringing 
some forged notes, very cleverly made, that had been 
uttered by ingenious John Chinaman for the purpose 
of swindling the simple natives. These last get on, 
however, with the Chinese more amicably than might 
be expected, which is chiefly owing to the low moral 
feeling of the Tahitians, who get money from the Chi- 
nese by the aid of their female relations. 

As the afternoon wore on, the Hervey-Islanders — 
men, women, and children — began to flock round the 
store, and on a bell ringing each came up to receive a 
spoonful or two of molasses, of which they seemed inor- 
dinately fond. It was served out by the storekeeper 
from a great tub, and the whole operation remiflded 
me forcibly of Mrs. Squeers and her brimstone and 
treacle. 

Then we drove through the cotton-fields and re- 
turned to dinner. The next morning we bade farewell 
to our kind host, and drove back to Papiete. 

Swiftly, too swiftly, the days passed away. From 
the natives, the French, and, above all, from Mr. and 
Mrs. Miller, we received the greatest kindness. In the 
mornings reading and dreaming on board, or talking 
lazily with friends on shore ; sailing or paddling about 



48 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

the reefs when the heat of the day was passed ; and 
when the cool night had cast its veil over the island, 
strolling about the quiet paths in the dim moonlight, 
or enjoying the pleasant society that could always be 
found at the house of our hospitable consul. What is 
the use of trying to describe dream-land ? Its beauty 
is that of the dead, calm ocean, unbroken by a rugged 
or prominent line, and much of that which its loveli- 
ness consists in seems always to my mind too sacred to 
be painted or written. 

If I were a mendacious mendicant, I might have 
enlivened this chapter with hair-breadth escapes, ro- 
mantic adventures, fights, love-stories, etc., ad libitum, 
after the manner of most books of travels ; but, in spite 
of my several years of voyaging, and the time I have 
spent in the South-Sea Islands, I have not yet become 
utterly demoralized on the score of veracity. I don't 
know how it is, but I never, or very seldom, do meet 
with any romantic adventures. I did at last manage 
to get shipwrecked; but even that disappointed my 
expectations as far as romance was concerned. I sus- 
pect they are like miracles, not common to those who 
don't look out for them and meet them half-way. 
However this may be, I consider I am hardly treated 
about such matters. I don't, as I said before, get a 
proper share of romantic adventures. I never see 
ghosts ; I never have mysterious, prophetic dreams that 
come true; I can't get mesmerized, nor even turn 
tables successfully, and as for miracles ! if I was in one 
parish they would be sure to take place in the next one. 
I once went to the Church of St. Januarius in Naples, 
thinking that at last I should succeed in witnessing a 



TAHITI. 49 

miracle, or an imitation of one ; but when it was per- 
formed, I could not make out that any thing happened 
at all, and so went'home disgusted. 

Soon, too soon, the time came for us to leave the 
South-Sea Capua. I was so happy there, that I yerily 
believe I should have been content to dream away my 
life, without care or ambition. I was Society-Island- 
ized, in fact. It could not be, and it was best for me 
"as it was. Perhaps after a time a man's feelings and 
thoughts would become degraded and numbed by such 
a life ; he would lose that power of enjoyment that 
made it at first so charming and pleasant to him. 
Peace, and quiet, and perfect freedom, are useful medi- 
cines, but not a wholesome diet. Their charm lies in 
contrast ; there is no spark without the concussion of 
the flint and steel ; there is no fine thought, even no 
perfect happiness, that is not born of toil, sorrow, and 
vexation of spirit. 

" Be virtuous and you will be happy," is an old 
English proverb, which in Tahiti should be rendered, 
" Be happy and you will be virtuous." And the latter 
version is as true as the former. To be perfectly happy, 
you will find that sympathy is necessary; you must 
make others happy too, which is the essence of virtue. 
You cannot sin against God except by sinning against 
your neighbor or yourself and so I hold that my brown 
friends are a good and happy people, in spite of what 
stern Judaical moralists may say to the contrary. It 
was with a heavy heart that I put up the wheel, to let 
our little schooner go bowling and tearing out through 
the narrow channel, and it gave me pain to look back 



50 SOUTE-SEA BUBBLES. 

and see the dear old island growing fainter and dim- 
mer as each minute passed. 

I wonder if I shall ever see it again ? I promised 
and vowed that I would, and was sadly answered: 
" Tou say so now ; but when you go home, you will 
find new duties, new pleasures, and new friends ; you 
will never come back again." 

Truly we are often compelled, bitterly against our 
will, to write " finis " under the pleasantest pages of 
our life. 

One day I was watching a boat 

Borne on by the wind and the tide, 
And into the rushes 'twould float 

That grew 'neath the bank on each side. 

For a moment perhaps it would stay, 
But their arms could not hold it for long ; 

They broke, and the boat swept away, 
For the wind and the current were strong. 

As down the swift stream it was hurled, 

I fancied I heard these words spoken : 
" Few partings there are in this world 

In which friendly ties are not broken. 

" All are hard at the best to burst through, 

Some are bitter and painful to sever, 
While some, but alas ! very few, 

Will stand time and distance forever." 



CHAPTER II. 



EIMEOj OE MOEEA. 



August.- 1 'Eimeo, as seen from Tahiti, is a wonder- 
fully beautiful island, peaked and jagged in a way 
seldom seen. Some of the isolated peaks may be 
rivalled by those of the Dolomite Gebirge (as little 
visited when I first knew them as Eimeo is now), but 
there are some which are nearly unique in their forms. 
But we must make comparisons nowadays with bated 
breath, for fear the Alta California should be down 
on us with some fresh discovery of strange loveliness. 
If photography is to be trusted, the scenery of that part 
of Western America must equal if not exceed in beauty, 
any in the world. 

We easily found our way into the western harbor, 
through the fringing reef, though there are one or two 
nasty lumps and patches to be looked for in the pas- 
sage. The reef gives one generally the idea of a fring- 
ing reef which is being gradually changed into a bar- 
rier-reef by subsidence. Inside the harbor the water 
is tremendously deep, and you have to run a long way 
up to get an anchorage. 

The harbor is a " gorge," and one of the noblest 
gorges I have ever seen. Green precipices rising up- 



52 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

ward of two thousand feet, sheer from the water, fringed 
round their feet by cocoa-nut and orange-trees — trees, 
not bushes ; I think I never saw any so large elsewhere. 

Far up on the green cliff-side may be seen the large 
leaves of the " faies, 55 or wild-plantain, a never-failing 
source of food, but one which often requires no little 
strength of limb and steadiness of head to gather, and 
still more to bring down to the sea-shore. A sort of 
vegetable chamois over which many a life is lost. 

A charming little boy of a good half-caste breed (his 
mother being an Englishwoman and his father a French- 
man) told me a legend, in good biblical English, anent 
a great red scar on the green cliff-side. How that 
" a man went "gathering faies on the Sabbath, and God 
was angry with him, and he fell down and made the 
mark on the hill-side. 55 

These " islands of the blest 55 are not without their 
drawbacks ; even fa'ies, though it grows wild, some- 
times grows very wild indeed. The plants we can see 
from the deck of the yacht would require a sturdy climb 
to reach ; I should think they are at least fifteen hundred 
feet above the water 5 s edge ; pleasant for the father of 
a family, with a sore foot or a swelled leg — two very 
common " complaints in these parts. Better a store 
of potatoes and a keg of salt-fish, after all, though it 
may require a more sustained labor to obtain them. 

The trap-dikes are very grand here, running posi- 
tively like walls and towers from above to the sea, 
through the mass of green. By moonlight it is almost 
impossible to believe that they are not ruins of some 
old fortification. Some are as regular as that old 
stepped wall which runs up the rock of Gibraltar. 



EIMEO, OR KOREA. 53 

One of the highest and most acute peaks is per- 
forated right through, just below the summit, which 
aperture we can plainly see from the ship 5 and might 
walk through if we were so minded, which we are not ; 
a climb of two thousand feet, with the thermometer at 
120°, being no joke. This aperture can also be seen 
from Atimaono in Tahiti. Of course, it was caused 
by an ancient hero throwing his spear through the 
mountain-peak. These sort of things always are. 

The upper end of the harbor softens into a pretty 
bit of delta, backed by high green hills, and with a 
sparkling stream running through it. This is culti- 
vated with great success as a sugar-plantation, and the 
white-walled, red-tiled building connected with the es- 
tablishment comes in very prettily. It seemed rather 
a dead season with them, but the resident representa- 
tives of the company, a cheery Italian doctor, and a 
more grave ex-colonel de la ligne, did not seem much 
depressed on the subject. 

When a European meets you in one of these out-of- 
the-way places, he either sulks and says nothing, or 
else gives you at once a slight autobiographical sketch 
of his previous career, and is most careful to explain 
the circumstances which brought him there, as if his 
presence required some explanation. Mighty queer 
histories some of these worthy beach-combers have, I 
have no doubt. 

On the shore were certain gigantic baskets, or 
rather wattled buildings, consisting of two sides, a 
bottom and one end, some twenty feet by twelve, which 
puzzled us very much. Our young friend tried to ex- 
plain that they were to catch fish and sharks in, though 



54 ^OUTS-SEA BUBBLES. 

he so utterly failed to explain how, that we concluded 
that they were ladies' bathing-machines, so contrived 
to shield their beauties from the impertinent gaze of 
the 'long-shore loafers. Having, however, by this time 
some little insight into the proprieties of these islands, 
we merely accepted the theory provisionally, and for 
want of a better. 

The time came when we found, as usual, that our 
theory was wrong. 

Sitting on deck one day, we observed a deal of fire- 
lighting, singing, and general hustling and bustling, 
under the orange-trees on the shore, and forthwith 
paddled across to see what the fun was. It needed no 
interpretation of the cries of welcome to tell us, for, 
looking over the side of the boat into two or three feet 
water, we saw that the bottom was literally paved with 
small fish, something between a dace and a char ; they 
were positively in myriads. Unable to resist the temp- 
tation, we took a throw with the casting-net, whereby 
we got nothing but an ugly lump of old coral, the bot- 
tom being much too broken for that style of thing. 
Our ill success was greeted with derisive cheers from 
the opposition, who then invited us to see how they did 
the trick. 

Three or four women walked into the water with 
no small merriment, bearing an aboriginal kind of 
seine, made of the leaves of the pandanus thickly inter- 
woven in a line of coir. Making a long sweep, they 
drew it cautiously in a semicircle to the shore; and, 
when at the proper distance, they inserted a small edi- 
tion of the big baskets, and swept in the beauties by 
hundreds, a most original and successful way of going 



BIMBO, OB MOBBA. 55 

to work. Had they tried to land the fish, they would 
certainly have succeeded in wriggling away under the 
leaves. 

I think, among all the fish-glories I have seen, this 
was the most glorious one. These thousands and thou- 
sands of silver-green backs and crimson bellies all flick- 
ering in the sun ! It was like looking at bushels of 
diamonds, emeralds, and rubies, all being shaken to- 
gether, and one fairly winked with their brilliancy. 

Not only are these " fishlets," known to the natives 
by the name of u urio" most beautiful to the eye, but 
they are most pleasant to the taste, being even as a 
mixture of whitebait from Greenwich, fresh char from 
the Konig Sea, and — the best other fish you can think 
of. Scale them not, clean them not, cast them into 
the frying-pan, and continue eating, not till you are 
satiated, for that will never be, but till there are no 
more to eat. 

It is a curious fact, which I have not noticed my- 
self, and so cannot warrant, that the only singing-bird 
on this island is a kingfisher. (Why fisher? They 
hardly any of them fish, and even the English one is a 
poor hand, wounding more than he catches.) Day and 
night he pipeth pleasant notes, not unlike the begin- 
ning of the thrush's song, " che-whi-schew." 

Sitting on board in the afternoon, we saw Admi- 
ral Cloue and his tender, the d'Entrecasteau, slipping 
quietly to leeward on some private expedition. The 
admiral seemed, when we left him in Tahiti, to be by 
no means easy about the war. " Men in plenty we 
have, and our men are brave, but where are our gen- 
erals ? " He is a fine old fellow, and scorned the idea 



56 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES, 

of taking German merchantmen out of Samoan ports. 
" ]STo ; we will make neutral ports of them, and per- 
haps help to civilize the native rulers by showing them 
that we respect their authority." 

I always expected that the native of the Isle of 
Pines, or the New Caledonian, would eat ine if he 
co aid, they looked so like it. But these folks grin 
and laugh whatever I do, right or wrong. And some- 
how it puts me in mind of the two Australian crows 
at the Kawan, who were found dancing and laughing 
joyously round Miss Annie's pet canary, which they 
were slowly pecking to death. 5 Tis but a vain fancy, 
however. 

Saturday , September 1st. — Along the channel in- 
side the reef, to the eastward harbor, which is very 
lovely, but I think not equal to the one in which we 
are lying. 

/September 2d. — Called on Mrs. Simpson, the widow 
of the late missionary, a most "agreeable and lady-like 
woman, whose mere presence and example must have 
been of infinite use. She speaks the purest biblical 
English ; which may be accounted for by her having 
lived forty years of the seventy of her life in this 
island, with few books but her Bible. Her grand- 
son, a boy of some eight or ten years old, being a 
private and particular friend of my own, took me a 
long walk by the Broom-road, bearing with him his 
fish-spear, composed of a light shaft of hibiscus, with 
a brush of iron wires, little larger than netting-needles, 
lashed round the larger end. Indeed, our walk was 
principally undertaken for the purpose of procuring 
similar instruments from a cunning man who dwelt at 



EIMEO, OR MOREA. 57 

the far end of the big village. We beguiled the way 
by trying to spear the land-crabs, as they popped side- 
ways into their holes in the road ; a difficult and deli- 
cate task, requiring much skill. We rested the shaft 
on the tips of the first two fingers of our left hands, 
and projected it with those of our right ; but the crabs 
were very shy, and, though we made some beautiful 
shots at the entrance, the crab had always retired 
into his back-parlor before the missile reached him. 
Wearying of this we tried the sea-shore, and there the 
sea-urchins and holothuriae, being more passive tar- 
gets, suffered severely. I also think that, quite acci- 
dentally, we speared a fish, but he was so spiny that 
we had to knock him off the spear on to the rocks, and 
he fled again to the sea. 

Then we came to the village, consisting of neat 
wattled whitewashed cottages, raised above the ground 
on stone supports ; a practice which, though it favored 
ventilation, oddly enough at the same time encouraged 
dirty habits. The cottages themselves seemed cleanly 
and well kept, but their inhabitants seemed much of a 
muchness with those in the next harbor, who live in 
huts made of interwoven cocoa-nut branches. . They 
were particularly indelicate in their habits ; they were, 
however, most friendly and kindly, and it was very 
pleasant to see how fond they were of my boy-com- 
panion, and how confident he was of their affection. 

The spear-maker was from home, but there was 
something to repay us for our walk in the shape of cer- 
tain large canoes hauled up on the strand, each of 
which had a large forked spar, some twenty feet long, 
projecting from its bow. My young friend informed 



58 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

me that these were used as a sort of Anakim fishing- 
rod ; lines being fastened to the end well baited, and 
the canoe kept well up to the bobble of the sea. " And 
they catch fish, so large— so large ! " quoth he, indicat- 
ing a size as large as, or larger than, himself. 

Under his guidance I walked into the old missionary- 
house, once a commodious slab building, but now I fear 
on the high-road to ruin. It was curious to see how 
every small household article, glass, table, basin, ewer, 
had remained exactly in the place in which they were 
left, when the missionary's widow had closed the door 
behind her for the last time. The place was evidently 
strictly "tapu." I was puzzled to find, among a 
quantity of low-church divinity, some very incongruous 
French books, such as drill-books for such and such a 
" regiment de la ligne " and Jasmin's poems. It was 
not till I returned to headquarters that I learned that 
the missionary's daughter had married the gallant 
French ex-colonel, and that my young friend was the 
consequence. As we returned, a native woman gave 
the boy a gelatinous matter of a pearly gray-color, 
made from arrow-root, and wrapped up in a banana- 
leaf, which he thought very nice, and I, luckily for him, 
very nasty. 

P andLouey, the suspected Russian Finn, went 

exploring inside the reef to Cook's Harbor. They rep- 
resent the passage as by no means clear or pleasant, 
and, as the wind was dead ahead, they had to down sail 
and pull. "Where the reported " ship-channel " is, is 
by no means clear. 

It seems to be difficult to decide whether Cook's 
Harbor or the one in which the yacht is lying is the 



EIMEO, OR KOREA. 59 

most beautiful. Possibly the difference between a 
handsome woman and a pretty one. "I landed," 

says P , " close to the head of the bay, near a small 

creek. All round the harbor was a beautiful shady 
avenue, close to the water's edge, brightened by the 
crimson flowers of the arrow-root, the fresh green of 
the banana, and the richer, redder green of the taro- 
plant. 

"Here we ate our luncheon and the mosquitoes ate 
us, and it is a question whether the latter had not the 
best of the bargain. (These infernal mosquitoes and 
the flies, says P , are the real cause of the demoraliza- 
tion of the white settlers in these parts ; it would be 
impossible to live without keeping some one to brush 
away the plagues, and as male labor is difficult to ob- 
tain — you have to run into danger.) Then approached 
a jolly old dame, who talked and laughed at the top 
of her voice for ten good minutes. I could not under- 
stand much that she said, except that her strong point 
was, that she hated the French (an almost universal 
sentiment in these parts) ; and that, in order to avoid 
them, she should intensely like to accompany me back 
to England — a proposition which I firmly, but I hope 
politely, declined. Then we landed at another point 
of the harbor, where there was a benevolent old gen- 
tleman, and a woman and child, who (with the excep- 
tion of the last, who howled) greeted us with the usual 
1 Ya rana.' The old man, in the usual broken English 
of the island, asked me about the war, and when the 
English were coming back to the country. All which 
I answered as well as I could. At the mention of the 
French he made a very wry face. After a little con- 



60 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

versation lie said, ' Come, I give you cocoa-nut ; 5 and, 
calling a boy, he shouldered a long bamboo and a stick 
sharpened at both ends, and marched off toward the 
feathery cocoas. In spite of my remonstrances he in- 
sisted on knocking down dozens before he could find 
any he considered good enough for me. On deciding 
he placed his sharp stick in the ground, and proceeded 
to peel off the outer shell by striking it against the 
other sharp point in a very workmanlike manner, 
though one fancied every moment that he must impale 
his own old paws. In very young cocoa-nuts you have 
merely to cut through husk and shell with a knife, 
when out springs the cool water as briskly as cham- 
pagne when the string is cut. 

" When he had placed the nuts on board, he seized 
a tough-looking old cock, who was looking very mel- 
ancholy at the end of a piece of string, and proceeded 
to add him to the cargo. I laughed, and told him that 
I had no money. ' I no want money,' quoth he, a 
little offended, still dragging along the unfortunate 
cock. However, at last I got him to understand that 
I did not want it, having plenty on board, and we em- 
braced and parted excellent friends. 

" We ran back under easy sail, picking our way be- 
tween the coral-rocks, without accident, but I don't 
envy the man who tries it, in a dark night, blowing 
fresh ! " 

September 3d. — Tempted by P 's description 

of Cook's Harbor, the Dingey and the Fish Fag 
were commissioned to pull round the point, and a hard 
pull it was, as it blew half a gale of wind dead against 
us all the way, the rough coral-bottom creating a nasty 



EIMEO, OR ATOREA. 61 

short sea, which nearly stopped the little Dingey alto- 
gether. At last we turned the corner and discovered 

the location of P 's old friend of yesterday, who kept 

up his reputation by giving us unlimited cocoa-nut 
water. There was a Kanaka who spoke very good and 
forcible English, having served on board a whaler for sev- 
eral years. He informed us, among other important facts, 
that all their pigs had been killed by " those dam ras- 
cals of Frenchmen." " Ouis-ouis," said P , where- 
upon the old lady, recognizing the slang, kept on repeat- 
ing " oui, oui," over and over again, like the dormouse 
in " Alice," and they all laughed till they were hoarse at 
the new and exquisite joke. " What are these sticks in 

the holes for?" asked P . " Kill those dam crabs, 

make their dam holes everywhere," quoth our enlight- 
ened friend; and certainly, if saying it would do it, he 
would have d , I mean stopped a river in full flood. 

Hillo ! Walker's original ! or the Aboriginal Walker, 
the twopenny postman ! and up shambled a uniformed 
Kanaka on a stumbling pony, with an enormous letter- 
bag with one letter in it, which he ingenuously showed 
us, and would, I believe, have given us, if we had 
asked for it. The baby of the establishment was given 
him to nurse on the pommel of his saddle, I suppose 
because he was imagined to have a share in it, which 
the babe appeared to deny with the most strenuous 
howls. 

On our return, we landed on the reef, and " floun- 
dered" about in the water, sometimes up to our 
ankles, sometimes up to our waists. We saw an infin- 
ity of fish, many large ones in the very surf itself, and 
I think if I had had my young friend's spear I should 



62 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

have made a good bag; haying only the common 
"grains " with me, I got nothing, not even an enormous 
squid which I speared through and through two or 
three times, but which always forced itself off again, 
and escaped eventually into a hole. Those horrible, 
lidless eyes, and nothing else, of the squid, always 
struck me as uncanny, especially when you suddenly 
come upon one staring at you out of a dark hole. 

The real principle for catching reef-fish is compres- 
sion, not penetration, pinching the fish between the 
wires, not boring a hole in him. Of course with the 
larger fish, penetration must be resorted to, the weapon 
growing larger and larger, till it becomes a veritable 
harpoon, which will hold most things, except perhaps 
a porpoise, which we have never yet managed to get 
on board though we have been well into many a one. 
When a porpoise is wounded he dashes away, with the 
whole herd after him — whether to eat him, or to see 
what he had left them in his will, I have never been 
able to determine. The ordinary " grains " is a very 
valuable and firm-holding weapon, but cannot be 
thrown far. You want to be over your game to handle 
it properly. In this way I 'once, after a tremendous 
fight, killed a black scowling trygon, or " stingaree," 
which weighed one hundred and thirty-five pounds. I 
really think that these black trygons are the most 
repulsive and ruffianly-looking of created beings. 

The grains will not do every thing. There is a 
legend of P and Louey having tried to kill a wild- 
pig with them, and failing most signally. 

At low tide day 'or night all hands go on to the 
reef and get fish for food and squid for bait. Scalken 



EIMEO, OR KOREA. 63 

would have been the man to paint the night-fishing. 
The torch gives a ruddy glow to the skin of the holder, 
which is very rich and warm, more especially when 
standing out against a jet-black sea and sky, as is gen- 
erally the case, a perfect calm and dark night being 
indispensable to good fishing. 

A Society-Islander, with his feet firmly planted on 
the sides of his canoe, and bending over the water in 
act to strike, would make a grand study for a sculptor. 
The roundness and development of the upper part of 
the back and arms, from constant use of the spear, is 
most beautiful ; and when not disfigured by elephan- 
tiasis, which is too often the case, the lower leg and 
ankle are perfect ; as superior to the coarse limbs of a 
Maori, as the fetlock of a thorough-bred is to that of a 
cart-horse. 



CHAPTER III. 

HTTAHINE. 

September 6th. — Sailed for Huahine. Saw a very 
long-flighted flying-fish, with large red pectorals like a 
gurnet, which possibly it was. Flying-fish do fly, 
moving their pectoral fins with extreme rapidity, like 
a pair of twin-screws. Moreover, they raise and lower 
themselves over the tops of waves, and do not dip into 
them to wet either their whistles or their wings. I do 
not think that their flight is necessarily the proof of 
submarine persecution ; of course, they fly if the bonito 
is after them, but I suspect that, often as not, they #y 
for the mere fun of the thing. Why else do they make 
such wild dabs at the bits of light in a ship's side at 
night? I remember, between Panama and Papa, I 
used to see the cabin " bull's-eyes " surrounded by a 
circle of scales every morning, left there by flying-fish, 
attracted by the light within, and possibly asking for 
a passage. 

I should consider two hundred yards a very good 
flight for a flying-fish, and very few there be who do it, 
twenty or thirty being the general range. It seems 
limited, in some degree, by the difficulty of keeping the 
body horizontal. The tail droops more and more and 



HUAHINE. 65 

more, and at last, splash! lie goes into the sea. It 
struck me that as the flying-fish grew scarcer they grew 
larger, as if only the very big and strong individuals 
could reach the outside of the circle. Whenever I 
have seen them in the New-Zealand seas, they have 
been large and solitary. The largest I ever saw 
(twenty -two inches, if I recollect right) flew on board 
the Tauranga, a small steamer, in which I was tak- 
ing a passage to the Bay of Islands, in New Zealand. 
It went slap into the engine-room, and smote the engi- 
neer a smart rap on the cheek. He, supposing that 
his stoker had assaulted him, used language which I 
need not repeat, and threatened reprisals. On expla- 
nation being given, however, the fish was discovered, 
and handed over to Dr. Hector for preservation in the 
Colonial Museum, where it may now, I have no doubt, 
be seen by the curious. 

From Panama to Wellington, from New Zealand to 
New Caledonia, from Auckland to Tahiti, and back 
again, a fair number of miles, I have watched the fly- 
ing-fish carefully, and I never saw one seized by a bird 
in its flight. Nor have I ever seen such an occurrence 
in the Atlantic or West-Indian seas. I cannot doubt 
that it happens somewhere, because I have seen pict- 
ures of it, but in the seas I know it must be rare. 
Possibly other lands, other manners, and likely enough 
other flying-fish and sea-fowl. 

I should as soon think it possible for a kiw to 
catch a rifle-ball in full flight, as for any real sea-bird 
to seize a flying-fish on the wing. The albatross I 
dismiss at once, his chances of trying are too few to 
bring him into question, as far as the South Pacific is 



66 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

concerned. The frigate-bird, or man-of-war hawk, 
decidedly the swiftest flier among sea-birds I have 
ever seen, seems to have given up fishing on his own 
account altgether, and makes use of the tern as his fish- 
monger. The tern, if the sea be smooth, has a neat 
little way of picking up small morsels from its surface, 
and, if necessary, makes a very respectable gannet-like 
splash ; never, however, as far as I have seen, immers- 
ing himself, and always keeping his wings in motion, 
to get him up again. 

The gannet, a splendid yellow-headed species of 
which is common in the South Pacific, is, I think, the 
finest of all fishing-birds from John o' Groat's House 
to the Chatham Islands. But even he could never catch 
a flying-fish, his strong point being " perpendicular, 5 ' 
not the horizontal pace. Soaring high, he marks his 
prey beneath him, and shutting up his wings (like a 
wood-pigeon darting into cover) he plunges downward 
with a splash that makes one's head ache to look at, 
and after a semicircular dive of five or six yards he 
emerges, sneezing and flapping, with his prey safely 
lodged in his throat. 

I have seen a good deal of gannet-life, both domes- 
tic and public. On JSTepean and Philip Islands, in the 
Norfolk-Island group, I used to find the fond gannet 
mother sitting affectionately by the side of the snow- 
white fluff she called her child {paterfamilias having 
made himself scarce long before we reached the party) 
till I was within two or three yards of her, when she 
solemnly disgorged the two fish she had cooking in her 
throat for her darlings 5 supper, and followed her mate's, 
example. These two fish on ISTepean Island were 



EUAEINE. 67 

nearly always a species of anchovy, with the brown 
line of flesh, or fish, strongly marked ; they were closely 
pressed together, and had evidently undergone a pro-* 
cess of maceration if not of digestion. The New- 
Zealand " sala," like his Maori fellow-countryman, is 
of a more warlike nature, and fights fiercely for the 
sanctity of his nursery. 

I once saw the most stout-hearted of British skip- 
pers fairly driven off a rookery of them with his breeks 
in rags and his legs in holes, positively obliged to 
retreat and arm himself with a big stick before he could 
make his ground good. Even after the old birds were 
driven off, we had to walk warily among the sharp- 
billed powder-puffs, as they never missed a chance of 
giving us a sharp prod if we came within their reach. 

I have watched the osprey fishing carefully, and 
never saw him swoop at a flying-fish ; if he did, I would 
back the fish. 

One rarely sees him on the flying-fish ground, gen- 
erally contenting himself with beating the shallow 
water inside the reef; generally, as far as I have seen, 
grabbing his prey in a very slow, hovering fashion, 
without any of the murderous lightning dash of the 
falcon. 

I have seen the sea in the Indian Ocean alive with 
big fish, and sea-birds darting down to secure their prey. 
But I suspect that it was a case of the flying-fish chas- 
ing the bril and the seer-fish, and the bonito chasing 
the flying-fish, and the birds picking up the wounded 
bril, not the flying-fish, in full flight. I must repeat 
that I never saw a bird, a real sea-bird, capable of bag- 
ing a " rocketing " flying-fish ; if I knew the bird that 



68 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

could, and could tame him as John Chinaman tames 
the cormorant, what glorious fish-hawking I would 
Jiave ! 

September 6th. — As soon as it was light we ran 
down for the land, rounding the northern corner of the 
island. The skipper, aloft on the foreyard, soon made 
out the opening in the reef, and we stood in for it, open- 
ing out a beautiful bay, with trees and white houses 
sprinkled along its shores. The wind was dead out, 
and the channel very narrow, and the first board we 
stood on a little too far, and the little ship shooting 
ahead in stays, we looked for a moment very like land- 
ing on the top of the reef, which would have been 
mighty unpleasant with the surf there was on. 

But even this momentary uneasiness could not pre- 
vent our remarking the beautiful effect produced by 
the fresh breeze catching the top of the breaking roller, 
and sending it up in a long, wavy wall of sparkling 
diamonds. 

As soon as we were well through the pass the brown 
pilot came on board, and, disdaining to explain why he 
had not appeared before, merely remarked to the skip- 
per, " You too much saucy the reef," as if he suspected 
him of trying to do him out of his dues. 

Our friend, to prevent our pleading ignorance, in 
case of our committing any little peccadillo on the isl- 
and, presented us with the penal code, elegantly writ- 
ten in an ancient copy-book. It struck lis as having 
been compiled more for the sake of the rulers than the 
ruled. After studying it carefully, we came to the 
conclusion that it was all a matter of dollars, and that 
having dollars you could do what you like, just as at 



EUAHINE. 69 

home. Some one proposed that we should " square " 
the authorities with a five-pound note, and go in for an 
unlimited " swop " as long as it lasted, begging them to 
tell us when we had sinned to the full amount. It is 
not dear ; a man could be frightfully wicked for a ten- 
pound note if he confined himself strictly to crime. If 
he threw his money away by paying the queen ten d6l- 
lars for a deserter, or two for making a man go ashore 
against his will, or another two for stopping on shore 
after nine o'clock at night, and luxuries of that sort, 
why, then the thing would come more expensive. Of 
course, you do not pay unless you are found out, but in 
order to prevent that you must be very careful, as there 
is a set of disreputable beings here who prowl about at 
night and peer through the bars of the houses, with an 
eye to dollars. 

The island is governed by a queen (now in Tahiti) ; 
she is governed by a prime-minister and a house of 
peers, who bully them both and have all the real pow- 
er in their hands. 

Went on shore and called on Mr. and Mrs. Saville, 
the missionaries. I consider that the missionary's wife 
is a missionary herself ; and, in a large number of cases, 
the most efficient one of the two. 

The well-filled book-shelves showed their owner to 
be a man of education and culture. He is also a doc- 
tor, not a mere dilettante, but an ex-student of the Lon- 
don University. I think it is an excellent thing for a 
missionary to pass at least one session in the wards of 
a hospital before he starts ; that is if he have a fancy 
for it, if not he is likely to do,more harm than good. a 

He accompanied us back to the yacht, and gave us 



ft) SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

the island news. How they had " revolushed " the 
other day (pardon the slang, there is a species of lingua 
Franca in the South Seas wonderfully catching), and 
he fears will shortly do so again, which will be a bad 
thing for his people. There is the rub ; Christianity is 
the religion of peace, but, as men will and indeed must 
go to war, we must have a religion to suit both states 
of existence. A coujp cPetat is also expected at Eaiatea, 
our next island. Some fiend in human form tried to 
console him by saying that even that was better than a 
"riot-here," but he was punished by his joke falling 
utterly flat. Here a revolution is a purely political af- 
fair ; there it generally causes a heavy fight, so we may 
come in for some fun. 

All the morning the schooner was crowded with 
natives, many of them ill, coming to be doctored. 
"Elephantiasis is very prevalent here, even among 
the European residents. The early symptoms are — " 
Here the doctor was stopped, this not being a medical 
work. Queen Elizabeth, having a spite against a youth- 
ful rival, would have banished her to this island, had 
she known of its existence ; a horrible revenge, for her 
ankles would have been clean spoilt in a twelvemonth 
perhaps. 

After luncheon we cruised inside ; the life-boat, I 
suspect, making an experiment or two to test which 
was the hardest, her mahogany planking or the coral. 
The results were in favor of the coral, which cuts like 
a knife. 

In a lovely cove we found a number of women and 
children immersed to their middles, like a graduated 
row of Pandssan pipes, fishing with the rod and line 



HUAHINE. 71 

in a highly- artistic manner. The bait was a little 
pounded crab, a very small bit of which was used. 
They cast their line very deftly, and when they hooked 
a fish paralyzed it by a most crafty swing round their 
heads, and pouched it. I never saw better fishing ; no, 
not even among the bank-fishers of Thames or Trent ; 
their striking was perfection. The amusement seemed 
to be entirely confined to women, and the immature 
of the opposite sex ; as we gazed at them a feeling of 
shyness and an inclination to giggle seemed to come 
over them now and then, but the latter most of them 
could not indulge in with safety, as they carried their 
bait where the Eton boy carried his " wums ; " alto- 
gether they looked singularly like a row of brown 
herons. 

On our return, called and gossiped for an hour with 
Mr. Saville and his family. It is hard to say how 
thoroughly refreshing the sight of his two darling little 
children was, even to the bachelor half of us ; even a 
brown gentleman who came in evidently submitted to 
the same influence. I do not know why, but there is 
always something curious to me in the relationship 
between the colored man and the white child. The 
child invariably assumes an attitude of the most intense 
superiority over her brown friend, patronizing while 
loving him ; while he as invariably bows down and 
worships with a tenderness and courteousness which is 
very beautiful. 

More island gossip. The missionaries having taken 
the power of performing legal marriages into their own 
hands, the natives have ingeniously contrived to hold 
their own by assuming that of civil divorce, and some 



72 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

curious cases arose in consequence. There is a white 
man living here, called Mr. "What's-his-name, whose 
wife being, I suppose, tired of nursing, got divorced 
from him one fine day when he was ill and unable to 
appear in court. Having now got well, he has appealed 
again and again for a fresh trial, but in vain ; and is 
likely to remain a divorced man to the end of his days. 
Now this is not a question of "White vs. Brown, for the 
ex-Mrs. What's-her-name is a full-blooded Lima Span- 
iard, real sangre azul. Is it not quaint to find a brown 
society divorce-court deciding a case of "White vs. 
White % 

The natives here insist on choosing their own " sa- 
cred " music. A most pious effusion of the lower 
school of divinity was " offered up " to the tune of 
" So early in the morning." 

Sauntered back along the shore, among the native 
warres. They are built as usual of upright bamboos 
or hibiscus-sticks, supporting a roof which forms one 
large room. 

" Come in ; you need not be afraid. They are all 
my own people," quoth our friend, to our slight amuse- 
ment. If he had an idea of the queer places into 
which we had poked our noses during the last few 
years, he would not have fancied that we needed en- 
couragement. 

And so, shaking hands with everybody, we went 
on board. 

September 17th.— At ten o'clock in the morning we 
made ourselves tidy to go to a " school-inspection," 
and with the recollections of similar inflictions at home 
we pulled ashore in a very low state of mind. 



HUAHINE. 73 

School-inspection ! it was a fete or bacchanaliad! 
On the very beach we were received by a perfect 
torrent of muslin, smiles, and laughter, which swept 
us into the school-room — a large, open, cool, well- 
planned building, with all manner of kindly greet- 
ings. 

As they all settled down, we found that there were 
three classes of scholars — girls, boys, and grown wom- 
en — all got up in their best clothes to do us honor, 
and not only that, but crowned one and all with the 
most beautiful and tasteful wreaths it has ever been 
our lot to see ; there was not one single wreath round 
the forehead or neck of a girl or boy which was not 
admirable, in the judgment with which the flowers 
were selected and arranged, and the scent ! — orange- 
flowers being used in profusion ; " 'twas as a bridal ! " 
They had been employed since early dawn in gather- 
ing and arranging them. It is not always that this 
flower-wreath-wearing is permitted in school. They 
may wear them to the door, but must leave them out- 
side. The naughty little de^rs have invented a flower 
language for themselves, and make love under " teach- 
er's " very nose without a word or a glance passing. 

After infinite wrigglings, gigglings, and whisper- 
ings, it was proposed that a song should be sung in 
P 's honor. Songs of this sort are sung to im- 
promptu words like the " Schnada hufflem " of the 
Tyrolese, and it required no little encouragement to 
induce the shy little prima donna to begin. At last 
she commenced in a wild, high-pitched key, and was 
gallantly seconded by an elderly lady in spectacles, 
who had a private and particular " skirl " of her own, 



74 SOUTE-SEA BUBBLES. 

which was supposed to be very perfect; it put me 
much in mind of the strange, falsetto notes so common 
in Arab songs: altogether it was m6st pretty and 
pleasing, and their idea of time seemed absolutely per- 
fect, and, though different possibly from our own, they 
evidently seem to have a decidedly musical talent : in 
fact, they can sing any thing, even the alphabet, out of 
which apparently dry subject they have made a really 
pretty song, a sort of " A with an A with a B-A-Ba " 
ballad, which, when closed with clapping of hands and 
joyous laughter, is by no means to be despised. Every 
now and again one of the more advanced pupils would 
give us her slate filled with monstrous sums, and retire 
to her place, blushing and giggling, which struck us as 
being the most original form of flirting we had ever seen. 
Unfortunately, we were bad arithmeticians, or I firmly 
believe that we should have discovered that there was 
a way of making love in a rule-of-three sum. There 
is nothing the darlings could not do; I am firmly con- 
vinced that they could dance the multiplication-table 
if they tried. 

Another pretty song they had was descriptive of 
all manner of employments — digging, weaving, etc. — 
accompanied with appropriate motions ; arms, hands, 
and legs, being freely used. The one they delighted 
most in was the rowing-song, in which they pulled 
with ever-increasing vigor, till at last they tumbled one 
atop of t'other, with shrieks of joyous laughter and in- 
finite innocent romping. 

There was one wee brown boy in a chair who was 
as good as a play in his way. To watch how thor- 
oughly he threw himself into the spirit of the thing, 



EVAEINE. 75 

gracefully waving his arms and legs in time to the sing- 
ing, was delightful ; I do not think that he could have 
been more than two years old, but he evidently had 
the old spirit in his very blood. 

Some Gf the young princes and princesses were pre- 
sented to us, all of a decidedly high-caste type, and 
very well-mannered. They all had almost flaxen hair,., 
and their complexions were not darker than those of 
Marseilles children of the same age, if as dark. Among 
them was the ex-King of Eaiatea, a nice, bright-looking 
lad, dressed in white shirt and trousers, who seemed 
to trouble himself mighty little about his lost gran- 
deur. 

The school-inspection being over, the whole of the 
scholars, little and big, passed before us, every one, as 
they passed, giving a pretty shake of the hand, and de- 
positing his or her wreath at our feet, till we were 
knee-deep in flowers. It was the prettiest, newest, 
freshest thing that either of us had ever seen. The 
dresses, flowers, and cheerful laughter, gave a sunshine 
to the whole affair which it is impossible to describe. 
We loaded ouf selves with their beautiful wreaths, 
wherewith to decorate our cabin, and strolled down to 
the beach, like heathen deities out for a walk, attended 
by their worshippers. 

Just as we pushed off from the shore, our eyes were 
simultaneously attracted to a most lovely vision : a 
tall and graceful girl, dressed in a long white muslin 
sacque, leaning on the shoulder of a brown girl. Her 
whole form undulating with grace as she walked, her 
eyes were full and swimming with light, her beautiful 
lips full, red, and rosy ; her hair, poor Heine says — 



76 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

" Like a warm moonlight night, 
Streamed from her broad-crowned temples down, 
And curled all dreamily beautiful, 
Around her sweet, pale face." 

Oh, such, a beautiful creature ! such a real, i^eal Cleo- 
patra ! 

"We thought that we had discovered a new race of 
Kanakas, and wondered what island had the privilege 
of producing such beauty. We asked, and found, 
alas, that she was only the divorced Mrs. What's-her- 
name from Lima ! 

In the afternoon P and Louey started in the life- 
boat, on a voyage of exploration inside the reef, their 
point being a strait which divides the island into two 
halves. After a long sail with baffling winds, we 
reached what appeared to be an enormous bay, with a 
small island across the entrance. Beating through the 
channel between it and the land, we found ourselves in 
a mighty basin, surrounded by towering green moun- 
tains. At the opposite end one could see a narrow 
channel winding in and out between them. It was a 
perfect fairy-land ! Working up through the channel, 
we found ourselves in another deep bay on the weather- 
side of the main island, and, after beating out to sea- 
ward for some time, reached a little village. A kindly 
native waded out into the shallow water and piloted 
us in. As soon as the boat was made fast, he carried 
me ashore as easily as if I had been a baby. The peo- 
ple were kindly and hospitable, as usual, offering to 
load the boat with fruit to any extent. 

To my great delight, they showed me the often-de- 
scribed, seldom-seen, manner of making fire by friction. 
One of the boys took a long, dry hibiscus-stick, about 



EUAEINE. 77 

an inch and a half in diameter, cut a piece of bark off 
it to get a flat surface, squatted down upon it to keep 
it steady, and worked away with a little pointed stick 
till a groove gradually appeared, at the far end of 
which the dust produced by the friction collected. 
This soon began to smoke, and in about a minute 
caught fire, showing that the savage had practically 
understood the " correlation of forces," long before Mrs. 
Somerville or Dr. Tyndall. 

Meanwhile, Mr. Saville, a most intelligent native, 
and I, with a native rejoicing in the name of Eiti, or 
Rice, had been on an excursion in another direction. 
Our friend Eiti had obtained his name from having at- 
tended one of Queen Pomare's children during its ill- 
ness. It seemed that the child asked constantly for* 
rice ; and so, after the fashion of these parts, the name 
of the thing brought descended onto the bearer thereof. 
There is a gentleman here whose name, being trans- 
lated, means merely " a drop of tea." And the great 
name Pomare itself, which has passed through so many 
generations, means simply "he who coughs in the 
night." The great object of our expedition was to ex- 
amine some very extensive and sacred "marais," a few 
miles down the bay in which we were anchored. 

A very pleasant walk through the scrub on the 
raised coral-beach at the foot of the older hills, brought 
us to the edge of a lagoon, which was separated from 
the sea by a wide-sweeping reef, covered thickly with 
cocoas, bread-fruit, and iron trees. We took canoe, 
and paddled a mile or so, to a large and curious vil- 
lage, a real " Phal-banten " affair, built principally 
over the water on piles and large stones. Some of the 



78 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

houses were of considerable size, the walls (?) formed 
of hibiscus or bamboo poles, with sufficiently large in- 
terstices between to admit of a very free current of air, 
which the inhabitants seemed to enjoy exceedingly. 
The floor was covered with sweet-scented dry grass and 
bright mats, the general effect being very clean and 
tidy. The mats seemed to be used as some sort of sep- 
aration between the different branches of the family. 
Each set being evidently distinct from the other, and 
having its own little objects of use or luxury grouped 
upon it. The general impression was really a very 
pleasant one. 

The opening of this lagoon into the sea is the Ther- 
mopylae of Huahine, the scene of the defeat of the 
French by the islanders, in 1847. Headed by a tough 
old Scotchman, they fought very bravely, killing a 
great number of their adversaries, and even capturing 
a gun, at least for a time. Our friend Te Riki, who 
was in the fight, pointed out all the principal points of 
interest, and even the identical stones behind which his 
men sheltered themselves. The gun seems to have 
been excellently placed, so m as to command the narrow 
path from the village ; but the natives made a flank 
movement over the ridge and killed every artilleryman. 
" Here stood the officer behind, and when all his men 
were killed, he advanced and fired the gun himself for 
the last time, being instantly shot down." Almost the 
only ammunition the Kanakas had was composed of 
the heads of nails, extracted from barrel-hoops, a 
mighty nasty sort of thing at close quarters. 

They gallantly buried the dead Frenchmen with 
greatest care on the reef outside. 



ETTAEINE. 79 

To and from Thermopylae, the village girls and 
boys followed our steps in a small crowd, and evident- 
ly carefully treasured up Te Kiln's descriptions of the 
great fight. Passing a bush of tea-tree, whose leaves^ 
had the proper brown-red color, they made a rush at 
it, and in a moment had woven themselves all manner 
of head-dresses, collars, and ceintures, after the ancient 
manner. These wild-leaf dresses have a great attrac- 
tion for me, and great taste is always shown in their 
arrangement. Seeing that we took an interest in the 
affair, they began to weave, and twist, and twine all 
manner of adornments for us, and clicked and screamed 
with delight when we put them on. The people of this 
village are the most natural and unsophisticated of any 
I have met with in all my wanderings ; I fancy that it 
is a rare thing for them ever to see a white man, except 
the missionary. 

The great " marai " on the hill-side above the vil- 
lage is now overgrown with scrub, but one can still 
make out its principal features. It consists of a series 
of terraces of stone, placed without any particular re- 
gard to regularity, against tjie hill-side — lanes being 
left between them. They were partly places for relig- 
ious rites, and partly places of meeting for the discus- 
sion of public affairs. Along the edge of one of the 
principal terraces is a row of upright stones, said to 
have been placed there at the first subdivision of the 
land between the emigrant tribes, and still called " the 
stones of dividing." Te Eiki assured me that the his- 
tory of each of these was perfectly well known to the 
chiefs at the present time, and he pointed me out the. 
particular stone which referred to the land possessed 



80 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

by his tribe. I wonder whether the Maori-Meri-Po- 
nanin, which is often connected with land-titles in New 
Zealand, is a relic of this custom ? 

I asked about human sacrifices. Te Riki denied 
*that they had ever taken place on this large public 
marai, and pointed out a peculiar deep lane, walled in 
on each side, up which the pigs used to be driven long, 
long ago : he said that human sacrifices were offered 
up occasionally in times of great national distress, on 
the smaller private marais, which are very numerous 
along the shores of the lagoon. He repudiated the 
idea of their ever having been eaten, with disgust and 
scorn. 

One large and very sacred stone resting on three 
others, apparently as it had fallen from the neighbor- 
ing hill, was pointed out to me as having been the 
high altar, and possibly was the cause of the marai 
being built around it. It was exactly like the so-called 
Druidical altars of Brittany and Cornwall. 

Wherever a savage race finds a big stone sup- 
ported by others, they believe at once that it has been 
so placed by supernatural means, and worship through 
it the tremendous forces which did so. Then they try 
and propitiate these forces by giving presents to their 
representative. In time comes a man more crafty than 
the rest of his tribe, or possibly slightly mad, and de- 
clares that the forces have come to him in his sleep, 
and told him to take care of their representative and 
its presents. At first the priest and chief squabble on 
the subject, and the chief is apt to get the worst; 
sometimes, however, the priest gets clubbed, and, as 
civilization advances, both see that it is to their mu- 



HUAHINE. 81 

tual advantage to pull together to a certain extent. 
Population increasing and food becoming scarce, part 
of the tribe have to migrate, taking with them a priest 
who, finding no sacred stone in the new country (prob- 
ably a rich alluvial plain), builds one, and so wags the 
world ! From the storm-dropped stone at Huahine 
you get the gilded dome of St. Paul's. 

We crossed the lagoon in a canoe to the reef, which 
was densely wooded, and inspected some more marais. 
One very large one was built of enormous slabs of 
coral-rock set on their edges, and the interior filled up 
with smaller stones. It was built on the flat ground 
and regularly terraced. I should think it some thirty 
feet by fourteen feet high. 

Here a big bunch of the fibre of the cocoa-nut at the 
mouth of a hole, told of the presence of the cocoa-nut 
robber-crab, or rather shelum-lobster. We worked 
hard to get him, and I am sorry to say brought down 
a good deal of the marai in the excitement of our 
hunt ; however, he was either not at home or had a 
bolting-hole, and we got him not. He climbs here and 
cuts off the cocoa-nuts : some say that he comes down 
on the top of the cocoa-nut ; others that he comes down 
the way he went up. "Who is right I know not, for I 
never saw him. Oh, it was hot ! and what whirl- 
winds of poisonous flies whizzed around us ! In sheer 
desperation we burst through the jungle, and emerged, 
mosquito-bitten, sweat-bedabbled, into the hard white 
sand, and into the roaring, tearing, fresh trade-wind, 
that sent the blue sea foaming to our feet. 

Besides the marais, we visited a very remarkable 
cyclopean causeway, said to have been built by a nu- 



82 , SOUTH-BE A BUBBLES. 

merous tribe in a single night, in order to procure a 
famous beauty as the wife of their chief ; it being sup- 
posed proper to do something heroical and out of the 
common on these occasions, to show the lady the value 
placed on her charms. The Duke of Bridgewater is 
. said to have devoted himself to canal-cutting because 
the woman he wished to marry refused him. Had he 
cut his canal first and proposed afterward, the case 
might have been different. 

Returning home in the dusk, my friend Mr. Saville, 
who was sitting in front of me in the canoe, nearly 
had a severe if not fatal accident from a curious cause. 

There is in all these waters a gar or guard-fish 
(hemiramphus ?) some two feet long, with a hard and 
sharp prolonged- lower jaw. This fish has an unpleas- 
ant custom, when suddenly startled, of leaping out of 
the water with such extreme velocity as to transfix 
any soft substance which happens to be in its way. 
Oases of severe wounds, even death, from this cause are 
by no means unknown. In this case Mr. Saville was 
saved by the fish striking him obliquely (as I plainly 
saw, not being a foot from him) ; had it hit him fairly 
end on, between the ribs, the consequences would cer- 
tainly have 'been serious. As it was, he was quit for a 
thump and some fish-scales on his coat. I have often 
observed the same power of making a strong rush 
among the small gar-fish of New Zealand, a rush 
strong enough to bring them into a boat. These lat- 
ter fish have a wide distribution ; I have caught them 
in the harbors of Suez, Auckland, N~ew Zealand, and 
Tahiti. 

Our walk home, pleasant enough in itself, was ren- 



HUAHINE. 83 

dered still more so by the evidences of kindly feeling be- 
tween my companion and his flock. If any good is to 
be done here by religious teaching, these new mission- 
aries are the men to do it. They have most certainly 
gained both the affection and respect of the people, 
and are looked upon as friends, not as servants. 

Beguiling the walk with gossip, my friend Riti, a 
most grave and proper man, confessed to have just 
married his eighth wife, some of the others being dead 
and some divorced, but he does not seem quite clear 
which is which. The real history of this marriage-and- 
divorce question cannot be entered upon here, it being 
fitter for the pages of the Lancet than for the draw- 
ing-room. Though, for that matter, it seems by no 
means impossible that that excellent 'medical journal 
may find its way into every lady's boudoir, if things go 
on as they are going. There are many social " ques- 
tions " of this sort, which are often discussed but never 
answered, because a feeling of natural decency forbids 
those who really understand the subject from airing 
their knowledge in general society. 

Arrived on board, Mr. Saville's u boy " (here as in 
the Indies all male servants are boys, irrespective of 
age) demonstrated the art of fire-rubbing to us again, 
and we carefully preserved the sticks as curiosities. 

In early times there arose difficulties in the infant 
church at Huahine very like those hinted at by the 
fathers of the early church of Corinth. 

The " communicants " would drink far too much 
sacramental wine, and wink in a highly-improper man- 
ner after having done so. This sort of thing could 
never answer, either one way or the other, being in 



84: SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

fact both improper and expensive. So tlie wine was 
stopped, and a mixture of cocoa-nut water and mo- 
lasses (why molasses?) was substituted, to, I should 
imagine, the infinitely increased confusion of a ques- 
tion quite intricate enough before. 

Possibly, however, they had read their " Faust, 5 ' 
and knew that 

" Wine is grape, and grapes are wood, 
The cocoa-nut yields wine as good." 

September 8th. — Mr. Saville came on board at break- 
fast-time to tell us that the regent, the queen's speaker, 

and some of the principal chiefs, requested P 's 

presence on shore, in order to present him with a gift, 
as a token of their kindliness and good- will. On shore 
we found a largg portion of the population waiting to 
receive us, and accompanied by them we walked up to 
the queen's house, and were solemnly introduced into 
her reception-room. "We were there received by the 
chiefs, and our flaxen-haired friends the princes and 
princesses, and better-behaved and better-mannered 
princes and princesses it would be hard to find. We 
shook hands all round, and pelted each other with the 
flowers of compliment through the kindly medium of 
Mr. Saville. 

The present consisted of about two boat-loads of 
yams, bananas, cocoa-nuts, etc., besides three small 

pigs and half a dozen fowls. P thanked them, and 

invited them on board in half an hour, during which 
short time Mr. Saville bundled off to his school to tell 
his young people to be ready to join whatever might 
be going on a little later. 

The regent and chiefs, with the royal children, 



HUAHINE. 85 

came on board at the appointed time, and evidently 
admired our pleasant little craft immensely, having 
never before, I fancy, seen any thing bat small coast- 
ing-schooners, in which the captain's cabin is any thing 
but " all same one house." What delighted them most 
was the galley below, and they could not make out 
how we could keep a fire in it without burning the 
ship; and, though one would have supposed it hot 
enough in all conscience on deck, they positively en- 
joyed the extra heat : I believe that the way to deter 
these people from being naughty would be to preach a 
future eternity of ice. It is a great mistake to sup- 
pose that the idea of the " fire-punishment" must ne- 
cessarily have arisen in a hot climate ; I have seen the 
natives of hot climates suffer from cold, but never, if 
I remember, from heat. 

The Queen of Huahine's speaker is as unlike Mr. 
Denison, as far as personal appearance is concerned, 
as it is well possible to imagine. He is most fearfully 
diseased and distorted. In other respects, some resem- 
blance might be discovered, as he is a most courteous, 
and, we are given to understand, talented man. 

Our visitors were mightily tickled at the care we 
had taken of " the boy's " fire-sticks, marvelling how 
men who could command countless matches, could be 
interested in such relics of barbarism. P pre- 
sented the ex-King of Eaiatea with a striped blue row- 
ing-cap, and his brothers and sisters with infinite pots 
of jam, which were highly appreciated. A sack of 
flour was placed in the boat for the chiefs, a great treat 
for them, and with much hand-shaking they went on 
shore. 



86 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

Then there was peace on board till two o'clock, 
when a fresh rumpus began. The school-children, and 
very fine grown children some of them were, collected 
on the beach, and the boats were sent to fetch them, 
the life-boat and the " fish-fag " being loaded to the 
water's edge; the life-boat on one occasion bringing off. 
no fewer than thirty-seven very strapping young ladies. 
Luckily the water was smooth, or even she might have 
capsized ; not that it would have made much difference, 
they would have swum on board singing. They were 
evidently in a high state of delight, laughing, cheer- 
ing, and clapping their hands in ecstasy, at the pros- 
pect of an outing. 

P and the skipper received them at the gang- 
way, and stevedore Mitchell " took tally " as they came 
on board ; a hundred and twenty-two regulars, besides 
some thirty strange sheep, who came off in private 
canoes. 

First they explored the cabin, pouring down one 
hatchway and surging up the other ; and when they 
had exhausted the marvels of the lower world, they 
seated themselves on the deck in close ranks and began 
to sing. "What a wonderful picture it would have 
made ! and what a pity it was that there was no one 
to do it justice, either with pen or pencil ! The dense 
mass of merry faces and flashing teeth and eyes ; the 
gay wreaths and flower-crowns ; their bright, pure, 
graceful dresses ; the lithe swaying of their bodies and 
movement of their limbs as they sang ; and the occa- 
sional unanimous clap of their hands from one end of 
the ship to the other. Captain Cook himself never 
saw any thing better ! 



RUAHINE. 87 

To get from one end of the schooner, one had to 
climb " outside," so closely packed were they; and the 
mighty bunches of green and golden bananas which 
festooned the rigging added no little to the picturesque- 
ness of general effect. 

After giving us half a dozen, songs, each prettier 
than the other, they began to leave the ship, pouring 
over the side like a snow-wreath, laughing, singing, 
and decorating us and the sailors with their beautiful 

flower-wreaths. P 's right arm fairly broke down 

with the repeated, or rather uninterrupted, hand- 
shaking. 

Surely such a school-feast was never seen before ; 
and I know not where you could find such a set of well- 
behaved, affectionate children to make another. 

The pigs presented to us turn out to be hideous lit- 
tle animals of some aboriginal breed, at least one-third 
head, and very ugly head too. They gave one the 
general impression of having been squeezed from their 
youth up between two tight boards. And their man- 
ner corresponded with their appearance ; wickeder 
pork, for its age, I never saw alive ! When stevedore 
Mitchell civilly offered one a banana, it flew at him 
and barked like a dog, to his no small discomfiture. 
Then it dropped on its fore-knees, and seemed for some 
time to be rapt in religious contemplation. After for- 
tifying its soul with prayer, it quite suddenly, and quite 
d propos des bottes, attacked one of our little Maori 
porkers, who was poking about the deck thinking no' 
evil, and a tremendous fight ensued. Maori was so fat 
and round that ^>r some time the new " chum " could 
not raise a bite out of him, mc>re particularly as he 



88 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

steadily presented the fattest and roundest part of his 
person to his adversary. At last a new idea seemed to 
strike the latter, and he took poor Maori by the tail 
and made him squeak again. Maori, paralyzed for a 
time, retired into a quiet corner, thought the thing 
over, and, his native fighting-blood gradually rising to 
boiling-point, he came out with a rush, and, with many 
a prod, and poke, and bite, finished off his slab-sided 
assailant in one last and decisive round. 

He turned out a clever and original pig, but never 
became really civilized. 

Idled away half an hour watching a young man and 
some boys (among whom was my young friend the ex- 
king, now dressed in nothing but the "pareu") prac- 
tising spear-throwing at the stump of a cocoa-branch 
stuck into the sand. The spear here is thrown rather 
underhand, the shaft resting on the two forefingers of 
the left hand, and propelled by the tips of the first two 
fingers of the right. They threw up to ten or fifteen 
yards with fair accuracy, the young man nailing his 
palm-branch at nearly every throw; but it seemed 
more adapted for fishing than fighting. They are not 
to be compared with the .New-Caledonians or the Pine- 
Islanders, who drive light spears of hard wood with tre- 
mendous force, by means of a " hitch " made of the 
wool of the flying-fox. By-the-way, their best spears 
almost always have a head with a nose and chin like 
Punch's carved on them, as also have often their canoes. 
I wonder where they got that ideal face, so utterly un- 
like their own, from ? 

The West-Australian blacks, however, with the 
thro wing-stick, would give them both points and beat 



HUAHIFE. 89 

them hollow. I have seen them make very fair sticks 
at swallows on the wing, without of course killing them, 
but going mighty near them. 

Seeing a mighty bustle of folk on the reef, paddled 
up, and found them preparing a labyrinth of fish-traps 
for an expected high tide, making leads and cul-de-sacs 
of coral as artful as any set nets for salmon. Curious 
to see how crafty the natives were not to lift a lump of 
rock out of water, but to carry it along beneath it. 

An evening, as here at Huahine, is a mighty pleas- 
ant affair. From the moment we land, a cloud of light 
infantry attend our steps ; running, jumping, spear- 
throwing, and larking generally. Now and again, as 
we lounge along in the bright moonlight, a dusky beau- 
ty, with a charming shyness, gives a sweet-scented 
flower, and then subsides among the feet of her young 
companions, overcome with the sense of her own auda- 
city — very much ! They may be a little naughty, but 
that is no reason why you should be naughty, and 
there is no doubt that the man, who wishes to pass 
through these islands pleasantly and with the love and 
respect of their inhabitants, cannot do better than show 
that he is above the mere profligacy of the whaler or 
the beach-man. Apart from other considerations, by 
doing this, you find that you are trusted by women who 
would never have approached you, had they fancied 
that you were a mere idle voluptuary. And, really, I 
have met few women who appreciate the mutual-trust 
system more, or who are more worthy of it. 

It really seems to open up a new life to them when 
they are talked to as reasonable beings, and nothing 
more. 



90 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

To compare the " Broom-road " of Huahine with the 
streets of an English town after nightfall, would be a 
most infamous libel on the former. "What immorality 
there may be, is infinitely less immoral in Huahine 
than in England, as one might easily prove did one 
care to go into the foul subject. 

Sauntering along, attended by our train of dusky 
beauties, we met our Cleopatra of yesterday, Mrs. 
"What's-her-name ? What's-her-name ? Why, what 
should it be but Maria Dolores ! and a very pretty 
name, too. And gentle and kindly, and speaking a 
soft and pleasant form of English, was Maria Dolores ! 
And, moreover, quite ready to have any amount of 
baskets full of the flowers of compliment, showered 
over her in that stiff tongue. We rambled and scram- 
bled together over the hibiscus fences, and in and out 
among the houses, without the slightest regard to the 
laws of trespass ; and peeped and peered about without 
much regard to those of domestic privacy. Cleopatra 
enlivening the walk with many a choice bit of island 
scandal, which would have done good service in a St. 
James's Street club ; but generally rather too highly 
flavored to be admitted into the pages of this proper 
and decent chronicle. 

A pretty little girl and boy coming up to kiss P 's 

hand, he asked her who was supposed to look after the 
royal children. " Oh, nobody," she answered, with a 
graceful carelessness; "they look after themselves." 
And I must say they seemed to do it very well. 

The whole beach was alive with fish-scraping and 
fish-cooking, the products of the artful arrangements 
we had watched in the afternoon. And we might have 



EUAHINE. 91 

loaded a boat with the cheerfully-proffered presents. 
The cookery was carried on in the real old " Maori " 
way, by means of hot stones, and any one who can find 
a better (barring the mystery of the wet newspaper) 
let him tell it me, and I'll do what I can for him. 

Hearing a rub-dub-dubbing approaching, we feared 
that our 'long-shore cruise was coming to an end, and 
meeting the princes beating the " rappel," we expressed 
our sorrow at haying to go on board so soon. " Oh ! " 
quoth Cleopatra, with her loftiest air, " laws were not 
made for you" And we continued our saunter with 
ever - increasing satisfaction, every patch of bright 
moonlight or dim shade producing some fresh group 
of prettiness ; but we are not going to tell you all we 
saw that evening ! 

Farewell, Huahine! surely you take your name 
from " Wahine " — yvvy — woman ! 



CHAPTEE IV. 

EAIATEA AND TAHA. 

September 9th. — Alas, alas ! That abominable in- 
vention of civilization called "time, has decreed that we 
shall tarry no longer at Huahine, the woman's island. 
It is, indeed, a perfect little garden of Eden ; plenty 
of Eves, but no snakes. They have not tasted the tree 
of knowledge of good and evil as yet. Nature is al- 
most their only law, hard as the missionaries have tried 
to elevate them to a sense of sin. 

Kind little Mr. S came on board at nine to say 

good-by; and, in spite of many assurances that we 
should find Raiatea not nearly so pleasant, we weighed 
anchor at ten, and, exchanging farewell salutations 
with the royal flag, stood out of the cozy little harbor. 
It seems to me that I can't leave any one of these 
islands without feeling low and sentimental. I know 
each time that another leaf of the pleasantest part of 
my life-book is past and finished. 

At about one o'clock, steering by the directions we 
had received from Huahine, we found ourselves off the 
northeast end of Kaiatea, where a pilot came off to us 
to show us the passage through the reef. And a strange 
reef it was; like a great necklace, enclosing both 



EAIATEA AND TAEA. 93 

Eaiatea and Tab a, the neighboring island, while to 
complete the simile, a quantity of gigantic emeralds, 
consisting of most lovely little islets, were threaded at 
regular intervals upon the white surf-line. Looking 
through the passage between Eaiatea and Taha, we 
could see in the far distance the splendid peak of Borra- 
Borra, rising like some giant's castle out of the sea. 

I noticed that the little reei-islands lay generally 
in couples, trith bold water between them, giving 
them the appearance of poetical gate-posts, placed 
there on purpose to mark the entrances to the lagoon. 

We shot through one of these narrow gaps, and run 
down toward Uturoa, the chief settlement, where we 
came to an anchor. Immediately, as at Huahine, the 
penal code was handed to us by the pilot, this time in 
a washing-book ; given to us as it were some criminal 
bill of fare, the exact price of the most delightful of- 
fences being stated to half a dollar. The laws read 
horribly strict, but they are seldom carried out to the 
letter, unless the king happens to be short of spirituous 
liquors, and wants to raise his revenue, when he has 
only to put into force the one relating to every one 
being in their houses by nine o'clock p. m., to screw a cou- 
ple of dollars apiece out of half the population. "When 
I asked Queen Moe whether I should have to respect 
this rule, she gave me to understand that I might be 
as naughty as ever I liked with impunity, which was 
very nice. 

I had been intrusted with some letters by Queen 
Pomare, the directions on which would fill Bedlam 
with post-office officials in six months, besides a letter 
of introduction to Queen Moe from her cousin in Ta- 



94 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

hiti, and soon after our arrival we proceeded on shore 
to deliver them. First we reported ourselves to the 
missionary, Mr. V , a most agreeable and kind- 
hearted gentleman, whose wife has suffered terribly in 
health from the heat of the climate. Having no chil- 
dren of their own, they have adopted a charming little 
native girl, after the custom of the country. . The So- 
ciety-Islanders are death on adoption, as a Yankee 
would say. Nearly every one has four parents, the real 
ones and their feeding ones ; the second couple being re- 
sponsible for their bringing up and education, which 
consists chiefly of teaching them to spear fish, the crabs 
which infest the shore and dig it into holes, representing 
their A, B, C, and are considered in the eye of the law 
as being nearer relations than the real papa and mamma. 
It must be rather hard on the young native to have to 
keep the fifth commandment double. The children are 
often bespoken before birth, and handed oyer as soon 
as they are weaned. I don't know what this custom 
originated in, but I have a fanciful theory that it was 
introduced by the fond fathers to check that engrossing, 
offensive, and boring pride which possessed their help- 
mates whenever they had produced, and were engaged 
in rearing, a child of their own. A woman with a 
new baby, or a man with a new book, is a monomaniac 
and a bore. 

Relationships in these small islands are intricate 
and confusing enough, but when this adoptive element 
is introduced they become utterly maddening and 
hopeless. 

Then we went down to Queen Moe's, with her let- 
ters and a parcel from her cousin Moetia. We were 



EAIATEA AND TAHA. 95 

shown into lier reception-house, a large bird-cage room 
on a platform about two feet from the ground, while 
some one went up to her private house to announce 
our arrival. These buildings have one great advantage 
worth introducing into civilized society, which is, that 
you can always look through the bars to see who is at 
home before paying your visit. 

At last she appeared, a tall, graceful, wonderfully 
pretty girl. She had rather a large but well-shaped 
head with an unusual amount of forehead, under which 
were a pair of the biggest, roundest, shyest, gentlest, 
quietly-laughingest (bother the adjectives !) eyes I ever 
saw, a small retrousse nose, and a most lovely little 
mouth that j>uckered up her cheeks into cozy little 
dimples whenever she smiled ; the lady-like gentleness 
of her manner, and the quaintness and naivete of her 
words and ideas, were most charming. 

Tamatoa, her husband, is a most awful sweep, com- 
mitting the most fearful extravagances when he is 
drunk, which is his normal condition. The other day, 
when slightly elevated, he took a Snider rifle, purport- 
ing to polish off a minister or two by way of a lark. 
Having loaded it the right way, he thought to increase 
the effect by shoving a lot more ammunition down the 
barrel, by which exploit he nearly succeeded in blow- 
ing his arm off. This the queen told us with the 
greatest coolness and gravity. 

But, like most men, he has his good points, the 
chief one being that when he is drunk he goes away 
on the loose ; and when he is sober, shuts himself up 
altogether. He is the son of Queen Pomare, but, in- 
stead of taking after his sainted mother, imitates the 



96 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. . 

noble example of his father, a very naughty old 
man. 

Outside the house I was introduced to several 
native lions ; among them Queen Pomare's mother, a 
wonderful old lady with an eye as keen and piercing 
as a hawk, old as she was. We have just arrived at a 
political crisis in Raiatea ; Taha (the next island), the 
Ireland of this kingdom, has demanded a separate gov- 
ernment, because King Tamatoa wastes so much of 
the revenues on orange-rum and other spirituous 
liquors. No one knows how it will be settled, and 
a war is looked upon as more than probable. 

This orange-rum drinkmg is a regular and elabo- 
rate ceremony — no light, casual intoxication. Large 
parties of men and women go up into the mountains 
for the sole purpose of drinking themselves drunk and 
enjoying the sensation. It is a weak, vinegary stuff, I 
believe, about two pailfuls or so being required to 
make a man jovial. They keep on brewing and drink- 
ing for a month, or six weeks, till at last some one gets 
killed, or drinks himself to death, when they return to 
their villages and are penitent until their digestions 
are restored. 

A good deal of intoxication, said Mr. V , arises 

out of connubial differences. There is a quarrel, and 
the weaker vessel gets drunk and takes up with an- 
other man out of spite. On this the injured husband 
drowns his sorrows in the flowing bowl, and solaces 
his spirit by consorting with some friend's wife. On 
this the woman gets sober, and, with that faithful 
cleaving to her first love for which, her sex is so re- 
markable, forgives his iniquities, and goes for advice 



RAIATEA AND TAEA. 97 

to the missionary, who makes up the quarrel and sends 
them off reunited with a blessing. 

They remember my cousin, Lord G , very 

well here, and call him "the silver arm." Nearly 
every one, even the missionaries, are nicknamed in 
these islands; my title being, I believe, "the cocoa- 
nut tree." I noticed a small schooner aground near 
the royal mansion, with her hull, masts, and rigging, 
all falling to pieces ; this, I was told, was the chief 
line-of-battle ship, or crack frigate, of the Taha navy, 
that had been taken in the last war. 

September 10th. — L and I sailed away in the 

life-boat in search of adventures in the direction of 
Taha. We picked our way along inside the barrier- 
reef with some difficulty, owing to the numerous 
shoal-ridges. In the court-house, or "raiatea," the 
principal chiefs were still vehemently discussing ; boats 
and canoes kept crossing and recrossing between the 
two islands, and, as no one knew at what moment the 
signal for war might be given, and the peaceful pas- 
sengers turned into desperate pirates and privateers, it 
was all rather good fun. 

In about an hour we had crossed the channel be- 
tween the two islands, and soon after passed the prin- 
cipal village on the southeast end of Taha ; and stretch- 
ing still farther on opened out a fine bay, some three 
miles deep, nearly cutting the island in two. 

Then, seeing a large boat ashore on a beautiful 
little island on the coral-reef, we stood out toward it. 
We found there were two islands ^th a deep channel 
through the reef between them, and beaching our boat 
close to the stranger soon came upon two natives roast- 
5 



98 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

ing bread-fruit. They explained that there was a great 
fishing business going on on the other side, which we 
proceeded to see. 

Sure enough appeared about twenty natives on the 
reefs, up to their necks in water, attended by a few 
small canoes, all shouting and bobbing round a kind 
of circular net which they were gradually dragging 
toward the shore — rather, I should say, lifting, for you 
cannot drag a net over a coral-reef. At last they 
brought it close to us, into about three feet of water, 
when the two men who were standing with us, respect- 
able, clerical-looking old fellows, began to get violently 
excited. One seized a huge fagot of stakes, with 
which he ran violently down toward the sea, while his 
friend did likewise with a bundle of spears, three- 
/pronged, two-pronged, but more often long, single har- 
poons, with a barb on one side. The stakes were 
planted in a circle to support the net that was hung 
upon them, and then each native seized his weapon, 
began spitting the fish inside with the most extraor- 
dinary skill and precision, and dropping them into the 
canoes alongside. There was wild excitement, and 
how they avoided prodding each other's toes I know 
not. Some of the men, evidently the masters of their 
art, stood a long way back from the mass as if they 
were fielding at cricket ; and when a fish escaped from 
the net chased him in the shallow water, shying their 
spears at him with nearly invariable success, a feat that 
Louey and I applauded tremendously. 

Then the haul £eing over, and half a canoeful being 
secured, they came back to where their simple dinner 
was cooking, laughing, shouting, and racing through 



EAIATEA AFD TAHA. 99 

the clear water like a lot of mad mermen. Bread-fuit 
is a delightfully simple thing to cook. You make a 
lot of hot ashes and pitch it among them, and then go 
for a walk. If there are any little pigs about, they go 
and scratch their little sterns against it, which turns it 
round and round, and, when you reappear, your dinner 
is ready. All the little pigs at the Isle of Pines had 
bald sterns and tails in consequence of this practice ! 

The natives presented us with some fish, and we 
sailed across to the other island to lunch, in defiance 
of mosquitoes. 

I was very much struck with the big, sailing, out- 
rigger canoes, and the pace they run. They carry one 
enormous sprit-sail on a mast stepped far forward, and 
raking tremendously. A great cross-piece of wood is 
lashed across the canoe where the mast is stepped, to 
which three or four shrouds and stays are fixed. One 
man, or two, according to the strength of the breeze, 
stands out on the weather-side of this cross-piece, which 
keeps the canoe upright. A pole like the tail of a pas- 
sionate cow runs outward and upward from the stern, 
which gives one the idea that the builder was drunk, 
and had put the bowsprit on the wrong end of the ves- 
sel. A rope runs from the end of this to the point of 
the sprit, to keep the great sail from swagging over too 
much. 

They are of enormous length, with no more draught 
or beam than a racing-wherry, all their stability under 
sail being effected by the leverage of the great out- 
rigger and the additional effect of the men on the 
cross-piece. These peculiarities give them a speed in 
running quite incredible to any one who has not seen 



100 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

them, and they work to windward better than one 
would expect, to look at them. Of course, in the case 
of a sudden calm they inevitably capsize ; but the na- 
tives are amphibious, and don't care about that. The 
steerer holds his paddle perpendicularly against the 
lee-side of the canoe. 

Then we ran back among the fishing-canoes for the 
chief settlement of rebellious Taha. I managed to get 
pretty close inshore by the help of the signals of the 
people on the beach, and, as soon as the boat stuck 
fast, a brawny native waded out and transported me 
to the beach on his shoulders, to the amusement of the 
population, who gave me a very kind reception. After 
a little broken conversation and the usual present of 
fruit, they asked me if I should like to see a white 
man who lived there ; and I was guided to a nice 
little cottage, where a pretty half-caste woman asked 
me to come in and make myself at home. Soon after, 
the owner of the house arrived, a man of the true 
Paheha-Maori stamp, brown, restless-eyed, plausible, 
civil, and good for nothing; and we sat down for a 
talk, surrounded by a group of admiring natives. 
" You're rather in difficulties with your king, I be- 
lieve," said I, by w r ay of starting the conversation. 
" He's an awful scoundrel, isn't he?" Whereon my 
friend replied in a mysterious whisper : " He is all you 
say, sir, but I mus'n't say nothing ; these natives under- 
stand more than they pretend to very often, and I 
might get into trouble." So politics were barred. 
How unlike the glorious freedom of my own country, 
where any foul-mouthed rascal, with the gift of the 
gab, may get up and abuse her Majesty in public with 



RAIATEA AND TAHA. 101 

impunity ! " Speak not of the king in thy chamber, 
lest a bird of the air carry the matter ; " a proverb that 
should be slightly altered to suit modern times, when 
it is not the bird of the air that carries the matter, but 
the beast of the area. 

My friend declared that there was no way of getting 
any money on these islands, as the natives would nei- 
ther sell nor let their land ; and, even if they would, 
no labor could be got. " They've got their grub hang- 
ing over their heads, and their water at their feet ; and 
when they want fish they can go out and get it as soon 
as they like. If I could only get two nights' frost, to 
make them work for their breakfast, I might do what 
I liked." Then I said good-by, and he asked us how 
we intended to pick our way home among the reefs. 
I got the bearings and directions by heart, as well as I 
could, and went down to the beach. Then I was car- 
ried aboard again, solemnly attended by the chief peo- 
ple of the town — all out of good-nature, for I was not 
known, and to all their questions about myself and the 
schooner returned vague and mysterious answers — 
and one of them said he should like to come with me 
and show me the way, if I would let him. " Jump on 
board," said I. And a very pleasant passenger he 
proved, showing us all the short cuts through the reef, 
giving us lessons in the native language, and learning 
English in return ; expressing his hopeless inability to 
speak words with many consonants by laughing, shak- 
ing his head, and touching his tongue, to explain that 
he could not spit it out. 

As soon as I got on board I heard that the queen 
had been inquiring for me, and hurried ashore, where 



102 SOUTH-BE A BUBBLES. 

I was introduced to King Tamatoa, a powerful, bullet- 
headed, but not very ill-looking man, very decently 
dressed in European clothes. Like Mr. Bob Sawyer, 
except when he's elevated, he's the quietest creature 
breathing. 

After a short conversation, with her majesty as in- 
terpreter, I departed, promising to come again to-mor- 
row to be taught to make reva-reva. 

September 11th. — After luncheon, the doctor and I_ 
went ashore to the queen's. Close to her reception- 
room was another bird-cage building, the House of 
Parliament, only yesterday the scene of a stormy and 
critical debate, but now occupied by the peaceful 
votaries of music, five or six of whom were squatted in 
a circle performing native ballads, while a young man 
accompanied them, melodiously playing a flute through 
his nose. Men, women, and children, lolling around 
on their mats, lazily enjoying the performance. A 
Pan and Dryad effect. Then the queen showed us 
how to make reva-reva, from the shoot of a young 
cocoa-nut tree, an operation simple enough when seen, 
but very difficult to describe intelligibly. She then 
tried to teach me to do it ; but my fingers were too 
clumsy, and I generally managed to tear the delicate 
stuff. She would have made a wonderfully pretty 
picture, engaged in this work ; and, when she asked 
me wonderingly what I wanted to see it done for, I 
felt inclined to give that as the reason. 

Then appeared Tamatoa, and in his right mind, 
who signified his desire, through the missionary, to 
make me the usual present of pigs, fruit, and fowls, 
while the queen gave me a beautifully- worked araroot- 



EAIATEA AND TAHA. 103 

crown, decked with reva-reva, besides many fine plumes 
of the latter article. 

I think I shall introduce Society-Island manners 
into England, with some slight omissions. 

When visitors call on me at W , on their de- 
parture, I shall put into their carriage a couple of sacks 
of potatoes, ditto of flour, cloves, etc., a dozen bunches 
of grapes, half a dozen melons, peaches, etc., a few 
fowls, and some fine young pigs from the model farm ; 
and perhaps a house-maid to make the thing quite 
complete. 

In return for this my lady visitor will present me 
with her bonnet, shawl, jewels, or perhaps her boots, 
or my gentleman visitor with his best shiny hat, watch, 
walking-stick, shirt-studs, or metal buttons if he has any. 

Then the king, queen, and the Bismarck of Kaiatea, 
a handsome, intelligent, jovial man, came on board 
with us, and we had some amusing conversation on all 
kinds of subjects, her majesty interpreting. u Do you 
bathe much here?" said I. "!Nb," replied she, "I 
fear . the beeg fish. I see the Frenchman bathe in 
Papiete, and the sharks bite their legs," for which she 
didn't appear to be the least sorry. They were very 
anxious to know all about England, whether there 
were bread-fruit and cocoa-nut trees there ; what kind 
of houses were built ; and how the people lived ; car- 
riages drawn by horses, great, fast-running pigs they 
call them, they could understand, having seen spe- 
cimens in Tahiti, but we broke down at the description 
of a railway-train ; the only definition by which we 
could convey the idea was a man-of-war that ran along 
the shore upon wheels. 



104 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

In the evening we went for a stroll along the shore, 
and fell in with a party of exceedingly intoxicated 
natives, who begged my cigar, and would have retained 
the doctor's pipe, a. proceeding he objected to decid- 
edly. But, drunk as they were, they were perfectly 
good-tempered and civil. These, and a few ladies of 
shady character, were the only people we met. Unlike 
Huahine, this is not a nocturnal place, for it is con- 
stantly exposed to the trade-wind, which the natives 
consider cold, and which, moreover, produces a most 
unpleasant smell of rotting coral-stuff. 

September 12th.— The doctor and I went ashore to 
church. - It was a very pretty sight to see them all in 
their best clothes, neat little hats, and fresh flowers. 

They didn't seem to care much about the service 
except the hymns, occupying the rest of the time by 
reading the hymn-books, whispering little jokes to each 
other, and laughing and telegraphing with their eyes. 
A good part of the congregation kept outside the doors, 
looking in occasionally to see how things were getting 
on. The sermon was in the native language, and 
Queen Pomare's mamma, after taking a note or two on 
a piece of foolscap paper with great gravity, curled her- 
self up on a bench and went fast asleep ; as did also 
the missionary's big dog, which I considered wrong 
and rather too cool in an animal of his associations — 
so trod on his tail to wake him up. 

I did once know a bishop's wife who always took a 
nap during her husband's sermons, and I always felt an 
intense respect for her moral courage. 

In the afternoon the doctor and I went for a stroll, 
and, walking along under the pleasant shade of the 



RAIATEA AND TAEA. 105 

bread-fruit trees, arrived at the farther end of the vil- 
lage, and sat ourselves down on the sad sea-shore, sur- 
rounded by a group of admiring natives of all ages and 
sexes. I can quite understand and sympathize with the 
feelings of the brindled gnu in the Zoological Gardens, 
who always charges furiously at the visitors who come 
to stare at him. It requires a long training to be able 
to think and talk comfortably and unconsciously under 
the steady gaze of twenty or thirty eyes. 

Sometimes one of the girls would get up and pick 
an orange, present it slyly, and retire giggling about 
twenty yards, sit down again, and stare as before. I 
was particularly struck with a lively baby of an observ- 
ant and humorous turn, who seemed delighted with our 
appearance, and crowed approvingly and continuously, 
until we attempted to draw nearer to make his ac- 
quaintance, w^hen he changed his note, and howled till 
we ceased to advance. 

As we walked back we met the whole congregation 
coming out of chapel with a broad grin on, and much 
hand-shaking ensued. " These are some of his river- 
ence's servants," said the doctor, when I heard " Good- 
afternoon," behind me, and turning round saw " his 
riverence " laughing at us, and we proceeded to his 
house. 

He told me that a war does some good here by kill- 
ing off the bad characters who are usually foremost in 
getting it up. As there are no prisons here, and no 
punishment but a nominal fine, these fellows accumu- 
late till they become quite a drug in the market. 

"Water-spouts are very common about these islands ; 
not along ago a large one came into the lagoon, ran all 



106 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

along the water close to the shore — the natives shying 
sticks and stones at it — ran up the beach, smashed all 
the Yenetian windows of the chapel, and took the roof 
right off', leaving an old woman saying her prayers in 
the middle of it, very much astonished, and half expect- 
ing she w^as going to be taken straight up to heaven ! 

"While we were at dinner, the pilot came off to me 
with a note from the queen, rather a curiosity in its 
way. The address was charmingly simple, " For the 
lord ! " the writing was good and the spelling tolerable, 
only there was not enough of it ; the words being run 
into one another in a most confusing manner. The 
substance of the epistle was, that she had heard that I 
had been out last night walking, and had been insulted, 
or assaulted, by some drunken people ; if it was true I 
was to tell her, and the king would put them in the 
law, as she expressed it. This is very delightful, to 
have a real live queen to watch over my safety and 
kefep me out of mischief. 

I fear it will be long before Queen Yictoria w T ill 
exercise a like maternal protection over her humble 
servant — God bless her ! 

I wrote back a warm, civil answer, saying I had 
met with nothing but kindness from her people; for 
which, perhaps, the king won't thank me, it being two 
or more dollars out of his pocket. 

The royalties of the Society Islands are all, more 
or less, members of one family, connected by various 
mysterious and confusing relationships. I have been 
very much struck with the tone of perfect equality in 
social life observed between the royal families in these 
islands and their subjects. It seems to me essentially 



RAIATEA AND TAHA. 107 

unbarbaric, and is one of their numerous marks of high- 
bred feeling and unsnobbishness, to coin a most awk- 
ward word. Yet, in spite of this social equality, there 
is a powerful instinct of loyalty among them, even in 
connection with such a man as King Tamatoa. 

And what is still more strange, and shows still more 
what thorough gentlemen and ladies they all are, is 
that, though the king and queen talk and live with the 
meanest of their subjects naturally and apparently with- 
out any feeling of superiority, yet all have the greatest 
respect for high birth, or, rather, good ancestry. JSTo 
matter how poor and insignificant a man may be, if his 
pedigree is good, he is the social equal or superior of 
the highest dignitary of the land. 

As England is getting so radical now, and profess- 
ing to be so much above that kind of thing, it would 
not be a bad idea for the Heralds' Office to remove to 
the Society Islands. 

They treat idiots and madmen here with great 
respect and consideration, which perhaps is the reason 
that — Never mind! There is an "old foolish man" 
here, as Moe calls him, who has got into his head that I 
am his grandson, and comes to her perpetually to inquire 
what time I am coming on shore. He is very proud of 
me, she says. Lord help him, he must be mad indeed ! 

An American brigantine, the Timandia, came in to- 
day from Tahiti. She carries a three-cornered main-sail 
without a gaff, the gaff-topsail sheets going right down 
to the end of the main-boom. 

The population of Raiatea is, I believe, about fifteen 
hundred souls ; Taha is rather less. 

When the men go to war, their lady-loves gird up 



108 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

tHeir loins and accompany them to battle to take care 
of them and carry their ammunition ; sometimes, I be- 
lieve, they take part in the fighting. These lazy, good- 
natured folks appear to be no cowards. 

September 13th. — The morning was wet and cloudy, 
so the school-people, who were to have paid us a visit, 
had to wait till the afternoon, when it cleared a little. 
Soon we saw them coming along the shore in an ap- 
parently endless string, two and two, like the beasts 
going into the ark, chattering and laughing furiously, 
and singing their wild choruses ; all dressed in their 
best, with new crowns and reva-reva on their heads, 
instead of the wreaths of fresh flowers they sported at 
Huahine. 

All our boats were soon engaged as transports, and 
off they came, cheering and singing and making the 
boat roll, utterly regardless of a capsize, which I mo- 
mentarily expected. 

They came on board to the number of one -hundred 
and seven — not so many as at Huahine, but much big- 
ger. I took a lot of them down into the cabin. " You 
sit there," said the principal pupil-teacher, laughing 
and pointing to the divan, which I did, and held a reg- 
ular levee: they poured down the after-companion, 
and each girl was presented in turn, shook hands, and 
gave me the crown from her head, beautifully worked 
and plaited into various devices, and decked with reva- 
reva or flowers, and then passed on through the gal- 
ley and up the fore- companion. It was a wonder- 
ful skylark; the slightest mistake, such as a young 
lady shaking the wrong hand, or dropping her garland, 
was greeted with screams of laughter from her friends. 



RAIATEA AND TAHA. 109 

while the abashed maiden would flee swiftly and 
hide her diminished head among the crowd. 

" O Lord ! " thought I, " if my friends and relatives 
could see me now, seated in state, in a flannel shirt 
and trousers, receiving homage from the nobility and 
gentry of Raiatea, what would they think? " 

Then we proceeded on deck, and a lot of the small 
boys began clambering about the masts and rigging. 
" They won't do any mischief," said their pastor. " ISTot, 
unless they break their own necks," replied I, as I ob- 
served one infant of tender years slide right down a 
stay from the mast-head. " Oh, there's no danger of 
that, they can all climb like cats or monkeys ; " and, 
directly after, two little brats, certainly not more than 
eight or nine years old, were on the trucks. Then we 
had some singing — every thing has to be altered to suit 
the temperament of these people — the multiplication- 
table, always connected in my mind with a fusty Colenso 
or a slate, was here a dance and a song combined ; the 
alphabet was sung to the tune of " Auld Lang Syne ; " 
one hymn to that of " Jolly Dogs " nativized, and an- 
other to that of " O Susannah ! don't you weep for 
me ! " — " Green Sleeves " moralized was nothing to 
it. 

Then a gang of them began quietly to perform a 

little dance, Mr. V consenting to wink at it. Two 

little imps of girls came out of the mob, wriggled their 
bodies, and waved their little arms, after the approved 
fashion, while the rest of the girls formed round them 
and sang. It was very amusing to see the way they 

all " dried up " whenever Mr. Y looked over his 

shoulder ; though occasionally they became so inspired 



110 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

by the performance, as to require a gentle tap on the 
head with an umbrella to call them to order. 

Then they all departed in high good-humor, laugh- 
ing, cheering, and skylarking, from the prime-minister's 
wife to the house-maid's baby. And for years after 
they will keep up the tradition of their visit to the 
ship that was a house inside, and had a fire to cook 
with below-deck ; and a place that when you touched 
it poured out water that came from the other end of 
the vessel, and so on, ad libitum. 

The beauty of these people's faces improves with 
age, a rare thing among brown races. The ruggedness 
of their strongly-marked features looks natural and fine 
when they begin to grow old, and sets off the bright, 
healthy-minded good humor of their expression. 

September 14:th. — The doctor went ashore in a med- 
ical capacity, and had a look at all the incurables of 
the island. Elephantiasis is fearfully common, both 
among the whites and natives, and is an intermittent 
disease. 

He also visited the school, and found that the text 
for the copy-books of the upper classes was " Lord 

P and Doctor K ." This is, I think, the first 

time I was ever made use of for educational purposes. 

After luncheon I went ashore to see the queen, and 
found that the whole population were away picking 
oranges for the Timandia ; but the king had ordered 
them back, fearing that the Taha natives might seize 
the opportunity for an invasion. The poor little wom- 
an said she was very frightened ; and indeed she seems 
far too gentle and civilized to live in such a savage 
state of affairs. 



EAIATEA AND TAHA. m 

I gave her two tortoise-shell head-ornaments from 
Ceylon, while she presented me with her pretty little 
araroot hat, etc., etc. " Compliments pass when gen- 
tlefolks meet." These hats are made from the dried 
leaves of the araroot-tree, washed and rubbed in some 
peculiar way, which gives them an appearance far 
brighter and more delicate than straw. The devices 
and patterns into which they are worked are very 
beautiful and ingenious. 

Tamatoa, as I have said before, is not a model 
young man. One of his latest exploits was to borrow, 
without leave, the missionary's whale-boat, to go off on 
an orange-rum drinking excursion. It was delightful- 
ly wicked to go for such a purpose at all ; but how 
much more so to do it in a missionary's boat ! And 
then he and his friends, returning from the orgy in a 
jovial frame of mind, took it into their heads that it 
would be a most delightful s]3ree to ride the boat right 
over the coral-reef through the surf. The natural con- 
sequence of this was, that -the boat was considerably 
damaged, and the oars lost. When they reached home 
I believe Mr. Yivian was not pleased. 

Not long ago, this naughty king had an attack of 
conscience, or perhaps indigestion, and he resolved to 
amend his ways. Great was the rejoicing even in this 
world over this precious sinner who had repented, and an 
account of his conversion was sent home by the pleased 
missionary to their magazine at home. Alas, alas ! — 

" When the devil was sick, the devil a saint would be ; 
When the devil got well, the devil a saint was he ! " 

Soon, too soon, he relapsed into his evil courses, and 
the account of his repentance in the missionary inaga- 



112 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

zine came out to Raiatea just after the performance of 
some of his most abominable bestialities. 

September 15th. — The doctor, Louey, and I, escorted 
by the native pilot, set off in the life-boat to see the 
" marais," or sacred stones, the last vestiges of the old 
religion of the country. The sail along the coast in- 
side the reef was very beautiful. On one side of us the 
many-colored coral-water in long streaks of green and 
yellow and purple, bounded by a long snow line of 
breakers, broken at intervals by fairy-like little islands 
covered densely with bread-fuit trees, screw-palms, and 
cocoa-nuts ; beyond, the deep-blue sea — bluer than the 
Mediterranean — looked at through sun-spectacles, and 
on the far horizon the peaks of Huahine mingled with 
the summer clouds. 

On the other side, the beautiful bays, and grand 
mountains of Eaiatea, changing every minute as we 
crept along. The wind was very light, and the heat 
was awful. I could feel the skin crackling and peeling 
off my nose : and I must confess that, in spite of the 
beautiful scenery all around, the subject of my medita- 
tions was beer — beer — nothing but beer. 

At the end of some seven or eight miles we arrived 
at our destination, and ran ashore close to an extraor- 
dinary little hut, built right out in the sea, and com- 
municating with the land by a plank — perhaps the 
hermitage of some old priest ? 

A short walk through the forest brought us to the 
" marais " — strange places they were ; built of enor- 
mous slabs of rock or coral, arranged in an oblong 
shape, and the space inside them filled with shingle and 
coral, so as to form a platform about eight feet high. 



RAIATEA AND TAHA.^ 113. 

I think the largest was about fifty yards long ; we 
scrambled up on to it by help of a tree, and stood on 
the spot stained with so much blood shed in the name 
of religion. What horrible stories these stones could 
tell, if they could speak ! 

How strangely universal this devil-worship, this low 
and blasphemous doctrine of God getting angry with 
the beings of His creation, and requiring sacrifices to 
appease Him, is ! 

It was, I suspect, a creation of the priestly mind, 
that mind that has extended, through all ages, from 

the earliest times down to Doctor M ; and is so 

singularly alike at this day all over the world, from the 
Maori Tohunga to the Presbyterian minister. They 
invented it, first, because they used to get the benefit 
of the offerings that were presented for sacrifice ; sec- 
ondly, because by representing God as a terrible venge- 
ful monster, that they knew how to manage better than 
the rest of the world, they got and held their power 
over the people. This second reason is the main one 
for keeping up the sacrificial, vengeful part of Chris- 
tianity nowadays, though in the Roman Church the 
first cause is by no means extinct. 

Lord ! to think what thousands and thousands are 
paid everj year to the priests for " persuading God " 
to take people's souls out of a horrible place of tor- 
ture called purgatory, latitude and longitude unknown. 

If a man were to get the true statistics of the 
amount of money expended in English law-courts to 
obtain justice, and the enormous quantity of men who 
lived and thrived upon the same, people would cry, 
" What a monstrous shame ! " 



114 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

"What should be said to the thousands of men who 
live well and make money by professing to make 
peace between the Omnipotent and All-wise God, and 
the beings that He, knowing what He was about, I 
suppose, created ? It makes me mad to think of it. 
All honor to the simple clergyman who devotes him- 
self merely to the care, education, and welfare of his 
people ; he earns his salt as well as any man in the 
world. It is the priest who sets up for supernatural 
powers, who claims for himself or his profession some 
superior share in the favor of the Almighty ; and thus 
works upon the superstitions of the foolish, the igno- 
rant, and the cowardly, that excites my loathing and 
contempt. When will men have the courage and en- 
ergy to destroy this many-headed hydra ? Not for a 
long, long time, for there is a considerable leaven of 
fools in this world, and men who have never known 
freedom cannot feel the vile chains which bind them, 
and are even afraid of being loosed. 

" There at least," thought I, " a great step has been 
made in the right direction, and no longer will Samuel 
hew Agag in pieces before the Lord! " 

What made the human sacrifices of the Society 
Islands so strangely ghastly and horrible, was the fact 
that the wretched victim was always chosen from one 
of certain families, set apart for that special purpose 
for generation after generation forever. How this 
caste originated I do not know. Many of these fam- 
ilies used to put to sea secretly in canoes, preferring 
an almost certain death by drowning or starvation to 
the terribly uncertain fate that was always hanging 
over their heads. 



RAIATEA AND TAHA. 115 

When a man came to the priests to beg some 
heavenly, or rather infernal, favor, they would tell 
him, either from whim, malice, or some reason best 
known to themselves, that the god required a human 
sacrifice, and, naming the victim, present the suppli- 
cant with the death-warrant in the shape of a sacred 
stone. He hides this carefully somewhere about him, 
and, collecting a few friends, seeks out the doomed 
man. At last they find him sitting lazily under a tree 
or mending his canoe, and, squatting down round him, 
begin talking about the weather, fishing, or what not. 
Suddenly a hand is opened — the death-stone discovered 
to his horrified view! He starts up terror-stricken, 
and tries to escape — one short, furious struggle, and he 
is knocked down, secured, and carried off to the mer- 
ciless priests. Ugh ! it is an ugly picture. 

Sometimes these men have succeeded in shaking 
off their captors, and fleeing to the mountains- — have 
lived and died there unseen and undiscovered. 

It was too hot to shiver, but the very shady, green, 
quiet beauty of the place made its history the more 
horrible. 

There we saw traces of the great cocoa-nut-eating 
crabs ; they run up the trees, nip off the cocoa-nuts, 
and, inserting one of their powerful claws into the eye, 
tear off the husk, and eat the nut. The natives put 
things like small crinolines on the trees a few feet up 
to stop their ascent. 

Then, after refreshing ourselves with luncheon and 
cocoa-nuts, we set off home. Mr. Yivian dined with 
us, and told us a great many interesting things. 

September 16th. — After luncheon, the doctor and I 



116 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

went ashore to bid farewell to Beauty and tlie Beast, 
as we call their majesties. But the Beast was away, on 
political business at Taha ; so, after giving Queen Moe 
notice to finish her mail for Bora-Bora, we adjourned 
to Mr. Yivian's house. The doctor and Mrs. Y. went 
into the next room to see a half-caste girl, who had 
something the matter with her foot. Meanwhile Mr. 
V. gave me a discourse on the subject of half-castes, 
describing them as the most whimsical, provoking, in- 
constant, mendacious, and immoral of women. Pres- 
ently Mrs. Y. came back, and her husband went out 
with the doctor to talk medicine. Mrs. Y. sat down 
with her back to the door that led into the interior of 
the house, I being at right angles to her on the sofa, 
and we began talking. In the passage behind the door- 
way some natives were sitting and staring. Presently 
appeared the head of the doctor's half-caste patient, 
who began smiling and making little signals of like 
kind, rather to my confusion under the circumstances. 
It was almost beyond the powers of humanity to talk 
to a female missionary, and respond to the smiles of a 
beautiful young lady at one and the same time. But 
I couldn't help looking that way and laughing occa- 
sionally, especially as Mrs. Y. was descanting to me at 
the moment on that young lady's unusual steadiness 
and sobriety. 

Yery soon Mrs. Y. perceived that something was 
going on behind her, and kept turning sharply round, 
thinking to catch the native servants in some impro- 
priety. Whenever she did so, Miss Toe dodged out of 
sight, which made me grin all the worse. And so the 
farce went on till the doctor and Mr. Y. returned, when 



BAIATEA AND TAHA. 117 

we took a cordial farewell of the good, kind-hearted 
people, and left them. As we went down the steps, the 
missionary made 11s an earnest but rather parsonieal 
little speech, ending with " You will meet many dan- 
gers before you reach home, but you must remember 
that there's a power above you," etc. I felt dreadfully 
tempted to say that we should either be providentially 
saved or providentially drowned, but refrained from 
criticising a speech that was so kindly meant. 

Just as we were going to dinner I got a note from 
the queen, saying that the king wanted me to show 
him how to fix the gun I had given him, and I went 
ashore. We should have made a strange picture, Beau- 
ty, the Beast, and I, sprawling on the floor of the bird- 
cage house, putting the gun together, and explaining 
the use of its appurtenances by the dim light of a soli- 
tary lantern ! The king wanted to buy my lifeboat, 
but I " did not see it," especially as it would have cost 
the greater part of his yearly revenues, and perhaps 
caused a rebellion. The queen asked me to spend the 
evening with them, but I foolishly refused on account 
of dinner. If we had done so, we should have seen 
some fun, as Queen Moe's attendants are of a lively 
and saltatory disposition. 

The captain to-day took the life-boat and sailed 
round to examine the channel through the reef, on the 
lee-side of the island through which we purpose sailing 
to-morrow. 

September 17th. — Mr. Vivian came on board to say 
good-by, bringing with him a mat as a farewell present 
from Queen Moe, their majesties' mail for Bora-Bora, 
a native Bible for me from himself, and some hymn- 



118 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

books for the doctor. I gave him a copy of George 
Herbert's poems as a souvenir. He said that the queen 
had asked him to ask me whether I would give her one 
of our " little round pigs," as she expressed it, which 
of course I did, with many expressions of good-will. I 
have often been asked for a photograph on leaving, or 
perhaps a lock of my hair, but never before for " a lit- 
tle round pig." These Society Islands are certainly 
original places. 

Then we got under way, and, running down with- 
out accident between Raiatea and Bora-Bora, we slipped 
out of the reef on the lee-side of the former island, and 
stood away for the great peak of Bora-Bora. 

P. S. — I have since heard that Queen Moe's hus- 
band has been shot, and has left her an interesting 
widow, with only one infantine encumbrance. I de- 
liberated whether or not to go back and propose for 
her, but reflected that most likely she would have dried 
her tears on somebody else's shirt-front before I could 
make my appearance, and that on the whole, perhaps, 
my over-fastidious relations might object to the connec- 
tion. So I didn't. 



CHAPTEE V. 



BORA-BORA. 



Bora-Boea at a distance seems split into two, a tower 
and a steeple ; but as we approached, the two blended 
into one, and one has a ruined cathedral, with a stately 
gray tower about it. Sheltered naves and transepts, 
and here and there a flying buttress still standing. But 
such a cathedral was never raised by human hands, for 
size or beauty. The tower, viewed as it is, seems a 
good three thousand feet high. The reefs about it are 
very extensive and dangerous, and we had to keep off 
a long way to avoid one of them ; but, being almost 
entirely wooded, they make a gorgeous fringe at the 
foot of the grand gray rocks. We had a long work up 
through the opening, disturbing flying-fish innumer- 
able ; but, though there were abundance of sea-birds 
of all sorts about, I did not see one sweep down upon 
them. Among the flocks were divers very gurnetty 
specimens, the motion of whose pectorals was not nearly 
as pronounced as in the real flying-fish. We were 
boarded by a quaint old pilot, the most curious speci- 
men of his profession ever seen. He coolly walked 
about the ship, peering through the sky-lights and 
down the companions, making little grunts of appro- 



120 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

bation when any thing took his fancy, and evidently 
perceiving that the yacht was something out of the 
common line. "Are we going all right ? " roared the 
skipper from the fore-yard as we began to get into the 
narrows (and very narrow they were). " Oh, yes ! 
O'right," answered the old gentlemen with such per- 
fect coolness and indifference that even the iron-faced 
Jim burst into convulsive laughter, enough to break 
his face. Presently he condescended to go forward and 
give his directions, which he accompanied with won- 
derful spasmodic yells that almost incapacitated the 
sailors with laughter. He had another slight failing 
(considered from a nautical point of view). He could 
not say " Keep her off ! " The nearest he could get to 
it was " Keep your duff," which he used instead, think- 
ing, I suppose, that such a slight difference- in sound 
did not signify much. This little mistake naturally 
caused some slight confusion at first, but, fortune favor- 
ing us, we gained our anchorage safely. The harbor 
is most magnificently beautiful, overhung by a heap of 
rock, three thousand feet high, and looking in the 
moonlight as if it were hanging almost over our heads. 
And noble basaltic cliffs, standing out from a perfect 
cascade of verdure. No where but in these islands have 
I ever seen, positively, richly green cliffs. 

If one of the smallest, Bora-Bora is certainly one of 
the most beautiful, if not the most beautiful island we 
have visited in the South Seas. 

September 18th. — A walk -on shore, to deliver our 
mails at the missionaries' house. The village was de- 
lightfully green and fresh, the bread-fruit, with its mag- 
nificent leaves, being very luxuriant. Mr. Pierce has 



BORA-BORA. 121 

not been long on the island, and has not yet mastered 
the language, but a few weeks' work may do wonders. 
As the missionaries invented a good deal of it — cer- 
tainly all the writing and reading part — it is but fair 
that they should be able to learn it easily. We had a 
highly-pleasant stroll along the beach under the cool 
shade of the trees. The women seemed fairer in com- 
plexion than in the other islands, and are fine great 
animals, apparently averaging ten or eleven stone, and 
the men are proportionally large. There was a good 
deal of cocoa-nut oil being manufactured in old dugout 
canoes, a manufacture most decidedly more profitable 
to the pocket than pleasant to the nose. In our walk 
we were accompanied with the usual admiring tail of 
light infantry, and it came into our heads suddenly to 
turn and go back, whereon they all scattered as if a 
shell had burst in the midst of them, and one little girl 
was seized with most horrible panic, rushing away 
screaming as hard as she could to the arms of her papa, 
and refused to be comforted. I am sure I don't know 
why we should frighten the children ; we are any thing 
but pale-faces, and brick-dust red is as pretty as brown 
any day. 

Mr. and Mrs. Pierce called on board, and also a 
flaxen-headed boy, brother to the fair little princes and 
princesses at Huahine, and related in some mysterious 
way to Pomare, Moe, Tamatoa, the King of Bora-Bora, 
and all the rest of the South-Sea Island royalties. 

Every island, though it possesses a distinct govern- 
ment, is always under a member of one great royal 
family, and the relationships are more confusing and 
intricate than those of the Bourbons. The king here 
6 



122 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. ' 

is brother to darling Queen Moe of Raiatea ; his wife 
is the sister of Tamatoa, Queen Moe's husband, Tama- 
toa is the son of Queen Pomare, who is related to 
Queen Moe, who is cousin to Moitea and Mrs. Bran- 
don, who are also related to Queen Pomare. The 
flaxen-haired children are the children of the Queen 
of Bora-Bora, who is daughter or some such thing to 
Queen Pomare, and are also cousins to Tamatoa, Moe, 
and the King and Queen of Bora-Bora? Can any 
thing be clearer ? The best of the matter is, that the 
chances are that everybody is somebody else's son or 
daughter. But that don't matter here ! 

September 19th.— Our Monday-Sunday in these 
parts, and so to church. The said church being a most 
excellently-planned building, capable of receiving five 
hundred people in comfort and coolness, and, thank 
Heaven, as utterly unlike the popular idea of what a 
church, ought to be as one could well imagine. 

The wall all window, the roof lofty, the shape oval, 
and the ends of the white hibiscus-rafters prettily orna- 
mented with colored tappa, wrapped round them to 
conceal their juncture with the wall. The floor was 
covered with comfortable benches, but the greater num- 
ber of the female population preferred lounging about 
on the mat-covered floor, exactly like a herd of great, 
soft-eyed, brown seals. They were dressed in a long, 
soft, muslin sacque, but the most popular ornament was 
a soft, rough-fringed bathing-towel, with a red border, 
one end twisted round the neck and the other thrown 
over the shoulder in a particularly graceful way. 

I do not think that I ever enjoyed a church more 
in my life ; it was really delicious to sit near the door 



BORA-BORA. 123 

and listen to the wind whistling through those glorious 
bread-fruit trees, and watch the strange green-stemmed, 
silk-cotton trees, and the quaint hues and the quaint 
things going on in and about them, to the land-side, 
and to the other the glorious blue sea, with the white 
foam of the barrier-reef for the edging. I am the less 
to be blamed for these distractions, as the service was 
conducted in " Maori" by a nathse gentleman in spec- 
tacles (spectacles are always great "medicine" in these 
parts, though even without glasses) and even the mis- 
sionary was obliged to content himself with giving out 
the hymns ; the singing was very good indeed, and I 
am given to understand that they consider themselves 
nulli secundus as far as that is concerned. Their great 
prima-donna was not, however, in church to-day, being 
engaged canticling on the other side of the island. 

Some of the women were very handsome, and there 
was a great deal of quiet fun going on here and there. 
We saw the white hat of the skipper glancing about 
outside, and once or twice he evidently attempted a 
slight flirtation through the window, but the native 
beadle soon " settled his hash,' 5 going out boldly to him, 
and bringing him as " meek as a maid" into the sacred 
edifice, where he sat for the rest of the service looking 
as if butter would not melt in his mouth, to our great 
edification. 

The babies were charming, jolly, merry little brown 
things who crawled about the mat-covered floor, playing 
and crowing, without a squall in a ton of them ; the 
elderly women all began to take strict^ notes of the 
sermon with a pencil and paper, just as we used to do 
at school, and I should not much wonder if the greater 



124 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

part of their notes ended as ours used to do. However, 
there is, I believe, a sort of examination held on the 
subject once a week, and there is a certain amount of 
emulation in remembering as much as possible of the 
sermon. 

The people were civil and kindly beyond all praise, 
and " yer hamering" and hand-shaking was incessant. 

After sermon we /went up to Mr. Pierce's, to have 
tea and to meet the king and queen. The title of her 
majesty is Taupoa-Wapine. The king is a splendid 
young fellow, six feet three inches and a half in height, 
and wonderfully well grown and proportioned, with a 
w^eil-poised, antique-looking head, not unlike a male 
edition of his sister Moe. 

Conversation w T as difficult, as none of the European 
party could speak Kanaka (or rather Maori), and neither 
the king nor the queen spoke English. Ultimately we 
found a means of communication through the former, 
who had spent three years in France, and spoke a re- 
markably good and idiomatic French. He is a most 
gentleman-like and intelligent young fellow, with a 
strong spice of fun in him. 

"We are given to understand that he is not king in 
his own right, but merely a species of king-consort, as 
it were. The queen, on the death (?) of her first hus- 
band, picked up with this young gentleman on his re- 
turn from France and married him ; I think I did hear 
that she had not waited for the death of her first hus- 
band, but had simply sent him about his business. 

Her majesty is stout certainly, very stout, and, 
though only twenty-six, looks quite old enough to be 
the king's mother, but it has been whispered to me that 



BORA-BORA. 125 

she has lived very hard, and that in these parts means 
something very hard indeed. At tea, she did not shine 
much in conversation, but philosophically concentrated 
her faculties on sardines and cake. But Lord ! to see 
how civil we were, and how upright we all sat on our 
chairs, though hard and hot ! 

"We are informed on the " highest " authority that 
the Bora-Boraborians will eat goats, but not the " long 
woolly-haired pig," the sheep, which seems strange. 

September 20th. — A guard of honor from the king 
to show us round the island, consisting of the king's 
Portuguese servant (Joe, of course), a very small fellow, 
and a fellow-pilot, in the shape of a remarkably hand- 
some, intelligent, fine-faced native, who was no less a 
personage than a full colonel of the king's troops. We 
had the colonel to show us the way, and Portuguese 
Joe as an interpreter. He was a most civil and polite 
man, but, from having picked up his English on the 
beach, always addressed us as "You fellows," which, 
when done in the most intensely respectful manner, 
had a certain smack of quaintness in it. However, we 
made a very pleasant cruise of it, sailing between the 
island and the barrier-reef; the latter, almost uninter- 
ruptedly clothed with hibiscus, cocoa-trees, and sun- 
wood. But eh ! how hot, how hot ! with just enough 
breeze to steal us through the calm water, but not 
enough to cool us. 

To our right, however, the gray tower or buttresses, 
and sheer green, every turn showing us some new 
beauty. I think that altogether it is the most magnifi- 
cently beautiful piece of rock-scenery I have ever seen. 
The tower seemed utterly inaccessible v but we were told 



126 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

that it has been ascended, God knows how ! But these 
natives have a wonderful power of climbing, developed 
by their researches after the wild-plantain. 

We landed on the barrier-reef to lunch, and the old 
colonel fitting his feet into a kind of noose of green 
withes, skipped up a tall cocoa-tree like a remarkably 
well-preserved old brown grasshopper, without touch- 
ing the bare stem with any thing but his feet and hands. 
Louey slipped the noose on to his feet and tried it, but, 
active little monkey as he is, he could make nothing 
of it, and after getting about half-way up with extreme 
difficulty, and barking his shins in the most unpleasant 
manner, he was compelled to give it up and come down 
again, ignominiously. 

There were a good many small birds among the 
bushes, one of which was a small whistling parrot, with 
a purple back and white throat, which I am told is the 
king's favorite gibier. 

After leaving Bora-Bora, I was told that there was 
a sea-bird peculiar to that island and found nowhere 
else. It builds on the highest cliffs, and carries its 
young down to the water on its wings. It is a great 
delicacy, and reserved entirely for the royal table. It 
is a great pity that we did not know of this before we 
left the island. 

After a lively sail right round the island, being 
within the reef the whole time, we reached the yacht 
late. The colonel and the portingale were given a 
glass of grog apiece, and P gave each half a sov- 
ereign, blushing ingenuously, for it is rather difficult to 
know how to tip a real live colonel. 

Wednesday, 21st. — The king and his prime-minister 



BORA-BORA. 127 

came on board, bringing with, them two beautiful crowns 
and an ancient native dress, from the queen, together 

with the usual boat-load of fruit. P presented the 

king with a revolver, with which, let us trust, he has 
shot neither himself nor any one else. 

He remained chatting on board all the morning, 
and is a very sensible and well-behaved young fellow. 
He has the character of being a " good boy" among his 
people, and really seems to deserve it. Among other 
bits of gossip, he told us that when Gilley was here he 
practised at an island, and mowed down many cocoa- 
trees, to the no small disgust of the natives. 

The people are not as well off as they look, which 
may be the means of inducing them to introduce some 
local industry, as cotton, etc. 

"When the fruit-season is over, they stow the bananas 
in great pits, and continue to feed on them till they are 
all rotten, a custom which produces much, sickness. 

Climbing the cliffs for the faies, generally ends in a 
broken neck or two in the course of the year, and no 
wonder. 

There are very few oranges on the island, so it is 
comparatively free from the abominations of orange- 
rum drinking. 

The doctor went fishing in the reef-opening, with 
Portuguese Joe. The fishing, as usual among the coral, 
was very poor, and requires much skill and patience. 
One of their ways of fishing is worthy of a Thames 
basket-fisher. They saw off the convex side of a large, 
spotted cowry, fasten a hook to one end and a line to 
the other. They then fill the shell with a large lump 
of roasted bread-fruit, and bait with a smaller lump ; in 



128 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

fact, much in the way balls of clay and worms are used 
at home. While sitting in the canoe, something passed 
us, swimming about a foot under the water, which I 
took for a turtle, but which Joe declared to be a sun- 
fish. I have often seen sun-fish basking upright in the 
water, but this one was swimming, not quite on its side, 
but at a certain angle in the water, and the wavy mo- 
tion of its fins gave it a very remarkable appearance, 
quite unlike any fish I have ever seen. Unluckily, we 
had no heavy spear in the boat, or we might easily have 
secured it. Joe tells me that about a month ago a very 
large one was killed in the harbor, and that it had three 
live young ones in it — so much alive that they began to 
swim as soon as they were put into the water. I cross- 
questioned him on the subject, but he declared that 
there wa's no mistake. There were three live little sun- 
fishes in the old one. I do not remember to have heard 
before that the sun-fish was viviparous. The flying-fish 
were darting about us in swarms, and I had an excel- 
lent opportunity of watching their manner of flying. 

Getting wearied of our bad sport, we landed on a 
small wooded island, on which is the Windsor Castle 
or rather Balmoral of the island, represented by a large 
open shed, one end being closed by interwoven palm- 
leaves. The royal bed was on the mat-covered floor. 
Two or three mattresses, one on the top of the other, 
and plenty of blankets neatly tucked over, more for 
show than use I should fancy in this climate. At the 
bed-head were his personal knick-knacks, gun, accor- 
dion, etc. ; round the post were hanging numerous 
cocoa-nuts of fresh water, the holes being neatly stopped 
with green leaves. The principal furniture consisted 



BORA-BORA. 129 

of fishing-tackle of various sorts, fish-spears, and long 
bamboo rods. And here comes the king when wearied 
by affairs of state, fishing, and shooting parrots with 
his private friends, while the queen remains in regal 
splendor on the main island. 

P took a farewell stroll along the village road 

under the shade of the beautiful bread-fruit trees, cer- 
tainly one of the handsomest-leaved trees in the world. 
They make a very little settlement go a very long way 
here, as there is no back to it, the strip of land be- 
tween the sea and the mountain being very narrow. 
It is nothing but a long, single row of scattered huts, 
with a clean smooth road between it and the beach, 
made rather unsafe for riding, by the way it is under- 
mined and filled by the great land-crabs. These 
" broom-roads " are quite a characteristic of the Society 
Islands, and have been formed by the utilization of the 
" naughtiness " system — all minor improprieties being 
punished by the penalty of making so many yards of 
road. I am informed that in old times road-making 
was carried out in exceeding good company. 

Guided by a confused noise of loud singing and 
screams of laughter to the neighborhood of the church, 
we found the greater part of our crew, and the whole 
of the younger part of the population, playing a kind 
of foot-ball with round things made of the husks of 
cocoa-nuts rolled up tight. Their way of kicking was 
entirely different to ours ; they threw the ball into the 
air and kicked it with the sole of the foot in the oddest 
manner — an oddity which was heightened in the case 
of the young ladies, whose long, white dresses were 
rather in their way, and had to be " rather high kilted" 



130 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

for the kick. Then he went and collogued with some 
workmen who were making a low platform on which 
to build a house ; then sauntered rather sadly through 
the settlement*, thinking how long it w^ould be before 
he came across such pleasant places and such kindly 
people again. Most of the folks knew that we were 
going, and came up to shake hands — men, women, and 
children — even the mothers held up their brown bam- 
binos to say good-by, at which most of them howled 
dismally, almost the only sign of bad taste we have 
found in the Society Islands. Why the deuce is it that 
we frighten the babies so % We may not be handsome 
enough to frighten a horse, but I don't think we are 
ugly enough to scare a baby. 

" Heigh-ho ! this is the last day in paradise. After 
to-morrow we shall see nothing but ugly copper-colored 
savages, or dirty-black Fijians ; and then we shall re- 
turn to sordid, practical, white people, black coals, 
shirt-collars, actions for breach, and all that, 55 growls 
the disconsolate P . 

He went to say good-by to Mr. Pierce, who was in 
great tribulation about a divorce-case. (In the other 
islands the native rulers have taken the power of 
divorce into their own hands ; here the missionary 
most unfairly has to untie his own knots.) And the 
case was this : Two young people had fallen in love 
with each other, but, as usual, the parents would not 
allow them to marry. So they took a canoe, instead 
of a post-chaise and four, and paddled across to Raiatea, 
instead of to Gretna Green. King Tamatoa being 
found in a state which permitted him to understand 
what was said to him, married them as well as he could 



BORA-BORA. 131 

for the small sum of two dollars. And home- paddled 
the young pair ; but the parents still objected, possibly 
to the civil nature of the marriage, as thousands do in 
Europe, and went to the missionary for a divorce, 
which he very properly refused. Married is married, 
however you are married, and I am of Audrey's opin- 
ion, " Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old 
gentleman's saying." 

The missionary said that he has sent away a quan- 
tity of people who came for divorces, and described the 
subject with an amount of liberality and common-sense 

which was highly creditable to him. P tried to 

comfort him by showing that the frequency of demand 
for divorce was in itself a sign of improvement in the 
morality of the people, and that it proved some idea of 
fixed affection, when one was demanded after a slip. 
He said, and what he said in Bora-Bora is of equal im- 
portance in England, that the first step in improving 
the morality of these people must consist in an altera- 
tion of the houses, dividing them into separate apart- 
ments, instead of all sleeping together in one common 
room as at present. But he added that he did not 
think they were worse than any others under the cir- 
cumstances, owing to the impossibility of secrecy, and 
the fact of their being nearly all related in some way 
or another. 

September 22d. — Sailed with a light breeze and a 
heavy heart, and after an interchange of dips with the 
Goza standard, stood out of the harbor. 

Too much association with white folks has made 
the pilot suspicious of evil beyond measure. First of 
all, he refused to take any coins which had not the 



132 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

queen's head on them ; and, when this particular was 
conceded, he demanded to be paid entirely in half- 
crowns. On being presented with a pound of tobacco, 
he insisted on opening the paper and counting the 
sticks. He was, however, passing honest, and returned 
the harbor-fees, which by the king's orders had been 
remitted in honor to the white ensign. 

At the south end of Sawaii is an immense bed or 
rather tract of lava, which has been poured out at a very 
low angle. The sea has worked long tunnels into it, 
which form "meres" like those in Pembrokeshire (the 
existence of the finest of which, Bocheston Mere, I saw 
flatly denied in a pseudo-scientific book not five years 
ago !) The heavy ocean-rollers entering the tunnels, 
are driven out through the small opening at the far end 
in most glorious clouds and columns of spray ; some 
merely like the blowing of a whale, others like the 
bursting of a shell, while others spout up in snowy 
white columns a hundred and fifty feet high. The 
spouting is ceaseless, and sometimes several will be 
seen at once. The beauty of the thing is infinitely en- 
hanced by the dead blackness out of which the snowy 
puffs spring, and the vivid green of the background. 



CHAPTER VI. 

TUBAI TKOPICAL BIRDS AKD THE LABOR QUESTION. 

. " What you want do next \ " asked charming Queen 
Moe, of Raiatea. " One thing we want to do, madame, 
is to shoot boatswain-birds, the pretty white birds with 
long scarlet feathers, to show at home what lovely 
things there are out here." " Yes, yes, I know, but 
why shoot them ? "Why not catch them with your 
hands % " To this there was nothing to do but to mur- 
mur gently, and try and look as if we wished we could. 
" Yes," continued Queen Moe, seeing that there was a 
hitch somewhere ; " don't shoot, go to Tubai, and catch 
them with your hands on the sand; I have often." 
This sounded strange, but Queen Moe was a person to 
be believed, and we asked about this island of Tubai, 
and heard that it was no very great distance from our 
next island — Bora-Bora. 

So, on parting from Bora-Bora, we thought it but a 
chivalric duty to our beloved Queen Moe to go in 
search of the fairy-island where one could pick up 
tropical birds with - scarlet tails, as one gathers shells. 
I hardly know why, but Queen Moe had made us be- 
lieve so utterly in her, that had we never found the 
island, or had all the birds flown away as soon as they 



134 SOUTH-BE A BUBBLES. 

saw our top-mast-head above the horizon, we should 
have believed in the picking-up business all the same. 
From Bora-Bora we started with the lightest of 
airs, and we had not sailed 

" A league, a league, a league, but barely three," 

when we saw cocoa-nut trees growing out of the blue 
sea, just where Tubai ought to be. But " looking is 
one thing and kissing another," and it was four o'clock 
in the afternoon before we reached the island ; we were 
very much puzzled as we slided gently onward by the 
look of the sea ahead. Long lines of apparent surf 
showing here and there, which one could almost swear 
were produced by coral-reefs. Even from the fore- 
yard it was very difficult to believe that they were 
nothing but the glint of the sun between the clouds — 
but it was so. I suspect that many a "reported reef" 
in the South-Sea charts owes its existence to the same 
cause. 

The quantity of sea-fowl, as we neared the island, 
was immense. Hardly anywhere, either at Nepean 
Island, near ITorfolk Island, or at Handa in Suther- 
landshire, have I seen a greater gathering than there 
were here, fishing, fighting, or winging their way home- 
ward with the family dinner. I wonder whether in 
bad fishing-weather the parent-bird arrests its own ap- 
petite in order to save a morsel for the " wee yans " at 
home ? I should not wonder. I believe sea-fowl to 
have very strong family affections, though they care 
but little for nests. ! Their separate squattings, though 
they be but on the bare rock, are jealously guarded, 
and marked out as the new lands of a colony by the 
government surveyor. On two stacks of rock, near 



TUBAL 135 

Stackpoole in Pembrokeshire, thousands of sea-fowl 
appear for two or three days in November, chattering 
and screaming and evidently discussing some impor- 
tant question connected with the next year's nesting- 
time. This decided, they all depart, and not a bird is 
to be seen near the place till the next spring ; surely 
they are laying out the sections in time, so as to pre- 
vent a row when the lady-birds were housed and impa- 
tient to lay their eggs. Rooks have also somewhat of 
the same habit. The island of Tubai was certainly in- 
viting, though the invitation was rather of a squeeze- 
like nature, being, as far as we could see, a belt of 
cocoa-trees, guarded by a most ferocious surf; we made 
an attempt to land, however, in that most hard-work- 
ing of boats, the Fish Fag or the Bet of Billingsgate, so 
called from her excellent fishing qualities, and pulled 
round and round just outside the break of the rollers, 
vainly endeavoring to find a passage through. Once 
or twice there were half propositions made to "ride a 
roller" and trust to Providence, but wiser counsels pre- 
vailed, and we gave up the attempt for the night, and 
consoled ourselves by getting specimens of the sea- 
fowl ; now a most painful subject, for every one of the 
rare, curious, and beautiful skins we obtained that 
night is at the bottom of the sea. Some of the birds 
were so tame that we could knock them down with the 
boat's stretchers as they hovered over us ; others, like 
the grand fork-tailed frigate-bird, gave themselves the 
airs of falcons and pursued the smaller terns ; not to 
eat them, but to eat what they had eaten. The plain- 
tive shrieks of the tern when he is being chased, indi- 
cative of his agony at the prospect of having to give 



136 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

up his own hard-earned dinner, or the supper he is 
bearing to his starving nestlings, are heart-rending. 
He generally has to do it, however. One day I myself 
saw a curious thing : a frigate-bird was hard pressing a 
small tern, and would soon have had possession of the 
result of his day's fishing, when another larger bird — 
entirely of a different species — interfered and drove off 
the pirate, flying away afterward on his own affairs 
with all the consciousness of having done a good action. 

I really believe that birds have some sense of right 
and wrong, I remember once on Exmoor seeing two 
small cock-chickens commencing a fight, which was 
speedily stopped by an old matronly duck coming 
between them and bringing them to order by tweak- 
ing billsful of feathers out of each. I avenged one 
tern by slaying his persecutor, and was surprised to 
find that he was a much smaller bird than he looked ; 
the great breadth of the wing and the long swallow 
tail aiding the deception. 

The brilliancy of the green of the trees on the white 
coral-bank, and the purple and crimson of the evening 
sky, are not to be described, at least by me. After a 
long and fruitless pull we returned to the schooner, 
and hove-to for the night with six Society Islands in 
sight. 

Friday, September 23d. — Still bobbing about this 
tantalizing ring of cocoa-nuts, but apparently as far off 
from picking up tropic birds, like shells, as ever. At 
last we descried a big white flag, and, with the aid of 
the telescope, saw a group of men about it, who, by 
various motions and wavings, evidently desired to at- 
tract our attention. Pulling for the place, we found 



TUBAL 137 

two groups of brown men placed on each side of a nar- 
row crack in the reef, not much, wider than the boat, 
and a big rock in the centre, up and over which the 
surf was boiling in a most unpleasant way. It looked 
a very nasty place ; but, as the men signalled to us to 
come, we backed a little till a big roller came in. " Give 
way, men, all ! " and on his back we went, with a ven- 
geance ! steered deftly into the very eye of the crack. 
The boat was seized instantly on both sides by our 
brown friends, who lugged her into the shallow water 
before the next roller could break, and dragged her 
across the reef some two hundred yards, picking out 
the deeper spots among the coral, till her poor old nose 
rested safely on the real beach of pure white sand. A 
jovial set our friends were. Brown, savage islanders, 
who were civilized and nice, as all savage islanders are. 
I don't mean the savage island of the story-books, but 
the savage island of the Admiralty chart ; the island 
where they ran at Captain Cook " like wild-boars." 
There was one Penguin-Island woman among them, 
who owned to have eaten human flesh in the days of 
her youth and innocence. I believe this is rather a 
rare case, as "long pig" is generally "tapu" for the 
chiefs and warriors. 

These savage islanders are a pleasant-looking and 
cheery people, not unlike Maltese, but not nearly so 
well grown or handsome as the Society-Islanders. 
These islands being over-populated, they are willing to 
emigrate as workmen, and they are to be found wher- 
ever plantation labor is required in the Pacific. Here 
they are paid twenty -four dollars a year and found in 
every thing. There is no doubt but that an immense 



138 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

amount of this labor can be procured, if the confidence 
of the people is once gained, a far more paying way in 
the end than by using fraud and brutality. 

At their head we found Mr. Blackett, a Nova-Sco- 
tian, who rents the island from the King of Bora-Bora, 
for the purpose of making cocoa-nut oil. He received 
us with the greatest kindness, and led the way across 
the cocoa-studded belt of coral-rock to his establish- 
ment, situated close to the edge of the inner lagoon, 
for Tubai is a real " atoll," a circular reef, enclosing a 
lovely lake within it. I should think that a walk of a 
quarter of a mile brought us to his place, the principal 
building of which was a large and comfortable house, 
principally built of interwoven palm-leaves. Within it 
was roomy and airy, and contained all sorts of luxuries, 
clean beds, good furniture, and a fair stock of books ; 
and, moreover, with many nice brown women and 
girls hanging about, well mannered, clean, and well 
dressed — indeed, remarkably so — really nice people. 
"Without there was a wealth of animal life — gigantic 
pigs of the purest English or Chinese breeds, too fat 
and warm to do more than wink, dogs, cats, and fowls, 
all tame and kindly. You could not make the most 
trivial remark to a passing cat without her putting her 
tail erect into the air, rubbing herself against your legs, 
and answering with a kindly mew. I will not insult 
Mr. Blackett by calling his establishment " patriarchal," 
that is, if the present Arab be a type of the patriarchs, 
which is more than likely. I will only say that it is 
what a patriarchal establishment ought to have been. 

The working-stock consisted principally of a wee 
steam-engine, which drove one or more iron heads. 



TUBAL 139 

studded with projections, to which were held the cleft 
cocoa-nuts, grinding down the "meat" into pulp most 
rapidly. This pulp, placed in long, canoe-like troughs, 
went through private processes of its own, and then 
was squeezed into palm-oil. At least, that is the best 
description I can give. I do not feel justified in reveal- 
ing trade-secrets. 

After inspecting the pigs, talking to the dogs, and 
colloguing with the cats, we went down to the lagoon, 
a nearly circular sheet of water, most beautifully blue 
or green, according to the depth, which is reported to 
have altered sensibly during the last few years. AVe 
embarked in the whale-boat, pulled by the larky, laugh- 
ing, savage islanders, who were as full of fun as they 
could hold, and even more, and, after a row of some two 
miles, landed on a white spit of elevated coral-sand, 
with a few cocoa-trees and scrubby bushes scattered 
about it. Through a depressed bit we could see the 
surf flashing and foaming over the very spot we had 
thought of landing on the night before, and very glad 
indeed we were that we changed our intention. 

The savage islanders and the rest landed, and imme- 
diate skylarking began, in a manner which showed that 
the relationships between employer and employed were 
on a good and kindly footing. For our part, not be- 
lieving in our Queen Moe as implicitly as we ought to 
have done, w^e began shooting the tropic birds as they 
flew over us ; but we soon gave it up, for two reasons : 
First, that we found that if we got a rocketter, the 
chances were ten to one that we cut the scarlet feathers 
out of his tail ; and secondly, because we discovered 
that, by diligent peering under the bushes, we might 



140 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES 

pick up as many live uninjured specimens as we liked. 
I never saw birds tamer or stupider, which tameness or 
stupidity may be accounted for by the extreme small- 
ness of their brain, which is really not larger than that 
of a sparrow. They sat and croaked, and pecked, and 
bit, but never attempted to fly away. All you had to 
do was to take them up, pull the long red feather out 
of their sterns, and set them adrift again. Queen Moe 
was right. On Tubai you may pick up tropic birds as 
easily as a child picks up storm-worn shells on the sea- 
shore. 

It was really no small comfort to be able to get 
specimens of this beautiful bird without betraying their 
confidence by shooting them from the schooner. Small- 
brained as they are, they are gifted with an extraordi- 
nary amount of inquisitiveness, particularly in the early 
morning. As we bowl along before the flashing trade- 
wind we hear a few harsh screams, and up come a pair 
of " bosens" with their bright scarlet tail-feathers glow- 
ing in the morning sun. They make two or three 
sweeps around us, evidently comparing notes, and then 
away into the deep blue, on their own private affairs. 
They fish generally like the tern, to whom I suspect 
they are cousins-german ; but they have a way, some- 
times, of hovering perpendicularly, with the bill pressed 
against the breast, that I have never observed but in 
one other bird, the black-and-white kingfisher of the 
Nile. When the " bosen" has sighted his prey in this 
position he turns over in the deftest manner, and goes 
down straight as a gannet, up to his neck, no farther, 
and remounts for a fresh hover. I have never had the 
good fortune to see the white-tailed phaeton fishing, 



TUBAL 141 

often as I have looked for him. Indeed, I have rarely 
met him ont at sea at all. The finest I have seen were 
hanging about the high cliffs of the Society Islands, and 
I do not exaggerate when I state that I have seen more 
than one with a glorious waving white tail-feather, two 
good feet long, though the bird itself was not much 
larger than a black-headed gull. "What they do with 
their tails when they feed, passed my comprehension. 

Not only did we find full-grown tropic birds but 
we found their eggs and young. The former about 
the size of a hen's-egg, prettily splashed with reddish 
brown, laid on the bare sand, under a bush. The latter 
really handsome creatures, about the size of a herring 
gull, beautifully marked with black and white (like a 
falcon). The bill at this stage of their existence is black, 
not red. "When you find your young friend under a 
bush, he is ensconced in a small basin of coral-dust, 
without any nest at all, and his surroundings show him 
to be a cleanly thing. When you come upon him sud- 
denly he squalls and croaks, and wabbles about, and is 
as disconcerted as a warm city man when you try to 
drive a new idea into him, unconnected with money. 
But he sticks stoutly to his dusty cradle, and never 
attempts to escape, saying plainly enough, " My mother 
told me to stop here till she brought me my supper, 
and here I am going to stay." * 

We gleaned a few specimens for stuffing and two 
to be tamed by pretty Miss Esther, who I fancy could 

1 Though fairly enough deserving the name of tropical bird, the pha- 
eton sometimes is found outside the tropics. We saw our first solitary 
flying to the westward in latitude 28. 27, longitude 150.15. Our last Cape 
pigeon was in latitude 32.34, longitude 151.02, and our last albatross, in 
latitude 35.48, longitude 159.09. 



142 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

tame most things; and, collecting our savage island 
crew, paddled back to the settlement, mightily con- 
tented at having solved a question which had troubled 
us for some time. 

As we went back, an opening in the reef was shown 
us through which a small vessel might enter ; yes, she 
mighty but how could she get out again % 

There is a small, noisy parrot on the island, like 
those at Bora-Bora and Huahine, but we did not get a 
specimen. Mr. Blackett tells me of a small wood- 
pecker who lives in holes in the trees, and kills his 
fowls, knocking them off their perches at night with 
his sharp bill. A theory was started that it was at- 
tracted by the glitter of the fowl's eye in her darkness. 
A pretty enough theory, but do not fowls shut their 
eyes when they go to sleep % And have I not heard 
something about their putting their heads under their 
wings % 

I suspect this woodpecker to be a kingfisher. 

There are two glorious real Labrador dogs here, 
very different from the clumsy, cross-bred brute we 
call a Newfoundland. " Bosen " and Tray, or, as pret- 
ty Miss Esther prettily pronounced it, Te-rai, are up 
to any amount of lark, and have even invented one 
for themselves; this is, fish-hunting in the shallow 
water on the reef; one of them starting the game, and 
the other pouncing on it as it shoots past them, turn 
and turn about. 

After an excellent and merry dinner, which I re- 
member included more hard-boiled eggs than had ever 
been seen at once before, we wended "homeward 5 ' to 
the sea-shore ; on our way being shown a stone as big 



TUBAL 143 

as a cricket-ball, firmly embedded in the stem of a 
palm-tree, a good three hundred yards from where the 
surf is breaking at present, showing what fearful roll- 
ers occasionally burst on the reef. After swapping 
libraries to a certain extent, for Mr. Blactett is " death 
on books," we parted with a hearty farewell, he to his 
house, and we, away over the blue sea, laden with 
pretty cocoa-nut cups, scraped as thin as the finest 

I object most strongly against making personal re- 
marks, particularly anonymously, not being a weekly 
reviewer ; but for the life of me I cannot help saying 
that we left on the island a gentleman who, from the 
way he shut one eye and smiled, put me wonderfully 
in mind of a very distinguished ex-colonial governor. 
I mention this fact, so well known in North America, 
because I want to air a theory I have formed on the 
subject, and which has cost me much thought and 
reflection. 

One of the best ways of discovering the use of an 
organ or custom, apparently useless among the higher 
animals, is to trace them back among the lower till you 
come to the point where they are indispensable. And 
something in this way I attempted to solve the mystery 
of the shutting one eye, when you were particularly on 
your guard. After running through a world of curious 
theory, I came at last to the Stye-terrier, who, when 
he has a difficult matter on foot (connected with rats 
and such lite), always tucts up one leg and goes on the 
other, thus reserving one fresh and sound for any unex- 
pected contingency. And so it is with this eye-closing 
business. The crafty Yantee closes one eye, because 



144 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

he knows that the human eye becomes fatigued after a 
time, when it has been peered into to see what is going 
on in the brain. 

Think of what a comfort and strength it must be to 
shut the wearied one, and open the other, brilliant and 
flashing, just as your adversary has tired both his or 
hers ! 

Some folks, lawyers and ladies especially, take to 
spectacles for much the same purpose, and get an un- 
fair advantage over you, looking into your eyes without 
letting you look into theirs. I know a very distinguished 
man who is so perfectly aware of this that he keeps his 
eyes fixed on the ceiling, in a rapt and devotional man- 
ner, the whole time he is conversing with you. 

Wednesday, September 28th. — In the morning awoke 
by the singing of native songs, and going on deck found 
that we were close to a "labor" schooner, with one 
hundred and twenty-one men, women, and children on 
board, from the Hervey and Cook groups, bound for 
Tahiti. 

Certainly, judging from appearances, nothing could 
be more happy and agreeable than their position ; and 
if most general singing be a proof of ease and well-doing, 
they possessed both in a high degree. 

I hear, however, that these people always sing, hap- 
pen what may, after they have left' their islands for a 
day or two, however rough the parting. 

The worst of it is, that they engage themselves to 
work ; that is, such work as they have been accustomed 
to at home — an easy hour or two in the cool morning, 
and the rest of the day spent in the dolce far niente. 
I am afraid that, when they find they have to labor 



TUBAL 145 

through the long, hot day, they often wish themselves 
quit of their bargain. 

Still I think that this shifting the inhabitants of 
these islands from one to another is a good thing if 
properly done, and is in fact the only way of civilizing 
some of the more savage tribes. Moreover, they must 
emigrate from some of the islands, or starve. 

Let me warn future travellers that this island must 
not be confounded with one of nearly the same name 
in the Austral-group, the island on which Fletcher 
Christian, of the Bounty, intended to settle when he 
left Tahiti. ¥e passed this Tubai, but landed not, as 
the " South Sea Directory " states that " the harbor in- 
side is unsafe, and the anchorage outside insecure and 
rocky, with bad holding-ground." A pleasant place ! 

By-the-by, the said Fletcher did good service in his 
way by landing here again with four hundred pigs and 
fifty goats, and a native of Bora-Bora. However, his 
party could not agree with the Tabuiese, and left in 1789. 

It has a high, broken, and peaky aspect, and doubt- 
less contains many a lovely gorge and glen for the en- 
joyment of the man w T ho is contented to be left there. 
As it is marked as a French island, it might be worth 
the while to stop there to study the French missiona- 
ries, who have the credit of performing infinitely more 
fantastic tricks than even our own, which is saying a 
good deal. 

It is, however, a great pity that there is not some 
strict supervision exercised over the "labor-vessels" 
flying the British flag. There can be no doubt that 
there are great outrages committed by reckless ruffians, 
and revenged on the next arrival, innocent or guilty. 
7 



146 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

It was in consequence of Ms having landed at Ero- 
inango after an outrage of this sort, that stout-hearted 
"Williams was killed, and by far the greater number of 
massacres of whites in the South Seas are produced 
from this cause. And no wonder ! I have had a ves- 
sel pointed out to me in Auckland Harbor whose cap- 
tain, I was assured, was in the habit of running down 
the canoes at sea, in order to pick up the natives and 
sell them. And this was considered rather an excep- 
tional bit of humanity than otherwise. 

A tenth part of the money spent in trying to pre- 
vent the Imaum of Muscat supplying himself with la- 
bor from Africa, which is no earthly business of ours, 
would keep up a smart little gunboat or two in these 
seas, which would be quite enough to prevent all the 
mischiefs of the labor-trade as at present carried on. 
This really is our business, as the ships fly our flag and 
our fellow-citizens employ the labor. 

It is of no earthly use a big frigate popping in now 
and again into one or two of the largest harbors. "We 
want a small, smart boat, able to go anywhere. There 
are really very few ruffians employed in the trade, and 
were these rooted out and a set of regulations laid 
down like those relating to emigrants, for instance ; 
and, moreover, consuls appointed who understood the 
native languages, the trade might be made a very great 
blessing to all parties. 

I should insist on the consuls being well up in na- 
tive languages, for ignorance on that head makes him 
absolutely worse than useless when he has to certify 
freshly-imported labor. There is no want of men in 
these seas perfectly capable of filling the office, though 



TUBAL * 147 

few so thoroughly up in the matter as our consul at Sa- 
moa, who has, however, but little of this sort of thing 
to do. 

I was told of a case in which the consul, with wild 
gestures, lugs the newly-imported " labor" by the arm 
about the office as a means of rendering a la mtiette de 
porlici) "Were you taken away by violence?" and 
asks the question, "Were you engaged for one year?" 
by holding up his forefinger interrogatively. As no 
native would ever dream of saying any thing but " yes " 
to a white consul, he gets answers which perfectly sat- 
isfy him, if not the unfortunate devil who has gone to 
the risk and expense of importing the men. 

And these planters really require some protection. 
Think of a case in which a vessel is seized by a British 
man-of-war for being overladen. The natives not sent 
home again, but handed over to the acting British con- 
sul, who distributes them among his friends, to work 
on their estates for nothing, during the trial of the case 
at Sydney. The case is given against the captain of 
the man-of-war, who is promoted and returns home. 

The men whom he took are now working on the 
estates of the consul's friends, and will be made to do 
so till their time is out. And the unfortunate importer, 
who gained his case and sold his schooner to defend it, 
is beggared without the possibility of redress ; the 
brother of the late consul still brutally refusing to let 
him have even the last remains of the labor he has paid 
so dearly for. 

I believe that I have understated the iniquity and 
injustice of this affair. And remember that the victim 
here was no long-shore loafer, no square-gin-drinking 



.148 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

" beach-comber," but a man of birth and education ; 
and who would, in all possibility, have made his for- 
tune had he not have had the luck to win a lawsuit 
against a philo-negro captain of the navy. 

There would not be the slightest difficulty in obtain- 
ing labor were confidence reestablished between the 
white man and the brown. They are often willing 
enough to come ; I can say that, in the course of our 
cruising in the South Seas, we might have picked up 
any number of men. In the Isle of Pines, I remember, 
that we had to force them out of the boat, so anxious 
were they to take a cruise with us. 

I wish the thing could be done, but I fear there is 
some adverse influence at headquarters which does not 
think that it is in its interest that affairs should be put 
on a good footing, or that the islands should be colo- 
nized. I think I know what it is, and why it acts, and 
recognize its wisdom — that is, as far as its own interests 
are concerned. But I have no wish to poke my head 
into a hornet's nest — and such hornets ! the real bilious 
black-and-yellow breed. 



CHAPTEE VII. 

RAEITONGA. 

Friday, /September 30, 1870. — Sighted Earitonga, 
and knocked about all night. 

Saturday, October 1st. — Beat up to Earitonga. A 
long ridge of beautiful mountain, wooded right up its 
precipitous side. The cliffs and pinnacles of black 
trap-rock, sharply defined against the clear-blue sky. 
The reef is fringing, not detached, at least on this side. 

To our astonishment we made out a large ship, 
standing off and on under the lee of the land. As we 
drew nearer we hoisted our white ensign, which she 
did not seem to like, for she first made sail, and then 
shortened again, as if uncertain what to do. Then she 
hoisted a color at the peak, which we could not well 
make out, but which looked American, and then, as if 
she had made up her mind what part to act, hauled it 
down again, and run the Peruvian flag to the mast- 
head. As we neared her we saw that her decks were 
swarming with infinite yellow faces of the most de- 
cidedly Chinese type, which increased our bewonder- 
ment. But it was no business of ours, though she evi- 
dently thought it was. We hove-to and went on shore, 



150 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

where we were greeted with the greatest kindness and 
hospitality by the missionary and his wife ; also with 
equal warmth by every man, woman, and child we 
met : evidently the Earitongians are a fine and genial 
race. 

Sunday, October 2d. — After many deliberations and 
doubts, we were persuaded by the jolly old pilot to 
trust the yacht to the keeping of the harbor of Eari- 
tonga. " Safest harbor in the world." It may be so ; 
but still I wonder how those suspicious-looking ships' 
bones came to be scattered so thickly on the coral just 
at the entrance ? It is a curious place, and I fancy few 
would take it for a harbor at all, were they not assured 
of the fact by the proper authorities. Unlike most of 
the island harbors, you do not enter by a deep and nar- 
row break in the reef, into a snug and secure lagoon, 
but into a mere saucer-like depression in the reef itself, 
which really looks infinitely more dangerous than the 
open sea. We calculated that it was about twenty to 
one that you were wrecked going in, fifty to one that 
you were wrecked going out, and even chances that 
you were utterly cast away inside. However, inside 
we got — (where could not the captain take the Alba- 
tross ? wet grass is enough for her ! ) — and divers per- 
formed the most marvellous submarine feats, their 
brown bodies wriggling and kicking far down below 
in the clear water as they tied knots and passed haw- 
sers through the rings of the mooring anchors. Of 
these we had plenty; in fact, when we were made 
fast, the poor old dear looked like an astonished spider 
placed in the centre of some one else's web. We had 
the pleasure of knowing that every wavelet that 



RARITONGA. 151 

seethed in over the reef chafed one or other of our 
warps against the sharp coral edges ; a process by no 
means conducive to strength or security. One really 
felt like a nesting coot in a flood. However, there we 
were ; and if we were wrecked we were not likely to 
be drowned, so we accepted the situation and began 
our prowls on shore. 

As in the north world so in the south world — civili- 
zation and manners tend from east to west. As we 
drop down from island to island in the ever-fresh trade- 
wind to the westward, we become sensible of an ever- 
increasing want of finish, a provincialism, in fact, 
among the islanders. They are still very charming, 
but their mouths and noses are altering. The face 
generally is growing coarser, and one begins to sniff 
the negro taint from far-distant Papua. 

The Raritongian would, however, most indignantly 
deny the sniff; and, indeed, it is but a faint one. Nor 
would he for a moment admit the lessened civilization. 
For not only has Earitonga a newspaper printed in 
pure Raritongese, and therefore highly available to 
the general reader, but she has a real stone church — a 
church as the churches of Britain ! Oh, that church ! 
that church ! that vile black-and-white stone abomina- 
tion, paralyzing one of the most beautiful bits of sce- 
nery in the world ! Truly, indeed, may it be said, with 
horrible sarcasm, to be like too many of the churches 
at home. For sheer, blank, unmitigated discomfort 
and ugliness, I will back it against the most civilized 
nonconformist ranting-box in England, Scotland, or 
even Wales. Upon my word, I feel inclined to say 
that this most intolerable and pretentious building is 



152 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

the only really and truly hideous thing I saw in the 
South Seas. Did I think that there was the slightest 
chance of those who agreed to and subscribed for its 
erection ever reading this, I would launch out into 
still more truculent abuse. The thing is an abomina- 
tion, and the man who designed it ought to be grated 
slowly to pulp against its black and doleful walls. It 
has even glass-windows ! Glass-windows in this cli- 
mate ! Surely there was a glazier brother in the con- 
nection, and the thing was a job — a job more iniquitous 
than the employment of Raphael for the decoration of 
the Yatican ! Galleries, too ! Good Lord ! as if they 
had not half the island to build on, were they so mind- 
ed. ISTo ! there were galleries in their own little nar- 
row sphere at home, and so there must be galleries 
here. What makes the matter worse is, that the native 
churches in the South-Sea Islands are generally perfect 
in their way — large and cool, low-eaved, with a wall 
nearly all window, for the crisp sea-wind to whisper in 
and help the congregation to sleep. 

ITot only is this church hideous, but the very church- 
yard is utterly detestable in every respect. I do not 
like to say too much on the subject, but surely those 
horrible tombs were not built without some reason ; 
they must have cost the early converts something some- 
where. Pah ! it makes me hot to think on't. 

If the same man who built the church built the 
mission-house, and laid out the grounds around it, 
hanging would be infinitely too good for him, for the 
latter are as remarkable for beauty and arrangement 
as the former is for their absence. One glimpse of 
that most lovely mission-house would make the Duke 



BARITONGA. 153 

of Devonshire let Chiswick fall into instant ruin, from 
mere hopelessness of competing with it ! 

We visited the church, or rather attended after- 
noon service, in company with the king, a well-dressed 
and particularly gentleman-like man, who was kind 
enough to come on board with his prime-minister, to 
invite us to seats in the " pew royal." The congrega- 
tion we thought more attentive than any one we had 
seen in these seas, but it was really painful to see both 
men and women dressed according to the lowest style 
of European " go-to-meeting." Instead of those long, 
delieate ; graceful " sacques," of which we have become 
so fond, and head-dresses of fresh flower-wreaths or 
neat araroot crowns, the women wore detestable 
waisted European garments, with vulgar and tawdry 
hats and feathers, which utterly destroyed all their 
native ease and grace. Where on earth did the earlier 
missionaries pick up that curious idea of the necessary 
identity of piety and ugliness ? 

In front of us sat a grave and reverent elder, with 
the most broad-church cut of black coat and white tie, 
and a mighty pair of spectacles, looking exactly like 
a very bilious Scotch precentor. He kept his eyes 
steadily fixed on his hymn-book during the singing, 
and bore his " burden " by keeping up that prolonged 
humming drone, so popular as an accompaniment in 
these seas : a harmless paganicity, for which I suspect 
he w r ould have been " cut off from the connection " in 
some of the neighboring islands, or at least have been 
mulcted in hard dollars. This " hum " is by no means 
unlike the drone of a bagpipe, and I suppose answers 
the same purpose, whatever that may be. I have an 



154: SOUTE-SEA BUBBLES. 

indistinct recollection of attending a cottage-dance, 
somewhere in the Highlands, long, long ago ; when, 
for want of better music, one man played the Jew's 
(or jaw's ?) harp, and two or three others kept up a 
prolonged monotonous nasal drone, very like that of 
my friend in the front benches. It is here by no 
means an unpleasant noise, as they manage to give it 
a metallic resonancy which no " Pakeha '' or " Pa- 
pelangi " organs could ever imitate. It is something 
like the drum of the emeu, or the answering note of 
the wekka, indefinitely prolonged. 

After service, having shaken hands with a good 
half of the -congregation as they filed before us, we 
sauntered up to the mission-house; past a mighty 
sacred tree, overthrown by the hurricane, lying like a 
prostrate idol, and concerning which there is many a 
strange legend ; past a cricket-ground in course of * 
preparation, in which, if the natives take to the game, 
there will in time be formed an eleven hard to beat ; 
and so — through lovely and well-kept grounds, on the 
edges of which the bushes were blossoming with pretty 
brown faces peeping at the strangers — up to the cool 
veranda. 

One does not wish, Yankee-like, to gossip about the 
private affairs of those who kindly admit the stranger 
within their gates. Let us merely state that the warm- 
hearted, sensible Highland lady and gentleman who 
represent the mission at Earitonga are very different 
people from the typical missionaries of the South Pacific. 

By no means believing that they can wash the 
blackamoor (or rather brownamoor) white b>y a sudden 
application of Oalvinistic whitewash, they try to make 



RARITOFGA. 155 

liirn as good a brownamoor as they can, and their labor 
has certainly not been in vain. How easily this white- 
wash cracks and peels off may be seen or heard by any 
one who keeps his eyes or ears open. One fact which 
we heard from a "high personage " rather tickled us. 
A short time ago a native drum was brought to Rari- 
tonga from one of the neighboring islands, and the very 
moment the first finger-taps were heard, all the girls, 
down to the wee chits ten or eleven years old, began to 
wriggle and squirm like so many galvanized frogs ; 
showing plainly that the old dancing-blood still ran in 
their veins, and that even its peculiar forms of expres- 
sion had not been forgotten. In fact, the newer mis- 
sionaries are quite wise enough to see that the natives 
do not care to " let them know every thing; " and the 
quiet, decently-behaved visitor may see a good many 
things which the others wisely blink. 

The older missionaries reported (and possibly still 
report) that Christianity has utterly stamped out all 
these pleasant paganisms. The newer ones and we 
know perfectly well that it has done nothing of the sort, 
nor will it do so for a very long time to come. The 
Gawazee of Egypt and the Gitana of Spain have kept 
to their ^ old dances, in spite of priest or mollah, for 
many an age, and so it will be here. If any real im- 
provement is to take place, I should propose that each 
ball should be attended by the missionary and his wife. 
I will warrant that under these auspices any evil 
element will soon be eliminated, and the native dance 
be rendered as decorous as the quadrille. What right 
has an English or French missionary to say to a whole 
race, " You shall not dance, you shall not sing, you 



156 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

shall not smoke," under the possible penalty of eternal 
damnation in the next world, or the certain loss of dol- 
lars in this % He dares not preach the same doctrine 
in Europe, or, even if he does, he cannot help feeling 
that all he gains is the ridicule of the sensible and the 
applause of fools. As I said before, let the mission- 
ary and his wife encourage decent dancing by their 
presence, and the lower form of that healthy and nat- 
ural amusement will soon be unknown. 

Seated in the pleasant veranda, enjoying the cool 
green of the English grass lawn, the only one worth the 
name in the islands, and possibly smoking a cigar, we 
were joined by two native gentlemen, dressed in the 
most correct black coat and white choker (literally 
choker in this climate), a vile taste and a ridiculous, 
which I hope may soon give way to something better. 
I suppose that in the older times the converts, when 
thus dressed, supposed that they were approaching the 
image of their demi-god, the missionary. I think that 
I have observed in these regions that the farther from 
" the establishment " the more clerical the rig. The 
attire in which I believe one noble, true-hearted man — 
a real bishop — sometimes addresses his good words to 
the savage heathen of Melanesia would scandalize all 
Dissenterdom ; though 'tis for the most part a time- 
honored garment, and, moreover, in his case, a comely 
and well-fitting one. Of course, the newer and more 
rational missionaries dress as suits the climate, and, I 
think, their profession. Why a minister of light and 
purity should dress in garments more suited in color to 
the worship of the devil himself I could never make out. 
One of our visitors was an honest soul, and, on our host 



RARITONGA. 157 

producing some grated kava in a bottle, he immediately 
recognized it, and so we experimented on him at once 
by giving him a tablespoonful and a half in a tumbler 
of water. He said that it was just enough to make 
him comfortable, though as far as I saw it had no ap- 
preciable effect on him — not more, certainly, than a 
glass of beer or sherry would have on one of us. He 
might have fallen asleep, however, at afternoon service 
for any thing I know to the contrary. Our other friend, 
though outwardly white-bearded and venerable, was, 
I fear, a humbug. On being shown the kava, he gazed 
upon it with lack-lustre eye, as a thing unknown and 
void of all interest, and listlessly demanded its name. 
On being pressed, he confessed to have heard of such a 
thing among the unregenerate in his hot youth, but for 
his part — oh, dear, no ! 

As both we and his friend were rather piqued at 
this assumption of superior purity, we shifted the sub- 
ject to the cheerful one of cannibalism, and demanded 
of him, categorically, whether, at a former period of his 
existence, he had, or had not, with his own hands, 
cooked a fellow-sinner. He confessed that he had, but 
denied that he had ever tasted his own cookery. A 
likely tale, quotha ! 

Had it not been for the introduction of pigs and 
other animals, it is possible that cannibalism might 
have existed here to this day. The pigeons are being 
rapidly thinned out by the rats, who are far better tree- 
climbers, even in England, than is generally supposed. 
The dogs, which I believe they had before the arrival 
of the Europeans, and which Dr. Grafe tells me are 
specifically distinct from those of Europe, were mere 



158 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

dainties for the chiefs, and flesh must be had, By-the- 
by, it is whispered that even in civilized Raritonga 
bow-wow is to this day by no means an unpopular 
dish, but it is not polite to talk about it. As in Spain, 
you eat what is given you, and ask no questions, 
though the claws in your plate may put you in mind 
of Ponto or grimalkin, as the case may be. 

Among other civilizations, the missionaries have 
introduced photography, to the no small marvel of the 
natives. My white-bearded friend laughed loud and 
long when he was told that his beard would return to 
its pristine blackness on being dipped into that shal- 
low dish of clear, transparent fluid. He tried it, how- 
ever, and the missionary was exalted into the seventh 
heaven of conjurordom. The case of a young lady, 
however, ended not so happily. She dipped her pretty 
finger-tips into the innocent-looking fluid in the " yel- 
low room," thinking no evil. But on emerging into 
the blazing sunlight, her fingers began to develop into 
blackness still deeper and deeper, till she burst into a 
flood of tears, fully persuaded that she was going to 
the devil in some new fashion, for which she had not 
been prepared. 

Gossiping thus in the veranda, we looked out into 
the blue offing, and saw the mysterious bark still hang- 
ing about, some fourteen hundred tons' burden, and 
reported to be laden with Cochin-Chinese. Rather an 
odd cargo, and looking as if the French had been 
bustling up in those regions. 

The captain gives one account of her antecedents, 
and the mate another, which most clearly proves that 
the captain is a liar ; but the captain has got the best 



RARITONGA. 159 

of the argument, by simply clapping his mate into 
irons till lie agrees with him, a straightforward course, 
and one highly likely to produce unity. The Peru- 
vian (heaven or the other place only knows why) wants 
to shoot his semi-celestial rubbish on to the island, and 
to sail away with a clear ship. As there are several 
hundred Cochinese, and Earitonga is none too large 
for its present population, the chiefs do not see it in 
the same light, and, if the Peruvian persists, there 
will be a fight. He is reported to have tried to wreck 
his ship three times on the reef, in order to settle the 
question easily. People do free and easy things in 
these seas ; and piracy, kidnapping, and murder, are 
not utterly unknown. Hence grave doubts as to the 
captaincy and ownership of the good bark Dolores 
Urgasto. 

Since the above was written, news has reached 
England of the burning of the doubtful Peruvian bark 
Dolores Urgasto, with five hundred coolies, during a 
voyage between Macao and Peru. Captain and crew 
(with one exception) saved, of course. 

That we went on board the yacht this evening was 
entirely our own fault, for the missionary put his 
whole establishment at our disposal with the most 
generous and unfeigned hospitality. But when one 
has been seeing things all day, one likes to think them 
over in the evening at home ; and a home our kaurie- 
lined, green -leather cushioned cabin has become to us, 
both from lapse of time and old associations. 

A young English gentleman staying on the island 
sauntered with us down from the mission-house to the 
schooner, piloting us through a net-work of narrow 



160 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

paths cut through a dense thicket of bananas, guaras, 
cocoas, and coffee-bushes, which seems to have been 
laid out expressly for a flirting-ground. There was 
always a new path up which to turn if any one, or 
rather two, saw you coming, which, indeed, this even- 
ing seemed to indicate the existence of a perfect maze 
or labyrinth of paths. The pretty native huts were 
closely sheltered in the bushes, and numbers of women 
emerged from them and greeted us kindly. One gush- 
ing young thing, after squeezing 's fingers, kissed 

them tenderly, and then fugit ad salices, which a 
beach-man would translate, " cut into the coffee-bush." 
She fled alone ! 

The question of the queer Peruvian is settled. He 
is to have water and vegetables, and then to depart to 
his own place, wherever that may be. So there will 
be old floating of tubs of fresh water to him over the 
bar to-morrow. 

In the evening, about eight o'clock, we heard a 
noise, as of one beating with a stick an unfortunate 
kettle, to which he bore a personal grudge. We sup- 
posed it to be a species of curfew-bell ; and, deciding 
that Sunday was over, we caught some beautifully- 
marked file-fish, and another species, a "peffect love," 
with regular creamy white stripes on a brilliant scar- 
let ground. 

The people on shore struck us as a shade darker 
than the Society-Islanders, and some of the women 
have a slightly Chinese, oblique-eyed expression about 
them. Spanish, as talked by our Peruvian friend, 
they do not like. " Like oui-oui " (Frenchmen), " talkee 
plenty too much with fingers." They consider Pari- 



RARITONGA. 161 

tongese to be the first of languages, and after that — 
some way — the English. They are evidently full of 
fun, though possibly of a different kind to ours ; but, 
then, who can translate humor ? 

" Well, good-night," old fellow ! " 

Monday, October 3d.— About twelve o'clock, a 
pleasant English-speaking chief came on board, to con- 
duct us to the king, who we supposed was going to 
present us with the usual complimentary present of 
bananas and cocoa-nuts. "We sauntered along the 
beach toward his house, taking and giving kindly 
" Ter hannas " and hand-shakings at each step, till we 
reached our destination, a long, low, one-storied white- 
washed building, with a cool and roomy veranda run- 
ning along its whole front. It was raised, some two 
or three feet from the ground, on a substantial stone 
basement, and was embosomed in all kinds of beauti- 
ful shrubs, and overshadowed in front by tall cocoa- 
palms. A straight, white coral sand path led from 
the door down to the garden-gate, which opened on to 
the sea-beach. When we arrived, instead of being 
greeted by enthusiastic crowds, we found the place 
bare, except of some of the looser sort, who were evi- 
dently mere spectators. However, our chief gave 
us a chair apiece, on each side of the door, and then 
went his way, leaving us, like a pair of idols, guarding 
the sacred threshold. Now and then a stray native 
came up and shyly worshipped us, retiring immediate- 
ly to squat in the shade, but still gazing reverently, but 
that was all. And if real idols do not have a livelier 
time of it than we had, I do not care much for the 
profession. Still we waited patiently, as beseemed us, 



162 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES 

not knowing what niight happen should we descend 
from our pride of place. 

After a time, there approached us from the right- 
hand path a marvellous old woman, with hair as white 
as snow, and leaning on a long staff, bowing low and 

reverently at every step. P descended to greet 

her, on which she, snatching her straw hat from her 
white locks, seized his hand, and actually "mumbled" 
it with delight. I never saw a more darling old lady ! 
She is a woman with a great history, being no less 
than the very one who placed the first (native) teach- 
ers under the historical tree, now to be seen in the 
mission-garden, and mounted guard over them the live- 
long night. Even now, wreck as she is, she has a 
grand granite look about her which makes it easy to 
believe the tale of her early heroism. After embra- 
cing P , she wagged her head at the younger folk, 

gave a series of orders which no one regarded, and sub- 
sided majestically at the foot of a palm-tree. 

There was inflicted on us a sharp, clever, conceited 
prig of a man (for there are brown prigs as well as white 
ones, and even letter) who had spent five years in Eng- 
land, and who was married to a half-caste Corsican, a 
jovial soul, who had evidently had a glorious figure 
once, but now fallen into that crummy state so much 
deplored by Mr. Bailey. Yerily, there be strange mix- 
tures in these seas ! 

To while away the time, we peeped into the house, 
and found that it consisted of two fair-sized rooms, 
separated by a passage, opening straight through into 
the field beyond. The rooms were principally fur- 
nished with beautiful mats, and seemed rather recep- 



RARITONGA. 163 

tion than living rooms, having but few signs of domesti- 
city about them. Indeed, we fancied that this building 
plays the part of St. James's to the real Buckingham 
Palace. 

Another thing which helped the time to pass away, 
was the contemplation of a young girl who, mounting 
on the boss formed by the aerial roots of a cocoa-palm, 
had fitted her lithe back and limbs into the curve of 
the stem in the most graceful manner. We agreed 
that we had never seen a more lovely study for a 
sculptor. 

After a time appeared a small procession formed 
by our missionary friends and the king, who was 
dressed carefully in black; he was attended by his 
ministers, and there were warm and kindly greetings 
on all sides. 

Gradually the open space under the trees began to 
fill with natives; the women, to our great comfort, 
were dressed in pretty white sacques instead of those 
vile waisted gowns which they sported yesterday. 
Gradually, also, the veranda began to fill with the 
aristocracy of the place ; among whom were admitted 
the doubtful Peruvian skipper, a small, sharp, intelli- 
gent man, speaking excellent English, and by no means 
looking the piratical and sea-roverish person he is sup- 
posed to be. What he would look like if he were not 
particularly well pleased I do not know, but I fancy 
that it would not take much to put a knife-edge on 
him ; as some one observed, " His Peruvian bite might 
turn out even less wholesome than his Peruvian bark." 

As we sat exchanging greetings, we became aware 
of the " rub-tub-tubbing " of marvellously slack drums, 



164 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

and, Pheiny placed in the post of honor, the meeting 
was declared open. The gate at the end of the walk 
being removed from its hinges, there swarmed through 
its portals a succession of sights stranger than we ever 
saw before or can ever expect to see again. Had we 
been short-hand writers, writing the shortest possible 
hand, we must have left an infinity of quaint and curi- 
ous things untold. First poured in a mass of men who, 
though habited reasonably enough after the manner of 
the " reach-me-downs," chose for some private reason to 
assume a gorgeous head-dress, compounded apparently 
of a mixture of the popular idea of the hat of the late 
Guido Fawkes, the grenadier's cap of the early Georges, 
with a slight suspicion of the tiara of the Pope of Rome. 
There seemed to be no masquerade about it, and it 
might possibly have been the recollection of some native 
gala-dress of the premissionaristic time. 

Yelling yells which would have passed for very tol- 
erable " Yiew-halloos ! " in the shires, they advanced 
up the path, some bearing beautiful mats, and others 
waving very much less beautiful flags. 

In front of them, dressed principally in a white 
shirt, with a native cloak of many colors, barefooted, 
and bearing a weapon half spear and half paddle, with 
great goggle mother-o'-pearl eyes, which he manoeuvred 
like some sort of antediluvian spontoon, advanced the 
spokesman of the deputation. Advanced? — advance 
is too mild a term ; for he frisked, and bounded, and 
gambadoed, like a very David before the ark — ay, in 
more ways than one ! 

Arrived within good " View-halloo ! " distance, the 
presents of the chiefs were thrown down, not leisurely 



RABITONGA. 165 

parted with, as with regret, but honestly thrown at you, 
as if the owners were only too eager to show you 
honor ; and the spokesman, dressed in the old colored 
cloak of antiquity, began to speak, or rather to bellow 
like the most Bashantic of bulls. Indeed, some of his 
utterances really put us in mind of the strange alter- 
nate rumblings and squealings of an excited bull. He 

roared and gasped at P furiously and convulsively, 

gambadoing and cutting strange entre-chats all the 
time, terminating every three words or so with a shriek- 
ing yell that went through one like a knife : 
" Here are bananas ! Yow ! yow ! yoicks ! " 
" Here cocoa-nuts ! Toicks ! yow ! yow ! " 
Pigs! (as before); mats! (rare and valuable); an 
awful ankle-twisting gambado ! and a yell that made 
us tremble for his blood-vessels; and so on, till we 
became accustomed to these terrible civilities. When 
familiarity brought not contempt but tranquillity, we 
began to have the dawning of an idea that we had seen 
our paganesque friend somewhere before ; and to our 
no small astonishment we found that we were gradu- 
ally constructing out of fhe features of this hospitable 
but savage howler the grave and spectacled ones of the 
douce elder who had done the bass at service but yester- 
day — the elder, who had actually held forth to the 
saints from the platform of Exeter Hall ! " Ay, and 
why not ? " thought we to ourselves. " Why not en- 
courage this harmless effervescence and exuberant good- 
will as far .as possible ? Is it worse in any respect than 
whiskey-and-water and fires, Kentish or otherwise? 
All honor to you, Monsieur le Missionnaire, for your 
solid good sense ! " 



166 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

Somewhere about this time natives brought a glo- 
rious mat, and spread it over the steps. Also let us 
remark that the king had at the very beginning of the 
fantasia removed from the veranda, and posted himself 
under a tree a little distance off; the proof, we thought, 
of rare good taste and delicacy. He evidently wished 
it to be supposed that all the homage was offered to 

P , and that his presence had nothing to do with 

the feeling of the people. 

Soon afterward the chief of one of the districts and 

his queen advanced, and shook hands with P , and 

immediately the veranda was literally stormed by his 
whole tribe, men, women, and children. Such laugh- 
ing and swaying, and squeezing (" I like being squeezed, 
sir ! " said the old lady to the lord-chamberlain), was 
never seen, even at her Majesty's drawing-room ! 

Every finger was invested instantly, and P solved 

the difficult question of how to shake hands with ten 
women at once. "What made the confusion worse con- 
founded, was the fact that each individual, from the 
weeist pickaninny to the oldest granny, had brought a 
present, which they deposited on the mat at the en- 
trance before shaking hands. Some brought a mat, 
some pretty baskets, a tiny bag of coffee, a shell, a 
feather, an ancient stone weapon, or an unfortunate 
fowl, the latter of which added their discordant 
" squawks " to the general din, as they were trampled 
on by " the bare feet of laughing (or larking ?) girls," 
struggling in the press. The mass became more and 
more condensed, till finally, with a convulsive struggle 
which shook the house, they burst through the narrow 
passage into the field beyond, and we heard them, 



BAEITONGA. 167 

chuckling, panting, and clicking, over the grand lark 
they had just had. 

Then in the distance more " rum-tum-tititum " of 
approaching drums announced another procession from 
another district. As they came on in a dense cloud, 
stepping short, and almost marking time, we saw two 
men dancing and gesticulating in the wildest manner, 
apparently on the very shoulders of the crowd. As the 
mass opened out a little, we saw that they were on a 
rude platform, which formed the dancing-floor. The 
dance itself was a most weird and strange one, one of 
the old pagan dances, which were supposed to be ex- 
tinct thirty years ago. There were certainly some 
reasons why it should be extinct as it was danced be- 
fore us, but with a little judicious pruning it might be 
rendered quite as proper as a polka or a valse. It is 
certainly infinitely more graceful than either, and the 
waving motions of the arms were really beautiful. As 
they advanced, the bearers raised and lowered the plat- 
form at intervals, rhythmically, as one might say, ac- 
companying the movement with deep " Hughs ! " like 
those of a pavior at work, though infinitely deeper and 
louder. Now and again the bearers introduced an 
impromptu performance, which was neither con- 
templated nor enjoyed by the dancers, as it threatened 
to cast them down violently from their pride of place, 
among the feet of the mob. So they objurgated > and 
the crowd around roared and yelled louder than ever. 
This strange myriad-legged beetle — for it resembled 
that more than any thing else — struggling up the path, 
was a thing to remember. Strange also it was to see 
how rapidly the old tarantella-poison spread among the 



168 SOUTH-BE A BUBBLES. 

people, and how tlie young ladies, starting up from be- 
neath the cocoa-trees, betook themselves to the dance 
in the most jprononce fashion. Indeed, there was no 
knowing the lengths to which they might have pro- 
ceeded, had not our venerable friend, Precentor David 
(who had not been a whit the better himself twenty 
minutes before), brought the broad end of his goggle- 
eyed paddle to bear on the stern of the liveliest young 
lady with a force which produced a very distinct and 
decided " smack ! " — a smack which required such an 
amount of energy to be expended in rubbing as to 
leave none for dancing. 

At last the platform approached the steps, and we 
saw that, besides the dancers above, it was laden with 
an infinity of pigs, taro, bananas, etc., suspended from 
its rafters. At a given signal the whole affair was let 
go by the run* pigs, dancers, and all, to their extreme 
discomfort and the increased merriment of the mob. 
Then another storm of hand-shaking and kissing and 
present-making, till we stood knee-deep in coffee-ber- 
ries and shrieking chickens. 

The next procession was preceded by a company 
of handsome young fellows, dressed in dark-green uni- 
forms, and armed with wooden muskets, with a slight 
sprinkling of rusty fowling-pieces here and there. The 
colonel, who would have passed anywhere as an Italian 
officer, and a monstrous good-looking one, too, was very 
well got up indeed. The only drawback was that he 
had rather spoilt the general effect by attaching a big, 
unmistakable butcher's steel to the belt where his sword 
ought to have hung. His second in command, despis- 
ing pretension, carried a good honest wooden sword, 



RARITONGA. 169 

and was not ashamed of it. Any feeling of absurdity 
which might have been produced by their dress or 
accoutrements was entirely obviated by the intense ex- 
pression of gravity and reality which pervaded their 
countenances. They had no idea of any " make- 
believe," but had honestly and painfully done their 
best to please us, showing how they appreciated civil- 
ized manners, and wished to imitate them. 

Their drill was perfectly wonderful. They formed 
in single file on each side of the path, smartly enough, 
and went through the manual and platoon, in a strange 
manner, which showed most clearly that the greater 
part of them had been taught the motions without the 
slightest idea of their meaning. One pretty but not 
particularly useful manoeuvre consisted in the whole 
party whirling their muskets round their heads, till the 
line looked like a double row of Catherine- wheels. 

When the speechifying was over, and P had 

shaken hands with the army, the king's present was 
brought, a gorgeous piece of seamless tappa over thirty 
yards long- — the one end borne by the talking-man on 
his shoulders, and the other by the proud woman who 
had wrought it. This kind of tappa is reserved for 
chiefs, and, when they wrap themselves up in it, they 
look like ancient Romans in their togas. This havino- 
been presented and rolled up, the king's body-guard, 
dressed in red shirts and looking rather like marines, 
formed on each side of the path with the other troops, 
forming a lane up which the king and the rest of the 
royal family walked with great grace and dignity ; 
somehow putting us in mind of an old print in which 
good old King George and his family are doing much 
8 



170 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

the same thing. This was the first time the king and 
his guests had been together since the commencement 
of the ceremonies, and with many hand-shakings and 
" Yer hannas " we waited for the last scene. 

The darling old lady, who had mounted guard over 
the proto-missionaries, was evidently a " grande dame 
de par le monde," as Brantome would say, for she and 
she only was permitted to bring her present after the 
royal one. It was another piece of tappa, quite as long 
and fine, if not longer and finer than the king's, and 
was presented much in the same manner, the dear old 
lady, mother of missionaries, hobbling before on her 
long staff, chanting strange canticles in her sweet, 
quavering old voice. One end of thetappa was wound 

round P 's neck and the door-post at the same time, 

while the other end was held up by natives afar off — a 
pretty way of symbolizing the intimate relationship ex- 
isting between himself, the house of the king, and the 
general people. 

Then we had a general review of the troops. The 
chief justice made a pivot-man of himself, and the en- 
tire army did some mysterious manoeuvres, with him 
for a centre, which were far too profound for our crude 
volunteer experience. 

The country districts having had their turn, the 
people of the home settlements began, and the fun 
grew fast and furious. What happened in the wild 
confusion I hardly know. A storm of women, infinitely 
wilder than any that had yet appeared, rushed upon 

P , and for a moment I thought that he was going 

to suffer the fate of Orpheus. They embraced him 
whenever they could get hold of him ; they crowned 



RARITONGA. 171 

liim with reva-reva crowns ; they girded him with 
strange belts, and clothed him with wild colored mat- 
tings, till he looked like a cross between a Roman 
Catholic priest in full canonicals and the youthful Bac- 
chus. They beat against him as the waves of the At- 
lantic against the Eddystone, and it was quite a com- 
fort to see him emerge unscathed, now and again, from 
the drown sea-foam. Had he been shorter, I believe 
they would have kissed the face off him : as it was — 

" She who could not kiss his lips 
Was fain to kiss his clothes." 

After the storm was over, and something like calm 
produced, the life-guards were, by particular desire, put 
through their evolutions, and such a drill I fancy was 
never drilled before. ~No part of it had the slightest 
reference to any military necessity, but was a mere 
hallet faction. If the fellows had to fight in reality, 
they would strip and take a spear. One manoeuvre 
consisted in porting arms, and nothing else, with a 
regularity and pertinacity worthy of a better cause. 
Another still prettier, and equally useful, consisted in 
their casting away their arms of iron (or wood) alto- 
gether, and betaking themselves to their arms of flesh. 
Counter-marching in double lines, they waved them to 
and fro, and in and out, with the most marvellous grace 
and precision, giving the regiment, when seen end on, 
somewhat the appearance of a gigantic red caterpillar, 
trying to walk with its legs uppermost, or twisting in 
mortal agony on its back. 

One is heart-broken to think how miserably mean 
is this description of a most rare and curious scene. 
Even the white residents had never seen any thing 



172 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

like it. It was a sudden outburst of the old pagan 
hospitality, so nearly destroyed by modern civilization. 

Thoroughly knocked up with the noise and excite- 
ment, we went on board the yacht, the queen promis- 
ing to forward the " tons " of presents ; and to follow 
with her family, in the course of an hour or so. 

Soon after luncheon, troops of natives, principally 
women, began to flock on board, and decks were soon 
covered and cabins filled. Such nice, kind, cheery 
souls! There were acres of smiles on board. On a 
portrait of P — — 's mother being shown to one, she 
" clicked " with pleasure, pressed it to her lips, and 
then put it reverently back again ; all done so prettily 
and gracefully as to be a positive delight. On some 
compliment being paid, " Yes," quoth the young lady, 
" I kees it ! " All the English she knew, and about 
the first they learn, I fancy, in these " Paphian bowers." 

Then they proposed singing. " They want to sing ; 
they so glad to see the sheep," explained one. And so 
about twenty of them settled themselves down wher- 
ever they could — a perfect bunch of brown tulips 
bedded in snow — and gave us several pretty melodies 
in the native fashion ; among which we could trace 
the beloved old " Home, sweet home ! " strangely 
altered, but by no means spoilt. 

Soon after arrived the king, queen, and royal suite. 
Her majesty was got down the narrow companion- 
way with extreme difficulty, on account of her enor- 
mous size and weight; which also gave us the most 
extreme uneasiness as to how she was to be got on 
deck again whole. 

The spirit of impropriety having entered P 's 



RARITONGA. 173 

soul, and the missionary being safe on shore, lie pro- 
posed to have some real native dancing and singing. 
The merry old king was by no means averse to a lark, 
and some twenty girls shook themselves down and 
began. 

At first they were, or pretended to be, mighty. shy 
and modest, probably afraid of the authorities ; but 
the king and the chief justice egging them on with 
many a queer quip and crank, they gradually became 

so excited that P began to think that he had 

lighted a fire which it would take some trouble to put 
out. A song in his honor produced a perfect furore, 
and such a cloud of waving handkerchiefs never was 
seen, certainly not in the cabin of the Iliad Albatross. 
Warmer and warmer they grew. Three of the hand- 
somest girls separated themselves from the mass, and 

danced before P , waving their handkerchiefs in 

his face, until at last the very handsomest of them all 
so far lost her head, or her heart, as to declare her 
deep and unalterable affection in terms more pointed 
than proper. 

Alas for her young loves ! The queen, seeing that 
P— — looked a little confused at this public declaration, 
was seized with an attack of the most intense virtue, 
and, rating the unfortunate victim of the tender passion 
soundly and sharply, ordered her to sit down, which 
she did in evident astonishment and confusion. Poor 
dear ! the missionaries had not taught her Latin, or she 
would have known that — 

" Est modus in rebus." 

The fire was, however, by no means put out by the 
extinction of her particular flame, and they performed 



174 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

a really pretty dance — two girls dancing opposite each 
other, and at certain times crossing each, other quickly 
and kissing as they passed. Then things got more 
lively than ever ; and the young ladies, finding the 
cabin warm and their garments cumbersome, evinced 
a strong inclination to assume a garb which Lord Syd- 
ney would not have tolerated for a single moment, even 
at the Alhambra. This was all very well in its -way, 
but under the circumstances would hardly do ; and so, 
with deep regret, the extinguisher was reluctantly but 
firmly put on. 

To the philosophical mind this presence and promi- 
nence of the handkerchief in these amatory saltations 
is very curious. In Japan, it is true, where I am given 
to understand that the art of love-making is carried to 
the highest perfection, it does not obtain, as the Japan- 
ese have not, in the strict sense of the word, any pock- 
et-handkerchiefs to use. But every nation possessing 
pocket-handkerchiefs bring them into play somehow or 
another. Does not the sultan — not the soldan of Ba~ 
beloun, but the sultan of the opera — does he not. like 
a conceited brute as he is, throw his handkerchief at 
his favorite sultana ? Did not I myself, at the Bdile 
National^ up a flight of wooden steps, right-hand side, 
called something or other, in the good town of Seville 
— did not I see Donna Maria Dolores, after a most 
brilliant fandango, cast her handkerchief into the lap 
of the staid and astonished Governor of Gibraltar ? I 
am told by experts that the handkerchief plays a very 
prominent part in those abstruse amusements — " kiss 
in the ring," and, beloved of white New-Zealanders, 
the " French-tig." I never played at them jnyself, 



RARITONGA. 175 

though, their names sound pleasantly, particularly the 
first ; but I have a hazy recollection of seeing a good 
deal of business done with nine or less white pocket- 
handkerchiefs at country fairs, long ago, in some of the 
dances. Indeed, the old paganesque use of the pocket- 
handkerchief seems to have been introduced even into 
religion : why do maid-servants always wrap up their 
prayer-books ? But stop, the subject is expanding too 
rapidly ; let us rejoin the ladies. 

The hint to retire being given, our lady-friends 
packed themselves in the boats as tight as they could 
sit, leaving hardly room for the delighted sailors to 
pull a stroke, though I don't think they tried very 
hard. On the boats grounding in the shallow water, 
with screams and squalls they tucked up their gar- 
ments quite as high as necessary, and squatted on shore 
like a skein of white wild-ducks. Some of them, how- 
ever, preferred the dignity of being carried, and it was 
a sight to see Doui, a most diminutive Norseman, 
strongly suspected of being that sailor's terror, a " Rus- 
sian Finn," staggering to the shore with a skirling 
damsel, thrice as big as himself, perched on his shoul- 
ders. "While he was performing this act of gallantry, 
the boat, frightened by the row, I suppose, drifted into 
the deeper water with half a dozen girls in her, who 
kept the little man trotting about in the water, just 
paddling out of his reach with their hands and laugh- 
ing at him. As he always had a very big lump of to- 
bacco in his very small cheek, he could not laugh in 
return, but one saw his lips strained to cracking. 

Then with extreme difficulty, the queen was got up 
the cabin companion, really, I believe, like a wire, the 



176 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

longer for the process, so tight was the fit, and placed 
in the stern-sheets of our "biggest boat, the nose of 
which immediately cocked out of the water as if aston- 
ished at what had happened. It is rude to talk about 
ladies' weight or lightness, but I really believe that 
her majesty weighed twenty-five good u stun ! " The 
princess royal, the Queen of Atia, her niece, was weight 
for age — well worthy of her, and would have turned 
the scale at fifteen stone easily. She it was who formed 

the heaviest billow which had surged against P in 

the morning, leaving her spray on the top of his head 
in the form of a glorious crown of reva-reva. She w T as 
as great a mass of solid good-nature as ever was seen, 
but within that monstrous bulk were "feelings." 

When P gave her his portrait, she kissed it again 

and again with the most sentimental devotion, and 
pressed it (within a couple of feet) to her beating heart. 
An elephant in love was nothing to it ! 

During our stay at Raritonga a smart Yankee 
whaler arrived, on her way to her southern winter fish- 
ing-grounds. Her skipper, a charming little fellow, 
bright and full of strange experiences, which he told in 
a most enviable style, came on board once or twice for 
doctoring and gossip. Among other things, he pro- 
pounded the strange doctrine that whaling is a safer 
employment than carpentering, taking into considera- 
tion the barking of shins with adzes, the chopping of 
toes with axes, and the mutilation of fingers with 
gouges and chisels. 

As my friend looks now, he is just the sort of man 
I should like to ship with for a cruise, but does he 
always look as he does now ? Pew things are more 



RARITONGA. 177 

curious than the difference one often sees between a 
skipper on shore, on his good behavior, and on board, 
possessed of almost absolute power ; more particularly 
when the first mate is in irons for smashing the second 
mate's skull with a marline-spike ; for half-murdering 
the black cook with a " knuckle-duster ; " for throwing 
a bucket of sludge over the cabin-boy, for shaving the 
ship's cat's tail ! As he is, however, he is- very nice, 
and discourses pleasantly. Whaling seems to be a tre- 
mendous science. Sperms, right-whales, hump-backs, 
sulphur-bottoms, and so on, all being attacked in a dif- 
ferent fashion, suited to their different habits and the 
angle at which the eye is set. If you attack a sulphur- 
bottom at the angle which would suit a sperm, you 
would very speedily find yourself in the place where 
sulphur was a mere drug. The skipper expressed this 
last sentence much more tersely, but I think that that 
is what he meant. He tells us that his Fijians are very 
brave and good harpooners ; he brought two or three 
of them on board, and they looked and spoke as if 
they and he were on good terms. Again — whaling is 
quite safe ; all you have to do is to keep cool, and mind 
the whale's eye : that is all ! "Whales signal danger to 
each other by turning up one of their "flukes," as na- 
tives do their paddles ; and each whale passes on the 
signal to another, and descends into the abyss. When 
you find your boat resting across the flukes of a whale, 
you are in a tight place, and had better get out of it. 
The best thing to do is to jump overboard, and dive as 
far as you can, and then come up again, and be picked 
up by the second boat. It is hardly worth while look- 



178 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

ing for your own, unless you wanted a toothpick. But 
there is no real danger — oh, dear no ! so it seems ! 

When you go to sea, you must either believe all the 
yarns you hear without unravelling them, or none at 
all. I prefer the former course myself. Surely there . 
is no great harm in simply believing what may not be 
strictly true, as long as you do not actually practise on 
it to your own injury or that of society ! 

I remember once, in a dead calm, some distance 
from land, I embarked in the ship's dingy, accompanied 
by one of the most honest, truth-telling seamen I have 
ever met with, and, moreover, a man of intellect, and, 
for his position, considerable cultivation. Our object 
was to disport ourselves with the shooting of sea-fowl, 
which we did right joyously, getting fine steady " pots " 
against the sides of the great rollers, or nipping them 
neatly as they showed over the tops. Moreover, we 
enjoyed the sight, at one moment, of the entire of our 
little schooner, as she showed herself, copper and all, 
at the top of a water-mountain two or three yards off, 
and then wished her good-by ; as all disappeared but a 
yard and a half of her top-masts, with their little gilded 
trucks shining in the sun, as she sunk into the valley 
on the other side. The freckle of the coming breeze 
on the leaden-silver sea warned us on board. On ex- 
posing our spoil, there was a slight murmur among 
the men : " Why, them's Mother Carey's chickens ! " 
" Tut ! " quoth my friend, " don't you see that these 
have got two webbed feet, and is it not a known fact 
that the real Mother Carey has one foot like a cock and 
the other like a duck ? " " 'Tis so, no fear ! " respond- 
ed the growler, and peace was restored. 



EARITONOA. 179 

I like tlie feeling among sailors which prompts 
them to resent the wanton shooting of sea-fowl from 
the deck. In a long sea-voyage the smallest Cape 
pigeon becomes a companion, and gives a sense of life 
and companionship to the " waste of waters." (" "Waste 
of water," growls an old salt, " it ain't a waste of wa- 
ter ! what would navigation do without it \ ") No one 
has any right to shoot a sea-bird except for scientific 
uses or food. They are far too easily killed to give any 
real sport. Fishing for albatrosses and Cape pigeons 
is quite fair ; though in the case of the albatross, what 
is it for a man to set his wit against so foolish a bird % 
This fishing, though the expression may be slightly 
Hibernian, is a strictly legitimate sport. You set your 
intelligence against theirs, and if they lose the game, 
they have no right to grumble at paying the stakes. 
Even if you win your game, you can throw it over- 
board again, not much damaged, and even have a fresh 
deal. I have seen an albatross caught, thrown over- 
board, and caught again, in a very few minutes. But 
shooting the poor brutes is quite another affair ; more 
particularly when, as is generally the case, you have 
no chance of picking them up. I wonder, by-the-way, 
whether they hove-to, to pick up the albatross the an- 
cient mariner shot, or whether it fell on the deck ? I 
suspect the former. His crime was, not honestly fish- 
ing for his bird ; and the rest of the crew got tangled 
up in it by heaving-to and lowering a boat to pick it 
up, wishing to make pipe-stems out of its wing-bones, 
and 'bacco-pouches out of its feet. 

Cape-pigeon catching is to albatross-fishing what 
trouting is to salmon-fishing. The sharp little spotted 



180 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

beauties are cautions, and require fine tackle and. deli- 
cate handling. Small gut roach-hooks, baited with an 
infinitesimal morsel of fat, is the best moyen de jparve- 
nir. Top-baiting with shreds of fat or crumbs of bread 
is very useful. The albatross cares nothing for the 
coarseness of the line ; but there are rules to be ob- 
served even with him, not from his sharpness, but from 
his clumsiness and stupidity. The common idea of his 
pouncing on his prey, and even splitting open the head 
of the man overboard are, as far as I have observed, 
mere moonshine. I know no bird with less picking up 
or striking power when on the wing. I never yet saw 
an albatross which did not sit down, soberly and calmly, 
to his dinner, and even then he was as likely to miss it 
as to get it. Bits of fat, small, and floating from the 
passing ship, or the fragments of squid from the whale's 
jaw, are what he seems to be in quest of, and very hard 
work he seems to have to find them. When an eligi- 
ble morsel appears, there is no lack of convives — -peck- 
ing, cawing, and barking, while the sharp little Cape 
pigeon deftly conveys the morsel from under their 
enormous bills. The life of an ocean-bird in stormy 
weather must be a hard and poor one. I suppose when 
in luck they get a great gorge at once, and that lasts 
them a long time. The albatross rests much more on 
the water than is generally supposed, and when he 
alights he is as careful of wetting the soft tinder-feath- 
ers of his wings as a lady is of protecting the hem of 
her petticoat against the mud of the kennel. To finish 
this albatrossian screed, let me record that an albatross 
in a dead calm is one of the meanest birds on the wing 
I have ever seen. 



RARITONGA. 181 

October 1 4zth. — Still with our brains a whirling mass 
of white muslin, black eyes, glancing teeth, smiles, 
drills, and dancings, as if we had spent a fortnight, all 
night, in the Mohammedan paradise. For want of 
something better to do, we overhauled our presents, 
and here is the account, as made out by Mr. Stevedore 
Mitchell: 

To Presents received. 

1. Two rolls of tappa (chiefs' peculiar), each ninety 
feet by eight. 

2. Thirty native mats (choice). 

3. Sixteen worked baskets (mixed). 

4. Three old native dresses complete, with sea-weed 
trimmings and reva-reva crowns (very valuable). 

5. An ancient sacred staff (the owner having retired 
from the pagan business and entered the ministry). 
Unique, alas ! 

6. Shells (principally of the cowriaginous class). 
Cocoa-nut cups (as per invoice). 

7. Several old stone axe-heads (irreplaceable; very 
like Danish celts). 

8. A sack and a half of raw coffee-berries, about one 
hundred pounds (and they are also at the bottom of the 
sea, every berry of them ! — 

"Deep in the ocean berried"). 

9. Three pigs, one turkey, nine fowls, one bull, or 
bullet, or little bull. 

10. Cocoa-nuts, bananas, yams, etc., etc., ad libitum ; 
which being interpreted means, as much as we can carry. 

The schooner was flooded with natives, almost from 
daybreak. Several chiefs came off, either to bid us good- 



182 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

by, or to' invite us to their houses on the other side of 
the island. One brought a boat-load of fruit and fowls, 
as a special present to our gallant skipper. It really 
seems as if these people could not help giving. 

Our bull arrived, and after some trouble was hoisted 
on to the deck, about which he skated in the most un- 
pleasant manner, doing occasionally four inside edges 
at once, which produced a perfectly new figure of the 
"spread-eagle" pattern, out of which he had to be 
hoisted by main force. He was, however a kindly bull 
of the Raritongian temper, and ate bananas instantly 
out of our hands, in whatever position he found himself. 
All day long the natives had the full run of the ship— 
the cabin full of women, perfectly free and unwatched ; 
and yet not a thing was taken or even asked for, nor 
did they ever for a moment become rude or intrusive. 
These people are most certainly nice, gentle, generous, 
civil, and easy to please. T^e showed them maps, 
pointing out England, or "Britane" and Raritonga, 
which pleased them mightily, evidently proud of being 

in the map at all. Then P showed them Leech's 

sketches in the " Comic History of England," and they 
appreciated them immensely, crowding round with their 
strange " Um, um, um ! click, click, click ! " which is 
their mode of expressing delight and wonder combined. 

When the last batch of visitors had departed, John, 
the jolly old pilot, appeared with his native crew, and 
we prepared to get under way, with some anxiety, as it 
was blowing a fresh breeze right abeam. The only 
way to get out was to make sail, point her head straight 
for the opening, with a couple of strong warps from 
the stem and stern out to windward, and, letting go, 



BAEITONGA. 183 

shoot straight through the opening, that is, if she chose 
to do so. At last all was ready, and ten seconds would 
decide her fate. " Let go the head warp ! " A native, 
who had been watching this signal, threw up his heels, 
and, diving like a seal, pulled the slip-knot with which 
we were made fast to the anchor. " Let go astern ! " 
yelled the pilot, but the skipper would not be hur- 
ried, and let her swing off well at first. " Luff! luff! " 
screamed the pilot. " Mind them traces, or you will 
be all aback ! " " All right ! " quoth the skipper, 
" don't flurry yourself ! keep her off now ! " Coral 
and breakers within ten yards on either side of us. 
" Luff again ! Keep her off ! ISTow ! All clear ! " 
And we drew the deep breath of satisfaction. 

I don't think that you will catch us in that " har- 
bor " again, Master John, though it be the safest in the 
world ! " 



CHAPTEK VIII. 

SAMOA. 

"What a quantity of old things tliere are on tins 
world of ours ! — things so old that one reads of them in 
old, old books, which speak of them as old, even in their 
time — so old that possibly there is no phase of thought 
or action which our race has passed through, in its on- 
ward progress, which is not represented in some hole 
or corner of the existing earth. Even in hackneyed 
old Europe the man who is wise or strong enough to 
wander on foot, comes continually across bits of human 
life which carry him back into ages long past away. 
"We are too apt to talk about " antiquities " as con- 
nected with dead stone and timber, while, in fact, there 
are under our very noses live antiquities — men, women, 
and children, hundreds of years old ; thinking the 
same thoughts, wearing the same garments, and play- 
ing at the same games, that their " forbears " did in the 
misty distance of ages. "When one reads an old Cov- 
entry " miracle-play," for instance, how infinitely far 
off the time seems, when such a form of amusement 
was not only popular but pious ! And yet if you go — 
not to the Ausmeyan affair, which is a new periodical 



SAMOA. 185 

excitement — a " curio," but to Segovia, for instance, 
you will find the real old thing played night after night, 
producing full houses and intense interest in the minds 
of people whose habits of thought are those of the fif- 
teenth century. As for "dress antiquities" — shoe- 
buckles, knee-breeches, and things of that sort — they 
maybe found in many an out-of-the-way German Dorf. 
Nay, do not the coachmen even of our own " upper 
ten " still retain a shadow of the wig which was the 
glory of the great grandfathers of their masters ? Do 
not the farmers' wives in Wales still wear the tall hat 
of the women of England in the seventeenth century, 
under the insane idea that it is a " national " costume, 
and the correct u Cymraig ? " And, again, do not the 
Highlanders of Scotland, under a still more insane idea, 
retain the " Iula " of the South-Sea Islander, calling it 
a " kilt ; " though it is no more 'like the kilt of '45, 
than a Sunday-coat is like a coatamundi ? Do you not 
find there other antiquities in the shape of broadswords 
and bagpipes, and haggises, which were kicked out of 
South Britain as useless and intolerable two hundred 
good years ago ? Antiquities indeed ! Look at South 
Britain herself, with her innumerable old paganisms 
which cunning priests have taught her to look upon as 
pieties, and then "muse," whatever that maybe, on the 
strange way in which some manners and customs are 
drawn out through the ages, like the threads from 
which some insects cannot detach themselves. I have 
seen human beings in Southwestern Australia who were 
older than Adam himself, at least their dresses were, 
for they had not even arrived at the art of sewing their 
wild-beast skins together, which he was taught in para- 



186 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

dise ; being arrayed in a mere dangling mass of foul 
peltry, without either stitch or pocket, except possibly 
that of the original kangaroo-owner. This sort of thing 
is real antiquity, though possibly it ought to be called 
novelty, as the newest thing on the face of the earth, 
we civilized folk being the real ancients by right of age. 
A bothering question ! For we know not how long the 
Australian has been on the earth ; we know not whether 
he may not be the last exercise of the creative power, 
which formed the earliest races of man, still expanded 
into our time, or whether his ancestors were the first 
men placed on the earth millions upon millions of years 
ago. 

We are beginning to see that there is a history of 
our race to be puzzled out on the surface of the globe. 
We are beginning also to see that there is an antiq- 
uity far beyond the antiquity of civilization, or what 
is ordinarily called history; an antiquity which brings 
us dangerously near Darwin and Wallace, and which 
whispers darkly that man, after all, may be but an im- 
perfectly-developed animal : rising higher and higher, 
as the ages roll on, with more perfectly-developed 
organs permitting the freer action of a nobler soul, but 
still, as far as this world is concerned, an animal — an 
integral part of that creation which, as far as our 
finite organs can see, had no beginning and can never 
have an ending. 

New or old, it is worth while to look at the colored 
races of mankind as an instructive collection of fossils, 
which may be studied by the ethnologist as the others 
are by the geologist. There are some very old fossils 
of this sort to be found, like the habit of crouching, 



SAMOA. 187 

not sitting, for instance, which to me always savors 
rather of the remembrance of tails ; or the apey toes, 
useful as hands, to pick up trifles or to hold the wood 
to be ignited or drilled; the sharkey grin, no real 
smile, lighting up the face from within, but the mere 
removal of the lips from the hideously large and 
regular teeth ; or the brown, opaque eye, bloodshotten 
like that of a vicious horse, reminding one of a plover's 
egg with a boiled prune for a yolk, infinitely inferior 
in expression to that of a well-educated dog. These 
are the sort of things I should call human fossils, and 
let us hope that they will be well studied before they 
disappear, for the destruction of Egyptian monuments 
and literature by the early Christians of Alexandria is 
as nothing compared with the effacement of the early 
records of humanity by South-Sea whalers, Yankee 
riflemen, and missionaries, who seem to act as so many 
pieces of moral India-rubber in effacing; the old marks 
and lines of our species. ISTot that it is of any use 
complaining. This rubbing out seems to be a part of 
the great scheme of the world. Who rubbed out the 
history of Stonehenge ? Who smeared out the tale of 
the American tumuli? Quien sdbef Is it that our 
world is such a small slate that it has to be wiped 
clean, ever and again, in order that new generations 
may cipher the better on it, not being puzzled by the 
records of their predecessors' mistakes ? 

There are fossils and fossils, as there are antiquities 
and antiquities ; some coarse and repulsive, some grace- 
ful and pleasing ; some mere flint-chippings, others the 
very perfection of artistic beauty. It is the same with 
our human fossils. Think of the difference between 



188 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

the " black-fellow " of Australia, and the Kanaka of 
the Society Islands ! 

The pleasantest forms of the lmman fossil we have 
ever met with have been in the South Seas. India and 
the East are doubtless highly fossiliferous, and pleas- 
antly so ; but the great mass of specimens have been 
terribly worn, and have lost their real old edging and 
sharpness by civilization. In the South. Seas, spite of 
the missionary, pure, unpolished specimens may still 
be found. 

The missionary has, however, succeeded in very 
nearly destroying one fossil, only to cause the introduc- 
tion of an infinitely more mischievous novelty in its 
place. He has, wherever he could,- destroyed kava, and in 
consequence has caused the introduction of orange-rum. 

The problem of how to get drunk on a piece of dry 
wood, or rather root — for, though kava en bloc looks 
like the former it is the latter — seems at first sight 
rather difficult to solve, but the Kanaka has solved it 
satisfactorily, at least as far as he himself is concerned. 
How the occult properties of such a very untempting 
vegetable ever came to be discovered, one knows as 
little as in the case of Jesuit's-bark, or in fact of any 
wild plant ; and what makes the case of the kava more 
curious than usual, is the fact that not only is the root 
most untempting in aspect, but it requires a peculiar 
preparation in order to develop its qualities. 

How the Kanaka has solved his problem I will tell 
you by-and-by ; what the kava is I will tell you now. 
It is the root of a plant carefully cultivated by the 
natives, to whom it serves the purpose of tea — mate, 
alcohol, coffee, betel, and all that class of stimulants, 



SAMOA. 189 

or u arresters of the decomposition of tissue." The 
plant itself is, I believe, what the man who names the 
plants in Kensington Gardens would call a " pipera- 
ceous shrub." When nibbled, it tastes like a chemist's 
shop in general, but has, withal, a certain peppery pun- 
gency about it by no means unpleasant. 

When I say that the Kanaka has solved the great 
question of how to get drunk on a piece of dry wood, 
do not understand me to mean that he necessarily gets 
drunk every time he drinks kava — far from it ! And 
even if he does exceed, the intoxication produced is very 
different from the riotous, dangerous drunkenness of 
beer or spirits. It was from not understanding this 
that the ignorant and self-conceited men, who were 
taken from the grocer's counter or the cobbler's stall, 
to preach their wretched idea of gospel truth, fell into 
so grave and mischievous a mistake. Kava was utterly 
tabooed, as pertaining to the fiend, and the consequence 
was, that the natives invented in its stead the poison- 
ous and maddening orange-rum, which is never drunk 
without producing an indescribable orgy. Kava, in 
moderation, is quite as harmless and wholesome as tea 
•or tobacco, and I really believe was tabooed more from 
that arrogant fondness for forbidding, which was the 
characteristic of the elder missionaries, and which still 
lingers in some of the more out-of-the-way islands, than 
from any real belief in its mischievous qualities. It is 
hard to believe, but we were told by a missionary, that 
tobacco-smoking is absolutely prohibited in one of the 
Cook's group at this present writing, and that under 
heavy penalties. And these same penalties are not to 
be trifled with. The chiefs have found that immorality 



190 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

may be made a profitable source of revenue, and so 
wish for sin to abound, in order that dollars may still 
more abound — in their own pockets. In fact, as far 
as I can see, so far from eradicating the old vices of 
the islanders, these good people have introduced a new 
one, which was certainly not there before their time ; 
a vice which they possibly brought with them in their 
clothes or faces — that sneaking, slant-eyed rascal, 
Hypocrisy. 

I beg to observe, if you have not already perceived 
it, that kava is only a thought-peg, and I shall hang as 
many thoughts upon it as I like. What right have you 
to drink " kava " after a journey measured by the 
inches of these pages when I had to go thousands of 
miles for it ? 

"What was I going to say ? Oh ! about the abuse of 
kava — not that anybody abuses it in the proper sense 
of the word, except the aforesaid missionaries, but the 
excess of kava. What happens if, in the language of 
Mr. Richard Swiveller, you " pass the rosy " too often ? 
There is the charm of kava — nothing whatever hap- 
pens ! It is a negative, not a positive intoxication. I 
never took too much kava myself, not having had an 
opportunity of doing so ; but I have heard, from those 
weaker or more tempted vessels who have, that it pro- 
duces a quiet and transient state of " nirwana," a sim- 
ple annihilation. Like the farmer in church, you 
"simply puts up your legs and thinks o'nothing." 
Should your convives, in the transition-stage, be lark- 
ily inclined, they will not cork your face or grease your 
boots, but they will stick pins, fish-spears, stingaree- 
stings,' wood-splinters, any handy thing with a point, 



SAMOA. 191 

into you, and yon will blandly smile on them, uncon- 
scious of pain, till you fall asleep. It seems, from all 
accounts, to be a most marvellous anaesthetic, but then 
to be anaesthetized you would require a regiment of the 
strongest-jawed — but this is too precipitate. 

You sleep, say, for twelve hours; and then the 
right thing to do on awakening is to eat a little roasted 
fais, or wild-plaintain — the " soda-water tree," in fact, 
of these regions — and then go to sleep again for any 
number of hours you like. I am told that you are 
none the worse when you wake up finally. The brain 
does not seem to be exhausted, as from the excitement 
of alcohol or opium ; and, in the vernacular, you rise 
as " fresh as paint." I am also informed that, if you 
persist in drinking too much kava, your nose gets red ; 
but, as the European nose in these regions is invariably 
like the claw of a boiled lobster in color, that does not 
much matter. 

It is doubtless wrong and naughty to waste so much 
time in doing nothing, but then even if you were not 
drinking kava you would be equally doing nothing, 
there being nothing to do ; and, if you are asleep for 
twenty-four hours, you may at least be pretty certain 
of being out of mischief for that period. Still be it re- 
membered that kava-drinking to this extent is a very 
exceptionable affair, and that ordinarily it is a mere 
matter of a cup of tea. 

It was at lovely Samoa that I first got initiated 
into the art and mystery of kava-drinking ; an island 
that would be called the loveliest in the world were 
there not scores of others equally lovely, gemming 
that glorious South-Pacific Ocean. We were anchored 



192 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

in the bay of Apia, which forms almost, if not quite, a 
semicircle, barred from the sea by a coral-reef, stretch- 
ing from point to point like the string of a bow. And 
how exquisitely delicious is the curl and flash of the 
never-ceasing surf on the edge of that same reef! 
Great rollers, that come straight up to the coral with- 
out a break, and then, making a startled leap in the 
air, fall with a heavy, crashing thump, which subsides 
into a cooling hiss and swish as it runs up among the 
bright-hued, branching coral. Apia would not be hab- 
itable were it not for the idea of snow and coolness 
which the foam of the breaking water gives one in the 
blazing, shimmering heat. 

This same reef is rather remarkable as one of the 
few stations in the world where the polulu fishing, or 
rather worming, is carried on. These singular creatures 
—long black and green annelides, from two inches to 
two feet long, and as thick as a crow-quill — pullulate 
quite suddenly on the reef, where the water is a foot 
or two deep, twice a year, and always at a time so cer- 
tain that the natives turn out with almost unerring ac- 
curacy for the fishing. This year the crafty polulu 
chose Sunday for their first appearance, and, as the 
greatest rascal on the island told me — " Sunday is a 
great day in religion," they escaped a whole day. 
The swarm only lasts two days, and only then for an 
hour or two before sunrise. Polulu-fishing is one of 
the great larks of Apia. You turn out in an outrigger- 
canoe at four in the morning, and find yourself in the 
dark among a cloud of others, filled with men, women, 
and children — laughing, squalling, skirling, and flirt- 
ing, the noise almost overcomiDg the incantations of 



SAMOA. 193 

some of the old women, who sing either to the sea or 
some sea-goddess to pullulate. Polulus eat plentifully 
and prodigiously, all waiting for the first tinge of light 
to guide them to their prey. Your fishing apparatus 
consists of any thing you can get, from a bit of matting 
up to a magnificent net made out of a piece of window- 
curtain stretched on a bent stick, like a battledoor. 

As the light increases you become aware of the 
fact that the water is alive with myriads of wriggling 
worms : you have but to dip and you bring up lumps 
of writhing stuff, which puts one in mind of the con- 
fused mass of battle-stars' legs which you bring up 
sometimes in the dredge. This you empty into your 
bucket or calabash, and dip again There is no law 
on the water on these occasions. If you see Moe in 
a good place, you are perfectly justified in twisting her 
canoe round by the outrigger and taking it yourself. 
If Toe is flirting instead of attending to her polulu, you 
have a perfect right to reach over and empty her bucket 
into yours ; and if she splashes you with her paddle 
you splash her with yours— you won't spoil her clothes — 
and so the fun goes on. The dawn gradually gets 
clearer and clearer, bringing out the splendid statu- 
esque figures fishing for big fish, on the outer edge of the 
reef, with long bamboos, in the most artistic manner, 
casting their bait of squid into the very surf itself; 
until at last — 

" Nor dim, nor red, like God's own head, 
The glorious sun uprist ! " 

and sends his level rays gleaming through the blue- 
water walls of the surf. Then instantly all the sport 
ceased. The polulu vanished, not to reappear for six 
9 



194 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

months more ; and skylarking, racing, and splashing, 
we all sped homeward. On examining my share of 
the spoil, I found that I had got a quart or more of the 
aforesaid worms ; and certainly any thing which looked 
more hopelessly uneatable I never saw. I had got my 
white elephant, but what to do with him I knew not. 
But instructed by the charming. Coe — (I put an accent 
on the e to prevent scandal) — I learned that they should 
be wrapped in a piece of banana-leaf and baked ; more- 
over, that they would keep for a long time if they were 
occasionally rebaked, so as to keep them dry. When 
cooked I found that I had by no means a disagreeable 
mess before me, more like a lump of dark spinach than 
any thing else. In taste it was like a mixture of 
spinach, laver, and crab ; and with oil, vinegar, and 
cayenne, was by no means to be despised. On toast, 
like caviare, it was also very good. Almost the only 
objection to it was a slight suspicion of that very disa- 
greeable coral-smell which always puts me in mind of 
phosphorus. 

To show how accurate are the calculations of the 
natives, let me mention that we all turned out the next 
morning (Tuesday), and did not collect a tablespoonful 
of polulu among the whole fleet. The crafty brutes 
had taken advantage of the Sabbatarianism of the na- 
tives, and swarmed on Sunday. 

If I remember right, it was on this day that I first 
tasted that suave and delectable liquor " Monongahela 
whiskey;" but what liquor would not have been am- 
brosial, presented by the rosy-brown finger-tips of Coe 
herself, as a consolation for our disappointment ! 

To say that Apia is in the South Seas, is almost to 



SAMOA. 195 

say that the shore is fringed with a noble belt of eocoa- 
palms (I spell it coco, but I am by no means sure that 
it should not be TcoTcer). Around the feet of these are 
masses of hibiscus-bushes, all ablaze with crimson-and- 
yellow flowers ; other plants there are which we cannot 
distinguish by the eye, but every light waft of air from 
the land bears with it Sabean odors, which fully realize 
one's old fancies about the spice-islands : indeed, lovely 
Apia, to the best of my recollection, is the only place 
where the sweet scent of land-flowers is distinctly per- 
ceptible at sea. Scattered about beneath the trees are 
the bright white houses of the European settlers ; and 
kindly, pleasant, and hospitable houses they are — Eng- 
lish, American, and German, vying with each other to 
make the stranger at home in a strange land. "Beside 
them nestle more modestly the brown huts of the na- 
tives, built generally of cunningly-interwoven palm- 
leaves, a real brown hamlet. This native town is just 
now in a somewhat dilapidated condition, in conse- 
quence of a prolonged " war of succession," caused by 
the too evenly-balanced state of the different parties. 
There is a truce for the moment patched up, I think 
mistakenly, by the missionaries. It will prove but a 
hollow one if all I hear is true. 1 

Behind the cocoa-fringe, the land sweeps up into 
lovely wooded hills some four thousand feet high, not 
so abruptly picturesque, perhaps, as the general tone 
of the Society Islands, but marked with beautiful curves 
and long, graceful sweeps of vivid green. Here and 
there, valleys permit one to see far away up into the 

1 This has since proved to be correct. If they had been allowed to 
fight it out at once, it would have been much better. 



196 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

mysterious heart of the hills, where many a strange 
and weird thing may be enacting at this moment in 
the gloom of the forest. Far away is the gleam and glit- 
ter of an enormous water-fall, marking the green with 
a silver bar, which it takes a whole long day's walking 
to reach. The timber, generally, is finer than that of 
the Society Islands, and the varied richness of the col- 
oring infinitely superior. Much of the beauty of the 
Society Islands has been injured by the guava-shrub, 
which has overrun large tracts, and gives an unpleasant 
monotone to the landscape. 

The land generally has an older look than the 
islands to the northeast. Every thing is rounder and less 
abrupt; there are fewer buttresses of trap, standing 
out like black, ruined castles from the green hill-sides ; 
and the lines seem washed down to their present angle 
by the gentle hand of Time, instead of being decided 
by the mad dice-throw of the volcano. "When we pen- 
etrate into the interior, indeed, we find ravines, sharp 
and abrupt enough to be highly picturesque in the true 
sense of the word, though even there the grimmest of 
crags has almost invariably decked his bald pate with 
the loveliest greenery. Oh, the heat of those breath- 
less ravines ! the black rocks seem to pulsate and throb 
under its intensity — heat too great, even, for the native 
birds, who sit silent and gasping on the branches, long- 
ing for evening — a dead silence, broken only by the 
occasional solemn boom of a pigeon dreaming of love 
in his doze. One odd thing connected with these ra- 
vines is the fact that the higher you go the more water 
you find. You toil up over gigantic lava-bowlders, pol- 
ished as glass, and slip off them up to your ankles into 



SAMOA. 197 

dry and dusty volcanic sand, till your soul is parched 
•within you, and a ghastly terror takes possession of you 
that, as there is no water where there is generally most, 
there will be none where there is generally least. It 
is not so, however. Unlike the Thames, which begins, 
I believe, in half a mile of dusty land, and expands in 
its brimming breadth as it approaches the sea, a Sa- 
moan stream begins in bubbling plenty and ends in 
utter drought a mile or two from the salt-water. Grad- 
ually as you ascend you become more and more hope- 
ful ; moist patches of sand appear here and there, then 
tiny pools that a fallen leaf might cover, then larger 
ones, with little, thread-like runs of water between 
thetii ; larger and larger, till at last you reach some 
hard ledge of trap, over which a glorious stream gur- 
gles and splashes into a pool ample enough for the bath 
of an elephant, and you cast yourself down and plunge 
in your face to the ears. There are fishes in these 
pools — brisk, bright little fellows, shaped exactly like 
small dace, with bright-yellow tails and fins, cruising 
about in wee shoals, and rising at the tiny flies in the 
most sportive manner. Wait a little quietly, and from 
under the stones will come a purple-and-red crawfish, 
of no small size, who will winkle and twinkle at you 
with that strange expression of mystery and concealed 
wisdom, which is after his kind. Here in the cooler 
part of the ravine come the birds to drink toward the 
afternoon. Splashing and dipping within a yard of 
you, and looking up ever and anon, as if to ask you to 
appreciate their enjoyment. Lovely little black-and- 
crimson honey-birds, and jolly, little impudent " ripi- 
duras" (pardon the word; if you do not like it I must 



198 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

give you a still harder Maori one), who flirt, and chir- 
rup, and coquet with you within reach of your hand : 
singing, I heard none — but the boom of the pigeon is 
wondrous pleasant and drowsyfying, and suiteth well 
with tobacco. 

Before the ruthless missionary came there was a 
pleasant idyllic sort of sport in these valleys — now, I 
fear, vanished forever. The sport in itself was utterly 
harmless, but was tabooed (horrid word !) as leading to 
possible harm. It was a species of pigeon-fancying. 
The great delight of the natives was to build a bower 
of branches green, just large enough to cover them se- 
curely, and then, placing a tame pigeon outside, to en- 
sconce themselves within, waiting until his or *her 
blandishments tempted down a wild bird to indulge in 
a little flirting ; then slowly and cautiously emerged the 
brown paw of the concealed Samoan, and the wild bird 
was wild no more. This was not for the base purpose 
of eating the beauty, but merely that the cocoa-leaf hut 
should have a pet the more. 

" I have found out a gift for my love, 
I have found where the wood-pigeons breed " — 

sort of business. How could harm spring from this ? 
But it did, or was supposed to do so ; which to the nose 
of your true " Smelfungus " is the same thing. It hap- 
pened in this wise : It was not absolutely necessary to 
go alone to the mountain to enjoy the sport ; indeed, 
on the contrary, the long hours of waiting, day or night, 
rather made a companion desirable, and so they w T ent in 
pairs, and, as Pistol would have said — 

" Conclusions past their careires." 

"Smelfungus" not being inclined to superintend 



SAMOA. 199 

the pigeon-fancying portion of his flock personally, an 
act which would necessitate some active physical exer- 
tion, put a stop to the whole affair, and so there is no 
more Strephon-and-Chloe-ing on the ridges of Samoa. 
Is it not strange that on both sides of the equator those 
innocent little birds, the pigeons, should, as Eob the 
Grinder pathetically complains, lead to so much mis- 
chief? 

Dr. Grafe, a naturalist working this glorious island, 
told me that one day he was as nearly as possible com- 
mitting Samoacide in one of these valleys. Seeing a 
pigeon fluttering about in a curious way, he stalked it, 
and w T as just on the point of firing, when a gray pate 
and brown face popped up through a hole in a heap of 
leaves and demanded quarter. 

By-the-way, these islands are rather famous for their 
pigeons, though I saw nothing to equal the lovely lit- 
tle green, mauve, and yellow gems we used to get in 
the Isle of Pines and ISTew Caledonia. One of the most 
remarkable here is a reddish-brown bird, rejoicing, I 
believe, in the euphonious name of didunculus, which 
is confined to these islands. Even in Samoa it is so 
rare as to have been supposed to be nearly extinct, until 
the present war drove skirmishing-parties into out-of- 
the-way places, where they discovered rookeries (all 
breeding-places of birds or seals are rookeries in the 
South Seas), and we were fortunate enough to procure 
a pair. Its great peculiarity is that it seems to be 
doing its best to grow into a parrot, its bill being thick- 
ened and notched in a most un-pigeonesque fashion — 
a fact dear to Darwinians. May I state, as one of the 
few Europeans who have ever tasted it, that its flesh is 



. 200 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

brown and delicious ! There is another pigeon, much 
petted, which is called, in Samoan, tu eimeo, or some- 
thing like it; which, being interpreted, means "the 
pigeon which is sulky with its food," which seems a 
great deal to be contained in so small a word. It seems 
that the natives after eating have a custom -of washing 
their mouths and hands, and casting the water outside, 
leaving a moist splash at the entrance of the hut. The 
tame pigeon, coming to share the family -meal, feels 
hurt at his friends not having waited dinner for him, 
and flies away to a tree to sulk with injured dignity. 
Knowing this peculiarity of temper, evil boys splash 
the ground outside the hut before dinner has com- 
menced, with the certainty of hurting the feelings of 
the fowl. 

These Samoans are wonderful bird-tamers, which I 
think arises from their slow and gentle movements ; 
nothing abrupt, brusque, or startling — all calm and 
quiet. He who wishes to make a friend of a cat must 
follow their example. 

Coming down from our ravine, we pass through a 
wilderness of imported plants and shrubs, flourishing 
in wild luxuriancy. That red-and-brown flow^er, which 
makes such pretty wreaths for the girls' heads, and the 
down from whose pods is so dangerous to the eyes, is 
an importation, Heaven knows how, from America; 
and not only is it an importation, but it has imported 
its own butterfly with it, that splendid yellow-and- 
brown fellow who looks as if he had got half his color 
from his natal flower. Here we push through a bush 
of indigo, then through one of bright, glittering green 
coffee, through which shoots the green pillar of the 



SAMOA. 201 

quaint, prim, but pretty papaw — here used only for 
feeding fowls, the natives being ignorant of its tender- 
izing effect on beefsteaks, had they any beefsteaks to 
tenderize. Even nutmeg-trees are here, but I am given 
to understand that they are not the real Banda species. 

As we pass along we hear a skirling and a splash- 
ing, and come plump upon a bevy of island beauties, 
disporting themselves in a pool of muddy water, hav- 
ing first filled their calabashes, which stand in order on 
the bank. The water is so mudd3 T as fully to act the 
part of garments, more particularly as it is much the 
color of their skins, and they joyously splash and 
shriek, and ask for tobacco. Asking for tobacco seems 
here to mean little more than a form of kindly greeting. 
They begin to beg a little here ; from Tahiti to Samoa 
we were never asked for a single thing ; and even here 
the begging is of the very mildest possible form, par- 
ticularly to those hardened by the perpetual "back- 
shish" of the East. Indeed, among many of these 
people, not only is begging or asking for a thing un- 
known, but they have no word to express thanks or 
gratitude. If they want a thing (among themselves) 
they take it, expecting their neighbors to do the same 
by them. There are no thanks, because it is a right, 
not an obligation, and there is nothing to be thankful 
for : to a certain extent the Sam "Wellerian form of 
philosophy, " If I wanted a thing I took it, for fear I 
might be led to do something wrong for want of it." 

As we emerge from the thicket on to the bright 
white beach of coral-sand, the sun's rays are beginning 
to slant, and the natives to wake up from their siesta. 
As we pass along, however, we may still see some of 



202 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

tliem enjoying their nap, sheeted from head to foot in 
white tappa, and the back of the neck reposing on a 
bamboo rest, to save the treasured head-dress ; they 
have rather a ghastly look, and a stranger might easily 
mistake them for " streekit corpses." 

The cause of this wrapping up is those most infer- 
nal flies. Apia is certainly the very headquarters of 
Beelzebub, where " each man walks with his head in a 
cloud of poisonous flies " by day, and where by night 

" Most wttdelightful is the ceaseless hum " 

of that most hateful of created beings, the mosquito. 
There is no sound in ISTature expressive of such venom- 
ous, acrid spite, as the "ping" of a mosquito; and 
though they rarely bite me, the mere wickedness of the 
expression keeps me awake many a hot and weary 
hour. The only sound I know at all to be compared 
with it, is a peculiar way women have of saying " my 
dear " to each other. 

This superabundance of winged life has been the 
origin of one characteristic of Samoa — the fly-flap, 
which every one with the slightest pretension to re- 
spectability carries as invariably as we do an umbrella. 
These fly-flaps are made of delicately-plaited cocoa-nut 
fibres, attached to a prettily-carved handle about a foot 
long, and when not in use are carried gracefully over 
the right. shoulder. When in council, the sages, lean- 
ing on a long staff, whisk it solemnly to and fro, and 
seem to consult it as a Japanese does his fan, or a Lev- 
antine his string of amber beads. 

As we saunter along, we find our course impeded 
by a broad, bubbling brook, and we pause for a mo- 



SAMOA. 203 

ment to decide whether we will pull off our shoes and 
stockings, or walk through with them on ; a problem 
I always, somehow or another, find it difficult to solve. 
Indeed, it is not as easy as it looks. If you walk 
through with them on, you are bored to death by that 
abominable squelching which proceeds from shoes full 
of water ; and if without them, you are perfectly cer- 
tain to tread on some infernal thing or another, which 
sends you hopping and " cussing " for half an hour 
after. I know few things more difficult to do than 
taking a splinter out of the sole of your foot while 
standing on one leg, particularly in a strongish stream. 

We, however, are saved the trouble of deciding, 
by half a dozen strapping young fellows offering their 
backs, with every sign of good-nature and civility. 
If you want to get the tone of our bearers without 
going round the world, remember Yelasquez's Borra- 
cios at Madrid ; they are wonderfully South-Sea. 

The opposite side of the stream brings us face to 
face with the horrors of war — desolate taro-patches, 
ashes of burnt huts, and the stumps of charred cocoa- 
trees. Was it not the French in Egypt who conceived 
the brilliant idea of injuring the enemy by killing the 
male palms ? See what science can do iu the way of 
labor-saving ! Here the savage burns down all his 
enemies' palms indiscriminately. 

Soon we reach the settlement, built since the peace, 
and showing, by the flimsiness of the workmanship of 
the huts, that there is no very strong belief in its con- 
tinuance. They are generally simple, low-eaved af- 
fairs — some not more than four or five feet high, some 
six or seven, oval, aixd from ten to twenty and even 



204 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

thirty feet long — a mere ridge-roof of interwoven 
palm-leaves supported by posts. The low eaves make 
them dark and cool inside, and they are always clean 
and neat ; the bright matting which covers the floor 
making the most perfect of carpets for a hot climate. 

What small cooking they require is generally done 
outside, but I have not unfrequently seen a small, 
square fireplace inside the huts, more for lighting 
cigars, I fancy, than for roasting bread-frait or plan- 
tains. 

Bending low, we enter the hut of the chief, at an 
undignified angle of forty-five degrees, which produces 
a sense of shyness. It is not pleasant to present your- 
self to a society of grave and reverend seigniors in the 
attitude of a telescope, and one slinks shyly to the place 
pointed out to one. There is etiquette here ; you must 
sit cross-legged, or at least with one leg doubled under 
you ; to sit with both legs extended is an unpardon- 
able impropriety. It is bad to lean against the wall 
of the hut, as the chances are that it gives way unex- 
pectedly, and leaves you on the broad of your back 
gazing upward into the faces of the astonished out- 
siders. Put your back against one of the supporting 
posts, where, if not comfortable, you are safe. The 
great drawback to this position is the fact that these 
posts seem as " arm-racks," and around them are ar- 
ranged the chief's stock of "fire-irons," from the old 
brass-bound Tower musket to the smart new match- 
Enfield, with its platinum-lined back-sight. Hound 
the hut are seated the principal chiefs, glimmering 
with palm-oil, and dressed for the most part in the 
simple " tappa," " sulu," or kilt. By-the-w^ay, is this 



SAMOA. 205 

word " tappa " derived from the rap-tap-tapping noise 
produced in its manufacture ? 

The chiefs and great men who sit around us are all 
men of mark, though there is but little to distinguish 
them from the profane vulgar, as far as dress goes. 
Among the most remarkable of them is a fine young 
fellow, who has lately fought his way to high eminence, 
by storming, almost single-handed, one of the enemy's 
fortifications ; and, not content with that, using it, Nel- 
son-like, as a bridge to storm others : and be it remem- 
bered that these fortifications are something serious — 
good wall-and-ditch work. 

The sulu in which the men were dressed permit- 
ted us to see their glorious forms in full perfection, and 
there are few finer races in the world than these Sa- 
moans — a little heavy and provincial, perhaps, and 
wanting somewhat of the delicate grace of their cous- 
ins to the southeast, but still magnificent men. We 
fancied that they had more decided and aquiline noses 
than the Society-Islanders. Time was when I used to 
think that no sculptor of the " nude " could ever be 
worth his salt, unless he had spent a year or two in 
Africa. Now, I should most certainly send him to the 
Society Islands, where he will see his fellow-men as 
they ought to be — not cramped from infancy by strange 
ligatures and straps and shoes, but with every life-bear- 
ing artery and vein unconfined, permitting the perfect 
development of every part. No sacrifice of one to 
the other as with us, but a true harmonious balance of 
the w T hole. "We are apt to boast, and not without some 
reason, that we are not as other nations are, as regards 
the early physical education of the more fortunate of 



206 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

our children, but we are as far behind these islanders, 
in some of the mysteries of early infant training, as we 
are before the Flathead Indians. 

My brown friend on my left is not a Flathead In- 
dian, though his head looks as if it had gone through 
some queer squeezing process early in life, which makes 
him look very different from the rest of the society. 
So odd was his look, that I could not help studying 
him, and he seemed flattered with my attention. His 
forehead ran up to a peak — not a Shakespearian peak, 
but a sharp point, something in the style the profane 
used to draw poor old Louis Philippe, in the days of 
the great pear-joke. There the resemblance ended, for 
instead of the heavy masses of skin which hung over 
the eyes, and the heavy jowl of " Le Eoi Poire," the 
eyes are as clear set as a diamond an jour, and the lips 
and jaw sharp and cleanly cut ; the lips thin, not as to 
the inverted part, but from without inward — so thin, 
as to make one fancy that one could see the markings 
of the teeth through them— mobile and in constant ac- 
tion, as if the very muscles thought, or at least, an- 
swered every thought ; and so the muscles of the mouth 
do till weaned out of the practice by civilization and 
society. I will wager that Touchstone had many such 
a queer buccal twist — not a grin, but rather a bottling 
in, as it were, of the half-developed whimsicalities. 
This sort of mouth is by no means rare in Italy. There 
was something in my neighbor's eye, too, which struck 
me — an eye which did not like to be found put ; not 
from conscious rascality, but from the perception of 
some hidden absurdity which would not do for the 
general public — an eye capable of giving very quiet 



SAMOA. 207 

and solemn winks to itself — a Touchstone eye 
again. 

How it fell out I know not ; whether we winked at 
each other, and found a similarity of souls in that 
simple action, or that the mysterious ether of Tomfool- 
dom, emanating from each, of us, intermingling, caused 
a mutual recognition, must forever remain a question. 
But the fact is, that the recognition took pl&ce. Neg- 
lecting the great ones of the earth — chiefs, consuls, and 
earls — he attached himself to me alone, and, taking the 
palm-leaf fly-flap from my hand, he fanned me with an 
expression of the most intense interest and affection. 
He was the court fool. 

Being late, we found that our friends w T ere weary 
of waiting, and had already prepared their five-o'clock 
kava, which was being strained by an ordinary native 
woman, by means of a handful of vegetable fibre. This 
was evidently a nice operation ; I don't mean what 
Prescott Hewett would call " a nice operation," but one 
requiring considerable care. A general clapping of 
hands indicated, either that they were glad they were 
going to have their kava, or were impatient of further 
delay — I rather believe the former; and a pleasant- 
looking slip of a lad presenting half a cocoa-nut shell 
to the woman, she squeezed about half a tumblerful 
of the gruelly fluid into it. Then the talking-man of 
the chief chanted out the name of the man to whom 
it was to be delivered, adding a string of compli- 
ments, a sort of Samoan, " for he's a jolly good fel- 
low " business. The proper thing is, to clap your hands 
gently when you hear your name mentioned, to show 
that you appreciate the compliment, but are not proud. 



208 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

You should also look a little the other way in a dep- 
recating manner, as though to say u Oh, dear ! you're 
very kind, hut — " You take the bowl, drain it, and 
cast it with a graceful skim on to the mat-covered floor. 
A slight grunt, something like the throat-clearing 
"Hnm'm ! " of the old Puritans, thrown in here, does 
well, and indicates a genteel satisfaction. The first 
drink is given to the greatest chief, the next to the 
highest talking-man, then another chief, then another 
talking-man, and so on. I thought this a very graceful 
recognition of the nobility of intellect, among a race 
so aristocratically inclined as to have two distinct dia- 
lects, a court and a plebeian one. I w T as most glad to 
see that my friend Touchstone was by no means the 
last man to have his drink served out to him. I would 
have given a deal to know what he said, for he is looked 
upon as the sayer of infinite good things; but who 
could translate his winks, let alone his words ? 

About this time a performance took place which 
disturbed the local color, and somehow put me in 
mind of Baker Street — a place I hate. The chiefs 
wife, a good and genial soul, with her hair cut short 
to her poll, and a sore hand, but such a pretty one ! 
had a tray of tumblers before her — vile glass grog- 
tumblers, filled with cocoa-nut water (it is not milk, or 
any thing like it), specially prepared for us slaves of 
civilization. I would none of it, as disturbing to the 
proper kava frame of mind. 

After the bowl of kava was finished there was a 
pause— a pause of contentment and satisfaction — and, 
looking out of the corner of my eye into the glorious 
golden sunshine, I saw that something great was in 



SAMOA. 209 

preparation outside. "What I saw I cannot describe 
in words. Titian might have sketched it in a happy 
moment, or Velasquez have made a painted poem of 
it ; but my poor pen and ink are utterly unable to pro- 
duce the slightest outline worthy the original. Let 
me merely hint that it was as though brown angels 
were undressing and dressing themselves, or rather 
vice versa, for, when I think on't, they put on a great 
deal less than they took off. The " tiring-room " was 
a small hut of cocoa-leaves, and branches of small bush 
— the bare stumps of the bushes which had furnished 
their quota standing thickly about it, to the no small 
danger of the bare toes of the rank and fashion 
assembled around, evidently brimful of expectation. 
They were utterly without rudeness, and infinitely 
better mannered and behaved than the surging mass 
of snobbism which thrusts its snub nose into the car- 
riages of ladies going to a drawing-room at home. 

At last, from under the leaves of the tiring-room 
appeared a figure of strange loveliness, which fairly 
took my breath away. Shimmering in the golden set- 
ting sunlight, like a gun-metal (not bronze) statue, 
stood a live princess — the princess, the greatest beauty 
and richest match in all Samoa. A really beautiful 
creature, in all her half-developed early girlhood. 
Self-possessed, gentle, and modest, every movement 
and gesture showed the true lady. Her face was a 
face one could dream of as that of the reigning beauty 
of the court of an early Tothmes. Her only dress was 
a most beautiful mat, soft and lissom as the most on- 
doyant satin, wound round her hips with exquisite 
grace, the fringe below hardly hiding her dainty little 



210 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

feet, that — (No ! I won't quote Suckling this time. I 
wonder how many of those who do ever read the origi- 
nal ballad ?) Pier charming head was — it pains me to 
say so — shaved, but still so shaved as by no means to 
detract from the general effect ; on the contrary, to an 
eye accustomed to the weird head-dressings of Euro- 
pean women, it was rather pretty than otherwise. The 
forehead alone was shaved, and down her pretty shoul- 
ders hung a long and ample lock of straight brown 
hair. "Whatever unartistic there might have been 
about this was relieved by a glorious wreath of in- 
tensely crimson hibiscus-flowers, which would have 
utterly "put out" any European face, but which 
lighted hers up like — well! like r — ge. Round her 
neck she wore a double row of crimson berries, as large 
as small walnuts, and altogether a daintier darling, or 
a more graceful, eyes have seldom seen. With her 
was another girl, stout and handsome and more fully 
developed, but utterly without her grace and delicacy. 
This was her maid of honor. She was dressed in a kilt 
of white tappa, particularly high kilted ; also, she wore 
a wreath of hibiscus-flowers, but, as showing the neces- 
sity of her inferior beauty being heightened by ad- 
ventitious ornament, or as a hint of her wealth rather 
than her breeding, she wore diamonds, that is, the 
representatives of diamonds in these parts — a necklace 
of sperm-whales' teeth scraped down so fine as to look 
like the claws of some gigantic tiger — a necklace of 
utterly incalculable value ! 

The two girls seated themselves gracefully on 
beautiful mats spread in the sunshine outside, and the 
great kava-bowl was placed before them with mighty 



SAMOA. 211 

care and reverence. It was hewn out of a single block 
of dark wood, oval in shape, some two or three feet 
long, by half as much broad ; very shallow, and sup- 
ported on elephantine legs. I am told that your kava- 
bowl should be old ; it is not good to put netv kava 
into new bowls ; something in the sap of the wood., I 
suppose, acts on the kava at first ; the test of excel- 
lence is, that the interior and lips are of a fine golden 
bronzy tint, like that on good old Japan-ware. 

The princess looked to her maid of honor "Am I 
all right ? " and the maid of honor looked back " Love- 
ly ! " — and so they sat and were admired of all. 

Then the point of interest changed to the interior 
of the hut in which we were sitting. A great officer 
handed a lump of kava-root, about the size of half a 
cottage loaf (the bigger the root the better the kava) 

to the great chief, who, casting it gracefully at P 's 

feet, said, " Let this be a sign of friendship between 

us." Upon which P- , being properly instructed, 

cast it gracefully back again to him, and answered, 
" Let it be prepared for our mutual gratification." 
(Mem. — I am not responsible for these translations ; 
I suspect the last word ought to be "jollification.") 
The lump of dried root was then handed to the high 
official, who, bearing it to where the girls were sitting, 
chopped small, thin slices off it with a wild-looking 
billhook, and laid them before them. After carefully 
rinsing their mouths with a cocoa-nutful of fresh water, 
each beauty took a bit and commenced the process of" 
— chewing ? Pah ! — Mastication ? Bah ! let us say 
rumination ; steadily, quietly, and nicely, as the dain- 
tiest Alderney in her grace's fancy dairy. This may 



212 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

sound strange, and possibly even disagreeable to some, 
but I declare that there was a grace and dainty deli- 
cacy about the whole thing, even to the way they 
picked up the chips of kava with their slender finger- 
tips—that had its charm. I should as soon have 
thought of quarrelling with a " Cordon-bleu" for dip- 
ping his forefinger into the sauce to test its quality, as 
feeling offended by any part of the process. The young 
ladies did not ruminate entirely alone ; near them sat 
a stalwart young fellow, who, turning half away from 
them and us, quietly took up a piece, and, judging 
from the action of his jaws, ruminated too. This is 
the thing to do — the delicate thing — the nice thing ! — ■ 
the real, quiet, unobtrusive way of showing your nas- 
cent affection ! You help her to ruminate kava. I am 
not, I trust, more than properly envious of other men's 
good parts, or social accomplishments ; but I confess 
that I should have liked to ruminate for her better than 
he did! But, after all, it might have been that*he 
ruminated only for the maid of honor. I thought I 
saw the faintest twinkle of a wink hover for a moment 
in the corner of her eye — if so, well ! If not, may he 
come a cropper the next time he carries the missionary 
over the bowlder-encumbered stream — and then, my 
word ! 

After about ten minutes or a quarter of an hour, 
three balls of vegetable matter, each the size of a larg- 
ish walnut, were placed in the bowl. The young la- 
ddies then filled it with fair water, stirred all up slight- 
ly, and then entered the hut in which we were sitting, 
seating themselves at the end opposite to us. The 
bowl was then brought in and placed before them, and 



SAMOA. 213 

the second act of tlie mystery began. Taking a large 
handful of the white inner-bark fibres of the hibiscus, 
the princess dipped it into the bowl, and then, with 
many a graceful twist and twirl of her dainty hands, 
wrung out the fluid part of the mess ; repeating this 
again and again, the gruelly fluid became clearer and 
clearer, the fibres of the bark retaining the vegetable 
debris of the kava-root within its interstices. This was 
really a pretty business from the great grace and deli- 
cacy with which H. E. H. managed her hands and 
arms. Sir Joshua would have made a glorious picture 
of her- as "La Belle Blanchisseuse," portrait of her 
grace the Duchess of Washington washing her own 
lace. u But Lord ! " as Pepys would say, " to see the 
care her maid of honor had of her, though brown, and 
how she guarded her mat against the drippings." 

A shy, coquettish smile told the company that the 
kava was ready, and we clapped our hands as gracefully 
as we could : taking a carefully-shredded handful of 
hibiscus-fibres in her dainty fingers, she dipped it into 
the bowl, and squeezed it into the cocoa-nut, which 
went merrily round till all was done. 

I was really surprised to find how utterly free from 
all unpleasant associations the process was ; that is, if 
you did not look too closely, and I drained my first 
bowl of kava without hesitation, whatever my secret 
fears of the consequences might have been. It struck 
me as tasting like thin gruel, into which the slightest 
suspicion of white pejfper and rhubarb had been cast ; 
and, though possibly not particularly pleasant, it left a 
warm, stimulating flavor on the palate, which I can 
well believe might become, through use, exceedingly 



214 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

refreshing and agreeable in this exhausting climate. 
I waited patiently for all sorts of effects, mental and 
physical, but none came ; I might as well have drunk 
half a bottle of flat ginger-beer, for that matter. 

When we had finished the bowl, the young ladies 
giggled and flirted among themselves for a time, either 
making personal remarks upon us, or remarking the 
effect their own personalities had upon us. Then 
entered men bearing mighty baked fishes in woven 
baskets, which they laid at our feet. One of them was 
an enormous file-fish, eight or ten pounds' weight, 
with his great jagged dorsal spine sticking out of his 
back like a boat's mast. We needed no warning to 
eat none of him, his own recommendation preceded 
him from afar, and a morsel for politeness' sake was 
enough ; he was, however, borne solemnly to the yacht, 
whence he was, on our arrival on board, most promptly 
returned to his native element. 

A little smoking and a little conversation served as 
a screen to the proceedings of our young lady-friends 
at the other end of the hut, who were evidently in a 
state of preparation for something or another, having 
been joined by two others apparently of like mind to 
themselves. As for their hair-dressing, they were 
much like the princess and her maid of honor ; but as 
to their ornaments they were different : instead of 
flowers they wore coronals, made of the last pearly 
whorl of the nautilus-shell, sewn on a bandeau of 
some material, a really pretty head-dress. Let me 
remark, while these preparations are going on, that 
these hair-dressings and head-dressings are serious 
things among the young ladies of Samoa — that is to 



SAMOA. 215 

say, among the unregenerate. When a young lady 
joins the church or forms a connection, matrimonial 
or otherwise, with a white man, she lets her hair grow, 
and all the mystery and poetry of the thing is gone. 
Among the unconverted, however, there are certain 
capillary signals understood by the initiated. For ex- 
ample, the lock or tail of hair worn by my princess is 
a sign of grea^ goodness, like the old Scottish snood, 
rather a rare article nowadays. If the whole head is 
shaven, it is a bad sign, and betokens fastness, not to 
say looseness, and many such delicate devices. Again, 
if a girl should have, as sometimes happens, a head of 
golden-brown hair, it is " lapued " by some great chief, 
and not a hair of it must be cut till it is in its full har- 
vest of gold. Then comes the great chief, bringing 
with him rare and soft mats instead of money (no jokes 
about matrimony !) and casts them down at the feet of 
the bearer of the golden fleece, which he shears off to 
weave into his own elaborate wig. If this sort of thing 
did not happen every day in Europe, particularly 
among the golden-haired girls of Brittany, what savages 
we should think these Samoans ! 

It is wondrous strange that hair-fashions should just 
at present be the same at London and Samoa. The 
blond fashion at the latter place reigns supreme, and, 
oddly enough, is served on both sides of the equator 
by much the same means. The taste for reddish hair 
in good Queen Bess's time found means of expression 
by the use of a lye of wood-ashes ; in good Queen Vic- 
toria's time it is managed bv much the same tiling — 
strong alkaline washes ; your Samoan uses coral-lime 
for the same purpose, but he or she has the decency to 



216 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

say that it is done more for the destruction of animal- 
cules than from any feeling of personal vanity. At 
any rate, the custom has an odd effect as far as the 
men are concerned. Imagine a brown London foot- 
man seized with raving madness just at the moment 
he has finished powdering his hair, tearing off his gar- 
ments and swaggering up Pall Mall with nothing on 
but a dinner-napkin, and you have a good idea of a 
Samoan swell. In full fighting-fig, a Samoan is mag- 
nificent in a gigantic bush of hair standing out two or 
three feet from his head like the nimbus of a saint. 
The care required to keep this glory intact produces, 
as in the case of the full-bottomed periwig, a stately 
and gorgeous gait, which was never sketched properly 
except by Thackeray, who has caught the careful pose 
of the advanced leg marvellously.- I really think there 
is something fine in the fashion — I know the wearers do. 
A brother of one of the chiefs sits for hours in the cabin 
merely to be looked at ; indeed, I rather suspect that 
his brother brings him as a show, which has to be paid 
for in handfuls of broken biscuit, and really he is worth 
it. His beard and mustache are also always very care- 
fully trimmed, and, though his entire garment may be 
only a fathom or two of tappa wound round his loins, 
the Samoan gives one the idea of a dressy man, who 
takes considerable interest in his personal appearance. 
By-the-way, any theologian who wants to understand 
the real meaning of Solomon's " oil which maketh man 
to be of a cheerful countenance," should come out here. 
I know not why, but certainly a good rub of cocoa-nut 
oil over a brown face lights it up like a smile. 

The young ladies, having completed their arrange- 



SAMOA. 217 

ments, favored us with a little singing and dancing. 
The songs were very strange and wild. The very quick 
time to which they were sung, the slapping of the hands 
on the thighs, and the drumming of their knees against 
the ground, had a wonderfully exciting effect. It would 
hardly do to describe the dancing very particularly ; it 
was certainly pretty in its way, and of that style which 
I think Mr. Murray mentions in his " Hand-book for 
Spain," as having obtained among the " improba Gadi- 
tana," which I suppose may be translated " the im- 
proper Cadiziennes." It is the same dance all over the 
world ; from the gypsies of Granada to the gawazee of 
Egypt ; from the gawazee of Egypt to the nautch-girls 
of India ; from the nautch-girls of India, all musk and 
patchouli, and silk, and gems, to the dirty little gin, 
of Western Australia, with her stinking bundle of pos- 
sum-skins, it is all the same; nay, even in the jig of 
Ireland and the almost pious reel of Scotland, " Smel- 
fungus 5? can detect the lingering relics of pagan im- 
propriety. 

In this case, however, the young ladies danced 
neatly and properly, and the most severe guard-munici- 
pal would not have interfered. One little ballet (Pac- 
tion was prettier to see than to describe, and had a 
mignon grace about it that delighted me, and made 
one think of Theocritus. The kid (the princess) has 
lost her mother, and, gently and fondly bleating, she 
advances in little jumps, first in one direction and then 
in another, pausing between each, with her head co- 
quettishly on one side, and her eyes fixed intently to 
listen for the response. The chorus answer her with a 
gradually-increasing bleat, till at last she finds her 
10 



218 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

mother, in this case represented by P — — , whose pa- 
ternity she acknowledged by a pretty tap on the chin 
with her forefinger, and then fled back to her fellow- 
maidens covered with brown blushes as with a gar- 
ment. Another pretty dance they have which is called 
the "pigeon-dance." The girls while dancing keep up 
a soft and mewling "r-r-r-r!" like the call of the 
female pigeon, which is answered at regular intervals 
by the sturdy " loom ! " of the admiring circles of 
males — really a graceful and pretty thing. 

Oh ! why did I not leave well alone ? Why did I 
not depart from Samoa with my heart aglowdng with 
the soft and timid purity of my princess ? "What devil 
was it tempted me to wander along the white coral- 
strand under the feathery cocoas, in the soft moonlight, 
and be induced by the rascally chief who had the 
brother, .to get up a fantasia by the light of blazing 
cocoa-leaf baskets ? There was my princess with five 
others, each infinitely worse than any one of them, 
frisking and gambadoing in the most fearful manner ! 
dressed in a garment which would not have been toler- 
ated at Highbury Barn, dancing dances that ought 
never to have been danced, singing songs which would 
have blenched the cheek of Terese, winking winks 
that ought never to have been wunk, even in dreams ! 
making the very cocoa-trees above our heads bristle 
with horror ! Oh, you naughty, naughty girl ! 



CHAPTEE IX. 



SHIPWRECK. 



There are three great classes of fools in this world : 
first, the wise fool, who knows he is an ass, but con- 
siders the fact a secret to be kept between himself and 
his Maker ; secondly, the happy fool, who considers 
himself rather a genius than otherwise ; thirdly, the 
fool of fools, who consciously and defiantly proclaims 
his asininity to the world in general. 

I belong to the latter class, the consequence of 
which is, that I am now sitting down to compile the 
history of our shipwreck. It is copied nearly verbatim 
from the log that I kept all the time, and is truer to 
life in nothing more than in its malignant dulness. If, 
when this is published, any respectable person could 
come to me and conscientiously state that the perusal 
of the account had bored him as much as the real ship- 
wreck had bored me, I should rest happily, feeling that 
my work had been a success. 

It is not tragical ; it is not humorous. How can 
one do any fine writing, sitting on a brandy-case, with 
the rain coming down in long, perpendicular rods, not 
drops, which break on one's head and trickle down 
one's nose on to the paper ; stopping every fifteen sec- 



220 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

onds to take a revenge on a dozen or so of mosquitoes 
that are grazing coolly on one's hands ; whereby one 
spills the ink, drops the book, and loses the pen, which 
is discovered some time after planted two inches deep 
in the mnd like a young tree : one can't even grumble 
fluently under such circumstances. 

Most people who have written shipwreck and Rob- 
inson-Crusoe stories have invented them out of their 
fertile brains, and those who have actually described 
what they have seen and been through in that time, 
have put their adventures on paper, after they had been 
sifted in their memoirs till little more than the tragic 
or romantic sides of them remain. Or, if their accounts 
have been actually committed to paper at the time, 
they have been polished afterward, and little dabs of 
romance, sentiment, or tragedy, stuck in to please the 
gushing and sensation-loving public. 

This is the fault of such stories, and partly out of 
obstinacy, and still more out of laziness, I intend to 
avoid it. 

Besides this, I consider originality is a thing to be 
striven after, especially when it is to be acquired at the 
cheap price of relating bare facts. 

Robinson Crusoe is a delusion and a snare ; even in 
the credulous days of infancy I was always slightly 
skeptical on the subject of the " Swiss Family Robin- 
son ; " their inventions were so wonderfully ingenious, 
and Nature seemed to fit in with their wishes and 
wants with a readiness that seemed scarcely real. I 
never pinned my faith o*l " Foul Play " for the same 
reason. Did the heroes or heroines of those books hap- 
pen to want a hip-bath, a balloon, an umbrella, a pet 



SHIPWRECK. 221 

animal, or any such small thing necessary to a person 
living on a desolate island, the ingenious author would 
immediately provide materials and the way to use them. 
A hip-bath ? One* of those large water-gourds cut in 
half, scooped out, and stuck upon legs, and the thing 
was done — (here would follow a long and learned dis- 
sertation from the well-informed member of. the ship- 
wrecked party — there always is an abominable prig of 
this sort to act as chorus in such books — on the sub- 
ject of the large water-gourds of the South-Sea Isl- 
ands, cribbed out of an encyclopsedia or some book of 
travels). A balloon ? Of course there were India-rub- 
ber trees on the island — I don't know exactly how they 
would set to work, but give the author of such stories 
the trees, some flat stones, a fire, some scientific treatise 
on the action of heat, and perhaps an old frying-pan, 
saved from the wreck, and he would rig them out a 
balloon in no time. 

An umbrella ? The plaited leaves of the pandarius 
or screw-palm was just the thing ! 

A pet animal? A seal will do capitally ; there ain't 
any in that part of the world, but that don't matter. 
And so on, ad libitum / indeed, I really don't know 
why a man with plenty of books to refer to and a ready 
imagination should be shy of building a cathedral on 
a coral-reef. 

" Masterman Ready," that most delightful of books, 
has got the stamp of reality about it, but the romance 
of the life is kept uppermost, while its unutterable 
boredom and countless petty miseries show too faintly. 

I suppose I say this because I am not a hero. 

I don't like being turned out of my warm bed at 



222 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

night into the cold and wet of a fierce gale to be ship- 
wrecked and perhaps drowned. 

I don't like being chucked from one side of the cabin 
to the other like a sack of potatoes, barking my shins 
and nearly breaking my ribs. 

I don't like being banged and crashed on a coral- 
reef all night, expecting instant death by the sea or 
future extinction by cannibalism. 

I don't like landing on a beastly little island with- 
out water, except pouring rain, and living there. 

I don't like sleeping night after night with the rain 
trickling into my ears, with a swollen face and a 
toothache. 

I don't like starting up in my sleep at every little 
noise, expecting to be tomahawked. 

I don't like wearing -wet clothes for a fortnight on 
land. 

I don't like being cramped up for thirty hours in a 
little overladen open boat, in an unknown and danger- 
ous sea, alternately soused with salt-water and burnt 
by a tropical sun. 

Heroes like such things, I .believe ; I don't, though 
I can put up with them if necessary, without much 
grumbling. And, though the greater part of our ship- 
wrecked company were as brave as men could be, they 
weren't a bit like the heroes one finds in some books. 
When the spray was flying over the doomed vessel, 
and the pitiless coral was crushing her groaning sides, 
etc., etc., they were not filled with a joyous exultation 
in defying the raging elements — not a bit. They 
thought the wet and the danger and fatigue con- 
foundedly disagreeable, and were as cool and prompt 



SHIP WEE OK. 223 

and cheerful as they could be under the circum- 
stances. 

I believe those ideal heroes who delight in every 
thing uncomfortable, exist chiefly in novels and lunatic 
asylums : I hope so, I am sure, for I shouldn't like to 
have to live with one. 

"We had had a most charming three-months' cruise 
from Tahiti to the Samoas, visiting all the Society 
Islands and Earitonga on the way. Everywhere we 
had been treated like princes, and our cabin was lum- 
bered with all kinds of curious presents — besides a 
large collection of bird-skins, some very rare and val- 
uable. 

We left Samoa the morning of October 18, 1870, 
intending to look in at Levulra, the chief port of the 
Fiji Islands, and thence to sail to 'New Zealand. On 
leaving Apia, the chief port of the island of Apolo, 
we coasted along, and ran between it and Savai, the 
largest island of the group ; the coast of the latter in 
this passage is a mass of lava, so honeycombed by the 
action of the sea, as to produce innumerable spouts of 
water, rising, I should think, a good hundred feet, like 
great jets of steam. 

October 19th. — Light fair wind. 

October 20th. — Cloudy, murky weather. Passed 
Proby's Island (known by half a dozen other names), 
lately the scene of a terrible eruption. In the evening 
it came on to blow. 

October 21st. — At about half-past three this morn- 
ing I was aroused by a crash overhead that woke us 
all up, and we scampered on deck, thinking the fore- 
top-mast had gone; but it was only the old fish-fag 



224 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

(one of the boats) that had got into trouble. A sea 
just slapping her underneath had neatly unhooked the 
tackle of the fore-davit ; the boom to which she was 
lashed had snapped with the sudden weight, and she 
was hanging by the stern, with her bows dragging 
through the water. They seized her in the main 
rigging, and, by means of the throat-halyards and an- 
other tackle from the foretop, got her on board again 
not much damaged. 

It blew fresh all day, while the weather grew 
thicker and darker, which made us rather anxious and 
uncomfortable, as we were approaching the dangerous 
and intricate Fiji Archipelago. After several false 
alarms we made land ahead, which we concluded to be 
Explorer's Island, to the south of the IsTarinku Pas- 
sage, by which we intended entering the group. The 
wind was now about east by south, and blowing a gale, 
so we wore and reached out under what canvas we 
could carry, as it would have been madness to -have 
run in among the numerous reefs and islands in the 
dark with such weather ; the vessel headed about 
northeast, and, though we could not make much head- 
way in such a sea, we were confident of weathering 
all the groups to the north of the passage, accord- 
ing to the chart about forty miles dead to leeward of 
us. 

The wind grew stronger and stronger all the even- 
ing, bursting down in fierce, rainy squalls, and the 
sea very heavy. It was as dark as pitch, but thinking 
ourselves to windward of all dangers, and being con- 
fident in the sea-going qualities of the Albatross, we 
cared nothing for it all. At about nine o'clock the 



SHIPWRECK. 225 

life-boat was got on board, and, being rather drowsy, 
I turned in. 

At about ten o'clock, as I was dozing off, I felt a 
sudden shock, a terrible lurch, and a long, trembling 
grind. The doctor shouted to me that we had struck, 
but it needed not that nor the cries on deck to tell me 
what had happened. I rushed out of my cabin to get 
on deck, when a heavier lurch and crash sent me 
slithering right across the saloon under the table. I 
scrambled up again and made for the companion, 
Mitchell- appearing from his cabin with a hurried 
" What's the matter ? " 

" You may say your prayers now," replied I, with 
a ghastly grin, " for the game's up with us." "We 
climbed on deck and found ourselves in about as awe- 
inspiring a position as could well be imagined : the vessel 
lying almost on her beam-ends, the foam flying over her 
in a white cloud, every sea lifting her up and bringing 
her down again with a sickening crash, that made the 
cabin-floor heave like an earthquake, and her whole 
frame tremble, the scream of the wind sounding even 
above the roar of the surf, and all these horrors magni- 
fied by an intense darkness. The doctor and I said 
" Good-by ! " Indeed, at that moment I don't think any- 
body but the skipper expected to live ten minutes. 

Nor should we if the vessel had been deep laden, in 
which case she would have been crushed against the 
edge of the reef and sunk in deep water. As it was, 
every sea drove us farther and farther on to the coral. 

The courage and steadiness shown by all hands was 
very striking. Braund (the master) behaved as he al- 
ways does in times of danger, his cheery voice ringing 



226 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

out above the infernal din, and his honest face lit up 
by a quiet smile whenever it became visible in the glare 
of the skylight. Tim Bougard (the mate) backed him 
up in a cool, smart way, and the men did all that men 
could do. There was no confusion or unnecessary 
shouting ; the boats were all got over to the lee-side 
and made ready to be cut away at a moment's notice, 
a work of no small difficulty when the angle of the 
slippery decks and the perpetual jerks and plunges of the 
vessel are considered. 

As far as my own feelings were concerned, I could 
not help being amused by noting that with all the 
awe of death, and wonder about what was to come, 
was mixed a kind of sulky irritation at being turned 
out of my warm bed into the cold water, and a feeling 
of unutterable disgust at the destruction of all my 
knick-knacks and curiosities. 

And when I succeeded in realizing the end that I 
thought was coming so soon, a host of old familiar faces 
from all parts of the world flitted swiftly before my 
mind, never so vividly remembered, and never perhaps 
better loved than at that moment, striking me with a 
sharp pang of sadness. 

The skipper came up to us, and kindly and gently 
advised us to go below and get dry clothes while there 
was yet time. So down we went and sat talking at 
the foot of the companion, cheerfully enough all things 
considered, Mitchell and "Warden (the steward) bus- 
tling about, to the imminent danger of their bones, to 
collect a few provision^ and necessaries before every 
thing was spoilt by the water that was fast filling the 
vessel. 



SHIPWRECK. 227 

Then an alarm came that we were being driven 
over the reef, and should sink on the other side, so we 
went on deck again, and waited, ready to take to the 
boats. Soon it was discovered that the water was 
quite shallow to leeward, so there was no fear of that 
particular danger. "We went below again, it being de- 
termined to stick to the vessel till daylight if possi- 
ble, and felt quite cheery at the reprieve. It is won- 
derful how soon men get accustomed to being in danger. 
"Whether it is unconscious fatalism, or merely the nat- 
ural carelessness of human nature, I don't know. The 
saloon was now getting full of water, so we were 
obliged to cram ourselves into Mitchell's little cabin 
up to windward, where we passed rather a terrible 
night, though we laughed and joked as much as we 
could to keep our spirits up. 

Our prospects certainly were not pleasant ; the ship 
could not hold together long, and we might have to go 
many miles in the strength of the gale in open boats 
before we could reach an island ; and, if we did happen 
to hit upon an inhabited one, we should be nearly cer- 
tain to be killed and eaten by the inhabitants. 1 

It was a sad thing to hear the crashing and strain- 
ing of the old ship, and the mournful toll of her bell 
overhead, and to see the decks opening and the bulk- 
heads breaking up inside her, with the chairs, books, 
clothes, mats, and a hundred odds and ends, floating 

1 We found afterward that our apprehensions on the score of cannibal- 
ism were needlessly great ; but I have decided to give them as they were 
felt and written down at the time. Our sole informant and authority on 
the subject was the " South Pacific Directory,'' which described the Fiji- 
ans, and the Ringgold-Islanders particularly, as the most ferocious can- 
nibals. 



228 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

about the cabin. But every thing pathetic or tragical 
has a comical side to it, and I could not help laughing 
to see the steward scrambling abouT; collecting various 
articles for preservation, and continually slipping up 
when a heavy jar came, and almost disappearing in the 
dirty water to leeward. To make it better, he had my 
matches and their appurtenances, my pipes and tobacco, 
in his pockets ; their appearance when produced was 
rather "mixed." 

Occasionally the skipper came down to report the 
state of affairs, or advise what should be provided, and, 
though I know he was terribly cut up, he talked coolly 
and cheerily, and was very gentle and considerate. 

He told us that he was on deck when, she struck, 
looking out amidships. Louey was doing the same 
forward, and old kelson (the second mate) was on the 
quarter-deck, but it was so dark that none saw the 
breakers until she struck the coral and was dashed 
upon it broadside on. The night seemed to pass away 
slowly; about every ten seconds came an awful jar 
and crash that woke me whenever I began to doze, and 
made us wonder how long she would hold together. 
Collecting provisions and necessaries, and longing for 
light, the weary hours passed away. 

October 22d. — At last the day broke, gloomy, wild, 
and wet, and we went on deck to find out our situa- 
tion. About a mile to leeward of us on the same reef 
appeared a small island, and about half a mile from 
that a rather larger one ; the vessel was lying about 
fifty yards inside the first break of the reef in about 
three feet of water. ■ 

The very heaviness of the sea had been our salva- 



SHIPWRECK. 229 

tion, hurling 113 right up on to the coral-ledge into 
comparative safety. 

Then one by one the boats were sent off, laden 
with compasses, quadrants, guns, ammunition, pro- 
visions, blankets, etc. Joining company again clear of 
the breakers, we made for the little island, thirteen 
men in all, and all ready to fight if necessary. 

It was a little coral-sandy place about one hundred 
and fifty yards long, by one hundred wide, with a 
steep beach, and a second step or terrace about thirty 
vards back, as if there had been a recent eleva- 
tion. 

We landed, and emptied the boats of their sod- 
dened and sloppy contents, and then, by way of mak- 
ing things more thoroughly miserable, the rain came 
"down in a black, hopeless, tropical torrent. 

Depressed and exhausted as we were, it was cer- 
tainly most wretched ; we made a kind of shed out of 
the sail of a life-boat, and at last succeeded by means 
of a dead log and some tarred twine in making a fire, 
which improved matters a little ; then every one ex- 
cept the doctor, Warden, Little Taff (cook's mate), and 
I, went off to the wreck to fetch the live-stock, and 
save what they could. Meanwhile the doctor went 
exploring for water, which he didn't find, while I 
amused myself by trying to dry the blankets and 
clothes as they came ashore — rather a futile occupa- 
tion. Taff got us some bacon and tea, which we ate 
ravenously. 

As I lay down, I seemed to feel the ground shak- 
ing and heaving under me. I thought it was are earth- 
quake at first, so did the doctor, but we found it was 



230 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

nothing but imagination, produced by the continued 
jarring and shaking we had had all night. 

I could also hear the voices of the men shouting 
above the roar of the surf, and several times the il- 
lusion was so strong that I went down to the beach, 
fancying the boats had come back from the wreck. 
At last they all returned, very tired, having brought 
ashore the live-stock, sails, preserved meats, pots and 
pans, mattresses, meats, etc. After they had had some 
food, they rigged up two capital tents, a big one with 
the vessel's square-sail, and a smaller one for the doc- 
tor and me, out of the topsail. 

Louey, an ingenious little Norseman, chopped him- 
self some sticks, and made a splendacious bedstead to 
sling his mat to. 

I have succeeded in saving my manuscripts, though' 
they are rather damaged. " Whatever anybody may 
say of your poems, none can call them dry" remarked 
the doctor, with a grin. 

Close to our camp is an old native "marai," or 
place of sacrifice, formed of big flat coral-stones. A 
kind of rough line, about three feet wide, runs down 
the middle of it toward the sea, terminating in a cul- 
de-sac. The height of the chained posts on each side 
of it tells very plainly what has been hung to cook 
there. . A most villanous-looking hole ! And a nice 
place for a lot of shipwrecked mariners to have within 
twenty yards of their camp — something like the skulls 
and bones that the old hermits used to keep about them, 
to remind them of their end. 

We can make out two islands in a west-by-south 
direction ; one a low clump of trees, like the one we 



SHIPWRECK. 231 

are on, and the other a high mountain, some thirty 
miles off. 

Though we do not know yet exactly where we 
are, as no place in the chart answers exactly to the 
bearing of this island, there is no doubt that we are 
somewhere in the Ringgold Islands, the most canni- 
balistic part of the Pacific. So we may think our- 
selves very lucky to have hit on an uninhabited place. 

Great reefs stretch away in several directions as far 
as we can see ; more dangerous waters for navigation 
cannot be imagined. 

It came on to pour again, but the skipper and his 
men rigged mats and boat-sails round the bottom of our 
tent, and made us pretty snug. Nothing could be 
kinder and nicer than they all have been, and we are 
more grateful than we can say. 

Made a capital dinner on chicken-slop, and soon 
turned in. Rained hard all night. 

October 23d. — All discovered this morning that they 
were very much bruised and knocked about, a fact that 
they were quite unconscious of yesterday. 

At low water most of the party went off again to 
the wreck, and brought off more things. 

The skipper tried to get an observation, but was 
put out at the critical moment by a bird settling on his 
head. The only reef resembling this on the chart is a 
place called Nukumbasanga, in the extreme northeast 
of the Ringgold Islands. 

The poor old ship is breaking up, her lee-side being 
raised two feet or more, and all the butts open enough 
to put your hand between. 

Our plan at present is to wait for fine weather, 



232 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

determine our position, and run right away in the 
boats for Sevulsa, some one hundred and fifty miles ; 
for, if we are compelled to stop anywhere, we shall have 
to fight to avoid being eaten. We have got five guns, 
two axes, two revolvers, and five tomahawks, and I 
think all of ns intend to take "utu" astheMaories call 
it, for ourselves, before knocking under. 

The life-boat will tow the dingy, and by means of 
lights the fish-fag will be able to keep close to "us. 

It is rather provoking to think that we are within 
sixty miles of islands flowing with milk and honey, 
and yet daren't go near them. If we had been lucky 
enough to get wrecked in the Society's, Cook's Islands, 
or Samoas, we should have been half-killed with kind- 
ness, and made little gods of; whereas now we pray 
fervently that no one may see the wreck and find us 
out. 

I don't approve of this kind of thing. If ever I 
am shipwrecked again, I prefer doing it in the regular 
magazine-story style — a dismasted vessel — a lee-shore 
— half an hour's agony — life or death — a rocket — a 
life-boat — a gallant preserver — a lovely female (with 
or without a sweet infant, according to the taste of the 
author)— and then a watery grave, or warm dry blank- 
ets and hot brandy-and-water ! Warm dry blankets ! 
I can hardly bear to think of such luxuries. 

There are a few cocoa-nut trees on this island, but 
the chief vegetation consists of small India-rubber 
trees, with big, broad leaves, on which certain curious 
crabs perch, and run about like birds. There is 
another kind of crab here that runs* so fast that one 
mistakes it at first glance for a small bird skimming 



SHIPWRECK. 233 

along the shore — -the more so as he takes occasionally 
the most extraordinary flying leaps. 

There are quantities of pretty little terns, their 
breeding-place being close to our camp ; the eggs are 
just laid on the sand, and the young ones hidden under 
the large black stones. 

By-the-way, these black rocks that cover the beach 
on one side of the island are very curious : they are 
quite hard and solid, but they have been boiled in 
such a hurry as to have great shells embedded in 
them. 

There are also man-of-war birds, curlews, rats, 
pigeons, mosquitoes, flying-foxes, and lizards. Any 
amount of beautiful shells are scattered about the 
beach. 

After a good dinner we went and sat under the 
life-boat sail by the cooking-fire, and had some pleas- 
ant talk about past adventures. Every one hopeful 
and cheery, though this weather would give Joe Mil- 
ler the blues. 

Rained hard in the night, and my bedding getting 
drenched, I had rather an unpleasant time of it. Be- 
sides this, I had a fearful nightmare: dreamt that 
we were attacked by savages, and woke finding that 
I had got hold of the doctor, who had stumbled over 
me trying to get out of the tent. 

October 24dh. — It cleared a little in the morning, 
and the camp soon presented the appearance of a great 
washing establishment, every wettable article being 
hung out to diy. I went to get a dip in the sea, 
when I met old Nelson, rushing violently through 
the bush in pursuit of an imaginary turkey (we have 



234 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

turned all our live-stock loose on the island). Mitchell 
afterward went out on the same quest, armed with 
a gun, wounded the turkey, and a pig in the nose, 
who disappeared squeaking, whereupon Mitchell came 
back disgusted. 

His appearance is rather wild ; he has been work- 
ing like a brick for the last three days, and has worn 
his knees sore with the friction of his wet breeches. 
So he sports a pair of " pajamas' 5 which he tucks up 
above his knees, and which, combined with a flannel 
shirt and a pair of Davy's boots unlaced, and about 
three sizes too large, give him an appearance of a cross 
between Robinson Crusoe and a brigand in a play. 

Tim went off in the dingy and saved some more 
miscellaneous articles. 

The captain got an observation to-day that makes 
him pretty sure we are on the Nukumbasanga reef, 
though it is quite misplaced on the chart. 

Most of the company are rigged in my socks, which 
I should think would want tying up at the toes to make 
them fit. 

In the afternoon a regular hunt after live-stock, the 
skipper managing to shoot a pig. Killing the fowls 
for dinner is great fun : we go after them through the 
bush with long sticks, driving them toward each other, 
and making long sweeps at them whenever we get a 
chance, but the trees generally get in the way of the 
stick and the fowl scuttles away into the bush tri- 
umphantly, till at last some one makes a lucky shot 
and bowls him over. 

At four o'clock it came on to pour heavily again. 
This is miserable weather. 



SHIPWRECK. 235 

After dinner we went down to the big tent and 
had a talk. It would have made a splendid sketch in 
the flickering candle-light — the two long rows of men 
on each side, lying on their mats or bedding in every 
kind of position ; some dozing, some smoking, talking, 
or # reading old scraps of newspapers that had been saved 
by some chance, while in the centre were heaped up 
cases, guns, clothes, and all kinds of odds and ends. 

There we turned in for the night ; the skipper, who 
could not take more care of us if we were his own chil- 
dren, looking in to see that we were all right. 

October 25th. — Went out of the tent with bare feet 
and trod in an ant's-nest. I understand now why the 
sluggard is to go to the ant. It will make him lively 
if any thing will. 

'No change in the weather, except that it is blowing 
harder — very depressing. The dingy went off again to 
the wreck : no amount of knocking about seems to in- 
jure that little boat, whereas both the others have suf- 
fered a good deal. 

Mitchell has painted a placard, and nailed it to a 
tree : " Albatross — wrecked. October 27, 1870. Start 
for Leonka the first fine day." 

All pretty cheerful in spite of the weather. Old 
Nelson trots about the sea-shore like a school-boy pur- 
suing crabs, and studying natural history generally. 
He is afflicted with cramps, and dreams of savages at 
night, that cause him to awake with unmelodious yells, 
and clasp his neighbors by the throat, much to their 
disgust. 

The doctor goes fishing daily, but seldom seems to 
catch any thing definite, except wet clothes. As he 



236 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

says himself, "If he was being ferried over the Styx 
he would stop Charon to let him have half an hour's 
fishing." Mitchell, the shipper, the doctor, and I, 
played cards in the evening. 

October 26th. — I find that sleeping on the top of an 
aneroid, two revolvers, a pair of boots, and a cigar-box, 
is not the most comfortable way of passing the night. 
The fact is, my bed got so swampy that I was obliged 
to turn off the mattress. 

Gloomy and wet as ever. The captain w^ent off to 
the wreck and got us some books, a great godsend. 
The vessel has been driven in nearly another length, 
and is slewed head on to the shore. 

" D the rain ! " said I, heartily. " Damming's 

just what it wants," replied the doctor, " but unfortu- 
nately there is no way of doing it." However, to-day 
the sun shone nearly ten minutes, and quite dazzled us. 

The doctor caught some fish for dinner, after w T hich 
we went and played cards in the big tent. 

October 27th. — I woke before daybreak, drenched 
with rain, with a toothache, a slight cold, and half a 
stiff neck. 

Rained hard half the day, and then drizzled. All 
hands employed in rigging bedsteads to keep them out 
of the wet as much as possible. Jim and Mitchell 
made us two splendid four-posters. If it had not been 
for the porous nature of the coralline soil, we should 
have been all knocked up before this. 

Harry (the cook) tried to catch a pig to kill it ; 
whereupon a certain old sow ran at him, and made 
hostile demonstrations till he was obliged to let go. 
The captain caught a big crawfish. 



SHIPWRECK. 237 

We should sleep better if it were not for the per- 
petual alarms of savages. Last night, as I was rolling 
about on my mattress, I heard the doctor cry, " Qui 
vive ? " My hand was on my revolver in a moment. 
" What's up ? " I whispered. " Something has been 
moving between me and the mouth of the tent for the 
last minute. Why, it's your head ! " At which we 
both laughed, and went to sleep again. 

Jim told me that for the first two nights he could 
scarcely sleep at all, and even now the slightest noise 
wakes him. And the skipper told me that he woke 
the other night all of a tremble, fancying that he heard 
the doctor crying for help. 

Half an hour's clear weather would enable the 
savages in the neighboring islands to see the wreck, and 
bring them down on us en masse. 

A pleasant position truly for a lot of harmless inno- 
cents like us ! 

No change in the weather. Some of the party vis- 
ited the other island, where they found some wonderful 
eels (murena), shells, and " curios " generally. This 
would be a wonderful place for a naturalist, but un- 
fortunately our sojourn here is a miniature type of life: 
we can carry nothing away with us — so it's no use col- 
lecting. 

I cannot help groaning occasionally over the tre- 
mendous loss of utterly irreplaceable things, all pleas- 
ant to look upon, for the sake of the generous people 
who gave them. 

" O Moe ! where are the mats you gave me, and 
the pretty little arrowroot hats, and the reva-reva pre- 
pared by your own little brown fingers ? O Tampoa 



238 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

Wahine ! where are the native dresses you sent to your 
most obedient ? O maidens of the Society Islands ! 
where are the crowns you worked with such care, and 
threw down before my unworthy feet? O Te Mitiki, 
commonly called Mitchell ! where are those sixty pre- 
cious bird-skins you prepared with such care ? O chiefs 
and chieftainesses of Earitonga ! where is your tapa % 
where are your mats % where your sacred staffs ? where 
the precious garments with which you decorated me % 
Oh, bother! that's flat." This is the lament of Te 
Pemlinke, Rangatira of the Kaibuke Albatross. Oh, 
that I might eat the man who surveyed these islands ! 

However, the mats and live-stock have proved in- 
valuable in our adversity. 

This is an awful place for sores ; the slightest cut 
or scratch refuses to heal. Every one is longing ar- 
dently for clear weather and a start. Rained in the 
night. 

October 29th. — " Look what I've found ! " said the 
skipper, as I came out of our tent in the morning ; " a 
cross between a crab and a turtle." It certainly looked 
very like it, being a great white crab, like an inverted 
saucer, the legs and claws fitting in underneath it when 
drawn up, giving the idea of some ingenious portable 
invention. Weather a little finer, but the sky not yet 
washed and painted blue. 

Harry killed one of the pigs, Tim and Taff ward- 
ing off the attack of the old sow with a stick. I don't 
much believe in that old sow. She is a philanthropist 
— I mean a " philporcist," a regular Mrs. Jellyby of a 
sow. She neglects her own children in the most care- 
less manner ; but if any one touches one of the other 



SHIP WRECK 239 

pigs that are no connection of hers, and, indeed, come 
from a different island, she manages to work herself 
up into a state of most vicious (she would say generous) 
excitement. If ever her soul transmigrates into a hu- 
man body, it will either get up a flannel waistcoat and 
moral pocket-handkerchief society for infant blacks, 
and make virulent speeches at Exeter Hall, or else it 
will go in for the opposition business, become a " re- 
ligious," desert its family, and fuss up and down in a 
blue dress, with a great starched napkin on its head, 
and a large quantity of rope and rosary dangling 
about it. 

They got an observation to-day, and decided we 
were on Nukumbagansa, which is considerably mis- 
placed on the chart. How we ever got so far to the 
westward is a problem. There must have been some 
extraordinary current springing up with the gale, for 
we were swept thirty miles nearly dead to leeward in 
less than five hours. 

The noise of the rollers on the reef when we were 
wrecked was very like the falling of great trees. 
Often since, when I have been in a brown study, and 
the men have been chopping down trees for firewood, 
the crash of the falling branches has made me start, 
and half expect to feel the shock of the sea. 

The doctor, the skipper, and Mitchell, went off to 
the wreck, which is gradually breaking up. 

I feel as if I had been months in this place, and, 
strange to say, am getting quite contented with the 
life. I get up at daybreak, and bathe ; then, if it is 
not raining hard, pick up shells and so on till break- 
fast. After that, smoke pipes, read Shelley, write up 



240 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

my log, help to hang up the clothes to dry, and take 
them in again drenched half an hour after ; then 
luncheon; then more pipes, and a stroll round the 
beach to study the habits of terns, or throw stones at 
them ; then dinner, and cards or a chat in the big tent. 
When I want exercise I go and chop down a tree. 
But where's the romance of this kind of thing ? unless 
you call it romantic to hear the terns screaming on the 
other side of the island in the middle of a dark, wet 
night, and to creep through the bush toward the place 
where they are crying, expecting to find a canoe full 
of hungry, murderous savages, just landed, with the 
head chief serving out sherry and bitters to give them 
an appetite for supper. 

Well, there is a certain grim pleasure, doubtless, 
on such occasions, in grasping a tomahawk or a re- 
volver, and thinking of the life you will take as pay- 
ment before you give up your own. But that is a 
selfish, avaricious feeling, not worthy of the name of 
romance. 

It strikes me more and more forcibly, every day, 
how strangely cool and fearless men get when they 
have been placed for a little while in a desperate situ- 
ation. We all of us know, I suppose, what we have 
got to go through in making our t escape — fatigue, ex- 
posure, misery, and danger, for thirty or forty hours on 
end at the shortest, and an indefinite time if the wind 
comes ahead, besides the prospect of certain death if 
it comes on to blow hardi And yet no one seems 
funky, and we are all longing to make the attempt. 
The main reason for this is the almost superstitious 
confidence we have got in the courage and resources 



SHIPWRECK. 241 

of the skipper, who is one of those men created es- 
pecially to lead others. We all feel that he will bring 
us safe through if it is possible, and if not, we can but 
die once. 

. This morning we found the tracks of a turtle on 
the sand, that had visited the island in the night ; but 
it had laid no eggs. Probably she had been suddenly 
confronted by an inquisitive pig, and gone away in a 
sulk. 

Polished up the guns and revolvers to-day. The 
camp is beginning to stink of decaying animal matter. 
If we are not off soon, we shall have dysentery. 

October 30th. — Hurrah! fine weather! or rather, 
the best imitation of it they can get up in this blessed 
island. The skipper at once determined to start to- 
morrow ; so the sheep were hunted down and slain, 
the fowls had their necks broken, after being knocked 
down with sticks, and Harry set to work to cook every 
thing he could lay hands on. ]STow we must go, or we 
shall be starved. Our fleet consisted of a small life- 
boat, by White of Cowes, eighteen feet long, sharp at 
both ends ; the fish-fag, a rough, serviceable boat, about 
the same size and shape, but much less deep; the 
dingy, a wonderful little craft, fifteen feet long, like a 
whale-boat with ten feet taken out amidships. They 
were all more or less damaged by the bumping they 
got at the time of the shipwreck, but were good sea- 
boats, and fair sailers. 

The doctor, the captain, Harry, the cook, big Taff 

and I, man the life-boat ; old Nelson, little Taff, and 

Louey, the dingy; Jim, Mitchell, Warden, Tom, and 

Davy, the fish-fag ; which consequently will have the 

11 



242 SOUTH-&EA BUBBLES. 

strongest crew, as is necessary. If the clingy turns out 
too slow, she will be towed by one of the others. 

We shall be forty-eight hours at least, I should 
think ; and, with calms or head- winds, any time. Un- 
pleasant, but can't be helped. If it comes on to blow, 
with our deep-laden boats, God help us ! 

I believe the proper platitude to use on such oc- 
casions is "trust in Providence;" but it seems to 
me that people who do so are as likely as not to be 
disappointed. I mean no irreverence, and am quite 
ready to trust in Providence, in the wider sense of the 
expression, but I don't believe He changes the wind 
and weather, or any thing else in this world, for the 
benefit of particular individuals. The men on whom 
the tower of Siloam fell were no worse than any one 
else in the town. Two sparrows do not fall to the 
ground without God knowing it, hut the sparrows 
fall all the same. We shall either be providentially 
drowned or providentially saved. 

II a. m.— -We have changed our plan, and start as 
soon as the meat is cooked, as every hour of calm 
weather is of vital importance. Now for the pinch ! 

There are two kinds of mosquitoes here, a small 
black one, and a big spotted one. Both bite only in 
the daytime. 

By three o'clock the boats were all loaded and 
ready for a start. The men very naturally wanted to 
save all their things ; the consequence of which was, 
that the fish-fag and life-boat were filled with lumber 
even above the thwarts, and, with their crew of five 
men each, were almost down to the water's edge at 
every little lurch, by no means a proper trim to go one 



SHIPWRECK. 243 

hundred and fifty miles through open sea, tide-rips, 
and perhaps breakers. 

However, we didn't like to throw away any thing 
till it was absolutely necessary; so as soon as the 
dingy, that had been used to bring off the cargoes of 
the other boats from the shore, was ready, the sails 
were set, anchors weighed, and, with the life-boat as 
commodore leading the way, we crossed the reef and 
bade farewell to Nukumbasanga. 

"We had three courses open to us : either to run to 
leeward of all the Ringgold Islands, and then haul up 
for the Somo Somo Passage ; or to keep to windward, 
and try and weather all the reefs and islands till we got 
into the Naruku Channel, some twenty miles distant ; 
or else, if we could not succeed in weathering them, 
to lay on our oars for the night, and run between them 
next morning. We determined to take one of the last 
two, and stood away close-hauled about south by east, 
the life-boat taking the dingy in tow. 

But our troubles began early. Though the weather 
was fine and there was no great sea, the boats were so 
deep and dead that they made very little way ; and the 
fish-fag and life-boat could only pull one oar with any 
effect under sail on account of the lumber. We kept 
at it as hard as we could till sundown, but there were 
still no signs of the ISTaruku reef, which we judged to be 
right ahead or on the weather-bow, while the long chain 
of smaller reefs were somewhere close to leeward of us. 

Just before dark we perceived the crew of the fish- 
fag, that had dropped astern and to leeward of the 
other boats, making signals to us, and we bore down 
to them to see what was the matter. 



244 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

We found tliem in a very uncomfortable state of 
mind. She was as dead as a log, they said, and they 
could scarcely keep her free by baling : if she wasn't 
lightened, she would sink under them. "We could not 
help them by taking any of their load, being in much 
the same predicament ourselves, the water slopping in 
on all sides ; but we shifted "Warden into the dingy, 
(which was much more buoyant than either of the 
others), and told them to chuck the things overboard 
if necessary, as we should have to do in our boat. 

The fish-fag's painter was then made fast to the 
dingy, and the three boats went on their course at- 
tached to each other. But in the dark our position be- 
came far more exciting than pleasant ; we knew we 
were close on to the reefs, and every breaking sea was 
the cause of an alarm. 

" There it is to windward ! " "I see it to leeward ! " 
" Breakers right ahead ! " Yery trying to the nerves 
of me, the steerer, being the only one who could not 
look out ahead. 

After about half an hour of this work, the skipper 
decided to down sail and lay on the oars till daybreak. 
We were disappointed, but there was no help for it, as 
we should have been among the breakers before we 
had time to turn in the dark. The order was passed 
to the other boats, the painters were cast off, and the 
masts were unshipped. At this critical moment, when 
the boat was lying helpless in the trough of the sea, 
" big Taff," who was unrigging the boat, looked over 
his shoulder and yelled out : " There it is, sir ; close 
on the lee-bow ! " and letting go the mast made a 
snatch at an oar, and nearly tumbled overboard. The 



SHIPWRECK. 245 

skipper promptly got a paddle over the stern and 
slewed the boat round, but it turned out to be another 
false alarm. 

Then the boats closed up and were kept head on to 
the sea. Sometimes as one of them forged up along- 
side, emerging out of the darkness like a white ghost, 
a small attempt at chaff or a joke would be made, but 
it died a natural death ; every one was too tired and 
wretched. 

An awful night it was ! — hour after hour pulling 
and baling in a rough, broken sea, wet to the skin and 
tired to death ; listening nervously to the roar of the 
surf, watching the black masses of water as they 
charged our bows and shut out the dim horizon, and 
gazing up anxiously at each cloud as it rose and hid 
the stars. 

" Wliat a precious scrape we are in ! " I kept think- 
ing. " I wonder if we shall be still living two days 
hence ? I always used to complain that I never met 
with any adventures in my travels, but this business 
will set me up in that line for some time if I get out 
of it alive." And then again a ghostly procession of 
old faces and places passed before me, with an intense 
vividness and reality in their perfect love and happiness, 
that seemed like some bitter, devilish mockery. 

A feeling of want of sympathy is the mainspring of 
human misery. In joy and in sorrow the stars twinkle, 
the wind blows, and the sea moans alike. And then 
from the depths of a man's soul rises the cry that has 
been the origin of so many great religions : " O God ! 
give me a sign that I may know that I am not utterly 
lonely and forsaken." 



24:6 SOUTH- BE A BUBBLES. 

Few men trust God enough to be rationalists. Few 
men have humility, faith, and courage, to say : " There 
is a great Power that made the illimitable universe, 
and all that is in it : I know not why it was made, nor 
the purpose of all the pain and misery that I see round 
me ; I know nothing except that I am placed here with 
certain instincts of right and wrong ; God is omniscient 
and my understanding is limited ; I must learn what I 
can of His laws, and fearlessly trust the rest to Him 
that made me." 

For most minds this is not sufficient ; there is a 
natural longing for something tangible and sympa- 
thetic to cling to. There is something so terribly dreary, 
lonely, and forsaken, in that confession — that the misery 
of life, and the purpose of the universe, can never be 
known or explained by man. 

"Who can look up at the stars without some such 
feelings ? Where is the end of that dark, mysterious 
space overhead ? What is happening in those count- 
less worlds that we are gazing on? Perhaps souls 
higher than we can conceive, and natures to which 
ours is as a rough sketch by the side of a finished mas- 
terpiece, are doing their work there to some great end. 
How many millions lie beyond our view ? Perhaps 
the universe is illimitable ! Who shall say ? It is as 
easy to comprehend that, as the past eternity which 
must have been. Where was the beginning ? where 
will be the end ? and what is the purpose of it all ? Go 
mad, man — go mad ! for the wisest sanity is but infinite 
ignorance. 

You cannot tell me why that moth that has just 
flown into the candle was made to suffer those agonies. 



SHIPWRECK. 247 

Pious people say it is because Eve ate apples, but that 
seems precious hard lines on the moth. Go mad, I tell 
you ! But you won't, you man ; you are but an animal 
yourself — you eat, drink, sleep, die, marry, and are sold 
in marriage, and are only superior to the other animals 
in that you can wonder occasionally what it all means. 

I remember when I was a little child the awe with 
which these things used to fill me. They used to seize 
me like some magic spell as I lay awake at night. I 
could not escape from them ; but would try hour after 
hour to realize in my baby-mind the idea of past time 
without a beginning (that was always more awful and 
strange to me than the endless eternity), until I was 
half-mad with terror and bewilderment, and with a 
gasp, like a drowning man rising to the surface of the 
water, struggle back to my animal life again. 

I don't think these terrors of childhood are things 
to be laughed at and despised; they are the first dawn- 
ings of the infinite mysteries of creation and life on the 
young soul. 

As men grow older the vividness of their wondrous 
reality grows faint by their constant presence, but to 
the child they are new and terrible in their sublime 
immensity. 

Every thing is so strange and vast that nothing 
seems tangible or comprehensible. Well I remember 
the awful agonies of prayer and despair that used to 
seize me — the desperate longing for some absolute and 
comforting revelation to believe and trust in implicitly. 

Bang ! splash ! and a bucketful or so of cold salt- 
water souses me all over, and completely puts an end 
to my prosing reverie. 



24:8 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

At last the day began to break, and as soon as it 
was light we got the other boats alongside, and served 
out their biscuits, brandy, and water. Such a pale, 
woe-begone set of wretches as we looked in the morn- 
ing light I never saw. Fashionable young ladies after 
a heavy ball at the end of the season were nothing to 
it. I believe we would all have sold our birthrights 
for a cup of hot tea. 

We found that we were literally on the reefs, the 
water being quite shallow, but it did not break any- 
where as far as we could see ; this accounted for the 
nasty short sea we had noticed all night, 

Budd's Island lay about west by north of us ; close 
to that were Holmes and Maury Island ; while to the 
southwest we could dimly see the peaks of Lauthala 
and Kamia, for which we steered as soon as the sails 
were set. There was a fine fresh breeze aft of the 
beam, but, finding that we were rather dropping the 
dingy, we waited for her and helped her by a tow-line ; 
when the fish-fag took the lead. 

The little boat made capital weather of it, and the 
fish-fag did pretty well; but the life-boat was so 
heavily loaded that she could scarcely rise to the sea, 
and took it first over the weather-quarter and then over 
the lee-gunwale, in a most unpleasant style. 

The doctor, who had had his spell at the oar, went 
fast asleep, in spite of the continual sluices of cold wa- 
ter, which were scarcely enough to keep me awake, as 
I was steering, though I had done no pulling in the 
night. 

We passed right over the long chain of reefs, there 
being no actual break on them that we could see, but 



SHIPWRECK. 949 

soon after got into a nasty tide-rip that we were very 
glad to get out of again, with the boats in such a trim. 

In about five hours we had run pretty close to Ka- 
mai, and then, being assured of our position, we made 
all sail before the wind for the north point of Tavinni, 
whose great, heavy-clouded mountains began to grow 
distinct. There we managed to get something to eat 
and drink, and, though the chicken was strongly fla- 
vored by the various articles it was jammed against in 
the locker, and the biscuits were steamy and inhabited 
by cockroaches, we felt much more lively after it. 

It was a pretty sight to see the three little boats 
bowling along together before the crisp, fresh breeze 
under their main-sails and square-sails. 

No one but the steerer appeared to be awake in 
the fish-fag, and we were much in the same condition. 

On reaching Tavinni we ran close along the shore, 
and to our surprise saw unmistakable traces of white 
inhabitants, but we determined, if possible, to get to 
Goat's Island before night, and didn't land. 

The shore here was covered with splendid trees 
right up the steep slopes and gorges, with great masses 
of pendent creepers rising to and hanging from the 
very tops of them — a grand bit of hill-side. 

In one of the bays was a small schooner standing 
off and on the shore, and, running toward her, we tried 
to speak with her ; but apparently she did not like the 
white ensign that the life-boat carried, and made all w 
sail away for the Somo Somo Straits. 

On this the life-boat ran inshore toward a house 
that had a missionaryish look about it, while the other 
boats kept their course. But seeing nothing human 



250 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

fairer than mahogany, we stood out again in the track 
of our companions. 

At last we rounded a point and were fairly in the 
strait. The wind here died quite away. Tired and 
"played out" as we were, we could not help being 
struck with the strange beauty of the scene. On one 
side the beautiful Tavinni, the garden of the Fijis, as 
it is well called, with its splendid vegetation stretching 
from the shore up the sides of its precipitous mountains 
and wild, dark gorges, mysteriously half-hidden in 
dense masses of cloud ; before us a glassy sheet of wa- 
ter, calm and smooth, yet gloomy and dreary, only 
broken by the wooded rocks of the Little Goat Island, 
that seemed like a bubble on its surface ; while on the 
other side the peaks of Yanna Levu rose one above the 
other till they were lost in the dim distance. 

Soon we observed the other boats stop and wait for 
us, and on coming up they cried to us that they 
thought they saw a ship lying at anchor in the dis- 
tance. 

We looked, but were not certain, as it was a long 
way off, so we determined to pull for Goat's Island, 
try fairly with a telescope, and then make for the 
ship, if ship it was. 

The masts and sails were stowed, a modest go of 
liquor served out to put a little life into us, and away 
we went. 

The life-boat had forged some way ahead of the 
others, when it occurred to us to ask questions of our 
suspicious friend the schooner, that was lying becalmed 
not far off. As we drew up to her we perceived a lot 
of natives on board, but only one white man. We 



SHIPWRECK. 251 

pulled under her stern-, and asked^ " What vessel is 
that lying at anchor % " 

" The Duke of Edinburgh, bound for Levulara to- 
morrow " (spontaneous relief, joy, and excitement in 
all our countenances). " Do you belong to a man-of- 
war ? " said he. 

" JSTo ; a yacht, wrecked in the Ringgold Islands. 
Are you an Englishman ? " 

"No ; I'm a Swede." . 

Whereon the doctor became inspired, and spoke to 
him in German. What a weight seemed taken off our 
minds ! 

When the dingy came up, we gave them the wel- 
come news, and then the weary fish-fags. 

Another sip of brandy, to give us a gallop for the 
"land, for our troubles were nearly over. And then 
away we went, and a precious pull we had : the tide 
was against us strong, and the deep-laden boats seemed 
as heavy as lead to our weary muscles. When, at last, 
we got alongside, and found ourselves on the deck of 
the vessel, I could scarcely stand from cramp and fa- 
tigue. The passengers looked curiously over the bul- 
warks at the strange boat-procession, each laden with 
such an extraordinary cargo of nations. And well they 
might stare, for we certainly were not pretty to look at. 

Our clothes had been dirty and drenched with salt 
and fresh water for nine days on end ; our arms and 
faces were of the color of a boiled lobster, with the skin 
peeling off them — my nose, in particular, being literal- 
ly raw — our eyes fearfully bloodshot, our lips cracked 
and bleeding — altogether, an imaginative man might 
have taken us for a gang of overworked firemen, from 



252 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

the infernal regions, coming up to get fresh air. How- 
ever, they were all very obliging and kind, one old 
gentleman in particular, who provided us with blankets, 
etc., to sleep on. 

The sun was just setting as we reached the vessel, 
and we soon sat down to a capital tea, with butter and 
real bread ! My word ! — as they say in the colonies. 
Oh, the pleasure I experienced that night in hearing 
the pouring rain, and knowing it could not get at me ! 

And so this unpleasant adventure came to a happy 
conclusion. It is nice to look back upon now, and if I 
were to rewrite this article I could make quite a ro- 
mantic story of it, without much alteration or exag- 
geration. But I vowed a vow to use no rouge or 
pencils, and, with the exception of that dreary reverie 
in the boats, only admitted on the strength of its ex- 
treme prosiness, I have kept my oath. 

I had another small turn at the shipwreck business 
about a month afterward — the steamer bound for Leon- 
ka to Auckland running into a coral-reef in Gava Har- 
bor. But it was a very kid-glovey kind of shipwreck, 
the vessel being got off in twenty-four hours without 
the smallest damage ; indeed, its only redeeming feat- 
ure w r as the extreme terror of a selfish, cantankerous 
old parson, who was so concerned for the safety of his 

soul, or, perhaps, its vile earthly tenement, that B 

had to be sent for to soothe and comfort him. He had 
been making himself obnoxious to many of us, and w r e 
gloated over his misery. I .was even wicked enough to 
say, mysteriously and solemnly, to a friend in his hear- 
ing, " If we don't get off this tide, and a breeze should 
spring up, the vessel will break her back and sink 



SHIPWRECK. 253 

suddenly, to a moral certainty." It was brutal, but 
I have no mercy on a cowardly parson ; a selfish fear 
of death being a direct contradiction, in practice, to all 
his preaching. 

I hate cowards, but, since I have learned what dan- 
ger and discomfort reallyare, the ideal story-book hero 
has become my pet detestation. 

It used to puzzle me why so many people, repre- 
sented as villains of the deepest dye, were always try-* 
ing vainly to knock him on the head, shoot him, stab 
him, poison him, or get rid of him somehow. I under- 
stand it now, and sympathize deeply with those vil- 
lains; the fact is, he was simply unbearable to ordinary 
mortals. We were a good-natured,, tolerant, peace- 
loving set of Christians on the whole ; yet, I am certain 
that if we had had one of these danger-and-discomfort- 
loving heroes among our shipwrecked party we could 
not have borne him for more than three days. His per- 
verse lunacy would by that time have become intoler- 
able, and after a solemn meeting and deliberation we 
should have attempted to cut his throat. I say at- 
tempted, because we should never have succeeded in 
doing it ; he would have made his escape on the back 
of an alligator, or something of that kind; or else, 
after successfully sticking him, and suffering agonies 
of remorse for five years, he would turn up again, and 
Ave would discover that we had not murdered him but 
some one else, who was our long-lost brother, second 
cousin twice removed ; or, better still, the chief insti- 
gator of the dire attempt. You can't hill these people 
until they have married some equally uncomfortable 
heroine, when,. I suppose, the spell becomes broken, 



254: SOUTH- SB A BUBBLES. 

and they finally die a natural death, surrounded by a 
rising generation of young idiots, like themselves. If it 
wasn't for this law, the breed could never be kept up. 

If it should ever be the destiny of any reader of 
this work to be shipwrecked, let me advise him to do 
it in a dry climate, at a fine season of the year : wet 
weather adds to the misery of the thing a thousand- 
fold. .Rain is a detestable invention, and it really 
makes me quite sad to think that, since the creation, 
no better way of fertilizing the earth has been found 
out and adopted. In the innocent days of childhood I 
used to fancy that it came from some tap in the sky 
which was turned on whenever the sun parched up the 
earth too much; this might seem an awkward and im- 
perfect method, but it was at least comprehensible as 
regards its utility. But as I grew older I was obliged 
to discard my poetical ideas of angels with big water- 
ing-pots, being informed that rain came not originally 
from the sky but from the earth itself. "Why on earth 
they can't leave the water where it is, instead of first 
sucking it up and then sluicing it all down again, it is 
difficult to conceive. Perhaps they use it to wash the 
cherubs with, or clean their teeth : they have got teeth, 
according to the pictures, though what they want them 
for I don't know, as they can't eat any thing with only 
a head and wings. But this is getting too glaring a 
copy of the style of St. Thomas Aquinas, who used to 
calculate the exact number of angels that could dance 
at once on the point of a needle, and debate seriously 
as to whether certain things existed and were used in 
heaven that are not ordinarily mentioned in the gilded 
saloons of duchesses. He was a saint and an early 



SHIPWRECK. 255 

father, and so might write what he pleased ; I am not 
a saint, nor even an early father, so I mustn't. 

Metaphysical theology is to me much as Charles I. 
was to poor Mr. Dick in his memorial. If I had to 
write an article on ladies' chignons, clock-making, the 
Court of Chancery, or any thing you please, I am quite 
sure I should find myself analyzing the theory of the 
fall of man, or the foundation of belief in miracles, 
before I had got half through my paper. 

I wrote my chapter on missionaries first, in the 
hope of working off this tendency for the time, but I 
find that my case is hopeless : I feel the fit coming on 
me strong at this moment, and lest I convict myself 
irretrievably I shall bring this story to a close. 



CHAPTEK X. 

MISSIONARIES. 

Is Christianity the only true and useful religion in 
the world, without which none can be saved ? 

Is religion an end, and not merely a means to an 
end? 

The majority of Christians would, I believe, answer 
these questions with a dogmatic and rather indignant 
affirmative ; but there seems to be a small but steadily- 
increasing body of educated men who, if they do not 
at once deny such propositions, at least hesitate before 
giving their unqualified assent to them. 

Is it not a bold thing to state that the religious 
belief of one portion only of humanity is a direct 
revelation of truths from God, while those of the rest 
of mankind are mere inventions of man, or of that 
humanly invented bogy the devil ? 

As I pass from one race or religion to another, from 
the Christian to the Moslem, from the Moslem to the 
Buddhist, and from the Buddhist to the Hindoo, and 
see each faith, contradictory or imperfect as it may be, 
doing more or less good to the morals or mental de- 
velopment of the people who hold it, I had almost 
said — I cannot help feeling a conviction — that each is 



MISSIONARIES. 257 

a step in the Almighty's great plan of improvement 
leading to some great end, which as yet Ve can scarcely 
guess at ; and that every religions system in the world 
is a ray of light more or less indistinct and imperfect 
from the same great luminary, 

Such a doctrine might seem at first sight to tend 
to a dangerous quietism, checking or sneering down 
that enthusiasm of belief which has caused the most 
extended creeds of the world to spring up and spread 
with such marvellous quickness and vitality. But this 
is not the case if it is more profoundly examined, for 
it teaches us how, step by step, God has allowed His 
laws and ways to become revealed, however slowly, to 
the different human races; and it teaches, above all 
things, a belief in the continual progress, however 
gradual, of the mind of man. A religion or a nation 
comes forward, does its work, and dies of old age and 
inability to keep up with the onward march—a higher 
development of race being possibly necessary to ap- 
preciate a higher religion ; another steps into its place, 
and the universe moves steadily on to that destination, 
known only to its great Leader and Creator. This 
kind of belief naturally inclines me to judge of a tree 
solely by the fruit it produces. If I were a believer in 
the doctrine that there was no salvation out of the pale 
of my own particular creed, I should be the first to 
worship, help, and encourage the man, who, humanly 
speaking, wastes his life, talents, energies, his own and 
other people's money, for the sake of making a few 
very doubtful Christians out of the same number of 
tolerably respectable Mohammedans or Hindoos. But, 
looking at the case from such a mental position as the 



258 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

one 1 have just sketched, I am naturally inclined to 
say that it is a*pity and a mistake, much as I may ad- 
mire the individual who gives up any thing for what 
he believes right. 

Wherever I see old and evil customs, such as can- 
nibalism, human sacrifice (though the idea of the latter 
lingers in the most respectable religion), or any such 
little weaknesses of ultra-savage life, suppressed by the 
incoming of a higher religion, I hold that it has done 
good (though there is good reason to believe that the 
mere intercourse with higher races would have abol- 
ished them without the necessity of any distinct reli- 
gious teaching) ; but when, on the other hand, I see the 
general customs, morals, and character of the people, 
very little if at all altered for the better by their 
change of faith, I am inclined to look on it as a sheer 
waste of time, talent, and money, squandered on an 
attempt to teach people a religion that is utterly un- 
suited to their temperament and understanding — a 
tithe of which, expended at home, would have pro- 
duced results of incalculable value. Some such idea 
as this seems to have been used by the Hindoos, to the 
slight botheration of the Baptists in India. One of the 
brethren complained piteously that the Hindoos do 
not think it right to " win souls." " According to their 
system, all religions are right, all are but so many dif- 
ferent ways to one blissful end. Provided every one 
has faith in the religion of his own peculiar country 
and nation, he will be saved at last. Religion is a na- 
tional thing all the world over ; and for an Englishman 
to disown Christ, or for a Mohammedan to disown Mo- 
hammed, is, in either case, the most grievous sin a soul 



MISSIONARIES. 259 

can commit." 1 The brother does not give his answer 
to this argument, which pnts one in mind of the old 
rhyme : 

" Many a one 
Owes to his country his religion, 
And in another would as strongly grow, 
Had but his nurse or mother taught him so." 

My personal acquaintance with individual missionaries 
is perhaps not very extensive, but the species is such a 
large and prominent feature in South-Sea society that 
it is impossible to help hearing a good deal about them, 
whether from their fellow-workers, traders, white resi- 
dents, or natives. In a very short time one seems to 
know half the reverend gentlemen of the South Pa- 
cific by name, and to have a general sketch of each 
one's character and method of working. 

The missionary, especially on the smaller and less- 
frequented islands, is a public character, or great chief, 
on whose character and policy depends, to a great de- 
gree, the success of the trader, be he beach-man 2 or 
merchant-skipper. 

It is a disputed point whether the Roman Catholic 
or the Protestant missionary is the most powerful, not 
to say tyrannous over his dusky flock. It depends 
very much on the form and strength of the native 
government. If that be central and strong, I should 
think the Protestant would have the advantage if he 



o^ 



1 Seventy-eighth Report, Baptist Mission, p. 51. 

2 Beach-man, or " beach-coomer," is a slang name for the white men 
who have settled down among the natives. They are generally ex- 
whalers, men-of-war's men, or merchant-sailors who have " run " their 
ships, and not unfrequently are to be found " gentlemen," who think it 
unadvisable to revisit civilized communities. 



260 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

made himself useful to the reigning chief; in the 
other case, I should think the Papist would have what 
in these seas would be called the "pull." Their men 
are more highly educated and cultivated than the 
greater part of those sent out by the various Dissent- 
ing bodies. They are also more successful in keeping 
other religions at a distance, and by no means particu- 
lar as to the means they use to gain their end, and 
which they carry out in blank opposition to all human 
rights as at present understood. Not that I have any 
reason to believe that the Wesleyans are much better 
at heart on that point — they only want the power, not 
the will. This, for want of that iniquitous and horrible 
power the priests gain over their flock through the 
confessional, they cannot get; though I believe that 
some sort of monthly catechising and ticket system 
answers somewhat the same purpose. 

Whatever good the Wesleyans may do " spiritual- 
ly," the mischief they work " commercially, 53 when- 
ever they have a chance, is beyond counting, and the 
common name of their missionary schooner, the Palm- 
Oil Trader, is, according to their own account, well 
deserved. If the Wesleyan Society had not published 
the facts themselves, I should have hesitated to state 
them. Can it be believed that out of the kindly 
credulous Tonga-Islanders, just struggling into civili- 
zation, and whose every dollar, hardly earned, should 
and would be spent on the improvement of their 
country, were it not for these canting sharks, they get 
"the noble and astonishing sum of £4,489 16s. 2d., 
which, with £1,550 received as class and oil money, 
makes a total of £6,000, being £3,500 above the cur- 



MISSIONARIES. 261 

rent expenses of the mission for the year, to assist in 
sending the glorious Gospel of Christ to regions be- 
yond!" 1 Beyond where? To those who know the 
generous, excitable natures of the South-Sea Islanders, 
this must be looked upon as sheer pillage. 

However, as I don't want to be impertinent or to 
hurt any one's feelings, as Daniel O'Connell said 
when he called the Speaker an idiotic old fool, I must 
carefully distinguish mere hearsay information from 
that which I know from personal experience or have 
learned from the missionaries themselves. 

I will begin by a bit, not of hearsay, but of printed 
and published information, which bears on my state- 
ment anent the Roman Catholics and the "Wesleyans ; 
and I am the more induced to do so, as the authority 
is of the highest, though the publication is not easily 
attainable : 

Dr. Grafe, an eminent naturalist, who thoroughly 
knows the Kanakas and their ways, tells us that the 
inhabitants of the beautiful island of Uvea have already 
had severe combats with the Tongans in order to main- 
tain their independence. The last took place in 1832, 
when an army of Tongans, with their chief, sailed from 
Keppel's Island for Uvea, on board a whaler, under the 
pretence of spreading the Christian religion among the 
then heathen Uveans. This they proceeded to do 
somewhat after the good old fashion of "Olave the 
Saint" They descended on the little island of jNuka- 
tea, which did not belong to them, and founded what 
they called a Christian colony, from which they were 
to extend their " privilege " to their neighbors. Not 

1 Wcsleyan Methodist Missionary Report, April, 1870. 



262 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

finding the suaviier in modo do much, good, they tried 
the fortiter in re, by threatening an influential man 
called " Sohni " with destruction in this world if he 
declined any longer to insure himself from worse in the 
next, at their 'office. He, however, resisted, and his 
people rose against the religious invaders. These had 
come provided with plenty of arguments in the shape 
of muskets and ammunition, and when the TJveans at- 
tacked them many were killed; this slaughter, how- 
ever, only nerved the heathens to greater efforts, and, 
with nothing but spears and slings, they won the block- 
house on Eukatea, and put to death all they found 
there. So far so bad. Now comes the second part of 
the story. About twenty years ago the TJveans were 
" converted " by the French Catholic Marists, and 
thereupon conceived a vast dislike to the Protestant or 
Wesley an religion, on account of the old attempt to 
convert them, and they expelled all the Protestant con- 
verts and the missionaries. King George of Tonga, 
upon whose island these suffering ones landed, was 
naturally anxious -to get rid of them, not only for their 
sakes, but his own, and determined that they should be 
sent back, even with force of arms if necessary. 

" How far the Wesleyan missionaries in Tonga spir- 
ited up the king to this action is unknown ; but it is 
worth observing that it is stated that the captain of an 
English man-of-war, the Brisk, which visited Uvea in 
1867 (?), insisted on landing Wesleyan missionaries on 
a Roman Catholic island, and, to stop all remonstrance, 
pointed to the guns of H. M. S. as a part of his argu- 
ment, which there was no gainsaying. If this be true 
(and it is published in Dr. Grafe's " Eeisen nach ver- 



MISSIONARIES. 263 

* schiedenen Inseln der Sud-See, 23 and 24 of ' Ausland,' 
1868" — Gotta of Augsburg), it is only another proof 
of the astounding liberties taken by sentimento-reli- 
gious captains of men-of-war. Whims are always dan- 
gerous, be they religious or laical ; but when a man 
backs his opinions with Queen Victoria's powder and 
shot, the thing becomes very serious. But it is of no use 
appealing to common or any other sense on this sub- 
ject. Those who do these things are so encased in a 
rhinoceros-hide of self-conceit and self-laudation — be- 
lieving that they and they only are doing the " work 
of the Lord," that the ruin and misery they inflict pass 
them by as things of no import, and if at any moment 
some twinge of conscience hints to them that all is not 
quite right, half an hour on the sacred platform of Ex- 
eter Hall acts as an effectual anodyne, and soon stills 
the remembrances of the men they have ruined, and 
the nations they have insulted, to say nothing of the 
flag they have dragged in the mud in the prosecution 
of their own miserable little narrow-minded "beliefs." 
Of all the reckless mischief-makers in the world, com- 
mend me to a captain of a man-of-war attached to a 
" strong religious persuasion ! " "Would they were all 
knocked on the head like that worthy who received his 
quietus " introducing the gospel," with " the sword in 
one hand and the Bible in the other," as if her Majesty's 
navy was instituted for the propagation of "Dissenter- 
dom ! " 

In order to prevent any confusion arising from the 
vague terms " Kanaka," or South-Sea Islander, which 
may be construed to mean either a hideous little squat 
Solomon-Island negro, or a great, perfectly-formed, yel- 



2G4: SOUTH-BE A BUBBLES. 

low Marquesas, I will lay ,down a set of definitions 
which may serve to prevent mistakes, however errone- 
ous they may be from a scientific stand-point : 

1. Polynesians, inhabiting the Society, Sandwich, 

Marquesas, Low Archipelago (Pomotu ? ), 
Cook's, Hervey Islands, etc., etc. 

2. The "Western Polynesians, inhabiting the Navi- 

gation, Tongas, etc., who are slightly touched 
with black blood. 

3. Lenmelanesians, such as the Fijians (N", Z. Mao- 

ries ? ), etc. 

4. Melanesians, i. e., the New-Caledonians, Solo- 

mon-Islanders, ISTew-Hebrideans, etc., etc. 

Thus, having cleared our way, let us go back to our 
missionaries. The greatest schools I have come across 
are the Roman Catholics (of various " denominations," 
if I may be permitted the word), the Wesleyans, the 
emissaries — mostly " Congregationalist " — of the Lon- 
don Missionary Society, and those of the Church of 
England. The " Baptists," for reasons of their own, 
which I do not pretend to fathom, do not " work " the 
South Seas, sticking more particularly to the East and 
West Indies ; in which, particularly the former, their 
success seems hardly to be worth the money expended, 
except to their missionaries, in spite of their quotation 
of Sir J. P. Grant, which, read by the light of the un- 
regenerate, is any thing but complimentary to them. 

The Roman Catholic missionaries, of various de- 
nominations or sects, are widely scattered over the 
islands of the South Seas, more particularly in those 
wherein there has been some sort of civilization al- 
ready effected by another mission, which is very nota- 



MISSIONARIES. 265 

ble in the disgraceful affair (more to England than 
France) of Tahiti. They play the part of jackal to 
the old English missionary lion, not leading him to his 
prey, but coming in to steal as much of the carcass as 
they can after the struggle is over, going noisily about 
with a few miserable bones in their mouths, to make 
all foolish animals believe that they killed the savage 
monster themselves. The success of any missionary 
efforts, so far as "religion" is concerned, is more than 
doubtful; but considering the early start of the Catho- 
lics in America (shall we say ? ), and its consequences, 
they have no right to crow over Protestants in the way 
they do. Moreover, they do not play fair. The other 
day some of theirs — all most honorable gentlemen — at 
Tahiti, distributed pictures among the natives, repre- 
senting the Crucifixion, and informed them that the 
figures standing round and mocking the Saviour were 
Protestant missionaries of all the different sects repre- 
sented in the South Seas ! The natives only laughed 
at them ; and the Protestants, with a good sense that 
was hardly to be expected, contemptuously declined to 
take any notice of such an attack. Apart from Tahiti, 
which the weakness of England permitted them to 
occupy, their principal and special fields of labor are 
— New Caledonia (where they don't labor at all) # ; the 
Isle of Pines, where they labor a great deal too much, 
to the great annoyance of the government of the for- 
mer island, the Marquesas, and the Gambier Islands. 
In the Marquesas, I was informed by Admiral Cloue, 
they had not made a single convert, had given up pros- 
elytizing as hopeless, and taken to cotton-planting, 
" for the good of the Church," of course. One mis- 
12 " 



266 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

sionary was found there so completely nativized as to 
have forgotten his own language. In the Isle of Pines 
the Roman Catholics carry on as brisk an oil-trade as 
the Wesleyans in Tonga. 

In the Gambier Islands their work has certainly 
been very remarkable. They have converted the na- 
tives with a vengeance, and they bring them into the 
paths of virtue in a style which reminds one forcibly 
of Tom Hood's butcher, in the " Ode to Eae Wilson," 
" conciliating " a sheep to make it go in the one direc- 
tion he wanted. They rule the natives with a rod of 
iron. They allow no woman to oil or decorate her 
hair, shut lots of them up in convents (shade of Captain 
Cook ! imagine a Polynesian nun), and have in fact 
bullied them into such an unnatural state of virtue, 
that the unfortunate people, who certainly do not seem 
to have been created by Providence with an " ascetic " 
(? acetic or vinegary) tendency, have- taken to make 
their escape in canoes, preferring the chance of being 
drowned and going to Hades, to having their souls 
saved by such very disagreeable processes. They are 
even reported, by the French, to have enlisted the dogs 
of the island in the cause of virtue, but the manner in 
which this is done would be difficult to describe in 
print. A stranger landing there is watched the whole 
time he is on shore, sent off forcibly if necessary to his 
ship at sunset, and on the slightest infringement of the 
missionary laws is imprisoned, and even flogged. This 
last they did to a Frenchman, who published a pam- 
phlet at Tahiti, exposing the severity of this fatherly 
priestly rule. It was answered in the usual fashion by 
the Roman Catholic bishop. If any one wants to know 



MISSIONARIES. 267 

more of this extraordinary resuscitation of the sacerdo- 
tal tyranny of the middle ages in the Pacific, I cannot 
do better than advise him to get these two little books, 
and draw his own conclusions. One fact — if it be one 
— regarding the Roman Catholic missionaries all over 
the world, is worth mentioning — a fact which peculiar- 
ly regards the French missionaries. Tfhey are, if not 
from the beginning political, invariably followed by 
political movements. That most shameful Cochin- 
Chinese invasion (to say nothing of the equally shame- 
ful Tahitian one) was introduced by the French mis- 
sionaries. And had it not been for the Franco-Ger- 
man War, France would have attacked China in de- 
fence of a class of men who set themselves against all 
settled authority. 

Here I must make rather a lengthy digression about 
the Polynesian character, in order to air my views on 
this kind of treatment bv whatever sect of missionaries 
it may be used. 

He is brave, and, I have good reason to know, hon- 
est, generous, and good-natured to a fault, and pos- 
sesses the most perfect manners I have met with in the 
world — natural, unostentatious, with an ever-present 
kindly tact, and quiet, generous consideration, that 
make it impossible to associate with Polynesian men 
or women without feeling and acknowledging that 
nearly every one, from the highest to the lowest, is a 
gentleman or a lady. There is no such thing as a na- 
tive snob, east of the Navigator and Friendlies (Ton- 
gas), where, strange to say, the slight difference of race 
seems to produce a large quantity of most intolerable 
specimens of the great snob family (a Tongan, in par- 



268 SOUTH-BE A BUBBLES. 

ticular, being almost as insufferable and conceited a 
cad as a Jamaica negro). Yet these most charming 
and delightful people, who in many ways come nearer 
the early Christian ideal of what men and women 
should be than any race in the world, have not the 
smallest idea of chastity whatever. 

This fact presents at first glance a curious puzzle to 
a man accustomed only to civilized races. He natural- 
ly associates the idea of unchastity with degradation 
of character, and such qualities as courage, gentleness, 
courtesy, and honesty, with at least a tolerably high 
standard of female virtue. He must remember that 
"with, the law came sin." Among civilized people 
want of chastity is a sin, a fall, a degradation, bring- 
ing with it a shame and a depravity of character that 
tends to destroy or annul whatever other virtues the 
sinner may possess. But where there is no pain or 
shame connected with unchastity or illegitimacy, there 
is no fall and no degradation, and therefore little or no 
injury to the other good points of the natural char- 
acter. 

The great question to be considered is, whether 
" sin " is a term to apply equally to the same action all 
over the world, or whether it is something relative to 
surrounding circumstances. 

There are, I believe, two great schools of philoso- 
phers : one, that declares ability or necessity to be the 
source of all virtue ; and another, that holds to a 
moral sense or original instinct of right and wrong in 
the mind of man. Is it not possible that both are 
partly right ? — that our earliest ancestors had little or 
no natural instinct of virtue ; but that, finding certain 



MISSIONARIES. 269 

tilings necessary for the good of themselves and the 
community, they gradually developed certain social or 
religions laws to enforce them; which laws, carried 
through many generations, gradually caused an instinct 
or moral sense to arise on the subject of right and 
wrong ? In much the same way as the original dogs 
who were trained to point game have transmitted the 
accomplishment as an instinct to their successors. 
Possibly in some such way what we call conscience 
would spring up, rude and imperfect enough in its 
birth, but developing and improving, as it does I be- 
lieve to this day, with the march of civilization and 
advancement. 

Do we not see different stages and developments 
of the moral sense in nearly all the races in the world, 
and is it not possible to trace the effects of natural cir- 
cumstances and positions in the different ideas of the 
quality of virtue that they hold ? 

Supposing this theory of the origin of what we call 
sin, conscience, or right and wrong, had any founda- 
tion in truth, the character of the Polynesian is easy to 
understand. He has plenty of food, and no regular 
work is required to preserve life. Except when an oc- 
casional pinch comes, half a dozen mouths more or less 
make no very serious tax on the family purse. More- 
over, his life is essentially a lazy one, partly from his 
natural disposition, and partly from the peculiar circum- 
stances in which he is placed ; he has no strong incentive 
to grow rich, and no profession or special occupation 
on which to concentrate his energies. In his case cer- 
tainly it would seem that natural circumstances do not 
force him to develop a moral sense on the subject of 



270 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES 

chastity. If you tell him, u You shall do no murder," 
or, " You shall not steal," his sense of right and wrong 
makes him agree instinctively with the justice of the 
commandment ; but when you tell him that unchastity 
is a sin, he asks, " Why ? it amuses me, and hurts no- 
body ! " There is no sense of degradation or sin on 
either side, and he follows it as he would any other ap- 
petite. 

"We should always remember, in meddling with 
native customs, that many of them, though almost re- 
pulsive to us, are of very great value in relation to the 
physical well-being of the native. Many of our most 
ordinary domestic habits are looked upon by the Fiji- 
an with far greater horror than I think we have a right 
to express against the almost necessary custom of 
polygamy. No one howls against the customs of the 
chosen people in the Old Testament. 

Among civilized people, of course, unchastity is a 
sin, and a most grave one, because, from the very fact 
of their advanced civilization, and the laws which it 
has produced, it brings sorrow and misery, and, being a 
sin, degrades and vitiates to a greater or less degree the 
whole natures of those who are concerned in it. 

Upon such grounds I venture to find fault with the 
tyrannical and terrifying mode of spiritual government 
when applied to these people by any sect. Many men 
use it, I am afraid (possibly unconsciously), from that 
intense love of power which is so often the failing of 
the priestly mind. Others, simply because they be- 
lieve that what is a deadly sin in one state of society 
must necessarily be a deadly one in another, and that 
without exception such things are followed by eternal 



MISSIONARIES. 271 

damnation. I do not hesitate to say that, if I believed 
what they do, I should act in the same way, and should 
not hesitate to make the poor Polynesians miserable in 
this life if I was sure that I was saying them from eter- 
nal misery in the next ; but I do not, and I take the 
liberty to question the right of any set of men to tyr- 
annize over others because their opinions do not agree 
— more particularly in the smaller affairs of dress and 
similar matters. 

It is common enough to hear the persecutors of the 
middle ages, men who ruthlessly condemned hundreds 
of fellow-creatures to death, spoken of as brutal and 
extraordinary monsters ; but we should remember that 
it was their creed which made them what they were, 
and curse the creed rather than its simple believer. If 
I had lived in those days, and been a good churchman, 
steadfastly believing that the Almighty and Omnis- 
cient God would devote to a horrible and eternal pun- 
ishment beings that He had created because they did 
not believe in the doctrines preached by a particular 
set of men ; and, moreover, if I had been brought up 
on the unnatural and detestable system of celibacy, 
my reason would have told me (however much my 
feelings may have revolted against it) that to extirpate 
heresy in the most awe-inspiring manner, was but a 
common duty to humanity. The doctrine of exclusive 
salvation still remains among a large proportion of 
Christians, but the hearts of most of them are better 
than their heads, and they acknowledge instinctively 
that persecution is a wicked thing, without troubling 
themselves to see how far it is warranted by the dogmas 
they profess to hold. Whether the " religious," par- 



272 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

ticularly the " professional religious," would not roast 
each, other to-morrow were it not for a lay police, is 
another matter. I rather think they would — joyfully ! 

If these races can be taught to appreciate the 
superior beauty of Christianity for its own sake, a 
nobler purpose for a man to devote his life to, can 
scarcely be conceived ; if not, are the enormous sums 
taken from the relief of our terrible home necessities, 
wisely expended ? and are the " missionaries " to be 
looked upon as working in their proper sphere % 

I have never come in contact, personally, with 
any members of the Wesley an mission, and therefore 
I am bouud to state that any thing I may say about 
them must be taken cum grano salis. I have heard a 
great deal about them from white residents — from the 
white residents in Samoa and the Fijis, and the evi- 
dence on the whole is decidedly unfavorable. I have 
heard them described as ignorant, fanatical, and ex- 
tremely inimical to all white men but themselves ; but 
this last is not a peculiarity of their sect, and is neither 
an uncommon nor unnatural feeling among the island 
missionaries generally. The missionary of one island 
(not a Wesleyan) proposed to the king some years ago 
to pass a law expelling every white man from his do- 
minions. " Yery well," said the king, "but you must 
go too " — which was a sell for the missionary. 

The cause of this dislike between the missionary 
and the " white man " is simple enough. The beach- 
man or white trader is in a great many cases of a class 
with which the missionary can hardly be " hail fellow, 
well met " with, or of a moral character which it would 
be possible for him to countenance if he wished to im- 



MISSIONARIES. 273 

prove that of the people. The beach-man is announced 
as " that missionary feller, givin' himself such high and 
mighty airs," while the richer trader turns up his nose 
at him as idle, luxurious, and useless. The most de- 
graded runaway sailor can pay off his grudge by sneer- 
ing down the preacher among his parishioners, or at 
least by setting them an example of how little a white 
man cares for his pastors and masters. And I have 
no doubt but that the missionary does give himself 
airs occasionally, and it is rather hard lines for the un- 
fortunate beach-man, to be treated de haut en has by a 
man originally intended for a small grocer in a country 
town. The fact is, that, although there are plenty of 
clever, liberal-minded, and tolerably well-educated men 
among them, there are not usually many of what the 
lower classes call gentlemen "born and bred, 5 ' and the 
aforesaid lower classes are as quick as any one at find- 
ing out the fact. But there are exceptions to the rule, 
as at Raiatea in the Society Islands, where the Congre- 
gationalist minister, Mr. Vivian, spoke well of the 
whole men on the island, and they with great respect 
of him. The "Wesleyans, as I said before, are not much 
liked in the Fijis. And the native teachers, who come 
trooping through Lavaka of a morning, with clean 
white shirts and mighty Bibles under their arms, still 
less so. It is curious to notice how many of these men 
have acquired the expression of the lowest and most 
fanatical class of missionary, the real priest-look, which 
by no means enhances their originally very doubtful 
beauty. I heard a story of a well-known and influen- 
tial Fijian planter and merchant w T ho was continually 
bothered by a lot of these gentlemen, who used to come 



274 SOUTH- SEA BUBBLES. 

and steal his yams (there is no legal method of doing 
any thing in Fiji, and I suppose this was their way of 
collecting tithes or church-rates). Not being anxious 
to quarrel personally with the mission, he went for a 
constitutional, and dropped a hint to his Solomon- 
Island laborers that if they did happen to find any one 
stealing yams they might break his or their heads, and 
no questions asked. The "native preachers" did 
come, but it was for the last time ! 

I had the misfortune once to find myself on board 
a vessel that ran into a coral-reef in Euva Harbor, in 
the Fijis. It was of the greatest importance to get her 
off at the first high tide, before any wind or sea arose ; 
but one of these dusky missionaries actually dissuaded 
his native flock from assisting to do it, because it was 
Sunday. Dear me, in Fiji or in Scotland I thought to 
myself that, if I found that ass in a pit, I shouldn't 
care to help him out even on a week-day. 

As I have already said, the "Wesleyans seem to be 
rather inclined to force Christianity on natives gener- 
ally, whether they will or not. Mr. Baker, who was 
eaten in the Fijis, and whose death must have been an 
immense advantage to the society (how many martyrs 
can it furnish ?) met with his fate through sheer fanati- 
cal obstinacy. In spite of the remonstrances of the 
native chiefs, he insisted in penetrating into " tapud " 
ground for the purpose of spreading his doctrines 
among the "Devils," as the inhabitants of the sea- 
coast politely designate those dwelling in the interior ; 
but he would go, and not even alone, but attended by 
" native assistants." Good-natured " Devils " came 
and warned him that, if he would not let them alone, 



MISSIONARIES. 275 

they should be obliged to knock him on the head ; and, 
after'that, by way of utilizing him, eat him. 

But he would not listen to them, and so they did 
eat him ; and one of those who partook of him, told an 
acquaintance of mine, in Fiji, that he was very good — 
better than usual ; for there is an idea among cannibals 
in these seas that white men " eat " abominably salt, 
which fancy probably arises from the fact that they 
usually get hold of well " marinated " salt-junk eating 
sailors, Now, this is very dreadful ; but suppose I 
trespassed on "tapud" lands in England, should I not 
be — not " devoured " actually — but very smartly dealt 
with ? And should I go to the Church of the " Virgen 
del Pilar " at Saragossa, and cast that well-petticoated 
doll to the ground, should I not be certain to be as full 
of knives in five minutes as Mr. Rogers's shop ? — and 
would any English paper, except possibly the Record, 
deny that it served me perfectly right ? This murder, 
or whatever you like to call it, was not done on " reli- 
gious " grounds. The "Devils "have a well-founded 
belief that the presence of a white missionary is too 
often followed by loss of land, either to the white set- 
tlers, or to the chiefs who protect them on the coast ; 
and so they do their best to hold their own. They 
have not learned the wisdom of the Japanese, who have, 
or had, a French priest insulting their religion in every 
possible way, in order to gain admission into the noble 
army of martyrs. " No," quoth the wise Japanese ; 
" suppose we cut your head off, plenty too much French 
man-of-war come ; " and so he will have to go to heav- 
en by the ordinary route. 

While the Wesleyans range principally over the 



276 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

Friendly, Samoa, Fijis, and some Melanesian groups, 
the London Missionary Society extends its wings'over 
tlie Society Islands, Cook's group, Loyalty Island, Sa- 
moa, etc. And certainly it has the very creme de la 
creme of missionary position in that part of the world. 
It is true that the climate of many of the islands is very 
enervating, particularly for European women, and the 
children should be sent to another climate, say New 
Zealand, between the ages of six and twelve ; but these 
are no greater hardships than those suffered willingly 
in India for one-half the comfort and position possessed 
by the missionary, and the question of u self-sacrifice " 
is reduced to a minimum. From what I have seen and 
have been told, the London Society seems to be of a 
very liberal nature. It seems to care more for u re- 
sults " than for doctrines, and sends out its emissaries 
with a free permission to teach almost any form of 
Christianity best suited to themselves or their natives. 
This very " easiness " tends to keep men of very ex- 
treme or narrow ideas out of their ranks, and is one 
great reason why they get on so much better than most 
other sects. The Society seems to launch its young 
missionaries much like a puppy that is chucked into 
the water to teach it to swim. It takes the young 
gentleman (figuratively) by the slack of his reverend 
breeches, and pitches him all alone into an island, say- 
ing unto him something of this kind : " Learn the lan- 
guage, get up a school, improve the people how you 
best can ; teach them any form of Christianity that is 
likely to suit them; keep clear of native politics. God 
bless you ! " They say that they learn the language 
and people quicker this way than if they were appren- 



MISSIONARIES. 277 

ticed to an older hand. Occasionally, however, they 
are found to be quite useless, and have to be sent home 
again. Mr. Saville, the minister at Huahine, told me 
that, on his second Sunday, he was able to preach his 
first sermon in the native language. 

I think that all the missionaries of this Society that 
I met with w r ere " Congregationalists," and, though of 
course there are exceptions, they struck me as being 
wonderfully good, intelligent, liberal, practical men ; 
not wilfully blinding their eyes to any imperfection 
in the success of their labors, or fanatically trying to 
force the natives all at once into their own groove, but 
patiently trying to make them peaceful and happy, 
and to instil into their minds a sense of the nobility 
and beauty of Christian morality, rather than any ab- 
stract and disputed dogmas. 

" The young missionaries," said one of them to me, 
" have a new work to do. The old ones who first in- 
troduced Christianity captivated the minds of the na- 
tives by their superior accomplishments. ' These men,' 
cried they, ' can build ships without outriggers, make 
leaves speak ' (write), ' and many other wonderful 
things ; let us believe all they tell us, and we shall be 
able to do the same.' But after this first rush, there 
comes a reaction when they find that they do not gain 
all the advantages they expected ; and we young mis- 
sionaries will have to try and plant a real religious feel- 
ing in their hearts." 

One of the best aids the Protestant missionary has 
is his wife, whose example of fidelity and real affection 
must do more good than fifty sermons. In this he has 
an enormous advantage over the Roman Catholic priest, 



278 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES 

whose example is simply ridiculous in the eyes of his 
flock, if even they believe his celibacy is as real as he 
wishes it to be understood, which I take the liberty of 
doubting most exceedingly. I am not sure that mar- 
riage is positively required by the London Society, but 
it is encouraged at least, for I never knew or heard of a 
member of this mission who had not a European " help- 
mate " — and invariably one most worthy of that honest 
old English term. I must not mention names, or I 
would gladly publish that of a " kindly Scottess " w T ho, 
with rare good sense, abolished, as far as she could, all 
the detestable European " go-to-meeting " dresses worn 
by the women, and induced them, yea, even by exam- 
ple, to return to the modest, peaceful, and most be- 
coming muslin " sacque " — the prettiest dress, when its 
wearer rightly understands its mysteries, that a pretty 
woman can wear. Talking of marriage, in some of the 
islands the native chiefs have kept to themselves un- 
limited power of divorce, which is good for themselves 
but bad for their subjects, as it becomes a mere mat- 
ter of dollars, and makes the marriage-tie a decidedly 
loose one. One missionary told me that when a couple 
came to be married, he always said to the ardent 
bridegroom, " By-the-by, where's your other wife ? 
what has become of her ? " or to the woman, " What 
have you done with your late husband ? " He only 
asked on spec, but he said that it generally turned out 
that they had stray partners, either divorced or - * some- 
where about." At the same island I knew a man who 
was pointed out to me by the minister as an exempla- 
ry character, rather a pillar of the church than other- 
wise. He had run through seven helps-m^£ for him, 



MISSIONARIES. 279 

and was about to go in for the eighth. He must have 
had rather a curious experience ; but, as Touchstone 
says, " O sweet Audrey," etc., etc. 

I cannot help admiring these missionaries for the 
honesty with which they disdain to conceal such little 
weaknesses in Polynesian Christianity, and the large- 
minded, practical way in which they refrain from fanat- 
ical declamations against what to the natives is but 
a natural mode of life, and w^hich, in their hearts, they 
regard much as Lieutenant Lismayhago's Indians did, 
in that memorable attempt at conversion narrated in 
" Humphrey Clinker." I am myself by no means sure, 
though I scarcely expect that any of them would agree 
with me in this, that this easiness of divorce is not 
without its virtues in the present state of the Polyne- 
sian character, for it acts as a safety-valve to their 
almost incorrigible immorality; it is not much, it is 
true, but it is something more than they ever had be- 
fore. 

They begin their amourettes as soon as Nature per- 
mits them, and, like their cousins in New Zealand, sin, 
unreproved by their elders. Chastity is, in fact, un- 
known eastward of Samoa, where a chief's daughter, 
when heavily " tabooed," is supposed to be virtuous, 
until she is found to be otherwise. In one island I 
visited, the power of divorce, as well as that of mar- 
riage, was in the hands of the missionary. He was a 
young man, just arrived, and unable to speak the lan- 
guage ; and the repeated applications for legal separa- 
tions were perpetually placing him in fresh dilemmas. 
If he granted, their requests, he felt that he was weak- 
ening the marriage-tie ; if he did not, the injured and 



280 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

disappointed applicants would go and break the seventh, 
commandment all over the parish. Some of the mis- 
sionaries have told me that they think the general im- 
morality of the people arises from their habit of sleep- 
ing all in one room, and that any other race would be 
just as bad under the same circumstances. I am in- 
clined to think that there may be some troth in this, 
at least as far as the immoral precociousness of the 
boys and girls are concerned ; but, on the other hand, 
the Irish, who "pig" together literally, are remarkable 
for their "personal" chastity. Also, some mission- 
aries regard these common sleeping-rooms as rather 
good things than otherwise, as acquiring publicity and 
close relationship among the sleepers. 

But, in fact, this question of personal chastity can- 
not for certain be referred entirely either to the religion 
or the domestic habits of a race. One of the greatest 
causes of South-Sea immorality is, I believe, the uni- 
versal system of " adoption," or of " birth-parents, 55 
and " feeding-parents, 55 the origin of which I have been 
unable to find out. A very large proportion of Poly- 
nesian children have nothing to do with their real 
parents from the time they are weaned, being taken 
care of and brought up by some one else, who often be- 
speaks them even before they are born ! Such a sys- 
tem must necessarily tend to weaken one of the 
strongest ties of matrimonial affection. 

The Society Islands were never disgraced by can- 
nibalism ; but their old religion was a very bloody 
one, and had something very ghastly about its method 
of performing human sacrifices. I have stood on the 
old " marais, 55 a long, rampart-like place, formed of 



MISSIONARIES. 281 

two rows of great upright slabs, filled in with smaller 
stones and coral, so as to form a kind of oblong stage 
or platform, and felt a strong shudder as I thought on 
all the terrible stories they could tell. "What made it 
more fearful was the fact that the victim was always a 
member of certain families set apart for that purpose 
for generation after generation : how this caste origi- 
nated I do not know. Many of them used to put to 
sea secretly in canoes, preferring the almost certainty 
of drowning to the horrible fate which was always 
hano-ino- over their heads. 

A man would come to the priests and demand 
some heavenly or rather infernal favor ; and they 
occasionally, from whim, superstition, or malice, would 
tell him that the god required a human sacrifice, and, 
naming the victim, would present the supplicant with 
the deadly " death-stone " as a warrant. This he hid 
somewhere about him, and, collecting some compan- 
ions, sought out the doomed wretch. At last, perhaps, 
they found him sitting with his family under a tree or 
mending his canoe, and, gathering around him, would 
start a conversation in the most indifferent and peace- 
ful manner. Presently comes a pause ; a hand is 
opened, and the death-stone discovered : a short, furi- 
ous struggle, and the wretched victim is overpowered 
and led away to the merciless priest. In some cases 
the victims have succeeded in escaping from their cap- 
tors and have fled to the mountains, where they have 
lived and died undiscovered. Who can say that the 
men who have changed such things for a mild though 
lax form of Christianity have not done some good ? 

I am afraid that the South-Sea natives are apt to 



282 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

live two lives — a church, and a natural one — and nat- 
urally the missionary reports the church one. I was 
much struck with this in one island, where I attended 
divine service, and saw all the chief ladies of the land 
dressed out to the nines, taking notes of the sermon 
with big pencils on foolscap paper, and looking as if 
butter w 7 ould not melt in their pretty lips. I gazed 
sadly on them, thinking what much better fun I should 
have had if I had visited the island fifty years sooner ; 
but I was comforted the next day when I saw the 
identical saintly creatures madly executing the most 
improper gambados, all as wild, savage, and amorous 
as they were in the days of Captain Cook. 

But I must not tell tales out of school ; and, after 
all, might not the same story be told of some much 
nearer home ? I once travelled on a steamboat with a 
young lady, who used to lay in a tremendous stock of 
piety every morning at prayers, worked it off gradual- 
ly all through the day, and at about 11 p. m. ran short 
of it altogether on the " fo'eastle ; " she always laid in 
a fresh stock next morning, so I suppose the balance 
was about even. 

The natives, to use one of their pastor's own words, 
" won't let the missionaries know too much ! " They 
keep their orange-rum drinkings, with the attendant 
highly-improper dancings, and the other little diver- 
sions that accompany them, tolerably private. At one 
island, not long ago, a native drum was introduced 
from " abroad; " and, at the very first finger-taps, the 
little children of ten and twelve years old began in- 
stantly to dance the very naughty dances w r hich were 
supposed to have been extinct for thirty years, showing 



MISSIONARIES. 283 

clearly that there was a very efficient maitre de danse 
somewhere in petto. 

I hardly like to say that the older missionaries were 
guilty of deliberate lies when they reported that all 
the old native superstitions, lascivious dances, and 
other improper excitements, were entirely suppressed 
and forgotten: the wish was father to the thought, 
both in them and those they reported to. But such 
exaggerations, whoever started them, have placed the 
new generation of missionaries in a very awkward and 
painful position. As we said before, when the young 
missionary comes out, and honestly reports the real 
state of the case, they either entirely disbelieve him at 
home, or tell him that it is his own fault. 

I heard from another missionary much the same 
story which I have already recorded. " The old mis- 
sionary, who was looked on as a kind of god by the 
natives, because he was surrounded by the superior in- 
ventions and appliances of civilization, which they had 
never seen before, and could scarcely understand, could 
alter, or at least keep down, any thing he disapproved 
of." ISTow that the reaction has come, and the natives 
have discovered that the priest is only a man, and a 
person not more ingenious and wonderful in invention 
than a layman, but rather the contrary, the missionary 
has lost most of his power, and is puzzled how to act. 
In fact, the native wants to improve his body, which 
he cares a great deal about, and the missionary to save 
his soul, which he cares nothing about, even if he be- 
lieves he has one. The missionary sees clearly enough 
that the old root-and-branch method will scare more 
birds than he can catch, and at the best is of very tern- 



284 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

porary advantage ; but, if he honestly declares in favor 
of a liberal, gradual, moral influence and example, he 
is apt to fall into disgrace with — not only the " hell- 
fire " fanatics at home, but, still worse, with those who 
make decent earnings out of the "mission platform." 
Everyman is willing to pick holes in his coat from one 
side or another. If he goes on the old principle, every 
white man on the island is ready to cry out about his 
tyranny over the natives ; if on the new and more lib- 
eral one, they sneer at him for living a comfortable 
life (which he most certainly does), and doing little or 
nothing to earn it, not to speak of the abuse he gets 
from the Exeter Hall-ites, for not supplying them with 
sufficient "flap-doodle." If some of them get dis- 
heartened by such a hopeless state of things, and let 
things slide, wiio can wonder at it ? 

The crude truth is, that nine-tenths of foreign mis- 
sions are not got up for the benefit of the heathen 
abroad, but for the good of the sect at home. 

I only know one island of the London Society where 
the minister has both the power and the will to keep 
up the old puritanical tyranny over the luckless natives 
subject to him — subject to him by what right, except 
that of blatant impudence ? 

This worthy allows no tobacco to be used on the 
island, regulates the dress, habits, and manners of his 
parishioners after his own sour-headed fancies ; and on 
one occasion, when he had been away for a short time, 
and the women had taken the opportunity to buy some 
pretty prints, he preached a furious sermon against 
them the first Sunday after his return, and made the 
women destroy them all before him. It is perhaps 



MISSIONARIES. 285 

needless to say tliat these gay and godless garments 
were purchased from a worthless whaler, and not from 
the store sanctified by the spirit of Wesley. 

This kind of extraordinary missionary power, though 
it may make the people very good as long as it lasts, 
can only exist in spots which are but little frequented, 
and, when it is undermined by intercourse with the 
outer world, it leaves few good effects of a permanent 
duration. The more isolated and unfrequented the 
island, the greater the power of the missionary ; and 
when there are no more unfrequented islands, we shall 
have no more missionaries of the old ruling type — they 
will be improved off- the face of the earth, like their 
flocks. The so-called demoralization of the Polynesian 
by the white trader, really means the demoralization 
of the missionary, and nothing more. 

'No amount of intercourse with white men could 
possibly make the Kanaka less virtuous than he was 
before — on the contrary, he has learned a new virtue 
— honesty, because he found out that it paid : as for 
disease, they had worse than we introduced before we 
found them ; and the diseases we introduced are infi- 
nitely milder than they are among ourselves. The 
only real mischief they have received is from the 
change of clothing, the forbidding of bathing, and the 
substitution of orange-rum (thanks to the missionaries) 
instead of the wholesome kava. 

The people who do the most mischief to missionary 
labor are the missionaries themselves. When one sect 
intrudes upon the field of another, the improvement of 
the native character comes to an immediate stand-still, 
as in the case of the Maories. The temptation to run 



286 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

down each other's faith, works, and power to the na- 
tives is usually too strong for the priestly mind to re- 
sist. Tahiti, Samoa, and 'New Zealand (though in the 
latter place there were other causes), testify to this mel- 
ancholy truth. Birds of a feather may flock together, 
but when they do thej 7 usually fight over the carcass. 
In one island two different sects of so-called Christians 
did actually levy war on each other, but I believe such 
a case is not quite unknown in Europe. 

These meetings of different sects on the same 
ground should be avoided by mutual consent, if the 
conversion or improvement of the natives is the great 
object to be obtained; and, in the matter of some isl- 
ands, an agreement took place, if I remember right, 
between the London Mission and the Wesleyans. Of 
course, the missionaries who belong to that most dog- 
matic and conceited of religions, Roman Catholicism, 
will agree to no such compromise ; and I will back 
half a dozen enthusiastic Jesuits or Marists, going the 
round of Polynesia, to do more to demoralize the peo- 
ple, and to shake what small hold Christianity has upon 
them, than five hundred of the most dissolute sailors. 

If you want real mischief done, place your cause in 
the hands of a few " earnest " and " well-meaning " 
men. 

The London Mission has certainly had great success, 
At the Society, Cook's Island, etc., the islanders are, 
for the most part, nominal Christians, and, although 
their sexual morality be very lax, their honesty, bravery, 
and general good feeling, would compare very favora- 
bly with many European races. They are lazy — but 
why should they not be ? They are very well off with- 



MISSIONARIES. 287 

out working, and wise enough to be contented. When 
one mixes with such generous, kind-hearted people, 
gentle without cowardice — gentle, but not fearful, 
courteous without humbug — it is difficult to imagine 
that so few years ago they could have been disgraced — 
some by human sacrifice, others by actual cannibalism ; 
and remarks how infinitely the virtue of common hon- 
esty has progressed since Cook's time, let us pay all 
honor to the missionaries, if they have wrought the 
change. But when any one who knows any thing about 
the real nature and morals of the Polynesians, hears a 
report of them at a missionary meeting at home, he 
very naturally puts the resident missionaries down as 
a set of lying, or at least disingenuous humbugs. 
When he hears, for instance, how, in twenty years, the 
saving grace of Christ has descended on the souls of the 
heathen of Earitonga — how dutifully they attend the 
churches and schools — how decently they dress — how 
they have entirely given up all their heathen customs, 
and lascivious dances — and a like quantity of half 
truths, he feels inclined to insult the first missionary 
he meets. But the fault lies chiefly with the people at 
home, who snub the young resident teachers whenever 
they expose the opposite side of the picture, and oblige 
them to hold their tongues altogether, or to cook their 
accounts as prettily as they can. They have only to 
confine themselves to the meeting-going side of the na- 
tive character — to omit all about the systematic orange- 
rum meetings, with their accompanying orgies, and the 
incorrigible immorality and laziness — and to dilate 
upon the wonderful good temper, generosity, kindness, 
and bravery of the race (natural characteristics little 



288 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

influenced by the change of religion, if the early voy- 
agers are to be believed) — to make as pretty a report 
as need be. 

To put it coarsely, the home parsons must have a 
good strong bait to catch their gold-fish with. If they 
were to state, as they might do with truth, that three 
women out of four, from the island queen downward, 
had not the smallest notion of chastity, shame, or com- 
mon decency ; that the people w r ere in the constant 
habit of going off in groups of fifty or sixty for the 
purpose of drinking themselves mad on orange-rum, 
and committing the most fearful bestialities ; that their 
old lascivious dances were as well known as ever, and 
that five-minutes' excitement turned church-members 
into frantic savages — there might be a slight falling-off 
in the subscriptions. It is not fair to show only one- 
half of the picture, though it may be very convenient 
occasionally. Of course, in some cases a little actual 
lying is required to make things sound nice, but I have 
only been referring to the better specimens of Poly- 
nesian Christianity. It seems somewhat strange, at 
first sight, that the work of " conversion " should suc- 
ceed so rapidly and effectually in some places, and 
should fail so completely in others, where the races are 
nearly identical. One great reason for this is, the 
varying form of government. In places like the So- 
ciety Islands, where there were hereditary kings and 
queens, with nearly absolute power, the missionaries 
who then, as I said, could easily acquire great influ- 
ence, had only to convert him or her, and steadily use 
that influence, to gain over the great mass of the peo- 
ple, who naturally followed their leader. 



MISSIONARIES. 289 

In an essentially republican country like New Zea- 
land there was no such short cut to success ; the people 
being subdivided into numerous tribes, and absolute 
kingly power being, except in war-time, nearly un- 
known. There was, in fact, no government strong 
enough to draw up a code in a copy-book, and fine its 
subjects smartly for their peccadilloes, as in the Fijis, 
for instance, where I have seen the luckless savage 
squeezed of his last dollar, the " native missionary" 
assisting in the operation with a sharky grin which 
would have j3one honor to a Jesuit at a death-bedside. 

Christianity in New Zealand has also met with 
that Hopeless death-blow, the contact of different sects 
of missionaries, which invariably inspires the sharp 
Maori with a distrust of all of them. 

But the most important reason of the utter collapse 
of the " faith " among the Maories lies in the peculiarly 
low and practical view they take of all religion. Like 
many of the Old Testament Jews, the Maori of thirty 
years ago looked on the divine power as a mere con- 
venient aid to the great end of whacking his enemies. 
Where the white men appeared he naturally argued, 
from their superiority in murderous weapons, that 
their religion was "stronger" than his own, so he 
turned Christian. When he found out his mistake, 
and saw that the heathen could fight nearly as well as 
a Christian, and that in spite of his Christianity he was 
gradually going to the wall, he said, "Bother Chris- 
tianity ! " and used the leaves of his New Testament 
for cartridges ; and invented a most blood-thirsty and 
abominable religion out of the old one — a book which, 
by its combination of the beautiful moral laws of 
13 



290 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

Christianity with the sanguinary superstitions of Juda- 
ism, with its degraded, limited, and human idea of the 
Creator, has been and will be the undoing of many an 
earnest Christian. 

This new form of Judaism, Hau-Hau-ism, is not 
unlike the Taeping religion in China, and took its 
origin in the same way — the missionary determination 
to force very old wine into very new bottles. The 
Maori, moreover, in spite of his Christianity, seems to 
possess all the vices of both the western and eastern 
Polynesians without any of their virtues, .except their 
bravery. He is as idle., immoral, and useless as a 
Tahitian, without his perfect manners, unselfish gen- 
erosity, and general kindliness. As snobbish, untruth- 
ful, and avaricious as a Tongan, without his construc- 
tive and inventive power, he is a savage to the back- 
bone, liking fighting better than any other occupation, 
and living a much better life w;hen he is fighting than 
at any other time. In fact, I believe that Christianity 
is slipping off the Maories like water off a duck's back, 
in spite of the assertion in high quarters that New 
Zealand presents the most marvellous proof of the suc- 
cess of missionary work that the world has ever seen. 
The reports of the different men, employed to rep- 
resent the real state of things to the New-Zealand 
Government, are almost unanimous in declaring that 
Christianity is fast losing its hold on the people ; and 
a Maori missionary stated, in a public lecture given at 
Otago in 1870, that he found a wide-spread hatred of 
the Gospel, with which the natives associate the many 
evils which afflict them, and which threaten their ex- 
tinction. I have myself seen in a native church, raised 



MISSIONARIES. 291 

at no small cost, an immense heap of Maori bibles, 
prayer-books, and hymn-books, piled in the centre, 
crowned by two or three human skulls as a sign of 
desecration. 

A traveller in the South Seas is often puzzled to 
define what "civilization" really consists in. It is 
difficult for him to avoid looking upon the courteous 
Society-Islander, with his refined but natural manner, 
as a civilized man ; but when he meets the Fijian, who 
is superior to him in constructive and inventive power, 
and has a far higher notion of female fidelity, he ac- 
knowledges instinctively that the man is a savage, and 
that the still more ingenious and subtle Tongan is a 
most absurdly vain and insufferable barbarian snob. 
" Tongans first," say they, " then white men, and then 
all the rest of the world ! " They hold that "Welling- 
ton and Napoleon the First were both Tongans, having 
drifted away in canoes to Europe. If a white man 
laughs at this, they say, " They were great men, weren't 
they ? " " Certainly." " Then they must have been 
Tongans ! How stupid you are ! " 

The other day the Tonga Parliament held a debate 
on the question of annexing the Fijis. One member 
made a grand speech, in which he said : " Tonga is a 
great power : so was the Roman Empire ; but she ex- 
tended her conquests too far, and so fell. Let us be- 
ware lest the same fate should befall Tonga ! " 

They were much disappointed that Prince Alfred 
did not visit them ; but their absurd conceit would 
hardly let them own it. They said the queen would 
not let him come, because the Tongese ladies were so 
notoriously beautiful that he would be sure to marry 



292 SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

one of them. And they also wished that if her Majes- 
ty did intend sending a son to visit King George she 
would send the Prince of Wales, not a mere royal 
duke. On the declaration of war between France and 
Germany, King George expressed his intention of pre- 
serving a strict neutrality. 

I am inclined to think that the custom of making 
native parsons ought to be very restricted, though no 
doubt but that there are many good and useful men 
among them. Those in Fiji have a very bad name ; 
and, though Raritonga, a cannibal island, was certain- 
ly first converted by brown preachers (I remember 
making the acquaintance of the old lady who pluckily 
protected them on their first arrival), they rather 
marred the beauty of their work by intriguing with 
the wives of the principal chiefs. In New Zealand 
they are looked on with little favor. One bright and 
shining light went to England to be made a fuss over 
and shown at meetings : he employed his leisure hours 
in learning how to make gunpowder to shoot white 
colonists with ; but I am happy to say that he blew 
himself up on his return to JSTew Zealand while prose- 
cuting his scientific researches. 

I was at first rather puzzled to understand why the 
Roman Catholic missionaries gained ground so slowly 
in Tahiti, when they have so many advantages over 
the others, and the hold of any missionaries over the 
natives is only skin-deep, and requires much " wheed- 
ling " to exist at all. Their faith, at first sight, seems 
to be so much better suited to the easy-going, festival- 
loving, demonstrative Society-Islander, than the sim- 
ple, quiet form of the London Mission. One reason is T 



MISSIONARIES. 293 

because they hate every thing French, and like every, 
thing English. Another reason is, that a Society-Isl- 
ander has a very strong sense of humor ; and, though 
he is demonstrative, is seldom inclined to exaggeration 
in general behavior. I have more than once heard them 
sneer and make fun of Frenchmen and Spaniards, " for 
talking plenty too much with their fingers." The se- 
cret of the Kanaka's wonderful good manners is his 
real extreme good-nature } not in that unnatural affec- 
tation of it which so often makes the civility of an 
Italian, Frenchman, Spaniard, or Hindoo, so repulsive 
to English feelings. This simplicity, combined with 
his sense of humor, inclines him to the belief that any 
hocus-pocus, or affectation in dress or manner, partic- 
ularly in religion, is out of place, and to be despised. 

Of the English missionaries in Melanesia I know 
very little. I understand that they have met with but 
little success among the mass of the people^ who are 
mostly of a savage and ferocious disposition. Bishop 
Pattison has gradually collected about a hundred boys, 
whom he is educating at Norfolk Island, to serve as 
Christian teachers. Whether these boys will keep up, 
and spread their Christianity on their return home, re- 
mains to be proved. In ISTew Caledonia and the Isle 
of Pines, the missionaries- were mostly Roman Catho- 
lics, and were by no means popular either with the 
French officials or the settlers ; the first declaring that 
they supplied the natives with arms and ammunition, 
and the second declaring that they " tapud " the pigs 
and cocoa-nut oil for their own benefit. This " tapu " 
is performed by cutting a cross on the stem of a tree ; 
and the sailor-boy, who acted as my boatman in those 



294: SOUTH-SEA BUBBLES. 

parts, invariably chose a tree marked with this sign to 
steal cocoa-nuts from ; and if they proved bad, he sol- 
emnly cursed the tree, saying that " the parsons had 
tried blessing it, and that didn't seem no good, so he'd 
try t'other tack." 

And now I must bring this article to a close. I 
have tried to give an impartial account of all that I 
have seen and heard concerning South-Sea mission- 
aries, and I have refrained from telling more than one 
anecdote against them, for fear it might be an inven- 
tion or an exaggeration ; but if I have trod unneces- 
sarily on anybody's toes, I beg most sincerely to apolo- 
gize. 



NOTE 



The Maori notion of prayer reaches no higher than the 
thing we call an incantation. One day I was talking to 
an old Pakeha-Maorl (i. e., a white man who lives among 
the Maories) on the subject of missionary labor. At last 
he said: "I'll tell you a story that will establish your 
name forever at Exeter Hall, only you mustn't tell it quite 
the same way that I do. I was here at the time when 
both the Protestant and Roman Catholic missionaries were 
first beginning to make their way in the country ; and the 
Maories of my tribe used to come to me and ask me which 
had the greatest c mana' (i. e., fortune, prestige, power, 
strength) — the Protestant God or the Romanist one. I 
was always a good Churchman, and used to tell them that 
the Protestant God could lick the other into fits. There 
was an old Irish sailor about five miles from me who used 
to back up the Roman Catholic God, but I had a long start 
of him, and moreover was the best fighting-man of the two, 
which went a long way. In a short time I had about two 
hundred of the most muscular, blood-thirsty, hard-fighting 
Protestants you could wish to see. 

" Well, it so happened that one day we had a little dif- 
ference with some of our neighbors, and were drawn up on 
one side of a gully all ready to charge. I liked the fun of 



296 NOTE. 

fighting in those days, and was rigged out in nothing but 
a cartridge-box and belt, with a plume of feathers in my 
hair, and a young woman to carry my ammunition for me ; 
moreover, I had been put in command of the desperate 
young bloods of the tribe, and burned to distinguish my- 
self, feeling the commander of the old Guard at Waterloo 
quite an insignificant person in regard to myself in point 
of responsibility and honor. 

" Lying down in the fern, we waited impatiently for the 
signal to charge ; had not we, on the last occasion worth 
speaking of, outrun our elders, and been nearly decimated 
in consequence ? c Shall it not be different now ? See ! 
there is the great war-chief, the commander of the " Taua " 
coming this way ! 5 (he was a real 4 toa ' of the old stamp, 
too seldom found among the degenerate Maories of the 
present day). Little cared he for the new faith that had 
sprung up in the last generation ; his skill with the spear, 
and the incantations of his 'Tohungas' (i. e., priests or 
magicians) had kept him safe through many a bitter tussle ; 
his ' mana ' was great. Straight to me he came and ad- 
dressed me thus: 'Look here, young fellow! I've done 
the incantations and made it all square with my God ; but 
you say that you've got a God stronger than mine, and a 
lot of our young fellows go with you : there's nothing like 
having two Gods on our side, so you fellows do the proper 
business with him, and then we'll fight.' Could any thing 
have been more practical and business-like than this ? But 
I was quite stuck up ; for though I could have repeated a 
prayer from the liturgy myself, my worthy converts, who 
philosophically and rightly looked upon religion merely as 
a means to an end (i. e., killing the greatest possible quan- 
tity of enemies), were unable to produce a line of Scripture 
among them. 

"There was an awkward pause — our commander w^as 



NOTE. 297 

furious. Suddenly one discovers that lie has a hymn-book 
in his pocket. General exultation ! c Now ! ' cries the old 
chief, foaming at the mouth with excitement, ' go down 
upon your knees (I know that's the custom with your God), 
and repeat the charm after him. Mind you don't make a 
mistake, now, for if one word is wrong, the whole thing 
will be turned topsy-turvy and we shall be thrashed ! ' 

" And then, having repeated one hymn word for word 
on our knees, I and my converts charged, and walked into 
the Amorites no end ; but whether it was the hymn or the 
fighting that did it is of course an open question to this 
day." 



THE END. 



Sir HENRY HOLLAND'S RECOLLECTIONS. 



RECOLLECTIONS OF PAST LIFE. 

By Sir MJEJS/MY MOZLAJSD, Bart., 

1 vol., 12mo, Cioth. 350 pp. Price, $2. 

From the London Lancet. 
" The ' Life of Sir Henry Holland ' is one to be recollected, and he has not erred 
in giving an outline of it to the public. In the very nature of things it is such a 
life as cannot often be repeated. Even if there were many men in the profession 
capable of living to the age of eighty-four, and then writing their life with fair 
hope of further travels, it is not reasonable to expect that there could ever be 
more than a very few lives so full of incidents worthy of being recorded auto- 
graphically as the marvellous life which we are fresh from perusing. The com- 
bination of personal qualities and favorable opportunities in Sir Henry Holland's 
case is as rare as it is happy. But that is one reason for recording the history of 
it. Sir Henry's life cannot be very closely imitated, but it may be closely studied. 
We have found the study of it, as recorded in the book just published, one of the 
most delightful pieces of recreation which we have enjoyed for many days. . . 
Among his patients were pachas, princes, and premiers. Prince Albert, Na- 
poleon HL, Talleyrand, Pozzo di Borgo, Guizot, Palmella, Bulow, and Drouyn 
de Lhuys, Jefferson Davis, Lord Sidmoiith, Lord Stowell, Lord Melbourne, Lord 
Palmerston, Lord Aberdeen, Lord Lansdowne, Lord Lyndhurst, to say nothing 
of men of other note, were among his patients." 

From the London Spectator. 
"We constantly find ourselves recalling the Poet Laureate's modernized 
Ulysses, the great wanderer, insatiate of new experiences, as we read the story 
of the octogenarian traveller and his many friends in many lands : 

' I am become a name ; 
For always roaming with a hungry heart, 
Much have I seen and known. Cities of men 
And manners, climates, councils, governments, 
Myself not least and honored of them all.' 
You see in this book all this and more than this— knowledge of the world, and 
insatiable thirst for more knowledge of it, great clearness of aim and exact ap- 
preciation of the mind's own wants, precise knowledge of the self-sacrifices need- 
ed to gratify those wants and a readiness for those sacrifices, a distinct adoption 
of an economy of life, and steady adherence to it from beginning to end— all of 
them characteristics which are but rare in this somewhat confused and hand-to- 
mouth world, and which certainly when combined make a unique study of char- 
acter, however indirectly it may be presented to us and however little attention 
may be drawn to the interior of the picture." 

From the New York Times. 
" His memory was— is, we may say, for he is still alive and in possession of 
all his faculties — stored with recollections of the most eminent men and women 
of this century. He has known the intimate friends of Dr. Johnson. He travelled 
in Albania when All Pacha ruled, and has since then explored almost every part 
of the world, except the far East. He has made eight visits to this country, and 
at the age of eighty-two (in 1869) he was here again— the guest of Mr. Evarts, and, 
while in this city, of Mr. Thurlow Weed. Since then he has made a voyage to 
Jamaica and the West India Islands, and a second visit to Iceland. He was a 
friend of Sir Walter Scott, Lockhart, Dugald Stewart, Mme. de Stael, Byron, 
Moore, Campbell, Rogers, Crabbe, Wordsworth, Coleridge, Talleyrand, Sydney 
Smith, Macaulay, Hailam, Mackintosh, Malthus, Erskine, Humboldt, Schlegel, 
Canova, Sir Humphry Davy, Joanna Baiilie, Lord and Lady Holland, and many 
other distinguished persons whose names' would occupy a column. In this coun- 
try he has known, among other celebrated men, Edward Everett, Daniel Webster, 
Henry Clay, Abraham Lincoln, Seward, etc. He was born the same year in which 
the United States Constitution was ratified. A life extending over such a period, 
and passed in the most active manner, in the midst of the best society which the 
world has to offer, must necessarily be full of singular interest ; and Sir Henry 
Holland has fortunately not waited until his memory lost its freshness before 
recalling some of the incidents in it." 



Tlie Mosi Elegantly Illustrated Book of New York Scenes ever Issued, 



NEW YORK ILLUSTRATED; 

CONTAINING ILLUSTRATIONS OP 

Public Buildings, Street Scenes, & Suburban Views. 

Elegantly printed on Tinted Paper, and bound in an Illustrated Cover, 
printed with a tint. 

Containing a Map, and General Stranger's Guide. 

PRICE, 50 CENTS. 

This is the most completely illustrated book of the City of New York 
ever issued, and while valuable as an elegant memento of the city to stran- 
gers visiting it, it also is of great service as a guide, both as regards the 
town proper, and the principal suburban places. It contains a full descrip- 
tion of all important public buildings, and of all noted resorts in and about 
the city. 

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS: 



1. New York, as seen from Brooklyn. 24. 

2. New York from Fort Richmond. 

3. View of Castle Garden and Bat- 

tery from the Bay. 

4. Whitehall Street. 25. 

5. Trinity Church and Martyrs 1 
Monument. 26. 

6. Treasury Building and Wall 

Street, looking west. 27. 

7. Nassau St., north from Wall St. 

8. Custom-House. 28. 

9. Bank of New York, corner Wall 

and William Streets. 29. 

10. Corner Cedar St. and Broadway. 30. 

11. Broad w'y at lower end of the Park. 31. 

12. City Hall and New Court-House. 32. 

13. New York Hospital. 33. 

14. New York Life Ins. Co. Building, 34. 

cor. Broadway and Leonard St. 35. 

15. The Tombs. 36. 

16. Broadway ,. looking north from St. 37. 

Nicholas. 38. 

17. Grace Church, comer Tenth St. 39. 

and Broadway. 40. 

18. Union Square. 

19. St. George's Church, cor. of Six- 41. 
teenth St. and Stuyvesant Place. 42. 

20. Washington Square. - 43. 

21. Fifth Avenue, at corner of Twen- 44. 
ty-first Street. 45. 

22. Fifth Avenue, on a Sunday Morn- 46. 

ing. 47. 

83, Worth Monument, Madison Sq. 48. 



Young Men's Christian Associa- 
tion Building and Academy of De- 
sign, at corner of Twenty-third 
Street and Fourth Avenue. 

Booth's Theatre, cor. of Twenty- 
third Street and Sixth Avenue. 

The Grand Opera-House, cor. of 
Twenty-third St. and Eighth Av. 

Church of the Transfiguration, 
Twenty-ninth Street. 

Mr. A. T. Stewart's Residence, at 
cor. Fifth Av. & Thirty-fourth St. 

Park Avenue. 

Reservoir and Rutgers Institute. 

Roman Cath. Cathedral, Fifth Av 

Central Park. 

Central Park Drive. 

Bowery Music-Hail. 

Tenement-Houses. 

Old Bowery Theatre. 

North River Flotilla. 

Oyster-Boats. 

Ferry-Boat at Night. 

Washington Market. Outside 
Street Scene. 

Washington Market. Interior. 

North River & Sound Steamboats. 

Wharf Scene. 

Fishing-Smacks. 

Jones's Wood. 

High Bridge. 

Coney Island. 

Jerome Park. 



D. APPLET0N & 00., Publishers, 

549 & 551 BBOADWAY, New York. 



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